Friday, November 5, 2010

"Hate Month" Bart-Mangled Banner

Hello and welcome to the newest part of this blog "Hate Month". This is a segment where I take the worst writers of the show and review their worst episodes to the series for you all to see why I dislike them. The first victim of this new segment and where better to begin than his first solo episode. Yeah he produced some crap when he was teamed up with Don Payne, but I thought some of those episodes were bearable and it wasn't until he went solo that his crap became more prevalent. With all that out of the way let's dig in.

The episode begins with the family in the car with the kids all eating ice cream, and the parents giving the kids all kittens (Gee I wonder if this is all a ploy to prep them for something bad). After Lisa and Bart realize it's too good to be true, we see Homer lock the doors and pull up to Dr Hibbert's office for their shots. After Hibbert carelessly plays with some needles (Professional doctor everyone) Bart uses one of those medical skeletons to try to protect himself (Wait a minute, he was cowering on the table just a minute ago, now there's a skeleton that's right in front of Dr. Hibbert, what the hell's going on with continuity?) After Lisa proves her "bravery" (Dude, as a kid, you cry before the needle, not after. It doesn't hurt after you get it, it's scarier before) Dr. Hibbert tries to give Bart his shot (Including an unfunny "Children's Cemetery". You're really stretching for a joke there writers) Bart reveals he already stole some lollipops. This causes Dr. Hibbert to try to stick him with multiple needles (Yet again, our professional doctor people). After Bart escapes (And drives away... what?) Hibbert decides to cancel all his appointments to chase him, this results in a montage of Dr. Hibbert failing to give Bart his immunization (No shitty episode is complete without one). Afterwards, Bart finds a dejected "Dr. Hibbert" and lowers his guard, then the real Dr. Hibbert comes out from behind a tree (Cartoonishly) and gives Bart his shot.
Ah yes, the writers took a class on Physics from the "Bugs Bunny University"
After Bart gets the shot, he loses his hearing and Dr. Hibbert finds out the shot caused his earhole to swell up and close up (Yeah the writers could care less if it's medically feasible or not, we need this as our plot device). Dr. Hibbert explains that Bart's hearing will come back in a day and fools Homer into signing a malpractice waver. After two pointless scenes, we cut to the family eating dinner as Marge tells Bart to stay home from school. Bart objects because tomorrow's the big "Teacher-student donkey basketball game" (Yeah they meant to add this in an earlier episode but had to cut it. It's a shame, because it would have done much better in that episode, why? THAT EPISODE DIDN'T SUCK!) At the game, it seems like everyone in Springfield was invited and they all laugh at the teachers as they ride the donkeys (The teachers and the writers both lost their dignity with this episode).
I don't think Bart had much respect for America before he "Mooned" the flag
As the national anthem is being played, Bart taunts a donkey and this results in the donkey ripping off his shorts and Bart accidentally moons the U.S. flag.... Okay a few things I want to say.
1. Bart wasn't even respecting the flag when the anthem was playing, I don't care how "bad" you are, you always respect your flag and respect the national anthem when it plays
2. Why was Bat even taunting the donkey? It's never explained why he decides to do this
3. Why was he so close to the flag that he would be able to moon it like that?
4. He seems to be on the basketball team for this event yet NOBODY from his team grabbed him to show respect for the anthem?
This is beyond retarded, this is contrived and shitty writing across the board. So because Martin's the photographer (Uh where did this come from?) he takes a picture of Bart mooning the flag (Um... why?) Everyone then notices Bart mooning the flag (Um he was right in front of it, what were you all staring at your SHOES when the anthem was playing?) and they rightfully boo and heckle him for insulting the flag. The next day, Skinner scolds Homer and Marge for Bart's behavior (And lampshades about how Vietnam was the U.S.'s only losing war (To date) I hate this writing). Marge tries to defend Bart, but Skinner wont have it. After a follow up to a pointless scene (Which involves lampshading about the bullies being "Complex" characters. I don't think so I say it's shitty writing) we cut to the Springfield Shopper where they oh so subtly blow the story out of proportion... yeah just loudly announce that this is a shitty satire of the U.S. media, I hate you John. So we see that this makes the front page (I hate this episode with a passion) and everyone in Springfield hates the family for being "Unpatriotic" and supporting Bart's antics (Is it too late to back out of this theme month?) After a pointless scene at Moe's Bar (I'm not starting a "Pointless Scene" counter, I don't have a counter that goes to 4 digits) the family's asked to go on a show to tell "Their" side of the story (Great this is now trying to suck off the success of Homer Badman).
It's funny because the media blows things out of proportion right? I mean it's clever satire right? LAUGH DAMN IT!!
