Simpsons Reviews (Season 20)

Episode 1: Sex, Pies, and Idiot Scrapes

I could skip this season and just post about 5 paragraphs worth of obscenities towards this season and it'd be just the same. But I'm contractually obligated to explain in detail why I hate this season. What better way than to review the 21 combined episodes that make me enraged. Let's begin the hell that is "The Simpsons Season 20".

We begin this episode with the family going to a St. Patrick's Day Parade (The only way this can be any good is if Bart gets drunk (Hey, we have a rule about not discussing better episodes!)). After an unfunny, pointless scene involving the river and Mr. Burns (Yay for padding!), Mayor *Insert Irish names* Quimby declares there to be no booze for the celebration. Mayor Quimby tries to calm down the audience by listing things that Ireland created. After a pointless IRA joke (I thought Bart was ignorant about the history of... anywhere) we get to see some Irish stereotype floats and a Northern Irish parade towards the Irish. Lisa goes to calm the two sides down by singing an Irish lullaby that was conveniently given to her before the episode (I know she's smart but not this smart). The Irish then go back to doing what they do best: disorderly conduct. Marge then gets mobbed by Irish kids and loses her cupcakes. A man named Mr. Flannery retrieves the cupcakes for her and offers her a job at his bakery. Meanwhile, Homer goes for arraignment on his involvement in the riot. His bail is set incredibly high, forcing him to seek out a bail bond center. At the center, Homer gets bailed out and is told if he doesn't appear for his court date, a bounty hunter will chase him. Homer becomes a bounty hunter himself (after he got fired for getting arrested) and he lures Snake and his girlfriend into a trap. He traps Snake in an alley which leads to Snake shooting Homer (I wonder how this will play out). When the commercial break ends (much to our dismay), we cut back to Flanders putting his Deus ex Machina, er, I mean bullet-proof glass in front of the bullet to save Homer. After Homer then apprehends Snake, he proposes to Ned that they should team up to catch criminals. We check back with Marge at her new job as a baker for an erotic bakery (The name of the bakery should have tipped her off; I don't want to buy my mom a cake from a place called "Au Naturel"). Marge gets furious at Mr. Flannery for not telling her, but, through the power of an unimpressive speech, she agrees to stay (I call foul on this, I really doubt Marge would want to continue doing this now that she knows what it is)(I concur; Marge has some pretty 1950s' housewife values). Homer and Ned then have a small talk which leads to Homer misusing a taser and tazing himself. After a montage of them catching bail-jumpers (Yeah I'm doing that again, I didn't plan on it I swear) Homer gives his family presents from his job. After a scene where Marge prevents Homer from knowing what she really does, Homer and Ned stake out the Italian restaurant for Fat Tony, from which he escapes on a subway car. Homer pursues him recklessly to pad out the episode a little. Ned then expresses his disgust for Homer's disrespect for the law (And I express my own to the fact that Fat Tony was only given grunts as lines; if you bring in Joe Mantegna for Fat Tony, GIVE HIM SOME LINES!). Flanders then calls the partnership off and Homer agrees. Homer grieves over the friendship being over when the writers decided to throw in Marge telling Homer about her job (Seriously, how he finds out is awful: she just tells him for no reason even though earlier she was ashamed enough not to explain why they couldn't get a cake for Lisa's Birthday). After some unfunny jokes involving cake, Flanders finds out he needs to catch Homer because he missed his court date. After Flanders hesitates, he decides to search for Homer because he doesn't want Homer hurt by a different bounty hunter. Flanders then chases Homer in a chase scene that has physics makes Bill Nye's knowledge of science look like Einstein (That's just being mean to Bill Nye) (By the way Homer and Flanders are both very athletic and would put Bruce Lee to shame. Consistency, what's that?). Good Lord, this chase lasts for over two minutes and it's not really good either. After the chase is over they decide to further pad it by talking like they're Obi-Wan and Anikan from Revenge of the Sith. After Homer remembers all the good times with Flanders, he decides to save him but it backfires as they land in some wet cement, which doesn't seem to hurt them despite the fact the cement is about 6 ft. deep and it hardens as soon as they land in it (Oh booze I've missed you). Flanders pads out the end with reciting the Bible as Homer is taken to jail. Marge sends him a cake that says she loves him and the episode ends.

Final Judgment: What a stupid episode, I don't know which was worse the Marge subplot or the bad buddy cop main plot. The opening ended up being entirely pointless as it really could have been any situation and it would have been the same. The writing seemed half-assed as there were times where I wondered what happened to the main characters' personalities and I wonder who thought this would be a good idea. When you get down to it, the subplot was just filler as it really had no implication on the main plot and didn't develop anything for any of the main characters.

Final Grade: 3.4/10 What a way to open up a shitty season, this was a red flag to what would become of this season, but nobody seemed to listen. Word of advice: never open your season with garbage, it'll be the first impression on how your season will be.

Episode 2: Lost Verizon

Let's start off by saying that I do not come into any episode with any bias, I approach every episode with the possibility that it mat be good. However, for those of you who remember my November posts, this episode was written by John Frink, one of those writers that inspires fear and dread anytime I see his name. But I'll still keep an open mind for this, so let's see what's in store for me today.

First, a little trivia: this episode was originally supposed to star Matt Damon, but instead the role went to Denis Leary (I have no clue why, I guess Matt said no)(Wouldn't you?). The episode begins with Seymour and Agnes Skinner running out of gas on the highway, along with a piss-poor gas joke because gas prices will always be over $4 a gallon, right? Seymour decides that the best way to get gas for the car is playing a good game of Frogger (Seriously just put the Frogger music over that scene, it's so appropriate). After some more padding, Milhouse texts everyone relevant to the school to watch Seymour act like a fool in public (You get the fact that they are now culturally relevant? Yes? Well too bad, this whole episode decides to shove that fact down your throat). After Barney mistakes Skinner for beer, Nelson wonders why Bart isn't there. Milhouse claims Bart doesn't have a plot device, er I mean cell phone and we cut to Bart having a tea party with Lisa (I have no comment, I just wonder if that tea is laced or not)(We're not that lucky). The bullies exposit that Bart missed out on Skinner being a fool because he doesn't have a cell phone (As opposed to calling him at home but I guess that makes too much sense). Bart gets angry and Lisa mocks him with an "Imaginary cell phone". Oh yeah, huge continuity error: the bullies come up from the backyard and are on the road when clearly the backyard borders a house unless a joke dictates it to something else (i.e. the power plant in Homer the Great). Bart complains to Marge about not having a cell phone and Marge explains they don't have the money and, oh God, my nostalgia level for this show has died again. I will give the money joke its credit; it did make me laugh a little just because it does remind me of the days where the family had huge money problems. As Bart whines off, Lisa exposits about how she's used to disappointments such as not going to Machu Picchu ~plot point~. Bart walks around when he gets hit by a golf ball and finds out that he can make money by collecting them (It seems that The Simpsons Movie is not canon with the series as Dr. Nick is alive, but in later episodes, we find that to be bullshit and inconsistent writing. I love it when the writers can't even figure out their own shitty continuity). After a montage of Bart collecting balls (I have a bad feeling about this season and montages) Willie takes away his business, and Bart retires. Wow, way to pad out the episode, that was annoying and pointless. We then see Denis Leary play golf at Krusty's golf tournament, and see that he's proud that he is best known for Ice Age. After his phone disrupts his swing, he throws it towards Bart and Bart takes it as his own (And people dare to claim I have a bad attitude towards cell phones)(Sure why not. It's not like all the contacts in that phone wont know that Denis threw his phone away and they might mistake Bart as Denis and, oh wait). After some more cell phone antics (I GET IT, YOU THINK YOU'RE CULTURALLY RELEVANT, STOP SHOVING IT IN MY FACE!!!) Bart gets a call from producer Brian Grazer to star in Everybody Poops and Bart agrees as Denis. Ok, quick question: HOW THE FUCK DOES BRIAN NOT RECOGNIZE DENIS' VOICE? It's a really big plot hole in the rest of this story as nobody seems to be able to tell the fact that they aren't calling Denis but some other guy. After a scene with Denis in his new movie (I really don't get how that'd make money, but hey, I'm not a Hollywood producer) Bart decides to pad out the episode by crank calling bars with Denis' cell phone (*sigh* Remember those days when Bart crank called Moe and he and Lisa would get such a kick out of it? Yeah those days are LONG over). Denis threatens Bart after getting some Yankee stuff (Hey who wouldn't be angry over that?) Marge then takes the phone and talks to Denis as he convinces her to give the phone back to Bart and track him using the tracking device in it (Afterwards eating pop-tarts in the most over the top way possible). And that's the last we see of Denis, what was his point in the episode? No point at all, glad to see these cameos are being put to good use. I could talk about how the cell phone tracking an invasion of his privacy, but I'd rather not get political here. Besides, after seeing him play with a forklift (Who gave him that?) she has a right to try to prevent him from doing bad stuff, but it does seem a bit out of character for Marge. After another montage (Yipee) Lisa finds out about the tracking and informs Bart about it because she respects his rights (I guess then people under house arrest should be given privacy too, how does this make sense? I mean it's not like Marge actually knows what Bart's doing, she just knows where he is. I'd also like to remind you that Bart's 10, of course a mother wants to know where her child is). Bart takes the chip out and attaches it to a bird which sends Homer and Marge on a wild goose chase... I did not mean that but I'll punish myself for that *Smacks self for bad pun* (*smacks him again* That's MY job!) Afterwards, Bart decides to do whatever he wants, which includes all the stuff he doesn't like doing, such as eating vegetables.... moving on. We cut back to Bart having Nelson and Milhouse over after the family's been gone for three days as they both leave before it gets dark, causing Bart to get scared of the dark. How did this story go from Bart wanting a cell phone to Bart getting afraid of being alone? As the family continue to follow the bird (Seriously, the bird travels faster than the car and they aren't the least bit suspicious of that?) Lisa discovers that the chip is attached to a Scarlet Tanager the whole time and she decides not to tell Marge and Homer because she wants to go to Machu Picchu. OK I have two complaints here:
1: Why is Lisa such a selfish asshole here? She'd be more than willing to make her family travel through all of Central America and North West South America just so she can visit a city which she could probably visit later in life when she's older. That is just so stupid it doesn't even deserve a wall-banger here.
2: After a quick Google check, the Scarlet Tanager does travel through Peru but it's only in the U.S. during the Summer unless the Simpsons live somewhere between Florida and Texas. They couldn't have used a different bird here? Moving on, after Bart decides to tell us how night sucks and day is awesome (Show, don't tell, nimrods)(Because I feel it's my duty to help the world, here's how this could be done: just SHOW Bart having fun during the day, going 'Whoo-hoo!' and the like. At night, he can just be shivering, blankets pulled up over his head. No need to actually SAY night sucks and day's awesome, since most viewers are intelligent enough to understand) the Simpsons finally end up in Machu Picchu (Nice going, Lisa, you just cost your family hundreds in gas money, scarred Bart and skipped over a week of school but it's all for a good cause, the chance to NOT ENJOY Machu Picchu. A couple of hours isn't enough to soak in the atmosphere of a city like that, it's like telling me I could enjoy Bermuda with only three hours of walking around). As Marge takes a nap, she dreams about what the city was like if it had all its warriors emasculated by their mothers and unable to fight off the Spanish Inquisition. (The writers clearly were lazy here, as there is very little known history behind Machu Picchu and the history we do know points to Machu Picchu abandoned before the Spanish Inquisition). In Marge's revelation, she realizes she can't always be there for him (Where did this come from, honestly it seemed like the writers forgot what their message was supposed to be for this). The family goes home to reveal they were gone for two weeks as Bart is grateful for them to be back. We end with Maggie being left behind but being worshiped as a God by the Machu Picchu natives.

Final Judgment: This episode is fair at best and awful at worst. The writing is stupid, the plot is littered with cultural relevancy up the wazoo and worst of all the message seems tacked on and stupid. This episode just goes to show that just because you're keeping up with culture doesn't mean your writing will be good.

Final Grade: 3.3/10 It's really not worth watching

Episode 3: Double, Double, Boy in Trouble

Before this episode aired, I read this exact story in one of the Simpsons comics which I thought did a much better job at the whole "Prince and the Pauper" story (It most certainly did! As it turned out, there was a singer who was coming to Springfield to perform on the Krusty Show and actually resembled Bart under his sunglasses and hat. Both ended up at the Quik-E-Mart, and took some time to talk about their lives. Bart had a history exam coming up, which he didn't want to study for, and the Bart lookalike wanted some time to have a family and be a real kid. Bart comes up with the idea for them to switch places, and they know enough about each other to impersonate each other fairly well. However, it's revealed that they have to switch back sooner than they thought, because the singer's performance is a day earlier than they both realized. How does it end? GO READ IT, IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN THIS EPISODE!). Unfortunately, the writers did not use that idea as a reference to do their own story and this one comes off looking half-assed. Let's review this and see why it's not always a good idea to do a story twice.

The episode starts off with Homer and Bart at the Kwik-E-Mart with Bart is acting up (You know the whole "Bart is a bad boy" moniker? Yeah that's blown WAY out of proportion for the entire first act). Apu entices Homer to buy the last scratch-off ticket, but Homer is distracted when Bart jumps off the top of an aisle and almost hurts himself. Lenny buys the ticket and wins $50K, enraging Homer moreso (If only you didn't have to bring Bart along for your shopping at the Kwik-E-Mart like you did Lisa). After some more rage scenes with Homer (And a little bit of Marge), Homer goes down to Moe's as Lenny announces he's throwing a party for his friends (Including an unfunny bit by Barney, I'll be searching for my gun now). As they get ready for the party, Bart accidentally soaks Marge with cat pee, forcing her to wear a dress she hates instead. After Marge and Homer try to figure out why Bart is misbehaving (Including a scene with Marge getting a drop of alcohol in her mouth that turned Bart evil at pregnancy)(. . . what) Bart then picks a fight with Lisa (I'm, I'm sorry. What. I'm a teetotaler, and I know one drop of alcohol WILL NOT DO THAT!) in the back. Homer responds by threatening to drive into a tree. Marge settles Bart and Homer down, preventing anything further (Hooray for padding). At the party, Lenny thanks everyone for being friends with him (I usually hold parties to celebrate something meaningful, but whatever) and tells Homer that everyone's going home with a gift bag. Bart overhears them and decides to sabotages the "Vac-U-Bots" (How creative) everyone is going to get. OK Bart has crossed the line from his normal behavior to being a flat-out dick, seriously should we feel the least bit sorry if he were to be hung over a cliff in a few minutes? (OK a little harsh but you get the point). Bart gets busted after the police round up all the killer vacuums and Marge punishes him by taking away his games (Instead of letting him serve more time in juvie where he belongs. Hey, it worked before). While cleaning up in the bathroom, Bart stumbles upon our plot, er I mean his exact doppelganger Simon Woosterfield (Oh great the beginning of the writers attempts to replace the town of Springfield with " Identical Cousins")  This also leads to Bart meeting an older version of himself married to a female version of Milhouse. ( I have nothing, the joke is stupid enough as is)((I have something: and the few slash fans rejoiced.....yes, the Simpsons have slash fans! I HAVE RUINED YOUR MIND FOREVER!). Simon suggests that they trade places because he's bored with his life and Bart agrees. After they exchange some exposition er I mean information about their lives, Bart goes into the limo to live Simon's life. Bart then watches Homer strangle Simon as he just laughs thinking he won in this (Oh Bart, you are an idiot. Nothing in this world come for free). After a rather stupid McMansion set of jokes (It wasn't funny, it was stupid) Bart enjoys what he sees in the mansion. He finds out that his racecar bed is like a real car (Where was this when I was a kid?!) and he passes by our shameless Joe Montana cameo (Poor Joe, reducing yourself to this, but it could be worse). After Bart calls Milhouse (Why is the writing staff so fascinated by the features of phones today? Are they still using phones from the 30's?) Simon has an outburst because of Homer chewing with his mouth open (Nice way to keep your cover, I bet you were trained by 007). Lisa suspects something because of the way he said it (To me when "Bart" called Homer "Father" I would call him out and suspects something's afoot). As Bart and Milhouse eat in the Grand Hall, we meet our spoiled half-brother and half-sister, Devan and Quenley, who express their spoiled rotten core within five seconds of being on screen (Subtle, and here I thought characters should be fleshed out over time). Bart begins to understand why Simon wanted to trade places after Quenley gives us some forced exposition (Seriously, who talks that way? I defy you to try to have a conversation the way she does, you wouldn't be able to finish) After some bad topical jokes about the U.S. (Please kill me now) Simon calls Bart to say how he hates it and tries to explains why Devan and Quenley hate Simon. Simon, though, has a change of heart after Marge gives him a lot of affection and decides that his new life is okay (Cookies solve all problems). The next day Bart gets trapped in the family Mausoleum by Devan and Quenley (I'd rather not question how Bart can be this retarded). Mr. Burns frees Bart and decides to explain to Bart how he shouldn't trust his relatives at all. He also decides to show us how all his siblings died as well (As far as I'm concerned, the continuity for his childhood resides in Rosebud, nothing else). After Bart realizes why Simon wanted to change places to avoid the step-siblings (Sorry but you gave it away when you introduced Devan and Quenley, you fail writers) we see Simon listening to Grampa's stories which raises another red flag in Lisa's mind (OK timeout HOW THE FUCK CAN'T SHE SEE THIS UNTIL NOW? SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE IT AFTER THAT DINNER, SHE'S NOT THIS STUPID!) Lisa then confronts Simon and gets him to spill the beans, since Simon doesn't really understand how much Bart hates Lisa. Bart is informed that the family is going on a ski trip to which he remembers Burns warning him about. Simon tells the family about what's going to happen to Bart, resulting in the family going to Aspen to save him (Odd how Bart didn't know about the trip until he was told by Devan and Quenley but Simon just happened to know this all along. Why not warn Bart about this beforehand in the bathroom? Why not let him know so he doesn't look like an idiot when the family's packing?)(Apparently, dickery is contagious) Either way Bart is forced down an tough trail that's too hard for him, and Homer, in his comedic ways er I mean recklessness, saves Bart from death. Simon goes back with his family, Bart goes back with his, and we end with Bart realizing that the grass isn't always greener on the other side (Blow it out your ass writers).

Final Judgment: This episode isn't terrible, but just poorly executed. Like I said before, I've seen this storyline before done better but to be fair this had some original ideas and concepts, but in the end, it just didn't capitalize on the entire premise provided. The characters were what I expected, but then again, I didn't expect much here. The jokes were hit-and-miss, but mostly miss. In short the idea's been used hundreds of times and this one isn't anything special, but it can be watchable in my opinion.

Final Grade: 5.9/10 Not quite an episode that inspires confidence for the years to come, but it's harmless and maybe worth a watch if you're not a diehard fan

Episode 4: Treehouse of Horror XIX


Well, even though the show's been in free fall for so many years, there is always one episode I always look forward to. That's right, the "Homer wants to be a good father" episode, just kidding, it's the Treehouse of Horror. I was first introduced to the show by watching the Treehouse of Horror episodes during trick-or-treating breaks, and they hooked me like a drug addict (With apologies to drug addicts). Since then, I've always prayed "Please writers, don't let THIS episode suck" and what do we get? Well let's find out.

We begin the episode with Homer going to vote and voting using a rigged electronic voting machine while not even trying to be funny (Remember those days where skeptics were worried that those would be bugged? Yeah I'm not all that enthused about this episode so far). Homer then gets killed by the machine and we can now begin the three stories.

