Thursday, May 31, 2012

Kriken Rants: Lisa Goes Gaga (With Delonge Wannabe)

So I sit down with Delonge to discuss this trainwreck of an episode. 
Delonge's Channel: 

Monday, May 28, 2012

Season 23 Review

Another year, another 20 some episodes of mediocrity and laziness. It included the best of times (Holidays of Future Passed) the worst of times (Lisa Goes Gaga) and a bunch of other 21 minuted animated wastelands not worthy of our memory. This season to me at least was worse than last year's because despite it having better highs than last season, it had WAY lower lows. Really there's nothing I could say here that I didn't say about 22 times these past few months, but I'll try my best. So without further ado, let's begin

Bottom 10 episodes:

10. Beware my Cheating Bart
  • I just imagine in my head the writers telling each other that Bart's not 10, but actually 16. It's the only way this hacktacular episode could be considered the least bit funny. Between a stupid as all hell "Bart gets a girlfriend" plot (Which has happened 6 times in the past 6 seasons as opposed to twice in the first 6) and a failed attempt at topical humor with Lost, this episode deserves its spot here at the bottom.
Bart: I am totally 10

9.  A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never do Again
  • What's this? A story where Bart's on a cruise and everything goes to hell so the cruise turns into a dystopia? How could this go wrong? Well it did, and I still don't know how you could make a concept like that boring. To top that all off, the episode's last act puts the family in Antarctica of all places and apparently Bart learns some sort of lesson about living in the moment rather than seeking it, but the lesson is so forced that, like The Scorpion's Tale, it feels more awkward than it does meaningful.
And they all died of hypothermia. The End

8. Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart
  • Yes exit through the Kwik-E-Mart... but first we'd have to enter it. It's one thing to have a parody title about a guy who you have a hard on for (Seriously staff, just because he gave you attention with that fake controversy doesn't mean you have to suck his dick every three episodes). But it's another to have a title about something, and then have only THREE scenes of that plot in the entire episode. But even if one could forgive that type of laziness, the main plot is a fake parody of street art where Bart (The little Gary Stu he is) spray paints his message of Homer being an idiot all over town and this calls the attention of 4 artists who appear just to say their names (Okay one does appear later, but the reasoning is such bullshit, it doesn't make a difference).
That's some pretty good craftsmanship from an amateur 

7. The Spy Who Learned Me
  • I almost considered just listing this purely for how pathetically animated it was. But then I realized that it could have been animated by geniuses and it still would end up here. I already pointed out the logic errors in my full review, so I'll just skim over why it sucks. The James Bond jokes had no originality and even when they tried to do a parody movie, they screwed up by putting in awkward humor. Instead of just exaggerating certain elements, they put in slapstick type comedy and played the rest straight. But that was just the movie, for the Bond parody, "James Bont" in You Only Move Twice was funnier in his one scene than the entirety of this episode.
The name's Bont, James Bont

6. Replaceable You
  • Because apparently getting cast members of Glee is so popular (I don't know) the show decided to tip it's hat and do it again. And like the first time, the result SUCKED. So Jane Lynch was Homer's assistant Roz, and good God she was dull. Her only personality trait was that she didn't like being touched... and that's it. The episode was just a bunch of piss-poor topical jokes and dragged on for what felt like an hour. The subplot was horrendous as well with robots that had no rules that some how lead to an evil corporation that turned them evil, until they were good, and then turned evil again... for some reason.
Please stay out of this! PLEASE!

5. The D'oh-Cial Network
  • Title is very lazy? Check. Movie they are parodying is over two years old yet it's supposed to be a topical parody? Check. The parody itself is just inserting the family in the roles of the main characters of said story thus eliminating the idea of it being a parody? Oh Modern Simpsons, you never fail to disappoint me in just how pathetic you can be. Let's just somehow forgive the fact that the main plot didn't begin until the 9 and a half minute mark and instead talk about its back-ass logic here. So Lisa feels that she has no friends and to solve that she makes her own social network despite the fact that Facebook existed in episodes before and after this episode. In fact, the very next episode referenced Facebook. This is what happens when the writers create a parody and then forget the rules of how said parody works (I'm looking at you Ranier Schwarzenegger, er I mean Arnold Wolfcastle). 
And now I will log onto Facebook to- oh wait I meant... screw it Facebook is better

4. Treehouse of Horror XXII
  • This is what happens when you make a Halloween special with nothing remotely Halloween about it. None of the stories they "Parodied" had anything to do with Halloween or horror in general. The closest thing was the Dexter parody, and it was about as bloody as a church service. I've seen more gory stories involving a guy getting a paper cut. But for the moment, we'll forgive the fact that there were far bloodier episodes later in the season. The only time this actually resembled a THOH was the obligatory Kang and Kodos cameo. Remove them and this would be nothing more than a mediocre anthology episode with horrible dated parodies.
The bloodiest scene in this episode... where's the blood?

3. Politically Inept with Homer Simpson
  • Let's see a Glenn Beck parody in 2012 when his show ran from 2009 to 2011? Sounds like the perfect time for a satire of that. I had a conversation recently with a few friends and I pointed this out and followed it up with the idea that they should drop the idea that they are topical since their parodies are about 2 years date when they air. They try so hard to be South Park in their topical jokes, but they don't have the production schedule to poke fun of something a week after it happens. And besides, this episode was just unfunny and uninteresting and failed to even make fun of politics at all.

2. Moe goes from Rags to Riches
  • Mix one half boring with one half lack of focus with one half unfunny and 3 halves padding and this would be the result. Nobody cared about Moe's bar rag (Next season I hear how Maggie got her pacifier... oh wait they get them at the Safeway for $1.95... Thank God for retconning) but even the story couldn't follow its own continuity. For example, one scene has the tapestry record history, but that gets dropped about 3 scenes later (Excuse me for not being precise). The jokes in this are terrible like Comic Book Guy randomly passing by Mount Everest in a hot air balloon just so he could say his line, Moe's parent being a yeti, Wiggum's entire scene, etc. The point still remains that this was a terrible episode and it's not even interesting enough to be in the "So bad it's good" territory.
Least interesting character ever

1. Lisa Goes Gaga
  • Okay let's face it, who DIDN'T see this one coming? The promotions for this one were reminiscent of trailers for The Three Stooges movie and promotions for last season's finale (Edna and Ned get togehter), except while those two examples surpassed the low expectations, Lisa Goes Gaga was worse than we could have imagined. A 30 minute promotion for a mega celebrity with generic songs and even more generic jokes (P.S. Moshi Monsters made the common "Lady Googoo" joke back in October 2011)(Edit: Actually their name was "Baby Googoo", still it was a terrible scene for the sake of a joke). This was just a terrible episode about an emo Lisa learning nothing, a celebrity appearing just for the sake of "Hey we got 'X' take that internet!"
Did we mention we have Lady Gaga? We have Lady Gaga!

