Episode 21: Ned 'N Edna's Blend

Oh joy, an episode about "Nedna" quite possibly the only romance more awkward than Twilight. But I tell a lie,  I mean, if I squint hard enough... eh nevermind it's not there. Anyways, this didn't look fun when I first saw the preview, so does the episode actual surpass expectations? Let's find out. Oh and BTW, I will be doing the BINGO again this week

Opening Sequence: 1:42 (One step forward, two steps back)

The episode begins with an audition for a play ran by that guy nobody remembers from that episode nobody remembers (Okay, it's Smoke on the Daughter and damn me for somehow knowing that without Wikipedia). After Bart asks why he has to participate, Marge insists that the Passion of The Christ is the best story, to which Bart and Homer start listing off random current events, and by current, I mean 1 year or so old (Telling jokes and saying random things are two separate ideas)(x). So Ned tries out for Jesus, but the guy turns him down as he says he doesn't resemble Jesus. He then starts saying things that Jesus would do, which prompts Homer to come back and think that he should try out for Jesus. Oh and for good measure they include a Twitter reference because their target audience wasn't born before 9/11 and have the attention span of a rock unless random culture and technology references are made. Yeah this joke is horrible and I sorta feel bad for whatever schlock intern at FOX has to update that twitter account with unfunny garbage because the staff needs to "Connect" with their audience. Seriously, these types of jokes are about as funny as watching a 70-year-old man try to be "with it" by wearing the fashion from 2008, attempting to use a smart phone, and trying to use a skateboard. It's not funny, so much as it is painful to watch. Okay, long rant over a pathetic joke over, moving on.

Hey look! A Twitter reference therefore they're "with it" right?

So Homer barges onto the stage like a jerkass and is instantly handed the part(x)(x). Later, Homer goes more jerkass as all he can think about is the costume he's been given to wear (I seriously want him to be crucified by the end of the episode. But knowing the writers, he'd come back to life on the third day since he's Jesus to them). So Lisa tries to tell Homer to take the role serious as pissing off Christians would be like wearing and Florida State shirt to a Florida game. You mean an Oregon State shirt to an Oregon game right? I mean you guys totally believe Springfield is in Oregon because you insisted on it after misinterpreting the interview. Why would an Oregon native understand a Florida reference? Eh I don't believe that, I just like screwing with their non-logic and pointing out the gaping holes from their stupidity. So Homer realizes he's in deep shit and starts crying (Okay I'm adjusting my card, this should have been one of the spots, the writers fall back on this a lot) then Homer spouts out "Why do I succeed at everything I audition for?" I have an answer: The writers are total hacks who have no clue what to do if Homer isn't the center of attention despite there being a large, diverse cast of characters with just as diverse personalities for a diverse amount of roles. Any questions?

Wiggum: Ugh, not this guy. Just kill him and do it quickly

So the play goes on and after Homer says ONE line, everyone in the audience is moved...okay, just relax, he's bound to screw up and make that blatant asskissing utterly pointless. So after he's given the cross and thorns, he continues his Broadway performance... must... hold back... rage... Homer then is crucified and as Ned is praying for forgiveness of his pride and doubting of Homer... dammit all... Homer then falls down onto Ned (x) and the director just comes out to distract the audience. No, you can't distract the people from how awful that writing was. So Ned is rushed to the Hospital and as Edna tries to get in, she's told only immediate family is allowed to ride as she tells him she's his wife as she then flashes a wedding ring. HOLY CRAP THE PLOT! It only took them 7 minutes to get there with the opening act having NOTHING to do with the rest of the episode. I'll take it basic storytelling is no longer required to pass writing classes. Also, isn't it so nice that in between September and May of this season they decided to mention this all of TWO times?! I think a lot of people forgot this was even a thing until this episode. At the Hospital, Ned and Edna are happy that their marriage is out in the open. Truly this is a love for the ages as demonstrated by all those scenes of them together, let's see them all... oh right, they don't exist... but they're destined for each other, right?!

Edna: You jelly Marge?

So after some more pathetic dialogue from Homer (Hey America, we had a vote on this, remember? Please laugh at our callbacks to horrible writing) Marge asks why they didn't say anything. Ned explains that everyone makes a big deal out of everything and faster than you can say Supercalifrag- Kent Brockman  and a bunch of other people show up for no discernible reason. Uh, characters HAVE been married before, I mean Apu was married and got nothing, heck even more recent was the Van Houtens getting back, nothing on them. Ah forget it, this is the same staff that would light up cigars for the 525th episode and paint the town yellow for the 550th. After that pointless scene, we see the family having dinner as the kids don't exactly approve of the idea of Edna as their mom. Marge comes over to offer them a celebration for their marriage. Edna accepts as the only guests to their wedding were Ned's parents as apparently they have the same "Diddly" speech that Ned does... NO! Ned got that from the THERAPY because of his parents. You got the designs right, how did you screw up the rest? So after that Family Guy cutaway gag Ned agrees as Homer decided he needs Ned's stuff to complete the party (Why bother asking? He could just steal it).