Untitled Robot Parody
We start off with Bart going to get Lisa a Christmas present because she's last on his list. Bart finds a truck that he scoffs off until it turns into a pink convertible and he buys it (I would keep it for myself to be honest, a small transformer that seems to have limitless possibilities, who wouldn't want that?). On Christmas morning Bart gives Lisa the convertible to which she is grateful for because it's an actual present (Unlike the box of burps last year apparently, I thought she was Buddhist, does that mean she shouldn't be attached to material possessions? Nevermind let's continue)(Dude, if I convert to Buddhism, I'd still appreciate the gesture of a material gift. A box of burps would piss me off). Maggie observes the transformer destroy the angel and tries to warn Lisa, but because she can't talk (Keep that in mind for a later review) Lisa is condescending to Maggie and does not realize what the toy really is (Eh so far it's better than Transformers 2 that's a positive). Later that night the convertible autobot (OK they call themselves Posobots but screw it I'm calling them Autobots) creates more autobots out of all the electronics in Lisa's room as they're all given uncreative names (If you need me, I'm off to give "Creativity" a proper burial). The next morning, after a pointless scene in the kitchen, Homer and Ned's cars transform into transformers and fight each other (Further proven after dumps some exposition from the Transformers movie, I love it when your "parody" is nothing but a bad script for the TV series). After a few scenes of fighting and other electronics turning into death machines (Is anyone else getting Attack of the 50 ft Eyesores flashbacks?) Marge approaches the two leaders and tries to get them to agree to peace. After they realize they can't remember what their battle is about (So what? I don't think that's stopped violence in the past) they decide to team up to enslave humanity (Good going Marge). The segments ends with the town being used as a Foosball table (So essentially the entire segment can be summed up with "Robots come and attack" I bet it took months to think that up).

How to Get Ahead in Dead-Vertising
After a parody of the Mad Men opening (No reason, they just can) the story begins with Marge and Homer dropping Maggie off at a day care center to which Maggie is hesitant to until Homer shows her the Krusty mural on the wall (Okay stupid question, Is there just no other forms of children entertainment outside of Krusty and Itchy & Scratchy cartoons?). The real Krusty comes and has the mural sandblasted for unpaid use of his image (I have to wonder why is he there instead of places like the horse track, but whatever). This makes Maggie cry, and Homer goes to confront Krusty about what he did. Homer being upset that Krusty's a selfish ass-hole he accidentally kills Krusty in the most ludicrous way possible (I've seen less over-the-top ways for killing Kenny). Afterwards, Blue-haired lawyer (I know he's Mr. Burns' lawyer but screw it, it's blue-haired to me as well) approaches Homer with some advertising agents who tell Homer that they can get rich by using dead celebrities in their commercials. OK I know I have addressed this before but why is it whenever someone in this town does something ONCE, they are really good at it now? Also I want to bring up a valid point, just because Homer kills the celebrities, it doesn't mean you can use their image for free, there's always an estate you have to pay, that's why songs from Michael Jackson and Evil Presley aren't free, you still have to pay to use them. After Homer kills off some celebrities (Through a montage, huzzah), we cut to them in heaven complaining about their images being used in commercials (You know if I were in heaven, I think I'd be enjoying my time instead of watching people use my image unlawfully). John Wayne then decides to lead a charge of Angel celebrities against Homer and stop him once and for all (While all the normal angels stay in "Normal heaven", yeah I'm not going to mix my religious views into this review, but it's tempting). They come down and kill all the people at Homer's party with their heaven guns as they kill Homer last. Homer beats them to celebrity heaven (Ugh this is stupid) and locks them out. This segment comes to an end as Homer walks off with gay Lincoln (Classy).

It's the Grand Pumpkin, Milhouse
Subtle ain't it?(I'd let it pass; the titles are rarely subtle) We begin this segment with our parody Charlie Brown opening of Milhouse (Linus) and Lisa (Sally) walking off to get a pumpkin (The other parody characters include Ralph (Pig Pen), Santa's Little Helper (Snoopy) and Bart (Charlie Brown)). We cut to Lisa in her Wiccan costume (Not to be confused with a witch, which Lisa will do later *Bangs head on desk*) and Milhouse as Linus as they prepare for Halloween (We also get our 'grown-ups can't say squat' parody as Marge plays the trombone *weak chuckle*). Okay I want to get this out of the way because it's bothering me, while I do like the backgrounds for this segment (Animation style of the 60's) it just feels awkward when compared to the characters as they have far more detail and finer lines, it just looks like the animators photoshopped their characters into the Peanuts classic. Milhouse tells Marge he isn't going to the party but instead hanging out at the pumpkin patch for the "Grand Pumpkin", (Bart then comes in to explain why Milhouse thinks it's real. Eh I would have accepted "Milhouse believes in it because he's a wuss"). Later at the pumpkin patch the main characters come to make fun of Milhouse and Lisa decides to stay behind to keep him company (Yeah I'm starting to see why Bart and Lisa were chosen as Charlie Brown and Sally). After a few hours (I assume) Lisa is woken up and she berates Milhouse for making her miss the party (Even though she stayed there voluntarily, bitch)(So did Sally. I sense a connection). Milhouse then starts crying and his tears create the Grand Pumpkin (Sunk to the levels of Pokemon the First Movie? Really?). Milhouse offers the Grand Pumpkin some pumpkin bread which doesn't go over too well (If you'll excuse me, I'm off to go give Obama some kidney pie). The Grand Pumpkin decides to go on a rampage as Homer is his first target. Milhouse goes to the party a bit before the pumpkin and warns them but nobody believes him. The pumpkin then arrives and goes around eating Willie and Nelson (With some average pumpkin jokes, they're not bad, but they aren't worth mentioning either). Lisa gets to Milhouse and she gets him to create a giant turkey named Tom Turkey to fight the pumpkin (Suddenly I want to turn this into a pay-per-view fight. I mean a killer giant Jack-O-Lantern vs a giant killer turkey, doesn't that sound awesome?). After Tom Turkey beats the Grand Pumpkin, Milhouse makes the same mistake again and causes Tom to want to kill everyone (Now just believe in Santa Christ hard enough and he will remove Tom Turkey from existence)(SANTA CHRIST, SANTA CHRIST! WE ALL LOVE SANTA CHRIST!)

Final Judgment: This Treehouse isn't bad, but on the other hand, it's not good either. The first segment is weak and lazy, the second segment is rather stupid and unfunny, the third segment is the strongest in my opinion and it's really more of a "Your Mileage may vary" type of segment. All together, it's not terrible, but you wont see it in many top THoH lists.

Final Grade: 5.2/10 Just meh, it's not that bad, but it's below what you'd expect from a THoH


Episode 5: Dangerous Curves


Now what if I gave you a horrible story about Marge and Homer when they were dating? It'd be better than this piece of crap! Seriously, I have never been so disappointed by the lack of effort for an idea that they have done so well in the past. What happened, writers? What happened? Oh yeah, the good writers left, I forgot. Let's review this abomination of an episode that made me throw my shoe at the TV.

The episode begins with the family going on a trip for the Fourth of July and getting stuck in traffic (With some sub par jokes thrown in as well). On the way to their destination, Marge decides to pick up some hitchhikers (Sounds more like a Homer idea but whatever). It turns out that the hitchhikers were squeaky voiced teen and his girlfriend (I call bull!). Homer calls the couple crazy, which causes a flashback (Oh great are the writers gonna piss all over continuity with this episode aren't they?), during which we see Homer and Marge as young adults biking when Homer crashes and is forced to walk on the side of the road. After walking for some time, they are approached by Ned and Maude (Didn't you know that Homer knew Flanders before he moved next to him, it was so obvious in Lisa's First Word, I hate this episode). Maude and Ned pick them up and tell Homer and Marge that they're going on their Honeymoon which causes Homer and Marge to not want to marry each other but stay boyfriend and girlfriend (Oh alcohol I drink to your health). I know it's a heat of the moment thing, but this sequence is shit, and when you really stop and think about it (Something the writer hope we don't do) this whole timeline is worthless, what were the writers thinking?! Afterwards, we cut back to the present as Homer tells the couple to stop making out and for Bart to keep playing his violent video game (Video game violence hasn't desensitized me KILL!! MAIM!! DESTROY!!! Sorry I have to go take some calming pills now)(Can't, I was using them for target practice. PULL!). We then have another flashback but this one is five years ago as opposed to twenty (Were the writers out of Ritalin? A major problem with this episode (Outside of the plot, writing, jokes I can go on) is that all three timelines are jumbled and unfocused. Writers, just stick to one bad timeline and develop it properly). This timeline involves Homer coming back from a family picnic with Marge, Patty and Selma (For some reason) after multiple insults from Patty and Selma, Homer throws them out and he soon runs out of gas. As Marge and Homer go for gas, they stumble upon a house with a party going on to which they both decide to stay for (The sad part is that the cutaway scene is much better than the previous two minutes of story development. You fail, writers! You fail!) We then continue with the party as Homer bumps into a girl (Who I'm going to call dumb bitch) who quite possibly sets the record for character that pisses me off the fastest (Seriously she steals a drink from Homer after he says both drinks are for him, assumes he's trying to get her drunk after SHE STOLE THAT DRINK! Then she continues to hit on him after clearly him having no interest. Get me my gun). We then get to see some of the best example of undiluted padding as Homer and dumb bitch go to limbo (Brain Bleach editor! Quickly!) Marge gets angry at Homer for doing the limbo with her, she then falls into a pool and finds Homer and dumb bitch causing a food fight with sushi (Wow, I never thought I would say that). Homer and Marge drop off Squeaky voice teen and his girlfriend in front of a makeout point (Wow, they were totally necessary to the plot). Afterwards, the family gets to some cabins where Homer and Marge sends off the kids in a pedal car (To which Lisa would rather have $10 now as opposed to $100 in her college funds. God this writing is awful). We then flashback to the 20 year mark where Ned has Homer and Marge in two separate cabins because that's the fascist Ned we all know and love... moving on Ned and Maude have such a Christian honeymoon that even the knights of the round table would be ashamed of the chivalry. After Marge calls Patty and Selma for some filler, we cut to the 5 years ago timeline (Really in the end the 20 years ago timeline proves to be nothing but filler as it has no real consequences on the plot for the other two timelines) as Marge is given new clothes while the host decides to pad out the scene by explaining every little detail about the dress (Seriously the amount of padding rivals that of a crazy house). After he takes Marge on an airplane Dumb Bitch (Okay her name is Sylvia but Dumb Bitch just sounds so much better) tries to convince Homer to leave Marge for her. That's right people, five years and two kids into a marriage and Homer contemplates leaving his family... words cannot express my rage for the stupidity of this writing (To make it worse? THIS HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE, AND MUCH MORE CONVINCINGLY.....TWICE). Alberto takes Marge to the same cabin that she went to in the 20 year timeline as Homer and Dumb Bitch decide to grab a room as well (Okay I'm renaming her Dumb Slut). Homer spots Marge, and Alberto hides in the chest. Marge gets Homer to take the chest out as Homer stuffs Dumb Slut into the chest as well (I smell hilarity *Fake laughter*). Marge and Homer almost get intimate until Grampa brings Bart and Lisa back, who fall asleep instantly (Yay for padding!). We cut back to the present where the kids leave and Homer gets caught in the luggage. We then see that Alberto and Dumb Slut got married and have a kid of their own (And knowing the both of them they still probably want to shack up with Homer and Marge). Alberto and Dumb Slut reveal to Homer and Marge about what we already knew and that gets Homer and Marge into a fight about what happened that day. Homer is then sent away as Bart hits him off the road in their pedal car. Okay, this is where the writing takes a turn for the worse as there is probably some very disturbing imagery that's created from this(If that's at all possible). Our final act starts off with Bart and Lisa bickering with each other because Bart got lost. Lisa asks the bullies for directions but Bart speeds off as he tells Lisa that he gets in detention to stay away from her. This wakes up Maggie as Bart tells Lisa that the reason why they don't get along is that they grew up... now if your drug trip is over as well, we can move on. We then cut to the 20 year flashback (Is it a bad thing to say that I could follow the timeline to Dragon Wars better than I can this timeline?) as Ned allows Homer to be with Marge with Maude aiming a water gun at Homer in case they express any love for each other (These two put the Dic back in Dictator)(Needs more letters). Homer carves a symbol of his love for Marge in a tree that present day Homer finds and decides to take it down to show Marge so that their marriage can be saved (Trust me Homer, your marriage has gone through FAR WORSE things and lived to see another day). The tree collapses as Marge goes over to rescue him. A bit of continuity error by the way, Homer made the carving in a tree by the lake but the tree with the carving now is right next to a cliff and over a river, just saying (Yeah, landscapes can change, but THAT in 20 years?). When Homer goes to grab Marge's hand to get up, the bark begins to strip off the tree causing Marge to dictate how the tree spins by walking on it like a log rolling contest. Marge and Homer then fall down the Flinstone like canyon as they are able to get in quite a bit of dialogue considering how short the cliffs were (GRAVITY!). They stop right before hitting the water (how convenient) as Bart and Lisa manage to save them with their paddle-car that happens to now be a paddle-boat. After bookending the story with Bart telling Homer and Marge to stop making out (I need booze now) we see all the cars approaching a point as some only go one way and some split in two (SYMBOLISM!!)

Final Judgment: This episode is terrible, the plot is jumbled, the writing is awful and between the false tension of Homer and Marge's marriage being in peril and Bart and Lisa being like a married couple I found nothing to keep my interest. This is just another one of those episodes that just fails in every possible way and not even a "So bad it's good" type of episode.

Final Grade: 1.8/10 Just crap, I don't know why the staff insists on Billy Kimbal and Ian Maxtome-Graham work together. They haven't made a single good episode together.


Episode 6: Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words


Lisa obsessed with crossword puzzles and Homer being the compulsive dumb father that he is do not make for a good episode. This is another one of those episodes that had potential but ultimately fell flat on its face. With that out of the way let's dive into this episode.

We begin our episode with Bart and Lisa selling lemonade with no success until Bart puts a dollar in the jar, which causes masses of people to arrive (Fun fact, some restaurants and bars do the same thing to their tip jar to encourage tipping). Homer smells the lemonade but is turned away because he doesn't have cash. Homer decides to go to Moe's instead but has to use Lisa's bike to get there (I swear this is familiar but I can't place my finger on it). When Homer gets to Moe's we see Mrs. Krabappel trying to break up with Seymour to no avail. Homer goes in (after Edna offers a beer) and breaks them up himself. After the breakup, Lenny and Carl praise Homer for being able to break them up and make Skinner feel good (I know I discussed this but this still pisses me off). Lenny asks Homer to help him break up with his girlfriend to which Homer does successfully and thus he is now a genius at this too (For those of you keeping count at home this makes... I don't know 1,000 things Homer is good at?) Back to the kids, we see Blue-Haired Lawyer shut down the lemonade stand because they don't have a vendor's license... Do I really need to say anything about this? At the Bureau of Licenses and Permits, Bart and Lisa are held up in line because Wise-guy cannot do a crossword puzzle. The holdup enrages Lisa, causing her to cut the line and finish it herself. After finishing it, she gets praise from the people in line and she loves it (I'm a Sudoku man myself, never really good with words)(Jumble FTW!). Homer gets a call from Grady (Three Gays and a Condo callback, SMH) as Grady asks Homer to help him break up with Julio since he is dating Duffman (When did Duffman go gay?) because he heard how good Homer is at breaking up couples (Where did he hear this? Is there such little news that this makes the news?)(Gossip?) Bart finds Lisa doing about a hundred crossword puzzles at night because she's now addicted to them (Soon she will start getting high off the newspaper ink). We then cut to Homer at a gay club breaking up Grady and Julio (Okay now I know who that annoying fucktard is that I always want to strangle) as Julio is okay with it despite Homer giving him no words of comfort (Now I know why he's a breakup artist, his clients are emotionless androids, it makes perfect sense). The next day Lisa decides to proclaim her love of crossword puzzles to Marge and Grampa, being very condescending towards Grampa in the process (Good to know all this considering she'll forget all this in a week and never touch a crossword puzzle again). Later, Lisa gets on the bus as she sees the words in her life turn into a small crossword puzzle (Okay, who left the PCP next to Lisa's cereal this morning? Mark?) We then see Homer at his job as he takes appointments with people to breakup some couples and it's followed up by a crappy montage (No I'm not letting this go, HOW THE FUCK DO PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT HIS BREAKUP SKILLS AND WHEN WAS IT EVER ESTABLISHED HE COULD DO THIS... EVER?! There's suspension of disbelief that Homer's had this all his life, and then there's character development solely for the purpose of the plot. It really bothers me.) Afterwards, we see Lisa creating a crossword with the hopscotch course and it makes Chalmers raise his voice to ask what she's doing (Huh, I was expecting him to approach her with a fisherman's outfit). After finding out that she loves crosswords, he gives her a flier about a crossword tournament (Why thank you Mr. Plot device, nice to know your presence was needed). Later Marge tells Homer that what he's doing is wrong and leaves him with the thought of someone being able to break them up after every fight. Homer stays awake pondering this until the spirits of all the relationships he broke up come to haunt him (Back to the booze). After he wakes up, he decides to leave the "Business" and goes to sleep immediately afterwards pointing out how pointless this plot was (Yes it's meant to establish where he gets the money to bet later on but really Homer's character is impulsive enough to gamble his retirement funds on the tournament, we didn't need all that padding to set that up). The next day, Lisa enters the crossword tournament and Homer goes off to the bar where he discovers that people are betting on the matches. Homer being the greedy good father that he is always bets on Lisa and wins as demonstrated in a montage (My count is two but I'm borderline on another). As Lisa reaches the finals, she lampshades how the writers always take away everything from her and how she probably won't win the tournament (Wow, I'm gonna go hang myself, this is that depressing)(Even in a good episode, that it's depressing because it's TRUE). Homer takes this information and bets against his daughter, shocking all the gamblers (Come on I've seen more shameless acts in Vegas). After showing us some words that have been removed from the dictionary (Too bad filler wasn't removed), Ol' Gil exposits about why he entered this tournament to Lisa. The round starts, and Gil loses his glasses, prompting Lisa to pick them up. She realizes they're fake, but the brief distraction is enough for Gil to solve his crossword in a record 10 seconds (Even if he didn't fake the glasses he probably would have won with how fast he was able to solve it). Homer wins the bet and is a little irritated about how the bookie is judgmental about his bet. The next day Lisa discovers Homer's bet against her and she bottles up her emotions against him throughout the next few days (Even misses school as she went inside after the first confrontation. Sure why not?). At school Lisa expresses her frustration by changing her last name to Bouvier (Marge's maiden name) for betting against her (Considering how inconsiderate she was to Homer after showing her that Simpson women can be smart and restoring her confidence, she... oh wait I forgot, these writers aren't smart enough to think about that). Homer gets some advice from Moe and Carl to do something nice for Lisa to win her back. We then cut to Lisa on the couch with a white "Lisa B" shirt and a watch which will come in play soon (Seriously, does anyone wear a watch just for the sake of wearing a watch anymore?). Marge offers Lisa the NY Times puzzle to pass the time as she belittles Marge as well (Seriously, who's writing this shit? Lisa really comes off as a prick a lot post season 13). After Lisa finishes the puzzle she notices a hidden message from Homer apologizing for the bet. After looking at her toys for a bit (Because they can provide insight and don't make you look like you've lost your mind) she goes to confront Homer about the puzzle. Homer explains that he got Merl Reagle and Will Shortz (Hooray for pointless cameos!) to help him plant two messages for Lisa. Lisa forgives him and our episode ends with Homer and Lisa sharing a long hug.