Top 5 Highlights:

5. Brian Kelley didn't show up this season
  • Okay I'm cheating with 5 here, but when I stopped and looked at the candidates, I couldn't justify putting them on this list. You could argue they were the "Least terrible" but even that's questionable at best for me. Also, one could argue that "Al Jean stepped down" could make this as well, it's not like Matt Selman is any better, so it's like trading a rotten tomato for a dead skunk. So instead, I'm going to celebrate the fact that this talentless hack had no episodes this year and judging by the change in showrunners, he's gone for good

4. Them Robots
  • Not really good, but not terrible either. The best way I could describe this episode would be to say that it's like having your foot stepped on. Initially it's painful, but you'll get over it sooner rather than later and it'll be like nothing happened. The episode had a somewhat interesting premise, but stumbled upon its own rules and logic. There were a few 'decent' jokes and some potential, hell I thought it'd be far worse than what it really was. But in the end, it's just another 'meh' episode.
Homer: Hmm... a character with more personality than me

3. Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts
  • While not spectacular, this episode was possibly the least painful one left. So Bart learning outside of class has already been done (Much better) but I could see where they were going with this. Unfortunately this episode, like a lot of others was just held back by bad writing and backwards logic (Nelson has no problem with getting rid of Chalmers, but in the next scene he works with Bart to get him back, what?). A few decent jokes plus not terrible equals #3 on my list.
Chalmers: I still hate you all

2. The Book Job
  • I think I was MUCH harsher on this episode than it deserved to be when I first watched it. Keep in mind, I just had to suffer through Replacable You and The Food wife in addition to having standards raised by my video review of Bart vs Thanksgiving. This was a no-win situation for the episode. But after watching it again, it was better than I gave it credit for and Neil Gaiman seemed to try his hardest to make it good. I still think they took the whole "This is how books are made" premise too serious and it could have been done better. While I'm a bit ashamed they only had one Twilight joke, I guess less is more because I could see that joke ending up being beaten like a dead horse. I personally don't mind it, but in terms of the rest of the season, it's pretty damn good.
Come on Lisa, just sell what little soul you have left to make this decent

1. Holidays of Future Passed
  • I am willing to go out on a limb here and say this is arguably the 3rd best Christmas episode of this show's entirety and the 2nd best future episode. Seriously, I was about ready to hate this episode because I just saw the premise and thought it'd be just like every other episode they fucked up. I finished it pleasantly surprised. The jokes made me laugh more than any other episode this season, the pacing was much better than any other episode as the padding felt minimal compared to the others. This is the only episode I recommend to anyone who quit watching this show years ago because while it's not on Classic Simpsons quality, it's one notch under it in my opinion. If it wasn't for this episode, I would say this was the worst season the show has ever had.
Lisa: I'll let you in on a secret. This episode will actually be decent

Reasons why episodes did not make the cut (For either list)
  • The Falcon and The D'ohman
    • Lackluster cameo from Sutherland playing Jack Bauer, horrible flashbacks (Especially the training one), boring villain who doesn't show up until the 16 minute mark. However, it's not bad enough to reach the bottom 10
  • The Food Wife
    • No discernible connection with reality plus it being more of a commercial for foodies rather than a satire prevents this from being top 5.
  • The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants
    • Bullshit setup and taking itself way too serious on the parts that should be satirized combined with the main plot being boring and the subplot being utterly forgettable (Seriously, I forgot this even had a subplot until I looked this back up) makes this a middle of the pack episode
  • The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
    • Bullshit setup (Yeah the family just happens to run into an old agent of Krusty's) combined with a bipolar guest star and in the end nothing happened won't get many points from me
  • The Daughter Also Rises
    • I really wanted to put this in the bottom 10. Unfortunately, I ran out of spots by the time I got to this one and couldn't justify swapping one of the others out with this. Consider this one to be #11 on the bottom 10.
  • At Long Last Leave
    • You mad writers? 500 episodes and only 200 of them are good. Most shows on TV nowadays has a good relationship with their audience, The Simpsons on the other hand has nothing but contempt for theirs. The episode itself was very lackluster and contrived (Writer 1: Hey how do we achieve status quo? Writer 2: We should move the entire town to the new town and then never mention it again. Writer 1: Brilliant!) and to top it all off, the staff told everyone they can go fuck themselves. Oh how your ratings would plummet
  • How I Wet Your Mother
    • I keep hearing people say this was one of the best of the season. To me, I don't see it. Maybe it's because the episodes around it were so lackluster this looked like gold. But to me it's just Inception as played by The Simpsons and nothing more.
  • Ned 'N Edna's Secret Blend
    • Not as bad as I thought it would be, but boring as a snail race and a bunch of non-jokes made this outside looking in on the top 5
So at this point last year I mentioned how many montages, guest stars and guest stars voiced themselves here. Not the case this year, I will flat out admit, I got lazy and did not bother with a montage count because honestly, there's no point. You know how repetitive it is, I know how repetitive it is, why hammer the point in any further? Point is they had a lot of guest stars (Which Price insisted were essential) and a lot of them voiced themselves. The only one that comes to mind right now that I enjoyed was Neil Gaiman's guest spot. Partially due to the fact that they did not treat him like a God, Moe held him at knife point multiple times and one of his last lines makes it sound like he's a thief for all of his books. 

Ratings hit an all time low:
While ratings don't tell the ENTIRE story of whether a show is good or not (Internet streaming, Youtube, outsider sites, etc) seeing this show almost get cancelled for being unprofitable, only to get renewed for another two years to then bring in the worst ratings for a season and secure the 5 least watched episodes were all from this season just brings a smile to my face. The Season Finale ratings more or less told FOX that they made a HUGE mistake in renewing this show. So much promotional material was made, such a huge guest star with an equally huge fanbase, and all it counted for was 4.8 million viewers and 5th least watched of all time. I'm more than willing to bet that an executive at FOX kicked a dog when he saw the ratings. Not only did The Simpsons fail to win their own timeslot that night, but Family Guy had over 5 million viewers later that night which follows the trend that The Simpsons beats out Family Guy between September to February and from March onwards, it's reversed. The final average for this show ended up being 6.14 Million, which is down by just under 1 million of the 7.10 million average of season 22.

Final Verdict: This season was terrible. While the Christmas episode was perhaps the best episode in several years, it had really low lows. The theme for season 23 seemed to be "The Simpsons live in Hollywood" because there were so many episode where the family seemed to have luxuries they shouldn't be able to afford and just so much detachment from reality. The writing followed the same ol' "We don't give a shit" the writers have been giving since season 17. The jokes were mostly terrible with a lot of them either being explained or just awkward dialogue. I'd say this was worse than last year's but not the worst all time. Still looking at you season 20.