After Homer tells Bart to say he doesn't hate America, they go on the talk show where the host (Nash) tries to make Bart out like the son of Bin Laden (Pills, I need pills). After Bart tries to be sympathetic, Nash becomes an asshole and skews Bart's words to make it sound like he hates Jesus as well. Marge then slips by saying she hates talk-show hosts like Nash, but it sounds like she admits she hates America. Dear God how far are we in this? *11:30* THERE'S STILL 10 MINUTES OF THIS SHIT LEFT?! There's not enough booze in the world to make this episode okay. So after Nash makes the incorrect correlation that Springfield hates America (Maybe if I cut myself, I can use medical leave as an excuse not to finish this) we see that America denounces Springfield from the U.S. and radical Muslims love Springfield and the Simpsons in particular (You know, the purpose of satire is to point out glaring flaws through ridicule and irony. This episode does neither).
Seems like the most appropriate reaction to me if you're called unpatriotic
Because of all this backlash, Mayor Quimby changes the name of the town to "Libertyville" and the town will be as patriotic as possible (Wow, even the overreactions aren't funny, YOU FAIL JOHN FRINK! YOU FAIL!!) After some more scenes of people going overboard (And Marge lampshading this because the writers think we can't figure this out ourselves) we see Lovejoy telling the pastors to worship the American flag (I HATE THIS EPISODE!!! Sure why not, break the 1st Commandment just so people think you love America, I hope you enjoy eternal damnation) Lisa then decides that enough's enough and decides to tell everyone about her opinions (Wait just a minute *grabs my PSP* you may proceed). Lisa tells them all that Congress cannot create a law oppressing freedom of speech or of the press and that's from the Constitution (Oh, well that does make a lot of sense, maybe after listening to that, the people of Springfield might...) Oh wait SWAT comes in and arrests the Simpsons for violating the "Government Knows Best Act"... FUCK THIS EPISODE!!!!! Yeah what a "subtle" change to the "Patriot Act", none of us could spot that for miles, fucking geniuses. And you know, people don't get arrested for simply reciting the constitution. I hate this "Satire" the writers may as well of just lied naked on the White House lawn with letters on their chests spelling out "We hate George Bush" and that would have been funnier.
You're under arrest for shitty writing and horrible satire
*Sigh* Moving on, the family all gets put together in a jail cell in a jail er I mean "Reeducation Center" where we find out that anyone who opposes Bush is placed in jail with them (Wow, unfunny and insensitive, you've reached a new low Simpsons). We then cut to the family in a room (Subtly named the "Ronald Regan Reeducation Room", bet you wouldn't know this was created when the Republicans owned DC would you?) where the family's shown a reject Schoolhouse Rock cartoon where it implies that The Bill of Rights was an accident and should never have been made (Oh great, now the writers are implying that Republicans are Facists, I hate this episode). After Marge lampshades that Lisa's out of character for laughing at it, Lisa explains that she's turned to their side (I'm going to get a thesaurus to find all the synonyms of hate so I can express how I feel about this episode). The family then meets a crazy guy (Who's a Democrat... subtle) and he tells them how to escape (So why did he never use this method?) At the talent show, the family's all dressed up in flag clothing that would embarrass Rush Limbaugh as the guy tells them to escape through a tunnel after their bit. When they get up, their act consists of them singing "O' Beautiful" and then breaking into their own patriotic song (You know, O' Beautiful used to have meaning to me, now I have to wash away this episode for me to appreciate it again).
We're the Simpsons. In America
So after each kid escapes through the tunnel, Homer and Marge walk off last and tell the guards to hold still (Sure why not, fuck it the episode's almost done). As they get out of the tunnel, we find out that the prison was Alcatraz... I'm pretty damn sure Alcatraz is now a museum and hasn't been functional for years you twats.  After the family almost makes it to San Fransisco (Um how? The reason nobody escaped Alcatraz is because of the strong currents, oh forget it, it's not the biggest plot hole) they are rescued by a French liner who accepts them and takes them back to France. We then see the family in Paris as they've all developed a hokie French accent and apparently are rich enough to live in Paris (Um, how?) Marge admits she misses not living in the U.S. and Homer comes up with the idea of them all going to America as immigrants without IDs. We then see the family in tattered garb as they are on a boat from the 30's and are assigned the last name of "Simps". The episode ends with the family joyful at the prospect of living a new life in America as a song transitions us to the credits.

Final Verdict: This episode is terrible. The satire is horrible, the jokes are non-existent or try too hard to be funny and end up falling flat on their face. The writing is horrible and there's nothing interesting in this episode for a fan to want to watch this episode. All together, this "satire" of the Patriot Act fails and just frustrates anyone who watches it.

Final Grade: 1.2/10 Just disgusting. Well we're off to a bad start for this month, hope to see you all next week.


  1. fuck this shitty page man

  2. The whole first part of Bart running way and the montage were pointless, they could just as easily had him have his shot immediately and start the plot from there, 2 minutes of padding are the first warning signs of a bad plot.
    And the 'Arabs love The Simpsons' joke really got on my nerves.

  3. I like how this article complains about bad writing in a Simpsons episode and then doesn't bother to mention who wrote the episode until the halfway mark.

    1. Does it really matter if the writer is mentioned at the beginning or the end? It's in the tags and I do mention him so it's not like I just say "Shitty writer is shitty" and then never mention him