Final Verdict: This episode is bad. The ending feels tacked on, and the rest of the episode is stupid. The writing is awful, the characters aren't what we're used to and seem to be written by people who have little information about them and the padding in this episode is just beyond idiotic. Really this ranks very low for me on Homer-Lisa episodes and doesn't really work well as a Lisa episode either.

Final Grade: 3.8/10 It's a rather stupid episode that yet again, failed to reach its potential


Episode 7: Mypods and Boomsticks


Who says the Simpsons can't tackle the big issues of today's society like; "Is my Islamic neighbor a terrorist?" I'll let that settle in for a minute. Okay minute's up. If you couldn't believe that then you'll have a hard time with today's episode that makes Archie from "All in the family" look like a perfect man. Let's sit back with our American flag and watch how bigoted we can be towards Muslims.

After a stupid opening (The chalkboard gag is "Prosperity is just around the corner"... I gotta admit, that's probably the funniest chalkboard gag I've ever seen. Oh wait they were trying to be serious... please just go away). We begin with the family going to the mall the day after Christmas, where we see how quickly we abandon the Christmas spirit as soon as possible (I personally spend three days afterwards just with my presents enjoying them). After watching the mall rid themselves of the Christmas decorations (I find the Dr. King stand-in ironic because this episode is exactly what Dr. King fought against. Clever writing or accidental symbolism? You be the judge) the family all return their kitten calendars that Bart got for them as last second presents. Lisa then discovers the "Mapple Store" (This ranks up their with the "Zii" in "Topical references that I cannot stand" the Simpsons satirizing Apple) and wants to go in. As we go in we see such clever parodies as "Mypods", "MyPhones", "Brainiac Bars", "MyCubes" and "MyPhonies" (Wow, I bet it took them all day to think up those great names didn't it?) After Lisa tries to buy some Ipod (I refuse to address them by their parody names, it demeans the writing) headphones to make people think she owns an Ipod (I personally hate the earbuds that came with my Ipod so I use an assortment of earbuds, does it mean I don't own an Ipod?) Krusty comes in ranting about his own Ipod with nobody responding (I know the feeling) and he just decides to give it to Lisa (I would try to sell it on Ebay if I didn't like it and it was a gift but whatever). We then see our Steve Jobs parody "Steve Mobs"... (I need booze)(You know, in most parodies, they also change the first name a little...) about to give an announcement to the audience. Bart hooks up a microphone to the feed and supplies the audience with false information. This prompts Comic Book Guy to reference Apple's Superbowl commercial (Nice to know that the writing staff's version of "Humor" includes placing one of their characters in something that's already popular). After some unfunny lampshading about Steve Jobs the customers decide to go after Bart and he escapes by running... Seriously, he runs out of the mall and they stop chasing him. Remember, whenever you're being chased by an angry mob out for blood, run about 100 ft and they'll give up. Bart then meets Bashir who's cooking some lamb and just offers some to Bart (Frankly if someone came in my backyard I'd tell them to beat it). Bashir's mom Mina then introduces herself to Bart because he's Bashir's friend for all of 5 seconds (Ah yes, life-long friendship can be established in 5 seconds that seems more contrived than the romance in Twilight). Bart then tells Bashir about school and tells him not to tell anyone that he's muslim or the bullies will appear and beat him up, hey look at that, the bullies just happen to be there when he says that (What are they like Beteljuice and just arrive when you speak of them?)  Oh yeah, the reaction on Bart's face to the fact that there are different religions just further enrages me to how ignorant the writers think Americans are (You know, I like a good satire, but when you need character derailment in order to get it, it pisses me off). Bart gets them to back off by pointing out how they all have different religions and they start fighting each other (That had a point). Later we see Lisa listening to her Ipod, and Sherri and Terri instantly want to be with her because she has an Ipod. After some padding (In the form of a shitty Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, seriously 1:10 is devoted to this "Incredible" cartoon) we see Homer meet with Bashir in some more unfunny dialogue (Icepick on standby). Afterwards, we see Homer being mocked at the bar because Bart is friends with a Muslim boy (Now for the "clever" satire of America's intolerance). Moe then shows Homer an episode of 24 which convinces Homer that all Muslims are terrorists and he needs to find out how Bashir's family plans to destroy America... uh-huh. People, I'm leaving RBY in charge for the rest of this review because frankly, I'm insulted, my intelligence is being mocked with every line involving our intolerance against Islam. Take it away, RBY. *Walks away* (Ok, let's see. In order to discover the secret new terrorist plot, Homer invites Bashir's family over to dinner and tells Marge to keep them talking. Homer begins his Archie impersonation by assuming that Bashir's father went to a tech university to create bombs (Strike 1). Homer goes to grab a cake that looks like the American flag and asks Bashir's father to cut it (Strike 2. Like, SERIOUSLY?). Homer continues to hate against the family by saying he won't cut it because they hate freedom (Strike 3). .....between this episode and the NYC thing, **** it. **** the haters, **** the ignorant jerks, **** the terrorists, **** EVERYONE!) NOT EVEN PART-TIMER WATCHERS CAN STAND THIS! Marge berates Homer for teaching Bart intolerance and tells him to go over and apologize. As Homer goes over to apologize, he sees Bashir's father in the garage with TNT and assumes they are terrorists (You know, it's people like Homer that make other countries believe that all Americans are lazy, ignorant bigots. I HATE THIS EPISODE! I HATE IT!!) Homer goes back home to tell Marge what he saw and she doesn't believe him (What a shock). Homer then has a dream involving the genie from Aladdin (Who Dan also voiced in the second movie) making Springfield a more Arab culture and Homer believes moreso that they are terrorists (I need my pills). The next day, Lisa gets a package from Apple with her bill which totals $1,200 because she bought more songs than she thought. Yes I know that this is a reference to a woman who got a 300 page IPhone bill, the difference here is that was a phone bill, ITunes doesn't give bills like this. This joke fails because it's like trying to fit a puzzle piece into a spot that's too small, it doesn't fit. (FAIL!!). Homer then goes to Mina's house and comically mishears the what the husband's job is (Oh Homer, if only you weren't so bigoted you could have heard the real story). Homer then gets into Mina's house and finds out that her husband is to blow up the Springfield Mall (Homer's intolerance is now hurting me). After finding this out Homer evacuates the mall and sees Bart, Bashir and his father next to the dynamite plunger which is connected to the old Springfield Mall. We cut to Bashir's father explaining his job is math and engineering rather than blowing things up. Homer then breaks into the boarded up Mall and throws the dynamite into the river (Odd how the police didn't catch him and put him behind the barrier but whatever). The dynamite explodes a bridge as Bart explains how stupid Homer is. Homer goes into the river to "save" the two Duff beer trucks that went in. Homer officially apologizes to the family as they accept and the Simpsons now have a new friend that they will never see again. Lisa goes to Apple HQ to try to settle her bill with Steve Jobs. Steve doesn't change the bill but hires her as an ad person dressed up as an Ipod on the corner.

Final Judgment: This episode is terrible, the satire of America's intolerance against the Islamic faith is not clever nor enjoyable. The writing is God-awful, Homer gives Archie Bunker a run for his money on who can be less sensitive against others and above all the story just is stupid. I know that there are people like this out there but nobody was calling for an episode about this.

Final Grade: 1.4/10 About as low as the Simpsons can go in terms of being insensitive. (AGDFAHDAFH RAAAGE)


Episode 8: The Burns and the Bees


Looking back there have been few Mr. Burns based episodes and only one Burns-Lisa episode (The Old Man and the Lisa). This episode is an interesting one, since it really isn't terrible, but only goes to show the dipping quality of the series at this point. So really, is there any hope for a billionaire vs environmentalist episode? Let's find out.

We start off with Mr. Burns traveling with Mr. Smithers to the Billionaire retreat as we see what goes on with the rich minds of America (So they're all rich average Joes? Who knew)(Including Mr. Burns? PFFFT). Meanwhile back at Springfield, Bart is told by the bullies to knock a bees' nest down on some second graders (including Lisa), which he agrees to after some padding by Kearney. Lisa jumps on the hive to try to save the others (In an over-the-top way. What, is there any other way you can think of?), but is surprised to find out there are no bees in it. Lisa opens the hive to find them all dead, and Willie gives her some exposition about how bees are dying around the world. Groundskeeper Willie then reveals that he's a beekeeper himself and his bees with pun names have all been dying (If you wanted them to live longer you would have called them bee 1-infinite). We cut back to the retreat as we see more money jokes being shoved in (Net worth having Gates over Buffet, scary stories involving the Security and Exchange Commissions, large poker games, etc). Mr. Burns then wins a basketball team called the "Austin Celtics" from the Rich Texan with a 9-high hand (The lowest hand one can have is 7-high, who would be betting with those hands? And really? The AUSTIN Celtics? Not even an imaginary team, just ripping off the Celtics by replacing Boston with Austin? Hey, I'm not the highly paid writer whose job is to make these jokes). We cut to Lisa telling Homer that they need to do something or the bees will die. Homer at first is reluctant until she tells him no bees=no honey (No fruit, no vegetables, no animals that eat fruit and vegetables, no bears, no- oh wait, she doesn't explain this)(Who is she, and what has she done with Lisa?). Homer then has a dream about a honey famine and decides he needs to do something (It involves Wall-E as well. I should do a new count involving stupid dreams but these don't piss me off as much). They meet up with Professor Frink, who explains that the bees have been dying of bee measles (Is anyone else not finding this funny?)(See, measles are barely funny. If they were dying of bee WEASELS.....I saw you smile there). Frink decides to collect enough healthy bees to create a new colony. One then just happens to land on Lisa's face and thus a colony of bees converge on her face... (I'll be at the bar if anyone needs me)(GET BACK HERE!). Lisa convinces Marge to let her keep the bees on her face as Bart decides to have fun and mold the bees to make her look like Milhouse (And slashers smirked). We then see the Springfield Celtics facing the Dallas Mavericks, with Mark Cuban deciding to be even more annoying than he already is after his team DOESN'T score a 3 (Seriously the one who made that had a green jersey on; the Mavericks are blue and white. Nice job, editor). We then see Mark Cuban continue his hijinks (No wonder they sell beer at games. If I paid $2200 for a courtside seat and all I got to see was this jackass delaying my game, I'd want to be hammered). Yeah, I know he's not really this distracting in real life and he does have one of the elite basketball clubs, but why is he blown so out of proportion here, that it makes him look like Dane Cook on the court during halftime? Mr. Burns then confirms that Mark Cuban's a billionaire with a long bit of padding- er, I mean "Handshake" (Could always do a Google search but whatever)(Mr. Burns? The man who answers his phone with 'Ahoy hoy'?). After Mark goes back to being a pompous jackass, we cut to back home with the family having breakfast consisting of pancakes and syrup (Cue Homer eating the bees that land on his pancakes). Marge is then sucked into the plot as she "remembers" an abandoned greenhouse that'd be perfect for the bees (Seriously, the writing makes it out to be like she's known this place her whole life, and it's never explained how she knew of it). Marge and Lisa go to the greenhouse and release the bees for them to live there. Later on, Mr. Burns comes out trying to be a funloving owner like Mark by renaming the team the Springfield Excitement (What was wrong with that being the first name?)(Too obvious?) and being more involved with the game (including forgetting that Austria-Hungary is no longer a country despite the fact he fought in WWII in multiple episodes, dummies). After Smither gives a long bit of history to explain that, we further see that Mr. Burns is old and not with the times based on his cheerleader selection (I wonder if the writers were afraid that people might think that the Simpsons weren't with the times either so they dedicated episodes purely to topical events). After Mr. Burns successfully drives away any fans, he gets a daydream where Mark Cuban recommends that he builds a new arena. Mr. Burns decides to create his new arena right next to the greenhouse where the bees are (Which is next to the prison... I don't know, this makes about as much financial sense as Jacksonville having a football team). Later, Lisa debates Mr. Burns about the location of his arena and how he can't have it there. Unfortunately, because Springfield is about as environmental as New Jersey, the town agrees with Mr. Burns and allows him to build his arena (That, and Mr. Burns' ability to convince the town they need basketball now by... saying they need it). After the greenhouse gets destroyed, Lisa goes to Moe's with Homer and complains to Moe about how evil Mr. Burns is for what he did (And apparently get drunk on milk, I can't fake this people. That was actually written in. Someone got paid to write that)(It's that or REAL alcohol). Moe then suggests to Homer that they combine his African bees (Why does he have African bees...?) with her bees to make a super bee (Uh, it doesn't work that way, either that or we wouldn't be worried about honey bees dying around the world). We cut to six weeks later (and one completed arena. I thought those things took months to build)(SCIENCE!) when Homer shows Lisa the new bees, which they find out are dangerous. Homer is okay with it because he thinks they won't get far (...yes, yes they will) until Lisa points out that the new arena is shaped like a beekeeper's hive (Interesting design. I personally would have gone with convention instead of playing into the plot). Mr. Burns, after lampshading how flawed the system is for building his arena, foolishly opens the roof and allows the bees in (This isn't a football arena; basketball was always meant to be played indoors in a controlled environment). After the bees take over the arena, Homer and Lisa go to see the aftermath. They find out that they took over and Mr. Burns is angry about it (Lisa's excited though at the fact that killer bees took over a multi-million dollar stadium. Sure put thousands of people out of a job just so your stupid bees can have a home, well done Lisa, well done. And considering that killer bees don't pollinate well, Lisa is happy because she brought in aggressive bees to harass the town and not pollinate flowers, good job.)(Seriously, where's the REAL Lisa? Anyone seen her? About yay-high, blond hair, intelligent, possesses foresight?). A year later, it turns out that Mr. Burns sold the stadium for over $800 million, making him worth only $996 million instead of being a billionaire. They decide to rip off The Godfather, having Mr. Burns play the role of Salvatore Tessio as they decide to throw him in the millionaire's camp.

Final Judgment: This episode is bad - not terrible but bad. The plot is stupid, the writing is half-assed, and the jokes are nonexistent as you are left scratching your head at what was supposed to be accomplished. Now this was another example of the writers just picking up the newspaper and deciding to make an episode based on what's popular in the newspaper leaving people who didn't know about this alone in the dark.

Final Grade: 3.9/10 Just meh, nothing more nothing less


Episode 9: Lisa the Drama Queen

I don't want to review this one. This is a piece of flaming shit, I fucking HATE this episode even before my nostalgic feeling for this series left. I hate Brian Kelly, I hate whoever green-lit this shit and I hate anyone who likes this episode. This episode is the only thing from this series that has actually made me nauseous while watching, I cannot watch it all the way through on one try. I FUCKING HATE THIS! So you know what? I'm not going to review this, I'm going to leave this as an unfinished review because this episode is incomplete in itself in that IT SUCKS BALLS! Okay I will give it a final grade, but nothing else.
(......huh. Meh, I stopped watching YEARS ago, I'm not gonna judge)

Final grade: 0/10 Nothing redeems this piece of shit

Episode 10: Take My Life Please


In my opinion, this series jumped the shark around the 11th season because the writing became a little more inconsistent, and one could not always depend on the upcoming episode being great. But this episode further jumps the shark (For about the 321st time)(Is that possible?) in my opinion because of the new opening. To me, this show loses the nostalgic feeling of the golden age by replacing the opening and making me feel like I'm watching a different show (Bit over-the-top, aren't we). It doesn't help that this episode isn't that great either. Let's review the episode that officially killed my nostalgic feeling for this show, again.

We begin with Vance Connor being inducted into the Springfield Wall of Fame (Because there are so many important people that came from Springfield, right?)(...there's Homer). Homer explains that he and Vance went to high school and Vance was the class president, which is why he's angry at him (Though judging by the background, the directors didn't care if we knew that. The background is very distracting in this scene)(Directors or animators to blame?). We flashback to Homer running for class president against Vance (Oh great this is going to be one of those episode with a skewed timeline isn't it?) Vance gave a great speech, and Homer fucked up by tearing up his speech and not being able to think of a new one, and so he gets laughed at (I would too, he's clearly not qualified to even be up there)(Well, ouch *has been in Homer's position* Even though it was his own fault, OUCH). Homer then in the present tries to prove that Vance is miserable as he decides to tell us all what he's doing while he's doing it (Show, don't tell! No wonder I hated these new episodes, the writing is truly unfunny and terrible). Homer finds out that Vance is not miserable which makes himself even more miserable (Can't wait for him to start going to poetry slams just to be kicked out for being too emo). At Moe's Bar (Now in HD *tumbleweed*) Lenny and Carl reveal to Homer that Principal Dondalinger gave them the ballot box to bury and Homer may have won (Lenny and Carl only decided to do it if Dondalinger kept them out of college, idiots). After a pointless Al Gore cameo (Nice padding there writers, almost made me forget there was supposed to be a plot) Homer goes to Lenny's to have them both dig up the box. They dig up the ballot box (After first discovering a box over it. What, was the show ten seconds too short?) Lisa tallies up the votes and reveals that Homer won the election. Homer is at first ecstatic but then blames this holding back the life he could have had (Um, a high school election doesn't count for shit especially considering you never completed college, you would have still have had the same life)(Really, man. Besides, having come from high school recently, I can say that the class president isn't treated much differently than other students. Maybe if he became a kickass athlete, there'd be a difference....). Actually, I want to talk about the massive character derailment this entire plot brings up. In Lisa's Substitute, Homer consoled Bart about losing the class presidency by saying that the class president doesn't do anything important and he may have been better off not winning. In this episode, the writers TOTALLY forget about that and make it seem like winning class president is the most important thing in life, I hate this episode. Lisa is quick to point this out but is silenced by the writers' stupidity, er I mean Homer. Homer then decides to set out for revenge in an overly padded speech (Okay seriously WTF writers? What is up with this long shitty dialogue? It's not funny it's stupid and pointless). Homer then goes to the golf course where he demands answers from Dondalinger. Dondalinger explains (In flashback of course. Because it worked so well the last time) why he decided to rig the election: some jocks had planed on stuffing the ballot boxes so that they could laugh at Homer because he would be a joke president (How is that different from Obama?) Homer exposits how he feels three different emotions as he decides to demonstrate (I really need booze. The writers clearly don't know the concept of "Show don't tell". I feel like they're talking down to me like if I'm a lobotomized retard). Later, the family eats at Luigi's, where Luigi reveals to Homer that he has this deus ex machina where his chef can stir the sauce so that Homer can see an alternate timeline (This makes no sense! How many plot conveniences can the writers pull out of their ass? What's next? If they approach Fat Tony, he'll have a red pill that Homer can take that'll allow him to live said alternate life?)(That'd be cooler and make a bit more sense said pill would be a drug!) Anyways, in said timeline, Homer becomes the president and, instead of being made fun of, he's beloved by all because he's an average student just like them (Hey, if you look at President Carter, he was an average Joe as well. How'd that work out?)(And, again, the class president often is an average Joe) In our next vision of this timeline (Are the writers taking this seriously?) we see Homer walking the hallways being popular and making decisions he could never make (Including a topical reference to the government bailout of GM... *Smacks head against desk*). Homer then asks out a girl named Debbie Pinceon (Sorry if I misspelled, but honestly I don't care about her), who agrees to, and makes Marge sad that she couldn't go with Homer (I'll get to this point later)(NO NOW. Marge never showed ANY interest in Homer, EVER, until he tried taking her to prom and she realized what a sweet guy he was). After a pointless scene where Lisa explains the point of that (Thanks, because we couldn't do that ourselves, seriously how dumb do the writers think we are?) we see Homer at the prom where he notices Marge and Artie dancing and he is instantly attracted to her (Not nearly as nice as the first time they met, but who cares, let's steal someone else's date at the prom... And back to the bottle). After Homer gets rid of the pretentious Debbie (Seriously what is with the design of women outside the main cast in this show? They look way too un-Simpsonized) Homer goes to steal Marge from Artie and they dance (How charming except for the fact you totally miss the point of when they first met, God I hate this). Homer tells Debbie to find someone else as everyone at the prom (but Homer) wants to be with her (Wow, is this just the writer's fantasies we're seeing now? But hey at least Debbie is out of the plot *Clapping*). Afterwards, Homer goes to say goodbye to Marge at her home, where we see Patty and Selma both like Homer (Wow, I really hate this character derailment). Mr. Burns then happens to drive by and give Homer a job that's better than the one he already has. You know what, fuck it! I'm going in stride with all this, who cares that Don Payne clearly doesn't give a shit about the characters? Who cares that the lines are more pretentious than a Twilight novel?(Not possible) Not me! I'm just going to roll with it, this episode isn't worth my anger. After Lisa does the same thing as last time (Seriously, STFU!) we see that in this timeline Homer is much richer, has his old house as a guest house with a mansion of his own and has no kids. All this because he won a class president election... if you need me I'll be at the bar. After Homer sees all this he goes off to the mall to buy out the entire Hot Topic inventory - I mean, he goes back home and becomes even more emo (So he's emo...because he has a loving family? That's HARSH, man. Nice to know he hates Lisa and Maggie and Bart so much). It's nice to know that Homer's had this crappy life for 20 years and just now is he just lying in a kiddie pool because an alternate timeline which he couldn't control didn't happen.... fuck it, the episode's almost over. The family brings him in and tries to convince him that his life is great (Say does that sound familiar?). They then bring him to the Wall of Fame and showing him a plaque of him as "Class President-Elect" which instantly makes him happy. The episode ends with the family walking away as they decide to go to a Korean restaurant to eat (BLOW ME!)