Final Score: 1.4/10 Just avoid this, even the riffability isn't worth it

Monday, May 21, 2012

Episode 22: Lisa Goes Gaga

So... Lady Gaga, what can I say? What can I say about an episode where the main characters feel shoehorned in? It's one thing to have a guest star in an episode, it's another thing to turn the episode into a 30 minute commercial for said guest star that's meant to pander to the fans. But I have a job to do and you all enjoy seeing me suffer (You sick fucks) so, without further ado, let's see how bad this can get and where they insert the "Poker Face" reference.

Opening sequence: 20 seconds (Although it's undercut by the Wii reference, seriously, what is up with their fetish with Wii now?)

The episode begins with someone narrating about the story we're about to get. Oh and it might just be me, but is anyone else thinking Frosty 2 here? Eh it's probably just me. After we go around Springfield seeing random set pieces, er I mean people and places, the "Story" begins on a typical day with Clancy and Ralph at the park as Ralph acts like a dog, and he never appears again(x). But it turns out that a change is coming as apparently all the animals sense it coming, even going as far as chickens laying crystal eggs... why not? I mean, anything's possible in Hollywood, er I mean Springfield. So a woman is quick to point out that this is all because the "Lady Gaga Express" is coming through... let's see 1:18 in and already I hate this episode, kudos writers, usually it takes longer for my will to break. So we see the train (No I will not refer to it by name) as "Poker Face" is playing in the background (I cannot describe just how awful this train is, so you'll just have to believe me when I say it's awful). Inside we see Gaga's backup dancers well dancing as the conductor decides to introduce Lady Gaga (x) for her entrance in the train itself, by the way, is the conductor supposed to be a parody of someone in particular? He reminds me of a tall Gary Coleman for some reason, maybe it's just a generic guy, I don't know.
Okay kiddies, get ready for the newest show on FOX: 'Gaga and Friends' premiering Sunday at 8
So after Lady Gaga gets dressed via robots (Okay that was a bit amusing) Gaga asks about the status report of the trip and the conductor informs her that they'll be passing through Springfield. The conductor then informs LG that Springfield is a quiet suburb (Bullshit! Not the way you guys portray it) and it has the lowest self-esteem of anyplace on the planet. Mainly because of decisions like Homer can't host TWO parties at the same time or Bart can't decide which luxury cruise liner he wants to randomly go on. Those decisions would make ANYONE depressed. So LG decides out of the goodness of her heart (And her bank account) she should make a stop in Springfield. However, her agent tells her she shouldn't go and he'll take her on a plane. LG says no and tells him "Remember what happened at Laguardia?" as we get a flashback of her missing the plane... you think that's bad? Remember the time I- okay you get the point, this is a typical Family Guy cutaway, except there's not even humor here, just a cutaway.
Isn't this just hilarious? Lady Gaga doesn't travel normally at all... LAUGH DAMMIT!
So LG decides that based on a Billboard she'll be stopping in Springfield. The agent tries to warn her, but she says "No buts" as she turns around showing her ass sticking out a bit... tee-hee, that'll amuse the 8 years olds for about 3 minutes. We then cut to Springfield Elementary as the narrator informs us that Lady Gaga's arrival was perfect because Lisa was about to get depressed for the 1489th time this week. I want to note two things here for why this episode sucks up to this point

