Well, I have to hand it to you Mr. Payne, you managed not to screw up Thor. That's ONE good thing you've done so far in your writing career, I'll be sure to hold a party whenever you get around to doing the second. But that's for another day, today we'll be taking a look at one of Don Payne's most boring works: Simpsons Christmas Stories. An episode so- *Static*What was that? *Static* It's me! RBY! Oh hi RBY, so what's new with you? Well you forced me to finish your latest review when you walked out. I thought we had an agreement about me doing this kind of stuff. Remind me what it was? I DON'T DO IT! Well, why are you here then? I'm here because you already did a review of this and I'm here to stop you. We don't allow filler, dude! So my trap worked. I... wait, trap? Yep, I knew that I had to lure you here with an episode I already did, and now you're trapped here, forced to help me with the rest of "Hate Month" You can't do that, this is the internet! I can leave whenever I- Where'd that steel door come from? You're trapped with no way out until "Hate Month" is done, so are you ready for some pain? I hate you Kriken, remind me to burn your house down afterwards. Will do, let's begin. Goodie.
Shall we begin with the first segment?
Where else? The church, our framing device, went on a bit long in my opinion. I know writers want to get in every bad joke they ever heard, but, guys, you only get 20 minutes (give or take) for the episode. You shouldn't use it for filler.
I envy you, you haven't witnessed how bad the filler can get. But yeah, I enjoyed a bit, but then that turned to anger as it just seemed to drag after a while. Could've been shortened easily. So, your opinion on the casting of the first Christmas?
The one problem I had (as probably did most) was Bart as Jesus. Do I even need to explain why? What little we saw of him as Jesus comes across as completely antithetical to what I know about the guy.
That's the writer's attempts at adding "humor" to the story. I actually enjoyed Lisa as Gabriel (Albeit wrong gender) and Burns as Herod, just how pussified Burns is in newer episodes, it feels like a breath of fresh air to see him want to inflict pain and suffering instead of moping in his room.
Speaking of moping, Homer's characterization as Joseph didn't seem to fit him or the story as it's known. Sure they were trying to be funny and incorporate main characters, but Homer's not exactly a bad guy as I recall. If he were to be in Joseph's role, I think he'd be rather tolerant.
Unfortunately, that's "Comic relief Homer" where all his lines result in the writers laughing, but nobody else. Really the biggest problem is that they basically tried to a comedy out of something that doesn't really have much comedic value to be found. I already addressed the "Jokes", what point did they make you cry as well?
I don't cry, but I think I gave up around "wine to water" scene.
You have a much better tolerance for that than I do, I gave up right about when Marge went to the manger.
I've had a lot more experience with real-life stupidity, I guess. Well, I can't think of much more we can drag out of this segment. Shall we move on?
Agreed, little to no substance, let's move on. The next segment was probably my least hated, but that's like saying a broken thumb is better than the options of castration or amputation.
All honesty, I didn't really like that segment. There's nothing to really to suggest this is out of continuity (like the Treehouse of Horror segments are), so Santa showing up just felt jarring to me.
Agreed, this show doesn't really rely on magic, myths, or acts of God (Doomsday doesn't count). I would question why Grampa never mentioned how Santa screwed him during WWII, but I've given up on continuity in WWII episodes and just accept the Flying Hellfish as the true events of Abe, Montgomery and the war.
Yeah, at least that episode resolves- sorry, off-track. The jokes are a bit better, but not by much. If I can use a scale of humor, with 1 the lowest and 100 the funniest, I'd put both segments under 40, with this one being a bit higher. Sorry, but I think that it's true.
You don't have to apologize, this is purely opinion here. You gotta love just how half-assed the whole story was, from the lazy introduction of Abe's brother, to the half-assed resolution. I really felt like Bart and Lisa at the end; confused and apathetic.
What can I say, I don't like presenting opinions as facts. The segment had a few other issues, such as ABE Simpson calling himself "Young Grandpa Simpson". These writers apparently grew up on the show, they ought to know he has a name! Sure, it's minor, but it just bugs me.
It's a recurring theme in modern episodes; little problems (Along with big problems) that just seem to mount up into a big pile of fail. Well I've got nothing else to say, two crappy, boring, unfunny segments so far, let's move on to the final one.
Yeah. Sad thing is, while the final segment is also fairly dull, the characters act the most like themselves in this segment.
That's sad, that's probably the best compliment either of us can give it. All I can remember it for was a drive-by musical with no humor.
More or less. Still, I try to give credit where it's due.
Eh, I've been desensitized by this point so I was basically sleeping through all the "In-character" moments. There was something about Moe committing suicide that failed, or something. Homer forgot to get Marge a present, only for that to get resolved by Marge and what else?
There was a short song about the day before Christmas, but it was pretty dull.
Wasn't everything in that segment?
True. Still, to me, this manages to be the best of the three, out of virtue of being short and most in-character.
Yet it still sucks and as a whole it was boring and unfunny. I rest my case.
I never said it wasn't. So we're done?
Wait, no! That's what it means? I've only heard it used on TV. Case closed.
Ahhh....well, I'm done. Shutting off my Internet.
Well I'll see you next week in your prison that I created. ..... You're gone aren't you? Well see you later.