Final Judgment: This episode is terrible, the dialogue is pretentious, the jokes are beyond terrible, the characters are written way out of style and the story is stupid. I mean, did they get ANYTHING right?! This episode feels like a deterrent for anyone who has watched this for more than 2 years so that they can get away with whatever shit they want. This is a great way to symbolize the transition from regular Simpsons to HD Simpsons: the HD version SUCKS!

Final grade: 1.3/10 too pretentious to actually care


Episode 11: How the Test Was Won


Let's see, today we have an episode where nothing really happens but we're lead to believe that we need to care about this. Yeah you know the writing's good when the ENTIRE premise for the episode is deemed pointless at the end. This episode is shit and it's not just because of the half-assed ending. It's everything: the plot is idiotic, the characters aren't themselves, the- wait, I'm supposed to say this in the review itself. Let's dive into this episode and see why the test should have been lost.

We begin our episode (At the 1:50 mark of a 20 minute episode, yeah I show no sympathy for them complaining about more commercials when they pad out their episode like this) with Marge and Homer celebrating the fact that the new school year begins (Without Lisa. Odd, I thought she would have celebrated with them). At breakfast, Bart laments about how he hates school and Marge reminds Homer to send off the insurance payment (Homer then shows us in a LONG montage about how he gets hurt. Hey, where would they be without their padding?)(In a better place on the ratings?). At school, Principal Skinner talks about upcoming standardized testing while "mocking" the No Child Left Behind Act *Fake laughter*. Superintendent Chalmers then announces that the school will start to force the questions and answers into the kids' heads for the next two weeks via a mini-montage (Doesn't this defeat the purpose of education? What's the point of knowing something if you can't use it in practical living? This is why I hate tests and the only true measure of what you learned is how you use it. This sort of education turns our kids into robots who are incapable of performing tasks that they aren't directly taught)(Hrm. How do we test calculus then? Few truly practical situations that cannot use other methods). After some events that show this happening (They couldn't just make the whole thing a montage or use "2 weeks later" and develop the story more?)(Do not need to start a montage count) we see a whole scene dedicated to a poop joke...(I'll be in my car)(STAY). We see two weeks later (What was the point of those other scenes then?! No you can't have it both ways it's either one or the other. Go back to writing school!) we find out that Bart didn't take the practice test seriously. This doesn't concern Homer in the slightest because, to him, Bart has no future to throw away (How will he afford the trench coat so that he can be a drifter? I know he said selling oranges on the freeway, but fuck it, I like the drifter version). Afterwards, we see Homer eating food from the glovebox and we find out that he didn't drop off the insurance payment (But the writers felt that was too subtle so they do it two more times. The Simpsons; Because we're too stupid to figure anything out for ourselves). When Bart and Lisa arrive, Skinner and Chalmers approach Bart and tell him that he got a "Perfect Score", which upsets Lisa and makes her question how she did and what she got wrong (And ultimately screws her up in the real test. I've seen Lisa get less than perfect before and carry on, she's not a fragile nutcase, writers!)(Seriously, this is Lisa Simpson, not Jason Fox) Chalmers and Skinner tells Bart that he doesn't have to take the test and he's going to a pizza party with the other "Super Stars" on a chopper. When he gets on, he realizes it was a fake and the school's getting rid of the idiots to increase their average (Falsifying federal test scores, kidnapping, child abuse, it's all good). Chalmers tricks Skinner onto the bus and sends them away. After Skinner says what we already know, Bart tells everyone else on the bus that there is no pizza party and they're all being taken away to not dip the test scores (Maybe they should be left on the bus, since clearly it took them too long to realize what was already said. I think Nelson ate some lead paint or something). Skinner then decides to exposit their big plan for the six kids on the bus that we already knew (Did I mention that these writers think we're idiots, let me explain again: THEY THINK WE'RE IDIOTS!) After hearing this, they decide to act stupid (They must be method actors. By the way, if you think this is pretentious as well, well guess what? It's not over yet). Homer gets to work as he finally realizes that he has the payment in the glovebox and he realizes that he cannot get paid if he gets hurt (And he can mock some State Farm and NationWide commercials as well while not insured. Yeah because when I think of this show, I think of dialogue that's so forced it belongs in wedding vows of a shotgun marriage). Homer then writes a stupid letter on the outside of the envelope (Because that's funny right?) and drops it off, but there's a catch: the owner will not be back until 3 PM so Homer has to be perfectly safe until 3 (What's that? Hilarious hijinks will ensue? The writers couldn't possibly be that cliched, right?) At school, Chalmers administers the test (Because as we all know, Superintendents have nothing better to do)(Wow, we were never that 'lucky'. Our TEACHERS administered it) and Lisa begins to get testing jitters because she second-guessed herself earlier (We can assume, thank God. The writers don't have her say that). Meanwhile, Bart and the gang get to Capital City as Bart and the bullies call Skinner a loser. The bus pulls over for Ralph to use the bathroom, after getting off Ralph reveals that he already went on the bus (Well that was necessary). After that, we see that the bus was scrapped by the kids of Capital City and now they are all stuck in Capital City. But that doesn't stop the writers from bringing back that 'acting stupid' joke (I fucking hate that joke). After the gang goes through Capital City a bit (And runs into an intersection of streets named after Dr. King and César Chávez. I honestly don't get this joke. Why would it strike fear into Skinner?) we see Homer come home to find that Marge is having her book club meet to which he sees a lot of scenarios that could cause harm to the guests (Which ends with Marge making out with Lindsey. Classy)(Wut). We cut back to Lisa still stuck on the test while Chalmers decides to chew on the scenery a little (Wow, that had purpose). Back with the gang, Ralph got onto a garbage barge and Skinner looks on in shock. Oh boy what's the next scene, Skinner chalking up some goofy plan that works or- oh, they cut back to the book club scene. DAMN IT! Well, back at the book club we see Homer preventing four accidents in the space of the last 10 seconds ~Let's Do the Time Warp Again~ as Maggie shoots a knife into Mr. Burns' head that causes him to gush out blood (Character consistency? What's that?) Marge is forgiving of Homer because she shouldn't have expected him to mail the payment on time (Then why didn't you do it then? Did you just want leverage over Homer for a future occasion?) We then cut back to the gang as Skinner decides to use Bart's slingshot to shoot a message to the crane operator which backfires as it knocks him out (Was the paper made of lead?) We then see that the box he was carrying was filled with a piano generator that dumps out pianos that defy gravity (Physics is for losers). Skinner then decides to save Ralph by using the Law of Conservation on Angular Momentum to spin the crate away from the barge (Consistency, what's that? Seriously you cannot have pianos come out one at a time, defying the laws of gravity and then say you follow the laws of Physics ten seconds later, it doesn't work!) Afterwards, the gang gets on the barge which coincidentally is heading for Springfield Elementary (Who writes these deus ex machinas?) Back in the school, Lisa's about to accept being average when Skinner then barges in and tells everyone that the test doesn't matter anymore (Wow, way to completely undermine your episode entirely) which instantly makes Lisa smart again (Wow, I just had a brain aneurysm just listening to that)(I don't get it...I just DON'T). What better way to end this shit than for Skinner to overturn a nonexistent ban on dancing a la Footloose... Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna wipe my memory with my good pal Jack Daniels.

Final Judgment: This episode is shit, the plot holes are big enough to rival the Grand Canyon, the writing is terrible, the characters are stupid and out of place, and above all, it fails to try to make any point that it was going for with that padded out ending. Honestly anyone who says this is good must really like inconsistency in their episode because this episode makes no sense.

Final grade: 1.5/10 Just crap plain and simple (P.S. Footloose is a very good movie even for those who despise musicals)


Episode 12: No Loan Again, Naturally


This is one of those episodes that looked like it had potential from a story perspective, but like many others in recent memory, suffers from poor execution. The idea of Homer having to live in a house that's owned by Flanders does raise some interesting ideas, but it just seems like the writers really didn't try to come up with these ideas. Let's review this and be thankful our property isn't owned by Flanders.

The episode starts with Homer and his family preparing for their annual Mardi Gras party (Which apparently they've done since Bart was born, interesting)(I think the show celebrated Mardi Gras before. Not at Homer's house). Marge is concerned about the cost of the party and Homer tells her not to worry about it (I would put in a "Translation: " joke in, but I assume you all know what it leads to). At the party, Quimby opens the party (Including an overlong joke about him and his wife, who said jokes need effort?) everyone seems to be having a good time. Marge tells Homer to invite Ned (To which he gives no resistance...wait what?)(.....what?) and Ned accepts the invitation (The fence joke shouldn't have been placed in, it wasn't funny with Homer and it wasn't funny the other two times). When Ned gets there, he instantly becomes a buzzkill by announcing when it's Ash Wednesday (So Ned coming over proved to be entirely pointless. Great writing, wouldn't you say? Oh yeah for those of you wondering "Was there any point to this party?" the answer is; no. You could easily replace the party with "Homer does something expensive" and it'd be just as sensible) The next day we see everyone hungover and Homer cleaning up the yard of beers. Lenny asks the sensible question in how Homer can afford this and Homer gives us a lesson in Economics 101: he takes out a home equity loan so that he gets money and the house gets stuck with the bill (Yeah because in 3 years this joke wont become dated or unfunny right?). Lenny lampshades what we're all thinking (at least someone has a bit of intelligence) and Homer takes back his Mardi Gras beads for questioning him. We then see Marge find a piece of mail indicating that their mortgage rate would be increasing and she takes Homer down to the mortgage company to find out why (They even include a bad line about it being the first day of Lent. Next year for Lent I'm giving up shitty Simpsons episodes. I think I'll manage somehow). Ol' Gil then gives them their new monthly payment (Yeah he works for the mortgage company now. I guess when consistent jobs are optional anything's possible), which is too expensive for them. Because of this, the Simpsons' house is foreclosed and we see the family packing up a U-Tote truck (Better than MyPod, but not by much). Gil lampshades about failing banks and how CEO's got out great during the government bailout (These topical plots are really getting on my nerves, I could watch episodes from 10 years ago and not have to look up the newspapers about what went on at the time to understand their jokes). As we see some people inside the house inspecting it for themselves, we find out that Homer stole all the copper wire but forgot to disconnect it causing him to get shocked (Homer getting hurt, because it only happens about a dozen times per episode now). The next morning we see Marge crying over the loss of the house (While finding memories in the house) and Homer attempting suicide by hanging himself from a tree but bringing down the tree and crushing his car (I don't know what to say, Homer attempting suicide IN FRONT OF HIS KIDS. You know the idea of Homer killing himself sucked in season one. But at least he didn't want his family to see him commit suicide)(...there are no words for the face I'm making). We then see the house up for auction as Mr. Burns bids $100,000 for the house to store his cufflinks (-_-). Mr. Flanders sees the Simpsons walking off in shame to which he bids $101,000 on the house and Mr. Burns doesn't bother to outbid him (You know that's pretty good for a 5 bedroom, 2 bathroom, two story building). The Simpsons come back and Ned explains that he bought it back to rent it to them and Marge is grateful for it. As they're about to put their stuff back we see Homer going upstairs to grab the "Surprise" he left for the new owners (It turns out to be a bouquet of flowers wishing the new owners treat this house with respect. Okay for as bad as this season's been I have to give credit for this scene and how Homer actually cares about something)(.....can I just say, 'Awwwwwww'). Okay, maybe I didn't give this episode its due diligence, maybe I just had a skewed perspective because of the season itself being shitty, or maybe we should watch the last two acts to be sure. At the housewarming, the two families get a picture as Bart puts up a picture of him making a face to ruin the picture and Lisa smacks him (Hooray for violence). Later, we see there's a leaky faucet and Ned volunteers to fix it which Marge at first refuses but then accepts. After he fixes it Marge begins to ask him to fix some other things in the house and we see Ned unclogging a pipe and trying to fix an electric socket (I expected a montage there, methinks this episode is lulling me into a false sense of security). After Ned leaves, he gets called in the middle of the night and he refuses to come over to fix a gas leak. Homer then badmouths him on the phone because he refused to come over and we see that the family is using said leak to cook food (Oh goody, another bad joke). Homer then continues to badmouth him at Moe's (keeping in mind that Flanders took care of a lot for them and saved their homes, and that the house has ALWAYS been falling apart....yeah). Moe suggests that Homer goes to the media and expose him for the horrible landlord he is (Okay now I know why I dislike this: the entire premise is that Flanders saved the Simpsons home and Homer repays that gratitude with rudeness and selfishness. If I were Ned, I'd evict them to teach them to be grateful for what they had). Later we see that Channel 6 news does an investigative report on the Simpsons home (Dear Lord, did they just run out of stories to air that week or something? Oh wait it's season 20 writing, my mistake) and, based on some weak evidence, the story makes Ned out to be a horrible person (With a Hitler mustache, devil horns and a Detroit Lions fan shirt. It's funny because it's topical, right?) Ned then does the sensible thing after that and gives Homer the month to get out of the house.Homer tries to plead with Ned, but, it's no use as Ned's too angry at the moment (I know someone's going to call BS on Ned's behavior here, but using Hurricane Neddy as an reference, he does store up anger and can release it all at once, so I'm going to let this one go). Later, Homer tries to trick Flanders into thinking Jesus wants the Simpsons to stay but it doesn't work (By Homer getting everything imaginable wrong)(At least he's lucky Jesus didn't show up from Colorado, or he'd kick his ass). After Ned places a notice of eviction, Homer points out a loophole that they can stay if a resident is over 65 (Grampa). The plan takes effect but Homer thinks they all have be in the residence for it to work. Marge points out that only Grampa needs to stay and she suggests they all go out for an outing (which results in some pretentious lines from Lisa). The family keeps Grampa occupied with a DVD and sneaks out. On the way back, Homer exposits what they did and Bart lampshades the fact they already know what he said (Ah, writing at its finest: complete crap). When they get home they find out that Ned took in Grampa and evicted them while they were gone. Homer decides to try out the "Tempting Fate" trope and it doesn't rain.We then see the family at a homeless shelter where they're all miserable (Serves them right. Wait I'm supposed to root for them aren't I?). We cut back to Ned about to sign two new tenants that would be perfect for him when Ned realizes he misses the Simpsons and he tells them they can't live there (The couple tells him they'll sue. I'm assuming for breach of contract but considering they never made any payments I don't see how they could win, a landlord does have a right to say no to a new tenant if they want to). Ned gives the Simpsons their house back which causes all the other neighbors to want to move out. We end with Homer saying he hates the neighborhood (And they hate you right back).

Final Judgment: This episode isn't bad but it's not really good either. The story had its moments but there were times where you were left scratching your head at the stupidity. The writing is up and down (Mostly down), the jokes really aren't that funny and the characters act weird at times. But to their credit, I believe this is the most in-character the family has acted all season. There was much more potential but unfortunately it got left on the table, it's better than the episodes surrounding it, but that's not saying much.

Final Grade: 4.3/10 Just an average, mediocre episode


Episode 13: Gone Maggie Gone


Dear Lord this episode is pretentious, everything from the attempts to be like National Treasure mixed with The Da Vinci Code to the jokes to the characters is all annoying and stupid. I feel that anyone who thinks this is a clever puzzle story really needs to step back and realize the plot canyons this episode provides. Now let's get on our Sherlock Holmes hats, smoke a pipe and discover why this episode should have been gone with Maggie. Oh yeah, I apologize for the length of this review in advance, as it's longer than my normal review, thanks for the cooperation.