  1. The Simpsons (The title characters) don't even get mentioned until the 3 minute mark. They should have just called this episode "Gaga and Friends"
  2. Stop playing the depression card, yeah I know you have NO more ideas, but at least try to hide the fact that you're out of ideas
Inside, we see an assembly for student awards as Bart wins "Campus clown" which essentially allows for Bart to be a prankster. Oh my God, the writers actually remembered he's a prankster, and that's the only mention he'll get about that feature for the episode, what a wasted opportunity. Lisa then wins an award for "Least Popular Student" and she gets embarrassed when she accepts it. If you're wondering what I'm doing right now to keep my sanity, I'm watching Summer of 4 Ft 2 and reminding myself that the writers are total hacks who don't understand their characters or humor. I mean "Least Popular Student"? Really? I remember better put downs from Elementary School. I mean this is extremely lazy writing and horrible comedy, it's not that hard for people to pick on Lisa, but that would require more than 5 minutes in front of Microsoft Word, which they don't want to do. So we cut back to Lady Gaga's train as she's wearing a new dress now (No I'm not going to keep count, I just wanted to point out that she changed dresses in the span of a couple of hours for no reason). Anyways, after that pointless scene (But it did provide an animation goof. What's holding this man up? Should be the spike, but you can see that's not it) we see the family (Plus Milhouse) at the dinner table as Lisa mopes some more. 
Milhouse: Thank God my pants can hold so much
However, Milhouse brings his laptop over (Which wasn't seen before) and pulls up the school's forum page. Lisa sees that she has her own topic with a lot of replies, all being positive from a "Truth Teller" (It's Lisa, you spoiled it in the promos). So this gives Lisa some hope and Milhouse denies that he wrote the posts (He didn't it was Lisa). So the next day Lisa is popular and as she basks in the glory of being popular, she drops a notebook that Bart reads outloud and reveals to everyone that Lisa is "Truth Teller". Okay I have to ask a question, why would Bart do that? Why would he expose Lisa after reading it to himself? He might be mean, but he's still her brother and while Bart exposed Lisa to her new friends in Summer of 4 Ft 2, he did that because she was getting all of his attention, not because she was feeling good. He felt like she took his stuff and got popular as a result and she needed to pay, jeez this writing is so very contrived. So because she's been exposed, everyone ridicules her again and this time they call her "Lie Smeller". And the point of "Truth Teller" was... absolutely nothing, seriously, nothing was accomplished and we're back at Lisa being unpopular and being depressed. "Truth Teller" was just a waste of time with no real jokes, let's move on. 
Lisa: *Sniff* I'm going to go write in my LiveJournal about how mean you guys are
So we cut back to LG (Focus, what's that?!) as she's dancing with her backup dancers. During a break, she starts to get a headache and sees a vision of Lisa on the sidewalk moping, thus motivating her to get to Springfield faster... so is this power ever explained? You have too high of standards if you're expecting competency from these guys, it's just a power she has that is used all of twice, never explained and never brought up again. Yeah I know I said "Family Member gains ability" but screw it, this is horrible enough to justify that spot(x). So the trains' back engines (Shaped like bras ha-ha-ha-ha, ugh) fire up and pass by Cletus. This causes Cletus to throw away his whiskey... if the joke ended there, I would have said it was good, but they extend it to the point of unfunny(x). So as everyone gathers around the train, we cut back to Lisa moping in her room listening to "Crawling" (Okay she doesn't do that, but at this point she should).Marge tries to encourage Lisa and so does Homer... for about 3 seconds (Telling her "You want to honk your Jazz Tube? NO! He calls it a "Saxamaphone" that is a defining character trait of him you idiots) until he treats his daughter like a rag doll flipping her upside down multiple times (What's that? The emotional scene at the end of Lisa's Substitute was good? Well we gotta do the exact opposite). 
Child Services then came to arrest Not Homer for treating his daughter like a doll
Oh and Homer gives a horrible explanation for why he's doing what he's doing, so(x) and BINGO! So we cut back to the train station with everyone holding up signs and kissing Lady Gaga's ass with all of them (Eh if "Born This-a Way" counts as "A letter or two was changed" then we got another bingo). So LG appears in a bird dress as she thanks them all for being her "Little Monsters". Which Moe says he's half monster... so does that make the bar rag episode canon? OH DEAR GOD NO! Forget what I said and let's move on. So LG begins a song number as in all honesty, it's not that bad. it's not something I'd want to listen to again, but it's not the worst song in this episode The song is okay, but a lot of the jokes within the song range from bad to terrible, the worst being Mr. Burns and Grampa (Seriously, why is Grampa there? I could buy Burns, but Grampa makes no sense). So Lisa feels better after the song, but the bullies appear just to bully Lisa and Homer doesn't even flinch when they make fun of here(x) (Yeah I count this as Homer disappearing from the scene because he's just a set piece there). So LG feels like her job is done, but out of nowhere her Bullshit powers sense that Lisa downloaded more Linkin Park for her IPod, er I mean she's still depressed (I know I sound like a broken record, but EVERY scene (Save one) that Lisa has been in, she's been depressed. I can't tiptoe around that). 
Looks like LG has an Excedrin headache (This blog has been brought to you by Excedrin) 
So LG spots Lisa and she wants to know what's wrong with her. Lisa says she doesn't want attention as LG shouts to her that they should meet incognito (Yeah, even in context, it's still not funny). By the way, the line she says just emphasizes how lazy the writers are, LG shouts that they should meet at Lisa's house and yet the Simpsons residence is never swarmed by paparazzi, to the writers, everyone in the audience just doesn't exist, and they are treated as nothing more than mannequins, that's the only way this scene works. Anyways, Gaga escapes from the stage and walks off with Lisa without drawing attention whatsoever... moving on. So on the way home, they run into Ned as he has a conversation with LG and it goes nowhere... yeah, at this part of the episode, it stops being frustratingly awful and just becomes mundane and boring, a lot of scenes that go nowehere with no real jokes, but at the same time, nothing really to get mad at. So LG sees the new posts and tells Lisa that everything will be fine, all of this while Lisa is "Face-bedding" (Don't worry Lisa, I had the same reaction when I saw the premise for this episode). So LG tries to cheer Lisa up by having a flash mob give her a message with their cellphones. 
Facebed: When a facepalm and headdesk just cannot express the stupidity onscreen
However it doesn't work and after LG tells them to disperse, they spell out disperse, which pisses off "Just Stamp the Ticket" Guy (Wow, he came out of so many peaceful years of retirement JUST for this? You've reached a new low JSTT Guy). So after LG tells Lisa she's not going to give up, Bart bring Maggie in all dressed up calling her "Baby GooGoo"... nice to know that Maggie too has been included in the list of "Characters who are now set pieces". Later, LG tries to talk to Marge about Lisa as she tries to comfort Marge by grabbing her hands, followed up by making out with her for a second... So first we get a childish ass joke, now a pointless lesbian kiss? Are we sure Brian Kelley didn't leave the show? Seems like his sort of joke. So after a pointless after-sex scene with cringe-worthy dialogue (Again, I do believe that Kelley was a pen name and the writer who used it is still there) we see the next morning that Lisa "snuck out" and Homer decides to eat Lady Gaga's meat dress which will not appear again (Nope, Weird Al did it better, try again). At school (Yeah, Lisa "Snuck out" to go to school, what a load) Lisa is still depressed and is now contemplating whether or not to wear black nails (Again, didn't happen, but it's still the same scene). LG then arrives in a giant egg and she tells her that she's going to end her moping (PLEASE). 
Lisa: In the name of Lovejoy I CAST THEE OUT SATAN!
Lisa however fires back by claiming that LG isn't doing this to make Lisa feel better, but she's doing it to make LG feel better as she starts to mock how Lady Gaga introduced herself to Springfield. I'll admit, that was possibly the best mocking of LG this ENTIRE episode, but then Lisa goes on and spout out more terrible dialogue by repeating "I denounce thee" towards LG (Long: Hey, Lisa's smart, right? Would she say this line? Selman: What? Sure, be sure to have her say it mulitple times though. Long: Wow, genius, that's why you're the boss). This awful dialogue causes LG to start crying diamonds... I got nothing and she runs off. So later, Homer goes to talk to Lisa to try to cheer her up (Make a drinking game out of this, you'll die of alcohol poisoning by the end) Oh by the way, Lisa paces back and forth with a watch on, but as soon as she leaves the treehouse, it's gone. Why was she wearing the watch in the first place? Anyways, after Homer spouts out some meaningless bullshit, Lisa realizes that she's been ungrateful throughout the episode and she needs to find LG. Oh and she mentions how Homer's speech was entirely pointless... much like every scene in this episode, oh fuck this episode, it's almost done. So Lisa catches a departing LG and tells her that because she was able to lash out against LG, she was able to realize that she does have some positives and it's alright to be herself. So in other words Lady Gaga could have been ANYONE and the episode would have worked just the same... and people think this show deserves another season WHY?! 
Lisa: Be sure to buy all of Lady Gaga's albums on ITunes, while you're there, but this episode as well 
So LG is proud of Lisa as she gets her to go inside the train and perform a song simply titled  "Super Star" and my opinion on this one? I've said in the past that Yeardley Smith struggles singing as Lisa and this is no exception. I'm sorry Ms. Smith, I love Lisa as I've mentioned before, but the one thing I've always disliked is her singing. Her singing was okay, sometimes good in the 90's, but it's just horrible today. Heck it doesn't sound so much like singing as much as talking with the beat. And in terms of songs involving musical guest stars, well let's just say it's no "Lisa it's your birthday" in terms of memorability, you're not going to hum this on your way to work. So after the song, Moe chases the train down and asks for LG to help him. She says no and Moe gets hit by a train while Gaga waves. But don't worry, he'll be back in next season's premiere titled Despicable Moe. The episode ends with Lisa happy (Goody) and the narrator telling us that he was one of Lady Gaga's dancers. Before the credits, we see a preview for the fact that Maggie is getting a short adventure before Ice Age 4 where she'll be animated in 3D *Cough*Treehouse of Horror VI*Cough* and over the credits, Homer is singing his own version of Poker Face simply called "Homer Face" which sounds like a cat getting run over by a steamroller... it's over! Be free everyone! The terror is finally done!

