Episode 16: Eeny Teeny Maya Moe

Here we go with a Moe story. They aren't usually bad because we get some insight into the character under the rough exterior. Couple that with the fact that most of them are funny because Moe is Moe and you can usually write a good episode if you write him correctly. However, writing him CORRECTLY being the key idea, he (Like almost every other character) has devolved into a hollow shell of his former self and really lacks humor and cha-... discharm that made him so great. So let's take a look at Moe dating a midget (Wow, this sounds like a bad fanfiction one of my friends would write).

We start off with Homer watching some hokey and Marge wants Homer to spend time with Maggie (Real original plot, wouldn't you say?). After some back and forth arguing, Homer decides to spend time with her and takes her to Moe's with him (Sure take the baby to a bar, what could go wrong?). At the bar, Moe is cleaning up and discovers a window that happens to show a daycare next to Moe's that Homer decides to leave Maggie at (Sure why not? It's not the most implausible thing the writers have pulled out of their ass this season)(Though why it would take twenty years to learn about this window....). After getting the attention of the barflies (By shooting his shotgun into the air and nothing happens, um, I'm pretty sure bullets do damage), Moe exposites why he was cleaning up, he found a woman on a chat-room that's dumber than Homer, er I mean "A sophisticated intelligent woman" and he fell in love with her (This is just incredibly painful, Moe gives a very bad joke and she thinks he's funny. I wouldn't be surprised if Chris Hansen was on the other side). After some more painful dialogue and forced antics (Please kill me now), we see Moe likes her in the picture she sent and she likes the picture of himself (For some reason, maybe she's partially blind because she calls him cute *gags self*)(Maybe she just pities him). We then cut to Maggie as we see that the kids at the daycare do not like her via an ominous shot (Never explained why they don't like her, I guess they're just more generic bullies).

It's a good thing I'm dumber than a rock, otherwise I might catch on to what's going on here

Homer picks her up before the kids do anything (and he misses the point that those kids hate Maggie. Are the characters just given the script and told to act stupid to things that are obvious?)(Remember when Homer was only a bit dumb and not a COMPLETE moron? Me neither). We see Moe prepare for Maya when it turns out Maya is only two feet tall (The only thing missing from this is the music from "The Odd Couple" to start playing). After Moe tries to let this soak in, he unintentionally mocks her size (It's like the guy from work who's a complete douche and he's the only one who doesn't know it). Moe does decide to continue the date and her takes her to Luigi's where Luigi insults her too (That had purpose). At the make-out point (I guess she has mental retardation as well), we see Moe and Maya making out as I'm left to ponder what she sees in him since he continues to show that he's an utter jackass towards her. Oh right, this is sitcom relationships where the relationship depends on whatever the writers say happens. The next day Moe's in a good mood and he thinks that if he tells the barflies about Maya,but he thinks they will mock her even worse than he has (No it couldn't get worse). After Lenny and Carl mock Homer we cut to Maggie continuing to struggle at the daycare as she's put into a circle of babies beating pails (like drums) and Kearney's baby enters the ring to fight her (Again, we have no idea why they're doing this, motivation is such a simple concept that gets screwed up so easily).

AHHHH!!! BRAIN BLEACH! Get the brain bleach! 

Homer yet again picks up Maggie before anything bad happens and he thinks that babies whistling nonchalantly is perfect behavior for her "friends" (Seriously, this plot is so contrived, it makes PSA plots seem legit). Back at home, Maggie is terrified and Bart decides to calm her down by playing the bongos (Oh the irony, this humor is way too subtle and not contrived as well, please someone shoot me)(When did Bart get bongos?). After Marge suspects that Homer hasn't been watching Maggie, she turns on the TV to "The Plot Device channel" as a commercial for a surveillance system that can fit in Maggie's bow. As Marge thinks about the ethical consequences Lisa tells her to just do it (Remember when she used to be the voice of reason? Those days left a long time ago)(I also thought Lisa would be against this kind of invasion of privacy). We cut back to Moe driving to Maya's house as Moe mistakes a tree for her house (We get it! She's short! Will you knock it off yet or do you have a lot more jokes to make? (20 more) Okay I'm just gonna get it over with and hang myself now)(Only when you finish the season! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!). Inside, Moe continues to express his love for her as Maya asks Moe why she hasn't seen his friends yet (We haven't seen her friends yet so what's the big deal?).

Oh great, I wanted a BLONDE midget blow-up doll

After we get a joke of Maya becoming like a doll (Liquor is my friend here) Moe and Maya go over to the Simpsons' house as Homer decides to ask a question that sound more like an innuendo question (Oh writers where do you get your material? So I can BURN IT DOWN!) Upstairs we see Marge watching the surveillance video from Maggie as she sees Homer drop Maggie off at the daycare (They call it a park but really it looks more like a daycare) and she fails to see what happens after Homer leaves. After the double date (Really nothing happened, you could cut it out and there'd be no change in the plot at all. Okay, maybe Homer wouldn't have stopped Moe later but I doubt it), Moe proposes to Maya as she seems to be happy at first but then Moe spews out every short joke about a wedding as he can, which pisses Maya off and she tells him to leave (I may have to re-evaluate my opinion of Moe as a character...). Moe's back at his bar as he's crying over this and he asks Lenny and Carl for advice on how to get Maya back. Lenny suggests (Sarcastically, from the sound of it) to do a "Grand reckless gesture" to win her back (So making fun of bad romantic comedy ideas to them means "Let's do it and be totally serious about it. It's not like these are contrived and stupid right?").

You know, I was willing to marry you just a second ago

Moe decides that he has to be shortened in order to get Maya back... BULL! FUCKING! SHIT! Maya loved Moe for Moe, not because of his height; she didn't get rid of him because he was too tall, she told him to beat it for a while because he was being rude and insensitive. In fact, before he was insensitive, she probably would have said yes and they'd be married. Writers READ A FUCKING BOOK! (And don't reference Parker and Cooper, the Spidey fans are already mad enough). Moving on, Moe asks Dr. Hibbert to do it but he says no so Moe goes to Dr. Nick to get the surgery (Odd how he's now officially un-dead, I guess the movie was a retcon and the continuity doesn't matter. Oh wait the Medicine Woman makes an appearance later in the series so YES IT DID COUNT WRITERS!). Maya then talks to Moe right before he gets the operation and tells him that he's being shallow and she can't be with a shallow man (....that came out of nowhere...)(Yeah this plot is stupid). Marge decides to actually watch the surveillance as she sees that Maggie was placed next to Moe's and Homer actually sees what goes on and attempts to save her as he gets beaten up himself (Our hero). Maggie saves Homer (That's three times, Homer really sucks at defending himself) and Marge forgets the whole bar thing because Homer tells Maggie he'll always be there for her. Homer goes to Moe's and gives him some encouraging words which later helps Moe feel better.

Final Judgment: This episode is stupid. It seems to try to include a BS message about how love is not skin-deep, but it unfortunately fails at that by undermining the plot with hundreds of unfunny short jokes. The writing is crap, the subplot is recycled and boring, and the moral seems to be shoved in last minute (If you think about it, that would explain a lot).

Final Grade: 2.8/10 Maybe having Moe based episodes isn't a great idea in this era (no, it's ok, we just need decent writers)