We start off with a narration explaining how man was ruled by science and industry but is now ruled by prophecies, puzzles and signs in the skies (Since when? ...the Mayan thing? Only a small minority believe that!)(So in other words, we are moving backwards in evolution. Well seeing as how this show's gotten stupider and stupider, I don 't doubt that they think this). Oh yeah, in case you couldn't tell what this show's supposed to "satire", the writers put on the chalkboard that this episode is a "Da Vinci Code Spoof". Don't you love it when the writers think we have the mind of a retarded seven-year-old? So after that bit of exposition (Quit being boring, you're boring everyone), we see that there's going to be a solar eclipse and Kent Brockman freaks out because the eclipse viewer wasn't pre-made (Hey it could be worse, you could try viewing Twilight: Eclipse)(NEVER AGAIN!). In a CGI shot we see the moon causing the eclipse over America (But in reality the shadow is way too small. Yeah I might be reaching here, but a partial solar eclipse takes up a few thousand km in diameter, while a full takes up a few hundred km in diameter. In this it's apparently only a full eclipse. In other words Physics is officially out of this episode. Wow, that only took 1:30, that's just under 1 minute after I stopped caring). During the eclipse we see some jokes about what happens when it goes dark during the day (Vampires come out? Bats come out? Nerds come out?)(Hit and miss) and we see the Simpsons preparing to view the eclipse (They acknowledge here that there are different phases of an eclipse. So that means they knew a solar eclipse has two different types of shadows but didn't give a rat's ass enough to animate it). Homer breaks his viewer and Marge gives him hers which causes her to miss it and hear about everyone loving it. Upset, Marge decides to look at it without a viewer and burns her eyes burn out as soon as some sun rays come through (She should have shared with Maggie, how would she remember?)(.....SCIENCE! It's what this episode LACKS!). Okay where do I  begin? Staring into the sun for 3 seconds does NOT burn your retinas, just staring at it like that would at worst cause minor retina damage that would not become apparent for hours and at worst cause some blind spots. You'd need to be looking at the sun through a telescope for the same period to come close. In other words, YOUR STORY IS STUPID! After a trip to Dr. Hibbert to give Marge treatment for her illogical condition (It's not even the worst thing so I'll buy it for now), we cut back to home as Homer and the family is taking care of Marge. We see that there are rats in the kitchen (Homer lampshades the fact they are referencing Ratatouille. Because as we all know just saying the name of a movie equals humor, right?). Afterwards Homer goes out to get some rat poison (Still using his hair to control himself, how is this funny?). After getting the rat poison (In Shelbyville, for some reason) Santa's Little Helper fights with Maggie for the poison (Okay I know this is a stupid question but why did Homer bring Maggie and the dog with him to buy rat poison? Did he know how the plot was going to go and knew he needed them along? This plot hole hurts). After Homer lampshades the plot hole while driving (That doesn't make up for it, it's still stupid), Homer decides to take a boat across the river to get to Springfield (wait, he can't buy rat poison in Springfield? ......Why?) but he can't take everyone as they're too heavy (Interesting how leaving the poison and the dog behind would make the boat light enough. I guess physics really did leave)(Why haven't you?). Homer breaks the fourth wall by asking the audience and accidentally kills Pr. Frink with some poison (Remember once upon a time when the show kept some mild form of continuity? E.G. When a character left or died, they would stay gone? No? Me neither) and we're left to solve the puzzle we learned in 5th grade (The puzzle, though, wasn't they were too heavy but the tiger couldn't be with the goat in the boat at the same time)(Or there wasn't enough space for all three). Homer gives us all the answer and starts by rowing Maggie across, SLH decides to swim but Homer says no to that idea (How dare SLH bring logic into this show, doesn't he know this season is meant for drooling idio-... nevermind). When Homer leaves Maggie on that side, a nun picks up Maggie and Homer fails to get her back (Making the riddle *Entirely pointless*). We cut back to the home where Homer tells Bart and Lisa about what happened and Lisa volunteers to infiltrate the church to find Maggie. At the church, Lisa goes in as a "poor little sinner who's lost her way" and gets in (There's also a joke that seems funny on paper but when executed seems so wrong; maybe it's just my dirty mind). We then see Lisa look inside a nursery that doesn't have Maggie but does have some insults against Catholics (I'm not going to allow this to get to me but I will point them out). After Lisa asks if they have any other babies (in an unfunny exchange), Lisa questions why they'd lie to her like that (I don't know, maybe it's none of your business, you're just a newbie to them)(You know, if she was going to blow her cover so soon, why bother with the cover at all?). We then see a mural at the top of the building of Saint Teresa pointing to a jewel in a hand owned by Monty Python (Do yourselves all a favor, go watch Monty Python, it's so much funnier and better than this crap). Lisa finds out from another sister that she needs to find the jewel to find Maggie (This is the point where you should shut it off. The payoff isn't worth it. Well if you had expectations it isn't worth it). The nun points Lisa to the first clue and exits dramatically (Or turns into a vampire! But not one that sparkles, they suck). Lisa reads the first clue, which is in Latin that translates out to "Seek God in Heart and Soul" (Okay when did Lisa learn Latin? Or better yet, how the fuck is she able to memorize Latin, it's a pretty difficult language. The plot holes will continue to get larger trust me)(That said, Latin is usually taught in high school by an experienced teacher, spending about five hours a week on it, not counting homework or simple memorization. Just think about that for a few minutes). Lisa concludes that the clue means play "Heart and Soul" on the piano *Bangs head on table*. Yeah sure, this 300-year-old puzzle starts off with a song created in 1938 so why not? So after playing a lyric, the piano opens up and reveals an intricate device that takes forever to get to the next clue (Even Lisa finds it boring how long it takes, that's a bad sign when your own characters find your plot boring). So let's recap, Lisa needs to find a jewel that's centuries old by playing a song created 70 years ago to open up a device that looks like it belongs more in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and these nuns created this. Time for the booze(Me first!). So after some padding (The device takes up about a minute of screen time, the staff must have been very impressed with their animation or something), we see Homer dressing his arm up like Maggie to fool Marge (It's not funny and leads to nothing, I apologize for even adding this in). We cut back to the device finishing up to open a chamber with the next clue in English this time (Consistency, what's that?) Lisa decides to read every other word for no reason other than she was given the script (Seriously she doesn't read it through once, just assumes it's every other word. Hello writers, normal people would usually read it once through and then try to decipher it)(And even intelligent people know you can't assume you know the cipher right away). It turns out that Lisa needs to find the biggest ring in Springfield as we see a lot of rings we don't usually see. The writers then decide to allow us to play again and find the biggest ring (Well let's see considering it had to be around post-1938 I'd say that Hollywood like sign). Lisa then breaks the fourth wall after the commercial break as it turns out she was talking to Milhouse about the riddle (You're not Deadpool, Lisa, just stick to being pretentious to the townspeople). Lisa figures it must be the "ring" from the bell in the bell tower (That comes in for this episode). Back home, we see Bart filling in for Lisa so that Marge doesn't get suspicious about where she is (Too late, Bart, we know the real Lisa's still missing). We cut back to Lisa unmasking Skinner and Comic Book Guy as they reveal that they too are looking for the gem because they are with the Freemasons -er, I mean the "Brethren of the Quest" (Quest? For the One Ring? Hmmmm). Skinner exposits the history of the gem after Lisa blackmails him (Goody, because we didn't have enough plot holes already). It turns out that Saint Teresa had a vision of a gem that would usher in an era of peace and harmony (Big deal, I see those all the time when I'm high)(Really? I just see the Blue Beetle ta- ....never mind). She then sent some nuns to the new world to find the gem (Acting like pirate though, because heaven forbid they actually worship God or act like Catholics *Bites tongue*). After setting up a convent, word got out about their mission for the gem (Lousy security). Benjamin Franklin tells George Washington and King George III about the gem and they (I'm not kidding here) "Staged a phony war of independence" to search for the gem... Words escape me people, I've heard of shitty conspiracy theories, but this is the WORST. I know it's supposed to be a "joke", and I'm not supposed to take this seriously, but it'd be about as funny as them saying that Hitler used the Holocaust so he could find the treasure of the Baltic Sea. YOU DON'T DO THAT! There was NO thought put into this, the writers just must have looked at National Treasure and said "Hey! We can make our own half-assed version of that". Hundreds of Thousands of people DIED in that war and all you can say was it was fake?! THIS IS STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! (Besides, then what was the rationale for the War of 1812? Second chance to search? At least National Treasure came up with a decent reason to include the Revolutionary War...) I'm this close to cracking people. The nuns then fled to Springfield (Contradicting stories from Lisa the Iconoclast. You know writers, you're not giving me ANY reason to give you credit yet), and it turns out that the gem will be revealed on the first full moon after a solar eclipse (How do we know this is true? It's been over 300 years since the search for the gem took place and nobody's found it yet. I say it was a drug trip St. Teresa was on). Lisa then reveals that she went to the belltower because it was the biggest ring, CBG shoots that down by revealing it's a fake bell and she's a condescending bitch (Okay he doesn't do the latter, but seriously, the writers need to stop writing Lisa as this smart-alec condescending bitch. It's not like her at all). Lisa then finds out the real answer and they all head to the giant SPRINGFIELD. When they get there, Mr. Burns is already there with his "Faithful Albino" (Get it, because he's that guy from The Da Vinci Code, because this plot was SO subtle. What? You're not laughing? Can't blame you). Lisa then finds out there's a clue on the RING (What) which is "Great Crimes Kill Holy Sage" and she deduces it must be an anagram because of the way it's worded (Makes sense; now can you explain how she knew to use every other word?!). We see Lisa trying to solve the anagram while Skinner and CBG are forced to dig their own graves (Because... it's funny?). After the break we find out that the anagram spells out "Regally the rock gem is Lisa" *Bangs head on wall* How the fuck does that make any sense?! Are you really trying to say that St. Teresa sent her nuns to North America to search for a 'gem' that wouldn't be born for 300 years!? This is honestly some of the laziest writing I've seen in this show and quite possibly any show. Smithers tells Mr. Burns that Lisa IS the gem and it's not in her (This plot device was bad in Men in Black 2 but that had more logic because SHE WAS ALREADY BORN when the message was made)(When MIB 2 makes more sense, you've royally screwed up). Lisa is proud that God would make her the gem (And try to bring her back to Christianity. Just fuck off writers, fuck off) and the gang go to the convent via Mr. Burns' chopper (Get to the choppa!).While they're flying over, I have so many questions, like:
"How many people named Lisa have there been in Springfield in the past 300 years?"(965)
"How many times have there been an eclipse where they chose the wrong Lisa?"(Three)
"Why would God pick Lisa of all people to restore peace and order to the entire world?" (Because it went so WELL with Veidt!)
Thank God there's booze to remove any memory of these questions *Drinks*. At the convent the nuns are singing "O Fortuna" *Drinks some more* and Lisa smugly comes in as the "Gem child" (Seriously why is she such a prick?). The lead nun tells Lisa she's wrong and it turns out that Maggie is the Gem child *Preps myself for a lobotomy*(Ick, NO). This was stupid enough already but now you're going to say it's Maggie?! Oh my God, it's officially happened, the writers have thrown up their hands and just said "Fuck it, we don't care, our audience will buy anything we say". Well it turns out that Lisa misinterpreted the anagram and it really said "It's really Maggie, Sherlock" (And even Lisa points out that that anagram requires you to solve it incorrectly first - and how did the nuns know it'd be Maggie?! ....WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS PLOT?!).When the sun rises we see that everyone is nice and happy all because Maggie was placed on the throne (Bullshit!) Lisa finally believes it's her (Because the writers didn't believe it themselves when they read it back). Marge comes bursting in (Still blind) and grabs Maggie which instantly means no more peace and prosperity (Oh fuck it it's almost over)(Wait, how'd Marge find out?). Maggie then pulls off the bandages to which Marge sees Maggie (Wait a minute Dr. Hibbert said the bandages must stay on for two full weeks yet she takes them off the next day and is perfectly fine. It looks like sense of time went with Physics on vacation)(And we're next). Marge says she couldn't allow her child to stay and God wouldn't want her to sacrifice her for the good of the world, again (Charming *Hits her over the head with a Bible*). Homer gives the convent Bart and we see that when he sits on the throne, all hell breaks loose (You mean EVERYONE'S forced to watch this season FOREVER?! NOOOOOO!!!!!!)

Final Judgment: This episode is terrible. This is the type of episode where the writers say, "Hey we can reference any movies we want and you'll accept it". The writing is terrible, the jokes are terrible, the plot is beyond stupid and the plot holes are big enough to fill with every piece of merchandise The Simpsons ever made. This isn't the worst episode but I rank it low because, frankly, this is just the writers thinking that we have no minds of our own and we have to accept this.

Final Grade: 0.8/10 Watch something else, The Da Vinci Code doesn't have as many plot holes as this (Can we go to Italy now? I hear Florence is lovely this time of year)


Episode 14: In the Name of the Grandfather


Every time the Simpsons go to a different country, somehow, they always seem to cause controversy in said country whether it be because of stereotypes or just poor portrayal of the country. This doesn't do either, but because of that, it loses humor and is incredibly boring. It does have some moments, but there were so many jokes and rather funny stereotypes it left on the table that the PC writers decided were not "needed". Let's dive into the most sensitive episode of the Simpsons portraying another country (....in the SAME SEASON as the Muslim terrorist episode? ......pardon my language, but you HAVE to be *****ing me).

We start off with the family going to a "Home and Garden Show" for Marge and all the family members are disappointed about going there (I love how Homer hates being there, yet he's the one driving). After a pointless scene of the kids and Homer practicing complaining (Not funny), we see the family looking around (And Bart pranking Skinner, wait why is Skinner there? Oh right because Skinner needs to be everywhere). Homer and Marge notice the hot tubs (Small line error: Marge says "What's that soothing sound?" even though all we see are steam clouds and there's no discernible sound for her to listen to). After Carl describes the hot tub as great, Homer asks Marge to get one and Marge agrees (After Bart asks and Lisa spazzes out, nice line read there Yeardley. This time can you say it with talent?). After they get the hot tub (offscreen) they relax for days and days (There's a pointless scene involving swingers coming to the tub as well, it's not funny nor necessary. Next scene!). A little bit of nitpicking here, but I really have to wonder why the Simpsons haven't become withered corpses by now. I own a hot tub and, after an hour or so, my body starts to get really hot and I want to get out; just saying it looks like science in particular left the show (Even in "Bart of Darkness" the family left the pool at times. I don't know it's probably something that only bothers me). We then see that the family forgot about Grampa's Senior/Family picnic at the retirement home and Grampa is miserable because they aren't there. Grampa then goes to the house and destroys the hot tub (With a baseball bat no less. What was the tub made of, balsa wood?) because they made him lonely (Yes, destroy a possession that costs thousands of dollars because you felt lonely, great logic there.)(Does this mean I can trash a car because no one will hang out with me?). The fish out of water joke just goes on for a bit too long and becomes unfunny and more like padding (Your season already has enough padding so knock it off). The family wants to make it up to him and Grampa gives Homer a list of things he wants to do before he dies. Homer decides to take him to a pub which Grampa reveals is in Ireland (In a way that's contradictory to their normal method, guess they don't want to be stale and repetitive with their jokes)(They do? ...can we get these writers back?). On the way to Ireland we begin with our leprechaun-like pilots telling the people about what's outside (Including a half-naked Kathy Ireland, classy)(Compared to what else we've seen this season...). Grampa reminisces about when he went to the O'Flanagan's pub which includes taps for beer, corned beef, and cabbage, Grampa doing riverdance through the pub and continuing onto someone's grave (During his tour for WWII, I can assume). As the Simpsons get to Dunkilderry we come to find out that it's not quite the way Grampa remembers it (I felt the same way after watching every new episode of The Simpsons). So essentially all the topical plots that The Simpsons do in America have been transferred to Ireland (I'll be at an Irish pub for a while)(OI! Back here!). As we see more companies with "hilarious" new Irish names (Someone get me a gun) we see that the pub is still there but nobody in the pub is getting drunk (Hey, we Irish (about 1/16th part Irish, but it counts) pride ourselves on being able to get drunker than Germans)(Word! We don't bother with that pansy wine, nosiree! Straight to the scotch! ....wait, we're part German....dude, did we just insult ourselves?). Grampa and Homer stay for a drink and Marge takes the kids to go sightseeing (But not after Bart watches some poorly translated German Krusty, that's funny because...?). At the Giant's Causeway, Bart and Lisa decide to play some Q*Bert with the landmark (I don't get why Lisa's deciding to jump around on a historic landmark, but the scene itself is just underwhelming). Next up is the Guinness factory as we see the family on the tour; Lisa stays behind a little and discovers that Guinness is a combination of bog water and chocolate syrup at a 1:1 ratio (Why does Lisa care so much about the way Guinness is made? Springfield drinks Duff and Lisa's too young to get drunk)(Besides, the bog water adds BITE!). We then go to McEllis Island (Get it? Ellis Island, where all the American immigrants went to? Yeah all the subtlety The Simpsons were known for is gone). We continue on with the Blarney Castle (Is there a plot or were the writers going sightseeing in Ireland and hoping to get paid for it?)(Wouldn't you rather be sightseeing than watching this season?) where we see Bart spray-paint his ass gray to fool people into kissing his own ass instead of the stone. It backfires as we see Irish Nelson carve his initials in Bart's ass (Is there a Chinese Nelson and a German Nelson as well?). We finally get back to the plot as we see Homer and Grampa get drunk and start acting up in the pub (We even get a token joke about Mona's death, charming). The next morning it turns out that Homer and Grampa bought the pub from O'Flanagan and are shown pictures as proof (Viva Ned Flanders much?) As Homer and Abe try to run the pub they find business is hard to get in sober Ireland (Just move five miles east, you'll get plenty of business). After the family find out they've run out of landmarks (Translation; we don't have any more filler), we cut back to Homer as he calls Moe to help him run the pub. Moe suggests that they allow something that isn't allowed in the rest of sober Ireland, they find out that smoking in pubs is not allowed and create a "Smokesie" that allows them to smoke indoors (Oh topical humor where would we be without you? A better episode? You kid). I might stretching here by comparing two things that aren't the same but  in Maryland (At least), if a bar can prove they're losing business because their customers can't smoke, they can appeal to the government and can be given a permit that allows the customers to smoke indoors. Eh it's comparing apples to oranges I know, but I just wanted to state that fact (Or is it? ....be back in a bit, researching Irish law). The police show up in a raid and take down the pub and arrest Homer and Abe. At prison (With a sign indicating Colin Farrell's status, that's not funny), Abe apologizes to Homer but Homer is optimistic they will get out (While making fun of the Yankees in a joke that didn't even make sense then, since the Yankees were strong in 2008-2009. Topical humor may not work all the time, but it still needs to make sense in the time period). At the court hearing (With Judge Mr. Potato Head of all people, oh please end this) Homer makes a terrible argument but the punishment is deportation and a small fine (I'm assuming the deportation is because they aren't citizens, but they were tourists, not illegal immigrants). We end this with Wiggum coming in (Because the judge said they deported all nitwits to America and they became police officers) and make a complete fool of himself into the credits (Ah yes, have Wiggum act like an even bigger idiot then he already is, worked wonders for Homer... wait)

Final Judgment: This episode is rather boring. The writing isn't terrible, but it's nothing decent either. the jokes are rather dull and bland. The plot was actually rather interesting in concept, but boring scene after boring scene interlaced with the filler that was the writer's vacation just made the story dull. I really feel that after the Brazil episode the writers decided to try to be a bit more sensitive when it came to the family traveling, but it really limits the jokes and humor. There were so many times I saw places where a good stereotype could have been placed for a joke.

Final Grade: 4.0/10 Just pretty bland and forgettable, but not painful
(I'll be, smoking IS banned in Irish pubs since 2004 - oh, next review!)


Episode 15: Wedding for Disaster


There are very few rules for episodes like this.
Rule #1: Sideshow Bob episodes must include some crazy scheme of revenge against Bart (Or Krusty)
Rule #2: The guest star must have more than five lines if he's a recurring guest star
Rule #3: If you bring in Sideshow Bob, the episode MUST be about him, no excuse
The writers violate all three rules and the episode suffers for their incompetence. I personally discredit this episode as a Sideshow Bob episode and it ranks up there with "Principal and the Pauper" in terms of retcon episodes. Let's watch this and see why the writers were such dicks to Kelsey Grammer.