Final Verdict: Everything leading up to this indicated it would suck, and they didn't disappoint. After a 30 minute Lady Gaga promo with little humor and repetitive scenes, the last thing I want to do is listen to one of her songs in the near future. This was meant to be nothing more than a marketing gimmick in the hopes of raising the ratings, but that failed miserably when the ratings came out with 4.79 million, making it the 4th least watched of all time.

Final Grade: 0.3/10 I debated whether this was worse than the bar rag and thinking about it, yes, yes it was worse than a talking bar rag. The Season 23 review will be up next week.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Final Thoughts on the Season Finale

So only a few days left of this trainwreck of a season. we've seen some highs (Holidays of Future Passed) we've seen some lows (Moe Goes From Rags to Riches, Politically Inept with Homer Simpson, The D'oh-Cial Network, etc) but in a few days, the nightmare will be over. So FOX has been desperate in the promos for this particular episode (Think of the 500th episode promos tenfold) and they have all looked like crap. The only people who I've seen like what was in the promos were Lady Gaga fans, but everyone else (Myself included) think they look awful. So as I said in my earlier preview, the story just looked awful (Seriously, Lady Gaga having physic powers, what?) but it wasn't until FOX released video promos that my suspicions were correct, here's the initial video:

So those of you who managed to keep your brains from escaping through your ears, you realized one important thing. This episode isn't about "The Simpsons meet Lady Gaga" it's about Lady Gaga, the main characters are second fiddle in their own show... The promo suggests that the episode is nothing more than a ratings grab and its main purpose is to have a famous person promote the show (If you go to the actual video, about 90% of the comments are from Lady Gaga's fans). 

One more video, this time a more behind the scenes

Thank you Mr. Groening for feigning interest, your check is in the mail. You also have to love how Lady Gaga is B.S.-ing her lines by saying how she's been a big fan of the show for years, then saying how the script is funny. Ms. Gaga, stop trying to convince us this won't suck, there's no hope. Finally, I love how the people laughed at "WE SHOULD GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND TALK... INCOGNITO!" There's no joke there. No wonder the writers think they don't suck, they have no sense of humor.

Before we go to my main point, I found two more promos that really assured my fears for this shitstorm:

Let's address the first one (Obviously). The writing in that one scene is just horrendous. The dialogue is simply dumb and what could have been a decent crying joke is ruined by the dialogue before the scene and the men after the scene. But it's out of context, so maybe the men would make more sense in context. But that would also be giving credit to Tim Long, the guy who wrote the bar rag episode this year and the Glee episode last season.

Second one now, I just want to pull out one of the quotes that rubbed me the wrong way

"By the way, there will be plenty more Gaga to gawk at: This is only one of 
18 outfits that she’ll wear in the episode, which airs May 20 on Fox."

Isn't it just nice to know that the important thing about this episode is how many different dresses the guest star will wear? Why wasn't this episode just called "Lady Gaga and Friends"? Would have made a lot more sense. 

And of course, it wouldn't be complete without seeing the promo art as well. Which FOX decided that the Edna-Ned episode didn't need a card, but this needed NINE!

The one card that stands out to me is the last one, what is that scene even supposed to be? The others (With  a background) are awful, but I have some sort of context for what they're supposed to be about. The last one... Lisa's talking to Homer about her experiences? It's just odd to have that type of promo card

So believe it or not, I DO have something I was leading into, this all reminds me of why the Classic Simpsons are well... classics. Why there were "The shit" and not "Just shit". The episode that immediately comes to mind is Stark Raving Dad, the season 3 premiere episode. Why do you say that? Michael Jackson, who was THE man in the 80's did a guest role on The Simpsons in 1991. He was still on top of the world, this was all before the sexual abuse allegations, anyone who was anyone had listened to at least one of his songs and probably owned one of his albums. So when I bring up Stark Raving Dad was the first thing that came to your mind 
  • "Oh yeah, I really liked that episode, Homer is deemed insane and bunks with Michael Jackson. I especially loved that "Lisa it's your birthday" song and it was just a joy to watch" 
Most likely all of you reading said the latter, and for good reason, the episode still centered around the family, MJ was huge, but so was The Simpsons. The show knew what it was and how it treated it's guest stars, heck, they made fun of MJ in that episode and how focused people were back then about MJ. This episode just seems to reek of the opposite based on everything FOX has given us. There is the smallest sliver of hope for this episode to be okay, but I really doubt it, and I think from a critical standpoint, this could be the worst of the season.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Episode 21: Ned 'N Edna's Blend

Oh joy, an episode about "Nedna" quite possibly the only romance more awkward than Twilight. But I tell a lie,  I mean, if I squint hard enough... eh nevermind it's not there. Anyways, this didn't look fun when I first saw the preview, so does the episode actual surpass expectations? Let's find out. Oh and BTW, I will be doing the BINGO again this week

Opening Sequence: 1:42 (One step forward, two steps back)

The episode begins with an audition for a play ran by that guy nobody remembers from that episode nobody remembers (Okay, it's Smoke on the Daughter and damn me for somehow knowing that without Wikipedia). After Bart asks why he has to participate, Marge insists that the Passion of The Christ is the best story, to which Bart and Homer start listing off random current events, and by current, I mean 1 year or so old (Telling jokes and saying random things are two separate ideas)(x). So Ned tries out for Jesus, but the guy turns him down as he says he doesn't resemble Jesus. He then starts saying things that Jesus would do, which prompts Homer to come back and think that he should try out for Jesus. Oh and for good measure they include a Twitter reference because their target audience wasn't born before 9/11 and have the attention span of a rock unless random culture and technology references are made. Yeah this joke is horrible and I sorta feel bad for whatever schlock intern at FOX has to update that twitter account with unfunny garbage because the staff needs to "Connect" with their audience. Seriously, these types of jokes are about as funny as watching a 70-year-old man try to be "with it" by wearing the fashion from 2008, attempting to use a smart phone, and trying to use a skateboard. It's not funny, so much as it is painful to watch. Okay, long rant over a pathetic joke over, moving on.
Hey look! A Twitter reference therefore they're "with it" right?
So Homer barges onto the stage like a jerkass and is instantly handed the part(x)(x). Later, Homer goes more jerkass as all he can think about is the costume he's been given to wear (I seriously want him to be crucified by the end of the episode. But knowing the writers, he'd come back to life on the third day since he's Jesus to them). So Lisa tries to tell Homer to take the role serious as pissing off Christians would be like wearing and Florida State shirt to a Florida game. You mean an Oregon State shirt to an Oregon game right? I mean you guys totally believe Springfield is in Oregon because you insisted on it after misinterpreting the interview. Why would an Oregon native understand a Florida reference? Eh I don't believe that, I just like screwing with their non-logic and pointing out the gaping holes from their stupidity. So Homer realizes he's in deep shit and starts crying (Okay I'm adjusting my card, this should have been one of the spots, the writers fall back on this a lot) then Homer spouts out "Why do I succeed at everything I audition for?" I have an answer: The writers are total hacks who have no clue what to do if Homer isn't the center of attention despite there being a large, diverse cast of characters with just as diverse personalities for a diverse amount of roles. Any questions?
Wiggum: Ugh, not this guy. Just kill him and do it quickly
So the play goes on and after Homer says ONE line, everyone in the audience is moved...okay, just relax, he's bound to screw up and make that blatant asskissing utterly pointless. So after he's given the cross and thorns, he continues his Broadway performance... must... hold back... rage... Homer then is crucified and as Ned is praying for forgiveness of his pride and doubting of Homer... dammit all... Homer then falls down onto Ned (x) and the director just comes out to distract the audience. No, you can't distract the people from how awful that writing was. So Ned is rushed to the Hospital and as Edna tries to get in, she's told only immediate family is allowed to ride as she tells him she's his wife as she then flashes a wedding ring. HOLY CRAP THE PLOT! It only took them 7 minutes to get there with the opening act having NOTHING to do with the rest of the episode. I'll take it basic storytelling is no longer required to pass writing classes. Also, isn't it so nice that in between September and May of this season they decided to mention this all of TWO times?! I think a lot of people forgot this was even a thing until this episode. At the Hospital, Ned and Edna are happy that their marriage is out in the open. Truly this is a love for the ages as demonstrated by all those scenes of them together, let's see them all... oh right, they don't exist... but they're destined for each other, right?!
Edna: You jelly Marge?
So after some more pathetic dialogue from Homer (Hey America, we had a vote on this, remember? Please laugh at our callbacks to horrible writing) Marge asks why they didn't say anything. Ned explains that everyone makes a big deal out of everything and faster than you can say Supercalifrag- Kent Brockman  and a bunch of other people show up for no discernible reason. Uh, characters HAVE been married before, I mean Apu was married and got nothing, heck even more recent was the Van Houtens getting back, nothing on them. Ah forget it, this is the same staff that would light up cigars for the 525th episode and paint the town yellow for the 550th. After that pointless scene, we see the family having dinner as the kids don't exactly approve of the idea of Edna as their mom. Marge comes over to offer them a celebration for their marriage. Edna accepts as the only guests to their wedding were Ned's parents as apparently they have the same "Diddly" speech that Ned does... NO! Ned got that from the THERAPY because of his parents. You got the designs right, how did you screw up the rest? So after that Family Guy cutaway gag Ned agrees as Homer decided he needs Ned's stuff to complete the party (Why bother asking? He could just steal it).
Bart: I heard the plot needs to be moved along, so I just decided to pop up.
Later, we see Edna trying to entertain the kids on a rainy day, but since they're afraid of butterflies and believe that iron helps them play, her ideas get shot down. Bart shows up (Out of nowhere) to tell Edna to take them out to the real world, she doesn't think she needs to until Todd crashes his tricycle with training wheels.... let's move on. We then see Marge and Lisa at a wedding store as several women are jealous of the fact that Marge got to plan the party and Marge tells them to deal with it. Edna then goes to the Leftorium as Ned tells her he'll be staying late and he needs her to go to the parent-teacher conferences for him. Well that should be fun, seeing Edna talk to herself about how Rod is doing well in her classes and whatnot. Wait, they apparently go to a Christian school... I'm pretty sure they go the Springfield Elementary unless a transfer happened offscreen. That or the writers are very lazy and hate consistency, neither would surprise me. So at the conference, Edna gets a bit concerned about the teaching methods, and it's only confirmed when the teacher brings an astronomy map that involves religious figures including Tim Tebow in a green shirt. Thank God for digital coloring or else him in a Bronco's shirt would have made their joke dated before it even aired. Oh and to those who thought that the red X's through the female and black candidates in the "Politically Inept" episode was a joke about racism and sexism and not a quick-fix, you can all kiss my ass. Sorry, a bit uncalled for, let's move on.
Oh what a timeless joke, surely this joke doesn't have a 1 year expiration date, right?
So Edna pulls them out and decides to transfer them to Springfield Elementary without Ned's approval, as you'd expect he doesn't like the move, but accepts it. I don't know why he'd have a problem with it seeing as how they were there for a long time, but whatever. Later that night, Ned has a nightmare (As demonstrated in an easy to read title) which is- OH DEAR GOD! Claymation? NO! Just, NO! Did you not learn your lesson with the puppets from the Christmas episode? Just stick with your half-assed animation. So we see that Todd graduated from a real College with a degree that Ned did not approve of... so what was the point of it being claymation? There was NO purpose outside of the Davey and Goliath reference. I'm sure that was worth every penny of your sinking budget that'll not be saved by Lady Gaga next week (One week of decent ratings does not save a show). So we see the extravagant party (Because the Simpsons live in luxury and can afford anything they want) as everyone seems to be having a good time. Marge goes to talk to Ned and Edna as it turns out that after a few days in public school, Rod and Todd are already back talking Ned and getting temporary tattoos... establishing shots? What are those?
A married couple having a fight? Well I never-
Ned and Edna get into a small argument of sorts and after the women from earlier get some of the fight on their phones, Edna takes the boys home. But of course the writers just HAVE to be clever as Moe inserts a horrible 4th wall joke about the 3rd act being over for "The Simpsons" and that should be the end, as Lisa says she feels like there's going to be one more act(x). That 4th wall joke is so forced and awful I think the 4th wall repaired itself from the lack of real comedy forced against it. The next morning Ned laments that he allowed himself to act that way. Marge gives Bart and Lisa their lunches as apparently Bart has some sort of trouble as demonstrated in a scene that has no point and begs for someone to shoot it dead(x). So after that bit of nothing, Ned realizes that they don't agree on how to raise their kids (Did that require a 3-minute exchange with no jokes whatsoever?) So after more bickering (UGH! JUST KILL THE SCENE!!!) Bart shouts out that he's keeping a dolphin in his bathtub... WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT?! I mean, was the episode that short that they needed a pointless scene like that just to make 21 minutes with a 2 minute opening sequence and a first act that completely unrelated to the rest of the episode? Basic storytelling, LEARN IT!
The assembly ended because Ned had to talk to Edna, or something
Later we see an assembly where Mr Largo and Lunchlady Doris (Let her character RIP) as they tell the students the answers to an upcoming test, however it's all deemed pointless when Ned comes out of nowhere to decide he needs to talk to Edna NOW... the stupidity of this scene hurts. The two have an apology decide to play it by ear (As Ned says it "The Simpsons make it up as they go along" I can't help but believe that's the writing staff's motto whenever coming up with their episodes). The episode ends with Homer dressed up as Jesus endorsing a car dealership owned by Sleazy Sal (Oh I forgot, they put his name in the opening billboard so this is supposed to be some sort of bookending or some bullshit) and Homer gets zapped by God for calling himself Jesus. Oh and during the credits, they start to play the "Everyone loves Ned Flanders"... until Ned breaks out into rap... if you'll excuse me I have a knife to sharpen and a pillow to stab.