We begin with the church after Reverend Lovejoy explained off camera that there are only two real commandments (Sure for the way you live, you better hope so). Lovejoy then tells the audience that the Parson will come for a visit (The who? .....Whoooo are you...)(Protestant's version of the Pope, yeah this is all bull). Ned  screams like a girl and faints, which causes the Simpsons to leave early. Later we see the whole town is lined up to meet the Parson as he arrives in a white convertible (Is the whole Protestant religion just very lax? Reverends can be married, no communion, and their "leader" seems to be a laid-back southerner). After explaining his purpose there, he goes off to Lovejoy to talk to him at the church (Where we find out they were roommates at TCU, no real significance, they just were). It turns out that Tim's (Lovejoy) last re-certification wasn't approved because the fee was never paid (Nice, that's like saying a diploma doesn't count because you didn't pay your last room and board  fee). After some mindless chatter (including a retcon that Helen was a man once)(....why) we find out that during the processing, anything Tim did involving the church didn't count (So a baptism didn't happen because the reverend wasn't a reverend in the eyes of the banks, but was in the eyes of the Lord. Sure why not? This entire premise is just plain dumb, pure and simple) Tim goes out to everyone during that span and tells them the bad news while pointing out the stupidity of this plot (Hey! That's my job). Tim ends it by going to the Simpsons and references the A Milhouse Divided plot where Tim remarried them and says it didn't count (Marge reminds anyone who hasn't seen that episode and makes us wish we were watching that instead. Not a good idea to be showing better episodes, writers, not a good idea). But really, you're trying to retcon that episode now just so your shitty little episode will work? I wasn't a big fan of that episode, but that doesn't mean you need to piss on continuity some more writers. I'd rather not get into the time paradox this creates for me considering that happened over twelve real years ago but Tim's license was gone for three months (but not told which three months). Homer and Marge tell the kids during breakfast and Lisa thinks it's great that they'll get remarried while Bart wonders if he's a bastard (I thought that was settled they were talking about the REMARRIAGE, not the original marriage!)(Lisa's mind is really messed up here, in what world is getting remarried to make the marriage official great? Voluntary renewing of vows is great, but they aren't FORCED). At Town Hall, Marge is upset and Homer decides to get remarried the right way (Great, now just get everyone from your unofficial remarriage in and, oh wait he doesn't think of that because this is stupid and this episode pisses on that episode God I hate this already). Back home, Homer sets up clues that lead her to the basement (Interesting how for Valentine's Day you got a monkey valentines day card, but for this you'll willing to spend thousands just to get her downstairs for a romantic dinner. I'm just going to leave this gun here, anyone want to just point it at my head and shoot me?) and he proposes to Marge to remarry him to which she says yes. We see Marge shopping for a wedding dress (Just use the one from your second marriage, oh wait that'd make sense), Bart getting a suit, Homer and Marge getting a cake, Marge and Lisa getting flowers, and Marge and Homer prepping the wedding reception area (We start to see Marge trying to be obsessive compulsive that the wedding is just perfect. Odd how she was ecstatic about having her friends for the second wedding and is now being selfish for this one, it's almost like this episode solely relies on the idea that she's out of character). Back at homer, Marge becomes even more obsessive about the wedding and Homer calls her a "Bridezilla" and Marge counters by calling him a "King Wrong" (Which causes Maggie to imagine them fighting as King Kong and Godzilla)(Is that a movie? That'd be pretty cool to see). The day of the wedding, Homer gets cold feet because he's afraid of what she'll be like after the wedding (Oh Booze I love you today)(....you share. Now). We then see Marge get ready as Homer doesn't show up at the altar and Marge becomes sad because she thinks he ran out on her (This episode continues to physically hurt me). As Marge continues to be sad we find out that Homer was kidnapped and taken to the set of Saw, er I mean... nope, screw it, he's at the movie set of Saw (This review makes me want to watch those movies). Marge continues to be a broken record as Bart and Lisa go into Homer's room and find a set of keys with the initials SB. As a result, they assume it's Sideshow Bob getting revenge by preventing Homer and Marge from marrying (While a better idea, it doesn't fit with Bob's M.O. so....why suspect him?). After a pointless house scene, we cut back to Homer as he's given a lollipop made of hotsauce that has the key to the chain in the center (I guess Tootsie pops are coming up with new ideas every day). We then cut to a silhouette of Sideshow Bob with a knife before it turns out that he was using the knife to create a bust of Krusty (... I don't know why, logic left this show years ago). Krusty vouches that Bob was with him the whole time and Sideshow Bob gives plenty of alternatives of who SB could be including Selma Bouvier (Nice to know Sideshow Bob was used so effectively)(Poor Kelsey Grammer. Sideshow Bob's one of my most favorite characters of all time...I'm a fangirl, DEAL WITH IT). I'm being serious, Sideshow Bob is given all of five lines and is immediately dumped from the plot. His presence was pointless as it contributed nothing and just padded out the story for a good minute. I really hate this episode. We cut to Patty and Selma watching Homer try to get to the key as Patty exposits that the key is just hot sauce shaped like a key (They then laugh evilly at their booth at the DMV. Hey I don't see anything out of the ordinary with that, my last renewal of my license included a guy with blood on his shirt). Patty and Selma continue to make fun of Homer in the Saw voice as Homer asks for them to give Marge his wedding vows. This causes Patty and Selma to cry and release Homer back to Marge (I think it's worth noting that, in recent seasons, Patty and Selma have hit all-time lows and I can't even begin to understand why Marge doesn't disown them. Remember when they were mean but still sympathetic? I don't know WHY the writers want them to be so evil, but it doesn't work, in my opinion.....moving on). Bart and Lisa come back to find Homer is already home with Marge. As Patty and Selma are disposing of the evidence, Bart and Lisa blackmail them into giving Homer and Marge a wedding reception with their 401 (K)s after they get married at the Town Hall (Bookending!).

Final Judgment: This episode is bad, not the worst from this season but it ranks pretty low. The story is stupid and pisses on a previous episode, the writing is subpar, and bringing in Sideshow Bob and not making the story about him is the biggest sin of all. Fortunately, in most people's eyes, this is not counted as a Sideshow Bob episode and I'm glad (Even though his recent episodes have all sucked, they are still better than this).

Final Grade: 2.6/10 Pitiful


Episode 16: Eeny Teeny Maya Moe

Here we go with a Moe story. They aren't usually bad because we get some insight into the character under the rough exterior. Couple that with the fact that most of them are funny because Moe is Moe and you can usually write a good episode. Is this one of those episodes? Let's watch and find out if Moe dating a midget turns out to be a good episode.

We start off with Homer watching some hokey and Marge wants Homer to spend time with Maggie (real original plot, wouldn't you say?). After some back and forth arguing, Homer decides to spend time with her and takes her to Moe's with him (Sure take the baby to a bar). At the bar, Moe is cleaning up and discovers a window that happens to show a daycare next to Moe's that Homer decides to leave Maggie at (Sure why not? It's not the most implausible thing the writers have pulled out of their ass this season)(Though why it would take twenty years to learn about this window....). After getting the attention of the barflies, Moe exposites why he was cleaning up, he found a woman on a chat-room that's dumber than Homer and he loved her. After some Moe-like antics, we see Moe likes her picture and she likes his picture (For some reason, maybe she's partially blind because she calls him cute)(Maybe she just pities him). We then cut to Maggie as we see that the kids at the daycare do not like her via an ominous shot. Homer picks her up before the kids do anything (and he misses the point that those kids hate Maggie. Are the characters just given the script and told to act stupid to things that are obvious?)(Remember when Homer was only a bit dumb and not a COMPLETE moron? Me neither). We see Moe prepare for Maya when it turns out Maya is only two feet tall (The only thing missing from this is the music from "The Odd Couple" to start playing). After Moe tries to let this soak in, Moe continues to mock her size without knowing it (It's like the guy from work who's a complete douche and he's the only one who doesn't know it). Moe does decide to continue the date and her takes her to Luigi's where Luigi insults her too (That had purpose). At make-out point, we see Moe and Maya making out as I'm left to ponder what she sees in him since he continues to show her he's a bad person. The next day Moe's in a good mood and he thinks that if he tells the barflies about Maya,but he thinks they will mock her even worse than he has. After Lenny and Carl mock Homer we cut to Maggie continuing to struggle at the daycare as she's put into a circle of babies beating pails (like drums) and Kearney's baby enters the ring to fight her. Homer yet again picks up Maggie before anything bad happens and he thinks that babies whistling nonchalantly is perfect behavior for her "friends" (Seriously, this plot is so contrived, it makes PSA plots seem legit). Back at home, Maggie is terrified and Bart decides to calm her down by playing the bongos (Oh the irony, this humor is way too subtle and not contrived as well)(When did Bart get bongos?). After Marge suspects that Homer hasn't been watching Maggie, she turns on the TV to "The Plot Device channel" as a commercial for a surveillance system that can fit in Maggie's bow. As Marge thinks about the ethical consequences Lisa tells her to just do it (Remember when she used to be the voice of reason? Those days left a long time ago)(I also thought Lisa would be against this kind of invasion of privacy). We cut back to Moe driving to Maya's house as Moe mistakes a tree for her house (We get it! She's short, will you knock it off yet or do you have a lot more jokes to make? (20 more) Okay I'm just gonna get it over with and hang myself now)(Only when you finish the season! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!). Inside, Moe continues to express his love for her as Maya asks Moe why she hasn't seen his friends yet (We haven't seen her friends yet so what's the big deal?). After we get a joke of Maya becoming like a doll (Liquor is my friend here) Moe and Maya go over to the Simpsons' house as Homer decides to ask a question that sound more like an innuendo question (Oh writers where do you get your material? So I can BURN IT DOWN!) Upstairs we see Marge watching the surveillance video from Maggie as she sees Homer drop Maggie off at the daycare (They call it a park but really it looks more like a daycare) and she fails to see what happens after Homer leaves. After the double date (Really nothing happened, you could cut it out and there'd be no change in the plot at all. Okay, maybe Homer wouldn't have stopped Moe later but I doubt it), Moe proposes to Maya as she seems to be happy at first but then Moe spews out every short joke about a wedding as he can, which pisses Maya off and she tells him to leave (I may have to re-evaluate my opinion of Moe as a character...). Moe's back at his bar as he's crying over this and he asks Lenny and Carl for advice on how to get Maya back. Lenny suggests (sarcastically, from the sound of it) to do a "Grand reckless gesture" to win her back. Moe decides that he has to be shortened in order to get Maya back... BULL! FUCKING! SHIT! Maya loved Moe for Moe, not because of his height; she didn't get rid of him because he was too tall, she told him to beat it for a while because he was being rude and insensitive. In fact, before he was insensitive, she probably would have said yes and they'd be married. Writers READ A FUCKING BOOK! (And don't reference Parker and Cooper, the Spidey fans are already mad enough). Moving on, Moe asks Dr. Hibbert to do it but he says no so Moe goes to Dr. Nick to get the surgery (Odd how he's now officially un-dead, I guess the movie was a retcon and the continuity doesn't matter. Oh wait the Medicine Woman makes an appearance later in the series so YES IT DID COUNT WRITERS!). Maya then talks to Moe right before he gets the operation and tells him that he's being shallow and she can't be with a shallow man (....that came out of nowhere...)(Yeah this plot is stupid). Marge decides to actually watch the surveillance as she sees that Maggie was placed next to Moe's and Homer actually sees what goes on and attempts to save her as he gets beaten up himself (Our hero). Maggie saves Homer (That's three times, Homer really sucks at defending himself) and Marge forgets the whole bar thing because Homer tells Maggie he'll always be there for her. Homer goes to Moe's and gives him some encouraging words which later helps Moe feel better.

Final Judgment: This episode is stupid. It tries to say that love is not skin-deep, but it unfortunately fails at that by undermining the plot with hundreds of short jokes. The writing is average, the subplot is recycled and boring, and the moral seems to be shoved in last minute (If you think about it, that would explain a lot).

Final Grade: 3.7/10 Maybe character development for Moe isn't a great idea (no, it's ok, we just need decent writers)

Episode 17: The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly

Bart gets a girlfriend and Lisa's on happy pills: two plots that have already been used before and yet somehow they work. The writers had the idea to get Lisa addicted to a drug after "The Canine Mutiny" but that went to Bart in "Brother's Little Helper". I guess the writers decided to give it to Lisa and see how it'd work. This is also Bart's fourth girlfriend and yet this plot is more original than most of the plots given to us this season. Let's watch and see why we should all be on our happy pills.

We start off with Bart and Milhouse outside the school with power drills, having unscrewed all the screws in the entire building (I'd rather not ask how long it took, but it must have been an all-nighter). We then see chaos and destruction ensue, and Milhouse gets caught by Skinner when he's trying to return the power drills. In Skinner's office, Chalmers and Skinner try to get an accomplice out of Milhouse but he refuses to talk and is suspended for a week (That's a rather light punishment for destroying the whole school I gotta admit)(What do you expect from Springfield?). After Willie takes Milhouse out of the school, Bart goes to visit Milhouse outside of his window and apologizes for allowing him to take the fall and says he'll make it up by visiting him every day (Milhouse waves a la Dumbo's mother)(I bet that Bart forgets this). After Homer picks up Bart, he drops him off at the retirement home to visit Grampa. Bart initially wants to leave, but then he sees Jenny and immediately goes over and talks to her, falling in love with her (I gotta admit, she's my second favorite (1st going to Laura Powers) girlfriend for Bart). Back home, Lisa finishes her homework early so she starts her project on what the future will be like and she starts to get scared when she sees all these stories about how the world will suck (The site must be owned by Al Gore)(Nope, that sounds like CNN and FOX...and NBC..and CBS...and...). Back at school, we see Bart watching Jenny as Nelson comes by to make some unfunny sex innuendos to Bart about Jenny (Aren't these guys in fourth grade? I mean, it's been a while for me, but...). After Bart asks out Jenny to picnic, Bart tells Willie, so Willie tries to one-up him with his Swedish supermodel girlfriend (I'd rather not know why Bart decided to tell Willie of all people). Later we see Lisa spaz out as she rants like a lunatic about how there will be no Springfield in 50 years (Hey if she did it next to an underpass, people would listen and give her money)(To be fair to her - if we're lucky, that'll be true. 70 seasons of The Simpsons? I like 'em, but.....). After Skinner tells Lisa she needs to go into therapy (Hey finally some good advice for us, we all need intensive therapy) we see Bart and Jenny on their picnic as they're having a good time by the lake (Say wasn't Bart supposed to visit Milhouse often or something like that?)(I win my bet!). We then see Bart rescue a duckling because the bullies are torturing it and Jenny wants Bart to save it (That was necessary). Moving on, we see Lisa going to therapy with Marge and Homer as the therapist tells the parents to just give Lisa some happy pills (Wow, whenever I go to therapy, my therapist tells me to work things out before she busts out the pad... forget I just said that)(Beats how my sessions go - uh, you didn't read that). After Lisa says yes to the drugs, we see her given a pill right before she leaves for school. She takes it on the bus causing her to hallucinate happy things (That's called weed, writers)(Think it'll destroy the memories better than alcohol?). Later that night we Bart setting the table because he's trying to act like a nice guy for Jenny. At dinner, Jenny begins to see how dysfunctional the family is (Homer being an idiot and Lisa being high) when all of a sudden a thunderstorm comes by and the doorbell rings (After Jenny said "Nothing can change my opinion of him", dude, that's like Satan's calling card). Bart goes to get the door to reveal it's Milhouse (Hey the writers remembered him) and Milhouse is mad at Bart for not holding up his promise as Jenny comes in after he says that. Milhouse and Bart then start talking about how Bart didn't visit Milhouse and Milhouse finds out about Bart and Jenny. Milhouse then ominously walks away. At the church bake sale, Bart joins Jenny at her table when Milhouse comes in to try to subtly point out that Bart is bad. This causes Bart's conscience to act up and he leaves. Back at the house we see Lisa lying on her bed stoned; she sees a smiley face and tries to kiss it, but it turns out it's an open fan. Marge comes in and takes the pills away from Lisa (Wow, that subplot lasted for all of three short scenes, glad to know it had to be in). Actually I'm disappointed because this had a lot more potential and could have probably been its own story *cough*.  Bart and Jenny go to the docks (because sea-level gives Milhouse nosebleeds apparently) as Milhouse is there anyways causing Bart to confess to Jenny that he's really a bad boy. Jenny is shocked and she dumps him because he lied to her (This theme actually plays out both ways in this series since they accept the liar because he tried so hard and they dump the liar because he lied). Bart goes to the Kwik-E-Mart (a la Moe's) until Lisa tells him that he needs to straighten things out. Bart gets a bouquet of roses and heads out. Bart gives the roses and an apology to Milhouse. Milhouse forgives him, and they decide to make up by turning the school into an ice rink (Wow, I feel like I just stumbled into a Simpsons slash fic).

Final Judgment: This episode is just recycled material from much better episodes, but it doesn't get under my skin and it's actually seems decent (Maybe it's just because all the other episodes suck so much that this seems better in comparison). The story is very unoriginal but the concept is good as the ideas did create good episodes.

Final Grade: 3.8/10 It's pretty bad, but it's a guilty pleasure of mine

Episode 18: Father Knows Worst

We're in the home stretch of shitty episodes for this season, the next four episode have to be one of the worst 4 episodes stretches ever (I include that 4 episode stretch from season 21 as well that was better). This is a really pretentious episode that makes you wonder "How many nails will it take in my brain before I finally see the humor in this episode?" Oh yeah, this is an episode written by our good old buddy Rob Lazebnik who if you've read my previous reviews, you'll know I hate his guts. Let's watch and see why it's actually the writers who know worst.