Final Verdict: Pretty bad, but not too bad either. This is rather tame compared to what has been airing recently (And the disaster to air soon) and really while I had my complaints, I felt like it was watchable to a degree. Yeah there were some pretty bad moments like the opening act and the assembly along with the credit sequence, but there were some decent moments. Overall, above average for the season, but still crap.

Final Grade: 3.7/10 Not good, but it's not a complete waste of time either

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Episode 20: The Spy Who Learned Me

Yeah sorry for the delay, but things got in the way to prevent me from putting this out on time (Or even the next day). But anyways we have an episode to take a look at where Homer sees an imaginary spy who makes him a more suave man or something. I don't know, all I know is that it's supposed to be a James Bond parody, but it's far from McBain or anything entertaining, so let's just get on with this. Oh and a quick side note; no BINGO this week, I'll resume next week.

Opening Sequence: 27 Seconds (And they got it right two weeks in a row, they get a cookie)

The episode begins with a generic James Bond film as Homer decides he needs to add his awful quips every 10 seconds (Not even a minute in and I'm already pissed. Thank you writers, I'm sure this will be a delight). So after Mr. Bont kills a security gaurd (Yeah screw whatever name the writers gave him, I'm calling him Mr. Bont, although that might be an insult to Mr. Swartzwelder's character) we see a meeting of generic evil people. Before you start saying "But that's just how YOU view them" the writers more or less admit that they are generic by giving them a group name of "International Brotherhood of Evil". You know, despite the group of evil people in the McBain movie at the beginning of Last Exit to Springfield having no name whatsoever, that group was FAR more interesting. Anyways, after some boring dialogue, Mr. Bont appears out of a coffin cake. Not nearly as impressive as an ice sculpture and physically impossible seeing as he arrived moments ago. Seriously, there was no need for him to be on the helicopter, why not just have his first appearance be in the cake? Simple logic goes a LONG way.
Sure glad they put that "International" part in or I would have suspected the "Not-Nazi" was from Carolina
So after Mr. Bont kills General... um... uh... *Rewinds tape* huh, he's never named. I guess the writers knew he'd never be remembered as fondly as MENDOZA! Sorry, everytime I type his name, I have to internet shout it. Because of this, Homer decides to say his third quip and while Marge gets angry at him, Lenny and Carl congratulate Homer on his failed MST3K audition (Stop encouraging Jerkass Homer, nobody likes him). After Homer spouts his final unfunny quip (Okay that one didn't even make sense, were they lampshading how terrible they all were?) Marge gets upset and on the car ride back, Homer notices that she's mad at him after he high fives Lenny who just happens to pass him on the other side of the road... Wait a second, wasn't he at the theaters with Homer? This what happens when you fail to put thought into your jokes. Later, we see the school put in metal detectors for the sake of the plot, er I mean to catch smartphones so kids can't put embarrassing videos on YouTube. Okay, where do I even begin with this disection?
  1. I'm pretty sure they've called their YouTube parody "MyTube". The writers have been  really BAD with this. They will call their "Parodies" one thing, but say the actual brand name later. I didn't mention this last week, but part of the freeze frame joke with Bart's list on the cruise involved a joke reading "XBox with PS3 controls" despite the fact that they called them "YBox" and "Gamestation 3" earlier this season. Also, like I mentioned in the "Bar rag" episode, Moe mentions Facebook despite the previous episode making it clear that Facebook didn't exist in Springfield. You can't have it both ways. As long as the writing staff has their heads up their asses, they will never understand this
  2. The only purpose this serves is an excuse for Nelson to steal money right in front of Skinner... would it have been so hard to have just written in a "Nelson stealing money of the playground" scene? Apparently so despite that being a common Nelson scene.
Anyways, this leads to Nelson stealing change from everyone as Willie just flat out hands it to him ... my brain is melting from the stupidity. So Bart gets pissed that Nelson's a being a bully to him... okay the writers are never consistent on whether or not Nelson bullies Bart or not, one episode they'll be working together, and then the next episode Bart will hate him. After Nelson randomly goes off to destroy Ms. Van Houten's hair dye (...I got nothing) we see Homer at work replacing a light on his continuity-defying ladder as he feels bad for Marge being angry at him. Although since the writers have no faith in their audience, Homer has to explain why he feels bad (Show, don't tell. Audiences are not drooling idiots).
Okay so establishing shot has his hand on the top and foot on the third to top stair
Now his hand is on the second to top stair and his knee is nowhere to be seen
Now we're back to the normal ladder
Or not...
We then see Burns not understanding how a driving cart works (Oh for fuck sakes- HE KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE! A steering wheel is not a foreign concept to him) when he hits Homer who after "Falling gracefully" (ugh) he wakes up and we find out he's sustained a concussion (Took him long enough to actually get one, but given the fact that his skull is very thick from the boxing episode, falling down of all things is probably the weakest excuse for a concussion). So Blue-Haired Lawyer convinces Burns to give Homer time to recover as he gets 8 weeks paid vacation. When Homer gets home, he tries to tell his family about his vacation, but his entire family decides to be loud and obnoxious to the point where he decides not to tell them. This prompts Homer to tell himself "I have 8 weeks paid vacation and my family doesn't know"... I'm sorry I forgot what happened 10 seconds ago, could you please remind me since I'm dumber than a rock? Seriously, that is horrible writing there, and trust me, this episode is not limited to just that line either. So the next day Homer pretends to go to work, but as soon as he leaves, he takes off his tie and throws his shoes at Flanders. Except he throws them at the WRONG house... it was clearly an ADR joke so why did they choose Flanders of all people. Hell Patty would have made more sense. Anyways, we see Bart's class watch a documentary hosted by... Eric Idle? NO!!! Eric for shame, you're better than this.
For you see this Krusty Burger has... oh forget it
 I WAS IN THE HOLY GRAIL FOR GOD'S SAKE! Let me have my dignity
So Mr. Idle (Yeah I don't remember his name, nor do I particularly care) begins his Super Size Me documentary on Krusty Burger called "Would You Like Lies with That?". While I'll give them credit for going with a callback from Season 14, that episode aired before the Super Size Me documentary so deciding to make a "Topical" parody of a documentary that's 8 years old is beyond stale and unoriginal. So after Krusty randomly appears in the documentary (... no, just... you cannot rationalize why he's in this scene) we see Mr. Idle getting fatter and fatter until Krusty shovels him off to be turned into food (Eh one positive note woud be the documentary form did get a chuckle out of me). This gives Bart the great idea to fatten Nelson up (Only in the mystic world of La-La Land could this possibly happen, so as you could guess, it works perfectly). We then cut to Homer enjoying what a weekday afternoon is like *Cough*Lost Our Lisa*Cough* and Homer decides to go to Moe's for some beer which leads into this "Oscar worthy" dialogue

  • Moe: "Heya Homer, I could hear your pathetic rationalization through the door"
...Someone got PAID to write that. Even worse, someone else actually read the line and decided it should make the final cut. I would hate to see what doesn't make it through. 
Writers: Look, we make callback joke therefore it's funny right? Please stop hating us and get some fresh air.
Homer then watches a Mr. Bont film as he begins to hallucinate Mr. Bont in the bar because of his concussion (Next I hear Homer will get amnesia and it'll take 23 minutes for him to remember who he is). So after Mr. Bont explains that he'll make Homer into a man Marge can't resist (And forgetting why Marge and Homer are a happy couple. I wonder what answer the writers would give if someone asked why Marge and Homer are married?) we see Nelson taking everyone's lunch money until Bart gives him some Krusty Burger along with a coupon book for 30 free burgers. Oh and by the way, this episode has NO clue how it's timeline works whatsoever. I'll explain as we continue. So we go back to Homer and Bont as he begins to tell Homer to clean up his car and dress up nicer (And he needed Bont for this because...?) So we cut to presumably 4 weeks later as Brockman reports on childhood obesity being an issue (6 years ago maybe) as we see Nelson is now obese himself. This causes Lisa to blame Bart for Nelson's current condition because she has physic powers like Lady Gaga will apparently (Sorry, but I just watched the promo for the finale and it looks like it's going to suck even moreso than usual). So we go back to Homer (Still presuming the same timeline so we should be around 4-6 weeks of his paid vacation) as Mr. Bont tells Homer to approach women and get them to fall for him. 
Hey lady, would you like to suck my- 
Hey I moved ten feet to the right but I was wondering if you two would like to- 
Hey you weren't there a second ago, all I have to do is turn around and woman appear? I am truly a God
So he approaches a woman and she's insulted. He then approaches two more women not 10 feet away who somehow didn't hear what he said and then he pisses them off as well. Homer then turns around to talk to one more woman who didn't hear a word he's been saying, only to leave after he talks. Okay this is another example of horrible writing; the writers have what I call "Screen View" where the only things that matter are what's onscreen. In this scene, the women don't exist until they're put onscreen and as soon as they leave, they don't exist as well. I mentioned this briefly in the episode where Homer sings opera, Marge was talking to her family about faking good behavior to the people at the funeral. Nevermind the fact that she wasn't whispering nor were the people far away, but they didn't hear a word she said because they weren't onscreen. There are many examples of this, I just wanted to point that one out in particular, let's continue. So Homer then gets advice from his hallucination (Which by the way is from his imagination and yet it knows more than Homer does) and he gets a woman to fall for him. Just that moment, her husband appears and draws a gun (Which nobody panics because they aren't in the scene. Wow another good example of awful writing). Oh and here's another great piece of dialogue that in no way sounds forced or contrived in the slightest:
  • Husband: "What is this? I leave for two seconds to get chocolate martinis and my wife is expertly seduced by this man*?"   *(Didn't make out the last words)
What's this? I am a generic, lazy villain who appears and disappears at any given moment? Impossible
Thank you Mr. Exposition, your paycheck is at the door, and thank you for pointing out the "Instant expert" trope the writers have abused to death. So after Homer fails to blind him with a lemon, he grabs a lime and this causes Mr. Exposition to go down. Another scene that just embodies the laziness of the show, I mean first off the wife disappears when Homer squirts the husband with the lime because she has no importance anymore and he just LET Homer grab the lime. I guess he was thinking to himself: "Gee I should shoot him in the skull while I have the chance, but that wouldn't be fair. I mean, he hasn't figured out that I can't stand lime in my eyes and- OH DEAR GOD THE PAIN!" So later, we see Marge go to the SNPP to bring Homer lunch (For some reason) as Lenny (Of course, who else would it be?) tells Marge that Homer still has two weeks left of paid vacation and this infuriates Marge. Okay so our timeline indicates that Homer's finished 6 weeks of vacation while Bart gave Nelson the coupons 4 weeks ago, let's see if we'll be able to make sense of this by the end. So we cut to Krusty's as we see him and Mr. Teeny playing their "Zii" (Fuck that joke so hard, I hate it) and Lisa comes in with Nelson demanding that he help them. Um okay, how the hell did they get in? And for that matter, why should Krusty help Nelson? Why would he help them? He owes them nothing and Lisa can find Nelson a gym somewhere, ah screw it I'm delving into that "Logic" thing the writers treat like the plague. So Krusty has his assistant whip Nelson into shape (So after 4 weeks of getting fat, how long will it take to get him skinny?) Homer comes home and Marge tells him she knows about his vacation. He tells her the truth and all is forgiven (Huzzah... zzz...). 
Wow, look at how many people are in the background
I know Marge, I can't believe they all disappeared as well
So Homer takes Marge to a restaurant and Marge isn't concerned about a baby seat in the backseat because all she is for this scene is Homer's wife. Don't believe me? Here's the first line of dialogue of that scene:
  • Homer: "The three of us are going to the most romantic restaurant in town"
He said THREE and Marge never questions it. Fuck you writers, you SUCK! So at the "Restaurant" (Yeah they called it one, but it sure as hell isn't a restaurant) Homer and Marge dance (With people in the background) but Homer gets knocked out by Mr. Exposition. And because the scene is about Homer and Mr. Exposition, all the tables that were once full are all empty... there are not enough profanities to express how dumb this staff is. So the woman knocks out Mr. Exposition as Marge questions why she called Homer "My love". So Marge questions that but not the "THREE"? I guess Marge has intelligence levels that are dependent on how much beer the writers have consumed. So after Homer exposits what has been going on, he decides to get Mr. Bont out to help which leads to the FOX Football Robot appearing just to dance... Seth McFarlane called, he said that joke was too random for his liking. After Mr. Exposition asks "How can a fat man hide so well?" ...FGSDSAGYUGASD- HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU YOU FUCKING MORON! HE'S NOT HIDING! I'm this close to having a brain aneurysm. So the robot turns into Mr. Bont and tells Homer to take him on. Homer gives the same schtick that he gave to his wife and all is forgiven. Okay screw details, I'm ending this. So Homer and Marge walk off with Homer saying he should have been back a week ago as we cut to Nelson who is now buff and back to bullying. So Nelson got obese in 4 weeks but buff in 3? Time and Space, how does it work?!

Final Verdict: This was terrible, I'd say it was worse than last week's but for different reasons. Last week's episode bored me while this one did manage to keep my attention. However, the writing was absolutely horrible and had no structure whatsoever with rather piss-poor jokes to compliment it. Probably one of the worst episodes of the season, but I say that often, so take it with a grain of salt (Although I still believe that the bar rag will be the worst unless my suspicions about the Lady Gaga episode are true).

Final Grade: 1.3/10 Probably the hardest to grade given last week's grade