We begin with the family (sans Marge and Maggie) down at the docks where we're shown that all the vendors have to tell the truth at their station (Are you trying to say that street vendors would lie to take our money? Surely you jest). They then decide to watch some street performers as Homer ruins one guy's act of juggling on a unicycle. After that bit of nonsense, we see Marge back home as she takes the old water heater upstairs (Because it makes a lot more sense to store old water heaters above your baby's room where the woodwork is shoddy than to store them in the garage, or the basement, or even in a shed. Or even, I don't know THROW THEM OUT). While Marge cleans up the area for the new water heater, she discovers a sauna right behind where the old water heater (I'm getting sick of typing water heater) used to be. As it turns out the previous owner put a sauna in the basement that the family NEVER BOTHERED FINDING (There are plot holes and then there's just pulling things out of your ass. The story would have made much more sense if Marge went to a sauna instead of claiming there's one in her house)(....can the house even support a sauna? And shouldn't it have shown up on their electric and water bills?). Marge thinks about what it'd be like to tell everyone and she decides to keep the sauna a secret (Because the house kept it a secret from you). Homer starts eating assorted kabobs and accidentally swallows a fire stick, causing him to feel incredible pain. Bart gives Homer a container of gasoline (Homer thinking it's water), resulting in Homer trying to burn Bart with his fire breath (Okay this is funny despite medical science saying this is impossible). Dr. Hibbert puts a cast on Homer's tongue as Bart decides to sign it with "Moron" (Wow, that wasn't the least bit funny at first and it became even less funny when they went over the top to try to make it funnier. Simple jokes work, you stupid writers)(.....you can't put a cast on a tongue!). Weeks later, Homer gets his cast removed to find out that he gets very sensitive taste buds because the old ones were burned off; yeah, that's bullshit, taste buds are like shark's teeth and fingernails: new ones will always grow back and they are not any more or less sensitive than the previous ones and, really, taste buds can only get weaker with age. There is a thing as supertaster but in order to be one, most have increased fungiform papilla. In other words: YOUR STORY IS BULL SHIT! Back at home, we see that Homer still can't eat anything without complaining (I can't believe they are taking this seriously). Lisa though has the solution: Cafeteria food, or as she likes to say, "The blandest food known to man" (Oh so this is what is served to the writers)(Cafeteria food? Not airline food or hospital food? ESPECIALLY hospital food, which has to be bland to keep from making patients sick? ....you're the boss, writers). We then cut to Homer going to Springfield Elementary School so that he can eat the bland food (You know what they say, you are what you eat). Homer can't pay for the food so he does what every child hates: embarrasses his kids at school by being himself (Pure comic gold, especially the fact that Homer repeats "I'm not going to embarrass you" three times. Just makes my sides split, oh wait that's my stomach, I'm trying to stab myself). Bart tells Homer to get away so Homer sits at a table with a boy and his mother. We discover that the mother is a "Helicopter parent" and she's there to make sure her soon succeeds (Booze I love you, you help me through moments like this). This is stupid, I would never allow my parents to EVER interfere with my education like that nor would I ever do the same, this totally undermines the point of an education. If a kid cannot learn without the aid of their parent, where will they go in life then?! (Besides, you'd think the school would put its foot down...) Homer brags that he doesn't need to do that because he's got Lisa which the mother immediately points out is unpopular (Yet that has never bothered her before. Hell, she was successful in "Secret War of Lisa Simpson" even though the entire camp was against her. Man, this writing sucks)(Can we go watch that? That episode's awesome). Homer goes back home to blame Marge for why Bart's a loser and Lisa's a loner and he tells her they need to get more involved with the kids' lives (Wow, words can't describe my hatred for this episode)(While not a bad idea given their dysfunctionality, I say this. PARENTING: UR DOIN IT WRONG). As Homer goes back to school the next day he sees a lot of "Helicopter Parents" (I'm calling them dumbass patrol from now on) and decides to stare into Bart's classroom. Homer sees Bart slacking off while Homer finds out that Bart could win a $1,000 savings bond for college. After Homer lampshades how stupid this plot is, Homer decides to give Bart the idea to build the Washington Monument for the contest (Homer then "Flies away" and crashes into lockers because he thinks he's a helicopter. Words escape me, people). Homer then takes Lisa for a walk and tries to change his daughter so that she becomes popular (.... it's all about popular! It's not about aptitude, it's the way you're viewed!). After Lisa lampshades that it'd be character derailment for her, Homer gives Lisa two flimsy examples of why she should join a clique, and she agrees with him (There are choice words I have for Rob, mostly swears and curses). Homer then decides to prove Lisa that the book works by using it at Moe's on his friends (Sure, instead of strangers use it on people that you don't need to make friends with because they are already your friends. Makes perfect sense). Lisa doesn't want to hurt people until Homer says the book is meant for "Big girls" which instantly makes her want the book (Where are my tranquilizers?! I NEED THEM!!)(Here you are!). At a model building store, Homer goes to buy Bart some balsa wood for his model. Determined not to be a laughingstock, Homer decides he and Bart will create a Westminster Abbey replica for the contest (This is the guy who last episode threw his wallet into the lake because he thought his reflection was trying to harm him, and we're expected to believe that they will even try to make the most complex model?! *pulls out a mallet* This is my Idea Mallet *Whacks the writers* GET A GOOD IDEA!)(I'll keep my Mallet o' Understanding at my side. For now). After Homer gets home to Marge (Who looks stoned, what is with the family getting high?) he reveals that he's hosting a phone party so that Lisa could invite some girls over to decorate their phones (I know it's topical, but hey maybe the writers won't piss me off with this. Maybe, oh wait YES THEY WILL). After Homer lampshades (Seriously stop, it's not funny anymore. Nevermind, it was never funny to begin with) about how this is stupid, Lisa instantly becomes popular and Homer sees it as a success (Just wow, this scene pisses me off beyond words). Homer goes to Bart's room so that he can build the Abbey by himself (Remember the days where "your" volcano was built by your parents. This is nowhere near as funny as that). After Homer falls asleep, he dreams about Jeffery Chaucer, Oscar Wilde and Anne of Cleves, who all give Homer conflicting advice about allowing Bart to do his own work (This scene proves to be pointless since Homer does not wake up with a revelation and does not allow the dream to affect his decisions). Homer accidentally destroys the Abbey, leaving Bart with a smashed model for the contest (Apparently of 5 people despite Mrs. Krabappel making it sound like a class contest earlier). Chalmers awards Bart the prize because it must have been made by a student (No fair, I was constructing complex Lego models at 10 and they looked flawless, that's terrible reasoning)(And suddenly I feel ashamed of my functional plaster-of-paris masks and pots...). After Homer continues the helicopter joke (I swear to God I will shove a helicopter blade so far up your ass if you make another "Helicopter parent" joke again, Rob)(Where will you find it?), Bart declares that he doesn't deserve the prize because Homer made it and children should be allowed to do these things themselves because "Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes". That would have been good had it not been from Bart. This is extremely out of character and it belongs more to Lisa, especially since the quote is from Oscar Wilde. God, this writing sucks. Homer then gets a text from Lisa saying she hates being popular. Lisa then tells Homer that she can't continue to be shallow and she sounds a little sad from this, which is why her next line is so enthusiastic (Consistency, what's that?). Homer goes home disappointed that he couldn't do jack squat about his kids lives but Marge tells Homer about the sauna and they spend some time in the sauna (There's even a callback joke to Homer having a mattress stuffed with cash just like their old bed was stuffed with cash. Not really funny)(Wait....why was the sauna even involved?).

Final Judgment: This episode is horrible, the writing is horrible, the plot is stupid beyond belief and the character derailment is enraging to any diehard fan. This is one of THE worst episodes of all time for this series and really nothing saves this because even the acting isn't that good throughout. This is one of those episodes that tells me that the producers don't give a shit anymore about the material but how much money they can keep in their bank accounts at night.

Final grade: 0.8/10 Just horrible

Episode 19: Waverly Hills 9-0-2-1-D'oh 

Ever wonder how episode ideas are created? I don't, but here's how this one was probably created:
Writer: Hey, 90210 is back on, let's do a satire of it because it's topical.
Executive: Wasn't this show on in the 90s? Why do it now?
Writer: We aren't nearly as talented to create episodes that actually require thought so we need this.
Executive: Well, will you at least has some subtle jokes and writing so that people don't feel insulted by the stupidity of this?
Writer: Nope! We never do! Our viewers are like lobotomized rats, they need to be told what's going on and told when to laugh or they won't understand.
Executive: Okay, start production, but at least make the Hannah Montana knock-off creative.
Writer: Can't do, sir.
Executive: Oh well, do it anyways.
(Disclaimer: it may have been the executive's idea. Attempts at contacting the studio were ineffectual and resulted in an alien invasion stopped only by the ghost of Bruce Lee possessing Chuck Norris teaming up with naked zombie Sean Connery)
And now to review this uninspired, not-so-subtle approach to topical humor based on an unpopular spin-off of a much more popular TV series from the 90s.

We start off with Marge on a morning walk when she passes by a guy giving out free samples of "Science Water" *Fake laughter*. After Marge drinks about a dozen samples of the water, she needs to use the bathroom and decides to go into Springfield Elementary to use their bathroom (Oh great, we're going to have another "Helicopter Parent" theme aren't we?). Marge then takes a look in the classrooms and notices how either nobody's learning or the classes are comically overstuffed with students (Surely she'd know this by now)(Thank God the staff dropped the "Helicopter Parents" theme or I would have gone berserk). Marge goes up to Skinner's office and yells at him about the quality of the school (That had a point). Back at home, we see more evidence about how Springfield Elementary sucks (Including some statistics data. It's not funny but pretentious and, considering what I learned about standard deviations, it makes this joke even stupider to me). Milhouse then exposits about his cousin who goes to a school in "Waverly Hills" and everyone in the family starts brownnosing their school system (Quick question, feel free not to answer. Why is Milhouse there? Where is this cousin he speaks of? How many plot solutions can you put on the table without an explanation?). Marge decides that they should get a small apartment in WH to establish residency so that they can send Bart and Lisa there. Where do I begin?
1: Residency must be established for a year before you can transfer to your new "Home School"
2. Are there truly no magnet or private schools in the area? I only once went to my home school and that was because I didn't get into a magnet school because of the lottery.
3. Residency is established by utility bills, not by "You're living there"
Okay to be fair, there probably are no magnet schools and the home school is probably the only choice for this county. However, the family could have used a huge loophole in that you can transfer to another school if it has a program that one of your kids need (Just give Bart a fake speech problem and, voila, you've got a legit excuse now, it worked for me). Anyways back to the review, after Bart objects to losing his friends, Homer goes to find the worst place in WH to establish residency (You know what, I'm gonna let this slide for now because I enjoy CSI and the tests take a lot less time than in real life)(For those who are curious, it can take WEEKS for DNA and drug tests. And people wonder why the system's so backed up). After a montage of WH, Homer and Marge go to City Hall to enroll their kids and Wise-guy tells them that an inspector will come by to make sure they live there (Yeah, screw utility bills or phone bills! Make sure they live there and make sure they aren't out doing something. I hate this episode). Homer decides that he will stay in the apartment and he exchanges some exposition with Marge about his stay. The next day, Marge drops off Bart and Lisa at their new school as we get to see all the stuff WH Elementary has to offer (Is it me or does this look like a private school? If so, they could have gotten in without establishing residency. I guess the writers decided to make this the school in the upper class area. But that does make me wonder, if there is a hellhole in WH, and this school seems to be all upper class but not a private school, where are all the kids from the hellhole area? Ah, my brain hurts). After we see the principal, Skinner comes in to try to get Lisa back to Springfield Elementary. Chalmers comes out and we get some pure undiluted unfunny couple dialogue (Wipe away this memory, booze). We cut back to Homer meeting his new neighbors who come off as pretentious douches (Wow, thanks for not making me give a fuck about these guys, now when are they going to die?! Oh wait this isn't a horror movie, damn it!)(If it were, we wouldn't be stuck watching this). We cut back to WHE as we see Lisa's having a hard time fitting in because she doesn't know who Alaska Nebraska is (Our "Subtle" Hannah Montana knock-off people, bet you couldn't spot it)(Eh, I prefer 'Yoda Minnesota') and she uses pretentious dialogue. I really don't understand why the writers are obsessed with making Lisa a popular girl on the show, it's out of character. I'm not saying she can't have friends but it seems like they are going for one extreme or the other: she either has many friends or no friends. We then see Lisa get a B+ on a paper. She's shocked and then responds by crying (Congratulations writers, you have now created a new series. This "Lisa" character is nowhere near as good as Lisa Simpson is. What is with the character derailment moments in this season? Did the writers just forget what they were writing?)(...when you consider the Spin-Off Showcase for Season 8, this suddenly loses its humor). You know what, I'm not calling her Lisa, she is just so far removed from Lisa as a character, her new name is LINO, as in Lisa in name only. So LINO goes to talk to Bart about this. Bart decides to establish himself as a bad boy by having Wiggum come to WHE and "arresting" him in front of everyone. After Wiggum releases Bart (This will come in later so it's not entirely pointless) the next day, we see that Bart is the most popular boy in school (Because getting arrested for a crime that nobody knows what it was instantly makes you cool, for all they know Bart could have been arrested for trespassing on school property, or indecent exposure, or even jaywalking. Just saying). However the writers thought of that and the students decide to make things up for what he could have done (COULD HAVE are the key words). Bart then decides to make LINO popular by spreading the lie that LINO knows Hannah Montana (Because I refuse to acknowledge this "parody") and she was lying earlier to protect Hannah. We then see all these kids texting each other this secret, causing the phone company's computer to explode (I'm out of booze, oh well off to the liquor store down the street)(Hurry back, I'm not finishing this review for you. It STILL hurts from last time). We then see that LINO is popular and Bart gets in trouble with Wiggum because he didn't go to Ralph's birthday party. After a long pointless chase scene Bart gets captured and we end the act with an unfunny joke (What was the point of all that? Why not have Bart go to the party and be rid of this scene that could have gone to further plot development? Stupid, stupid writers). We then come back to Marge at the apartment with Homer as they go to a party together down the hall with douchebag 1 and 2 (Basically a college party with some pretentious dialogue like Homer and Marge just met. Can I go there? It seems FAR more interesting than this episode). I'm sorry, but dialogue like this really gets under my skin because even though they're married, it's just plain stupid; the writers are trying to tell us that we should be finding this pretentious dialogue funny and charming when in reality it's not. The next day at school, LINO finds out that "knowing" Hannah Montana makes her happy and she doesn't even need to try hard for good grades because the teacher is trying to bribe her for a signed T-shirt (For the love of- People, this is the same girl who would admit she cheated on a test to prevent her school from getting funding and now she's okay with lying to get grades?! Do I need more poof that this writing sucks?!) Later, we see Homer give Marge a key to his apartment that's in a ring-box in a pie, just like a wedding proposal. Moving on, we see LINO talking to Caitlin as she tells LINO to get her backstage passes to the next Hannah Montana concert (Does it ever occur to people that even if she knew the person, it'd be impossible? You can't just print backstage passes whenever you like). We then cut back to Homer and Marge as we see that Marge redecorated the apartment (This "Dating" dialogue is still pissing me off). Back with LINO, she sneaks into Hannah's dressing room and begs her for some backstage passes, to which Hannah says no and has security kick her out (But not without LINO continuing her pretentious dialogue. I'm off to drink that booze I just got). We go back to the apartment where Homer and Marge start bickering until the inspector FINALLY gets there to get Homer and Marge to stop bickering and make the room look kid-like. LINO then tells her "friends" that she couldn't get the passes and they chase after her for lying to them. LINO hides but is caught because she's wearing "Last year's shoes" (Whut)(If you'll excuse me I'm going to finish this bottle and then rest for 8 hours)((Un)Fortunately, folks, I held him to this. On with the review!). The inspector clears them because it's clearly the home of elementary school children (I guess my house when I was 10 would fail then)(It would've?). Bart and LINO tell Homer and Marge they need to go back home. They're reluctant at first, but decide to go after deciding to turn the treehouse into their new loveshack (.....poor Bart).

Final Judgment: This episode is atrocious. The satire is awful, the writing is shitty and disjointed, the plot is idiotic and pointless, and the character derailment is cringe-worthy. Best episode of the season my ass, this is one of the worst episodes of this series. There's a reason this show didn't do satire-heavy episodes like this in the past: they were too talented to HAVE to.

Final grade: 1.4/10 Even the new 90210 is better than this episode.

Episode 20: Four Great Women and a Manicure

Yeah you know how usually three story episodes are reserved for Halloween episodes? Well apparently the writers got lazy and decided to do four short stories instead of one long one so they wouldn't have to worry about plot development and such. Yeah, this is just speculation and my feelings on these types of episodes because frankly, I don't like these episode setups outside of the Treehouse of Horror episodes. It really feels lazy as the writers don't need to take as long to develop the plot and there is no excuse for filler yet they seem to put it in anyways (Aw, but I like some of them, like the Revenge stories). So let's watch this and see why it's best to do one full plot only.

We start off with Marge taking Lisa and Maggie to a nail salon (Heads up, Bart doesn't even make an appearance in this episode but Nancy does do Ralph, so she is still needed). Marge took Lisa there for her first manicure/pedicure and what's the first thing Lisa does to thank her? She asks why it's more important to be beautiful than smart or independent (Great this is going to be one of those pretentious "Lisa's a feminist and we're going to point it out often" episodes isn't it?)(Though it still sounds more in-character than last episode). Marge decides to tell Lisa about how women can be smart, strong and beautiful and she decides to use the story of Queen Elizabeth I about how a woman can be great but she does need a man (I'm just going to leave a bottle of scotch right next to my computer here for future use)(I'm using it first. This story cannot possibly go well....'needs a man', what in the HELL). We find out that Elizabeth (Selma) is having suitors come to visit so she can be married. After Ralph makes his appearance we see the King of Spain (Julio) arrive being as fruity as a salad bar (....aren't there vegetables at the salad bar?)(Did I mention I HATE this character? Probably but to be sure let's get that out of the way). After he threatens Elizabeth, we see Walter Raleigh (Homer) who Marge immediately falls in love with (In the interest of fairness, the writers did get Walter's character right. He did popularize tobacco in England and the writers took advantage of that to make a pretty good joke out of it). Because Julio was rejected by Elizabeth (For not being straight enough to be a husband) he decides to launch the Spanish Armada against England (Okay I'm not going to allow history to affect my opinion of this story because if it did, there would be so many parts that are nowhere near what happened)(Can I?). Back in England, Walter runs into Marge and helps her carry water up the stairs and they start making out on the stairs until Elizabeth comes out of her bath (Must be that time of the month). Elizabeth decides to send Marge and Walter away because Walter was her suitor, not Marge's. We then have an unfunny bit where Moe calls Elizabeth; Grendel (That doesn't even begin to make sense. Even though the story was available in England, it'd be like Hilary Clinton calling Obama, Frankenstein and being serious about it. The book was fictional  and originated in the Baltics so that joke made no sense). Moe then tells her that the Spanish Armada is coming and Elizabeth goes into action (This is stupid on so many levels but whatever, it's not as stupid as what's to come). After an unfunny "Mission Accomplished" banner (These topical jokes are TERRIBLE) the ship that Walter happens to be on catches on fire by his pipe and the ship just happens to run into the Armada and sets them all on fire destroying them all and thus letting England win (A swig or two of scotch and then my mind will be clear)(...I want to hurt something so badly...). I'd rather not get into the stupidity of this because this whole story is flat out stupid in its own right so let's move on. After that, Elizabeth knights Walter and blesses the marriage of Walter and Marge. Elizabeth realizes that she doesn't need a man but she has a whole country (Sure why not?).

After Marge tells Lisa she'll look great, Lisa decides to try to tell the story of Snow White. Blue-haired lawyer interrupts claiming the rights to that story belong to Disney (And we see he has long nails indicating he's evil, just like Disney). Lisa counters saying it's a fairy tale from hundreds of years and her characters are not the same as Disney's (That's like saying if I created a yellow kid named Elizabeth with spiky hair it's original because the name is different. What a legal system)(Technically, she is right, though, I think). After we see a musical bit that is not in any way "Hi-Ho" (Seriously it's not bad but just try to keep the parody as a parody and not a "We're stealing from Disney so Ha-Ha") we see the wicked witch talk to her HD TV on the wall (Pills, I need pills). No I'm not letting this go, I hate things like this, there are idiot writers and producers who think that old stories need to be modernized in order for people to find them entertaining. I've never seen it but whose idea was it to 'modernize' Rear Window in Disturbia? (Based on reviews from IMDB). Anyways, the witch finds out that Lisa is Snow White and this upsets her, causing her to tell the huntsman (Willie) to go kill Snow White and put her heart in a box (Okay the body box for Snow White and the huntsman did make me laugh in the interest of fairness). We then see Snow White doing some cooking as the huntsman comes in and can't bring himself to kill her. He then tells Snow White to run away and he tries to get a different heart but he fails several times (Wow, what a pansy). Snow White gets to the several dwarfs' house and settles in but not after mocking Little Red Riding Hood (They did that before, odd). As the dwarfs get back, they notice someone's disturbed their house (Because we can't see shit when they say that so we have to assume). They go into their room and wake up Snow White by accident (When you consider it's Lisa and she's 8 and the dwarfs are all above 20, I can't help but be a little disturbed)(In the original, I think Snow White was 12. AND Disney had censored most of it. That's fairy tales for you!). After Hibbert warns Snow White, we see all the animals helping to clean up the house (Who is she, Dr. Doolittle?)(It's Disney Power!). We then see the witch disguised as an old woman with a basket of apples, offering one to Snow White (This isn't nearly as bad as taking candy from a stranger, but if a stranger offered me food after he got into my house I'd say "go away") After she gets Snow White to take a bite, the witch runs off against the ineffective dwarfs until she gets mauled by the forest animals (Oh great Cartman's X-mas critters got out again. Didn't you lock their cage RBY?)(I was kinda hoping I could get them to maul drunk frat boys...). We see Snow White in her glass coffin as she isn't rescued by Prince Charming but instead by a female doctor offscreen. This is the same girl whose favorite movie is "The Little Mermaid" (Make Room for Lisa), a movie that's underlying theme is "Give up your voice so you can be with a man". Words escape me people, this is total bullshit.

Our next story starts after Marge laments being married to an idiot. We start off by seeing Marge who plays Lady Macbeth in a local play trying to get the stains out of a costume. We see she's angry because Homer cannot act to save his life and his role is that of a tree (I'd doubt that, cardboard cutouts of trees would be far more interesting)(....why would they pay someone to act as a tree?). Homer points out that Sideshow Mel is playing Macbeth and Homer could never be as good as him. Marge suggests to Homer that he kill Mel and take over the role of Macbeth (except there are probably about a dozen guys more qualified but we'll get to that soon). Homer kills Mel in his dressing room with his bone and Homer ends up getting the role of Macbeth (Odd, I would have assumed there would be promotions for all cast members)(Actually, they'd use, you know the understudy). Homer is a complete failure as Macbeth during his first performance and the reviews praise Dr. Hibbert for his role as Banquo. Marge decides to have him killed next because he's outshining Homer. Homer lampshades that he should take acting lessons instead but Marge says no and he needs to kill Dr. Hibbert. Homer then pumps laughing gas into Dr. Hibbert's office causing him to laugh to death (Oh the irony). In the next review (they lampshade this) everyone except Homer is considered a good actor by the paper (We're reviewing the play? I didn't think we were famous, Kriken!). Marge in a fit of fury tells Homer to kill them all so it'll only be him and Marge. Homer then kills the cast members one at a time as they are in a mamba line for a cast party (Subtle). As Marge cleans the dead casts' wardrobe (from blood) the ghosts of the cast come to haunt Marge for her having Homer kill them all. Marge then dies of a heart attack from the ghosts and she continues to nag Homer to perform Macbeth by himself. Homer then goes out and has a great performance but nobody's there to hear him except ghost Marge. After she gives Homer some more plays to rehearse for, Homer kills himself and says that having to read them would be a tragedy.

Marge breaks the fourth wall by saying they always tell three stories until Maggie implies she wants one for herself. Marge decides her story will be that of "The Fountainhead" and Maggie is Maggie Roark (I have no idea what this is so I'll just play along)(Ayn Rand, folks....this is going to be a long ride, folks). We see Maggie at a daycare center where the teacher Mr. Toohey lets them play with blocks. We then see Mr. Toohey try to get them all to conform to be mindless impotents and he punishes Maggie for being artistically creative (Kind of counterintuitive, wouldn't you say? Blocks are one of the best ways to be creative). We then get a montage of Maggie being creative and Mr. Toohey being a complete and utter prick (I'm not sure but I doubt this was the way Howard Roark's creativity was oppressed)(He got expelled from college and was rarely hired). After that Mr. Toohey tells the kids to show to their parents how "uncreative and beaten down they've become" (Wow, how totally subtle, we couldn't possibly see that on our own. Thank God we have writers who think we're drooling idiots, it's what makes me like this show). Mr. Toohey, expecting all the kids to be drooling idiots, is shocked when Maggie creates another building and he decides to punish her in his court (Oh scotch thank God you're still here for me). Mr. Toohey argues in "Court" that Maggie reminded them that they are individuals and she should be punished (You know after reading Ayn Rand's biography on Wikipedia, I found out she hates socialism, communism, fascism, and welfare state. Quite frankly this story is about as subtle as a punch to the face)(Restraining snark.... Rand's pretty controversial figure. I won't go into depth myself about her beliefs, as I don't know enough about them, but she had a tendency to go on long-winded tangents about her beliefs in the story. I'm not a literary critic or scholar, but Rand was never subtle. Sadly). Now before continuing, Maggie has spoken a grand total of 4 times in the series (Including the movie) and all of them have been a sentence or less with 3 being one liners.
1. When she said "Daddy" in Lisa's First Word it was precious and cute
2. In Treehouse of Horror V she had James Earl Jones' voice to emphasize the bizarreness in Homer's time travels
3. In Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily Maggie said "Dadily-doodily" to emphasize she barely knows Homer
4. In the Movie she said "Sequel" to give the fanbase some material
Here Maggie talks for a grand total of 6 lines about how she's being treated unfairly. A part of my childhood died when she opened her mouth; my little nostalgic feeling died and cremated itself after this. Let me say one thing; MAGGIE DOES NOT TALK! How the fuck did this get by the director? (Booze?) Who in their right mind thought to themselves "Hey let's give Maggie more speaking time in 20 seconds than she's been given in the entire series". It would be like having three South Park episodes where Kenny is wearing street clothes and talking normally, IT'S JUST PLAIN STUPID!! This really ranks up there as among the stupidest moments in the show. Moving on, (Brain bleach, I need the bleach) we see that Maggie grew up to be a great architect and her office had a daycare center for children with active minds. The episode ends with Maggie using the nail polish to paint Van Gogh's Starry Night (While that sounds cute, that would require the viewer to stay around after seeing her TALKING).

Final Judgment: This episode sucks, the plots are all moronic and unoriginal, the writing is horrendous and the characters are either unlikable or extremely out of character. Having Maggie talk is one of the biggest sins of not only this episode but also this season and the series as a whole. It really wasn't too funny and there was filler even though each story averaged just over 5 minutes.

Final grade: 1.6/10 Just something that's been regurgitated by Satan himself

Episode 21: Coming to Homerica

Now stop me if you've heard this before, The Simpsons doing an episode based on illegal immigration and *STOP*. Yeah this is just a poor man's Much Apu About Nothing and it's not even clever in trying to distinguish itself from that episode. Illegal immigration was a problem during the airing and it's the same today (Except now this episode would have the police go around saying "Show me your papers" instead of building a wall). I know I commented that I liked the episode with Lisa on drugs and Bart having a girlfriend but that was more interesting; this tries too hard to make light of something we've known for years and it come off as stupid. Let's put on our sombreros, avoid Arizona and watch this.

We start off with Krusty's accountant telling Krusty about how his products are bad and he needs to change (Change the bloody record already. We've seen this hundreds of times). Krusty then tells him add a veggie burger to his menu to offset the unhealthy items already there (Like that helped McDonald's). After the Simpsons watch a commercial for the "Mother Nature Burger" (I couldn't make that up if I tried) Homer decides to take his family to Krusty Burger. At Krusty Burger we see that the burger has made the restaurant popular (We even see Apu and Lisa eating burgers. Savor those images, you'll never see them again). Back at home, though, the burgers made the family sick and everyone starts throwing up (Homer doing it in Lisa's sax, charming. Oh yeah we see three bathrooms when they've always had two. What, Bart couldn't throw up in the back yard?) After a pointless scene at Springfield Elementary, we find out that the burgers had tainted barley in them and the barley traces back to Ogdenville (Fair enough, Ogdenville hasn't been truly established for what it does). As it turns out, the citizens of Ogdenville are descendants of Norwegian immigrants from 100 years ago and they specialize in barely production. After that we see that Ogdenville becomes a ghost town because all of its business was barley and nobody wants to buy barley from Ogdenville anymore (Oh yeah, this apparently happens OVERNIGHT, I've heard of exaggerated timelines but this is ridiculous. This ranks up there with the ending of Alone in the Dark). The residents then do their greatest impression of Grapes of Wrath and head out for new life in Springfield; we can tell there's prosperity there because the gray overcast isn't over Springfield (Subtle symbolism). We then cut to Homer buying rain gutters as some Ogdenvillians offer help to Homer install them because they need work (Great, they aren't even trying to hide that Ogdenville citizens are their stand-ins for Mexicans, scratch subtle writing off the list). Homer thanks the workers for what they did and he says that he's thankful for them being there to take the jobs Springfielders won't take and they can't have too much of a good thing (Gee I wonder if that'll come back to bite him in the ass? It was said oh-so-subtly by Homer and the theme we already have is making me ponder this for a long time). We then see the streets are crowded with some Ogdenvillians doing all sorts of jobs as Marge hires an Ogdenviller named Inga to be her new nanny (No, only British women with songs and flying umbrellas can be their nanny). After that, we cut to Luigi's where we see that Selma is going out with an Ogdenville man who helped her kill moles in her garden (Well that was pointless). We cut to Bart and Milhouse as they see that Ogdenville kids have basically taken over their skating area (And they're Minnesota Vikings fans, which is stupid. That's like saying all Native American descendants are Florida State fans or all Irish descendants are fans of Notre Dame (As an Irish Catholic myself, I hate Notre Dame)). After one Ogdenville kid goes "So many meters" (That's stupid beyond words, you said they were DESCENDANTS of Norwegian immigrants, NOT Norwegian immigrants themselves. God I hate this) Bart decides to outdo him and gets hurt in the process. Bart is then taken to the hospital where he has to wait because of all the "Norwads" (This is hurting my brain). Because of all the Ogdenvillians there (They are American-Norwegian at best, not pure Norwegian you DIPSHITS) Homer and Marge are given a Norwegian form because they are out of English ones (How does that make sense? Shouldn't the Ogdenville people be given the Norwegian ones while Springfielders are given English? GOD MY BRAIN HURTS)(To make it worse they. Are. DESCENDANTS. At this point, it's unlikely they don't know English, making the Norwegian forms, you guessed it, entirely pointless). Marge takes Bart home and pulls his arm out of the socket to fix it (I've seen it, it works) and Bart claims that the Ogdenville kids "dared" him. Lisa points out that they were all immigrants at one time and the Ogdenvillians shouldn't be hated (They are NOT immigrants, they are the same nationality as you, American. How is it that this episode just pisses me off with every new line?) We then cut to Moe's as we see that there are more Ogdenvillers and that causes Moe to stop serving beer but instead serve some Norwegian Aquavit and it causes him to start accepting Norwegian money (Trust me, there isn't enough alcohol to make that scene okay). I know I probably should be allowing my suspension of disbelief to say that these are Norwegian immigrants and they are acting like illegal immigrants. However, illegal immigrants do not use their old money; it would be converted into U.S. dollars like how an American immigrant in Europe would convert his money to euros instead of trying to get businesses to accept the dollar instead, God I hate this. Homer then tries to down a bottle of Aquavit instead of using a shot glass and he gets a tremendous hangover the next day which causes him to get fired. Later, we see a town meeting to discuss the "Immigrant Problem" (No I'm not letting this go THEY ARE NOT IMMIGRANTS! THEY ARE U.S. CITIZENS WHO HAPPEN TO HAVE KEPT THEIR ROOTS! THEY LIVED IN THE CITY NEXT TO YOU, YOU TWATS!!!). Blue-haired lawyer suggests that there be a law banning Ogdenvillians from being inside the Springfield limits (You know you could just "deport" them by checking all the citizens and seeing if they have the proper papers)(...Springfielders have papers?). So after an unfunny xylophone joke (By the way, Xylophobia is fear of wood, not xylophones. Good try you dumb-fucks) we see at the border it's made obvious that the Springfield police are really sucking at their job and Ogdenvillians just keep crossing the border (Booze, don't fail me now). Lou suggests that they hire citizens to help patrol the border and we see some main characters with guns in their hands (And beer on the ground, yet again another joke I will admit I like). Later it's shown that Homer is the leader and he tries to get a name for their group (How about "The Bigot Klan") Carl suggests "The Star Spangled Goofballs" and it sticks (I liked how Cletus pointed out how stupid their group is)(Cletus? The slack-jaw yokel LAMPSHADES? ....it's pretty bad, then). After Lenny and Carl fail at air patrol (With an Up reference in the background... why?), Mayor Quimby is not pleased and he suggests that they need a new solution. They get their new solution after seeing Homer run into a wall; Quimby decides to build a big fence (Wow and I thought the wall on the U.S.-Mexico border was absurd)(At least that's between two COUNTRIES and has some basis, not two CITIES in the same country). We cut back home where Marge thinks the fence is stupid until Maggie says "Ja" (5 times) and that upsets Marge because Maggie's first words are in "Ogdenvillese" (And I thought Bush calling Mexico's LANGUAGE 'Mexican' was bad....it's, at best, a dialect, folks)... Okay, fuck it, I'm heading out for a while and I will not be back to finish the review. If you can't tell why, then clearly you need to re-read it. *walks away only to be ordered back by RBY* Okay I've been told I'll be fired if I don't complete this review so let's get back to this (Which is strange when you consider the fact that Kriken hired ME....don't think about that too hard). Where do I begin with that? Let's see:
1. That is stupid! Just because your baby is acting like a parrot doesn't mean these "immigrants" are a bad influence on your town
2. Really? Ogdenvillese? That's like saying Cubans who live in Miami (Little Havana to be more specific) are speaking "Miamese" when they speak Spanish
3. Yet again this goes back to pathetic satire of how the writers view Americans viewing the world and blowing it WAY out of proportion. It's stupid and not funny.
4. Building a fence to keep two U.S. cities apart, I believe, is unconstitutional (I don't think it's covered in the lawbooks - NOBODY IS THAT STUPID! ....ok, maybe it's covered by anti-discrimination laws). It would be like if NYC created a fence around Little Italy, or if San Fransisco boarded up Chinatown. It's just dumb.
We then see Quimby begin design of the wall as they decide to hire the Ogdenvillians to help build the wall (Sure why not?). As they build the wall together, each Springfielder finds that they have something in common with an Ogdenviller (Aw, could that mean they won't build the wall? Most surely not, right? You wouldn't pull this cliche? Right?) As they are putting up the last bit of the wall (Symbolism!) the Springfielders regret putting up the wall because they missed them for all of five seconds (Wow, what drama. I have more feelings for my fork then I do this scene). The Ogdenvillians come through a door they created and they all come back to Springfield where everything is back to normal. They even have a dance number at the end because this episode hasn't pissed me off enough yet, and the ending credits are put over the flag of Norway for some more symbolism.


Final Judgment: This episode is terrible. The satire is stupid, the plot is recycled and horrible, the writing is atrocious, the message is beyond stupid, and the "Mexican stand-ins" are horribly done because they are U.S. citizens. This is a piss-poor attempt at satirizing the illegal immigrant issue and it's sad because their first attempt was so much better and funnier; this just seems lazy and stupid.


Final Grade: 1.4/10 I never want to see this again


Season 20:
In all my years of watching The Simpsons I have never seen anything so poorly written and woefully executed, with jokes that are so painful that I want a lobotomy. Seriously, some say season 11 is the worst; I say it's where the series jumped the shark and this is where the series was eaten by that same shark. With the low quality season 19 was emitting I thought "This show can only go back up". I was wrong, very wrong. I just hope that the writers never make a season this shitty ever again.

The season of course carries the momentum of "All about Lisa" and starts off with a rather mediocre episode that seems to try to say to the viewing audience: "Hey we can be as mature as Family Guy or South Park", but the effort doesn't seem to be there. 

The next two are polar opposites as one continues to try to appeal to the audience with the entire plot being about cell phones and the other is creative but unfortunately has a much better version in print form.


After The Treehouse of Horror to rope us back in, we go through 4 rather mediocre and unimpressive episodes that aren't funny nor interesting to the audience. But they are all better than "Lisa the Drama Queen". I still refuse to review that because the last time I saw it, I vomited and had nightmares because it was such a disgrace to the show that Brian Kelly should have been fired on the spot for writing such a flaming pile of shit.

Unfortunately that is the last episode of the series that is shown in SD as "Take my Life Please" is the first episode to go to the HD format and change the way we watch these episodes. And by way we watch them I mean the writing is patronizing to the audience and is just uninteresting from this point out. Nice way to usher in a new era.


The next few episodes are like a rollercoaster with it going down then up then way down then back up again. It's not too bad because it's better than consistently sucking.

The highlight is "In the Name of the Grandfather", taking an interesting trip down memory lane and exploring Irish culture while the lowlight has to be "Gone Maggie Gone" where it pisses on the source material and is just batshit stupid.

The next three are the same as "Wedding For Disaster" is a waste of talent, "Eeny Teeny Maya Moe" has mixed messages and fails at their point while "The Good, the Sad, the Drugly" is an interesting spin on old storylines.

What this series excels at though is having an awful stretch of episodes that diminishes hope for next season being an improvement and redeeming this season (but it tried to my surprise). They are all shit, all poorly written and just plain stupid.

This was the lone season that really made me not take this show seriously anymore. The topical jokes and references seem forced and I really hate it. In the past, this show rarely needed to be topical in order to get viewers; I could watch an episode that's over 10 years old and understand the jokes without having to Google them. Now there were a couple of jokes that I didn't even remember what the event was that they were making fun of. The cell phone jokes though got under my skin the most. This is the family whose car has an EIGHT-TRACK TAPE PLAYER and all of a sudden they need to use their cell phones everywhere they go? I've said this in real life, people are idiots. We used to live in a world without cell phones and we survived perfectly fine, but take it away now and people will panic.

Next to the jokes, the fact that this season seems to have a musical motif pisses me off. In the 20 episodes of this season (excluding "Lisa the Drama Queen")  there were 41 times where there was a scene involving the characters singing or dancing. I'm not kidding, that is basically musical show numbers there.


I'm still in shock that Maggie got six lines in one episode and another five in the next. Let me say: MAGGIE DOES NOT TALK EVER!! IT'D BE LIKE KENNY TALKING WITHOUT HIS HOODIE FOR THREE STRAIGHT EPISODES! YOU DON'T DO IT!


Really, the plots are either recycled or poorly executed as the new ones just seem uninteresting. In the 20 episodes there were 20 montages. I don't know what to say; it just feels like lazy writing as the occasional montage is good but not one per episode because it defeats the purpose. There is very little good and way too much shit for this to even be considered a season of The Simpsons. I just wish that it'd be gone and I could have the memory of this season erased.


Final Verdict: 2.4/10 It's just a horrible season that no real Simpson fan should ever have to see.

(This is RBY, calling out. If you'll excuse me, I'm now gonna put my nostalgia filter back on and go watch something GOOD)

3 comments:

  1. You forgot a joke from father knows worst about homer visioning marge riding a dinosaur, which I though was kinda funny cause its like the old homer, despite the rest of the episode being total crap.

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  2. I tried to watch 'Lisa the Drama Queen' after you said how bad it was to see for myself, I couldn't even watch the first 6 minutes. After they blurted out the 'Equalia' thing I was done for.

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  3. I disagree on Gone Maggie Gone. This episode is the best of the season, the best episode since 24 Minutes (which is the best since Trilogy of Error), and it is definitely one of the best Simpsons episodes ever. The plot was well written, the puzzles were a clever spoof on The Davinci Code (like the anagram at the beginning of the episode translated to Davinci Code Spoof), and the ending was spectacular. Bart sitting on the throne and everyone going to hell was perfect. If there is anything to complain about, it is that this episode puts the entire season to shame, especially the HD episodes.

    I will agree that the rest of the season was mediocre, but it was far better than most of the previous seasons, especially Season 17, which is the worst because it featured the face spitting episode where Abe might not have been Homer's father.

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