Bart: I heard the plot needs to be moved along, so I just decided to pop up.

Later, we see Edna trying to entertain the kids on a rainy day, but since they're afraid of butterflies and believe that iron helps them play, her ideas get shot down. Bart shows up (Out of nowhere) to tell Edna to take them out to the real world, she doesn't think she needs to until Todd crashes his tricycle with training wheels.... let's move on. We then see Marge and Lisa at a wedding store as several women are jealous of the fact that Marge got to plan the party and Marge tells them to deal with it. Edna then goes to the Leftorium as Ned tells her he'll be staying late and he needs her to go to the parent-teacher conferences for him. Well that should be fun, seeing Edna talk to herself about how Rod is doing well in her classes and whatnot. Wait, they apparently go to a Christian school... I'm pretty sure they go the Springfield Elementary unless a transfer happened offscreen. That or the writers are very lazy and hate consistency, neither would surprise me. So at the conference, Edna gets a bit concerned about the teaching methods, and it's only confirmed when the teacher brings an astronomy map that involves religious figures including Tim Tebow in a green shirt. Thank God for digital coloring or else him in a Bronco's shirt would have made their joke dated before it even aired. Oh and to those who thought that the red X's through the female and black candidates in the "Politically Inept" episode was a joke about racism and sexism and not a quick-fix, you can all kiss my ass. Sorry, a bit uncalled for, let's move on.

Oh what a timeless joke, surely this joke doesn't have a 1 year expiration date, right?

So Edna pulls them out and decides to transfer them to Springfield Elementary without Ned's approval, as you'd expect he doesn't like the move, but accepts it. I don't know why he'd have a problem with it seeing as how they were there for a long time, but whatever. Later that night, Ned has a nightmare (As demonstrated in an easy to read title) which is- OH DEAR GOD! Claymation? NO! Just, NO! Did you not learn your lesson with the puppets from the Christmas episode? Just stick with your half-assed animation. So we see that Todd graduated from a real College with a degree that Ned did not approve of... so what was the point of it being claymation? There was NO purpose outside of the Davey and Goliath reference. I'm sure that was worth every penny of your sinking budget that'll not be saved by Lady Gaga next week (One week of decent ratings does not save a show). So we see the extravagant party (Because the Simpsons live in luxury and can afford anything they want) as everyone seems to be having a good time. Marge goes to talk to Ned and Edna as it turns out that after a few days in public school, Rod and Todd are already back talking Ned and getting temporary tattoos... establishing shots? What are those?

A married couple having a fight? Well I never-

Ned and Edna get into a small argument of sorts and after the women from earlier get some of the fight on their phones, Edna takes the boys home. But of course the writers just HAVE to be clever as Moe inserts a horrible 4th wall joke about the 3rd act being over for "The Simpsons" and that should be the end, as Lisa says she feels like there's going to be one more act(x). That 4th wall joke is so forced and awful I think the 4th wall repaired itself from the lack of real comedy forced against it. The next morning Ned laments that he allowed himself to act that way. Marge gives Bart and Lisa their lunches as apparently Bart has some sort of trouble as demonstrated in a scene that has no point and begs for someone to shoot it dead(x). So after that bit of nothing, Ned realizes that they don't agree on how to raise their kids (Did that require a 3-minute exchange with no jokes whatsoever?) So after more bickering (UGH! JUST KILL THE SCENE!!!) Bart shouts out that he's keeping a dolphin in his bathtub... WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT?! I mean, was the episode that short that they needed a pointless scene like that just to make 21 minutes with a 2 minute opening sequence and a first act that completely unrelated to the rest of the episode? Basic storytelling, LEARN IT!

The assembly ended because Ned had to talk to Edna, or something

Later we see an assembly where Mr Largo and Lunchlady Doris (Let her character RIP) as they tell the students the answers to an upcoming test, however it's all deemed pointless when Ned comes out of nowhere to decide he needs to talk to Edna NOW... the stupidity of this scene hurts. The two have an apology decide to play it by ear (As Ned says it "The Simpsons make it up as they go along" I can't help but believe that's the writing staff's motto whenever coming up with their episodes). The episode ends with Homer dressed up as Jesus endorsing a car dealership owned by Sleazy Sal (Oh I forgot, they put his name in the opening billboard so this is supposed to be some sort of bookending or some bullshit) and Homer gets zapped by God for calling himself Jesus. Oh and during the credits, they start to play the "Everyone loves Ned Flanders"... until Ned breaks out into rap... if you'll excuse me I have a knife to sharpen and a pillow to stab.

Final Verdict: Pretty bad, but not too bad either. This is rather tame compared to what has been airing recently (And the disaster to air soon) and really while I had my complaints, I felt like it was watchable to a degree. Yeah there were some pretty bad moments like the opening act and the assembly along with the credit sequence, but there were some decent moments. Overall, above average for the season, but still crap.

Final Grade: 3.7/10 Not good, but it's not a complete waste of time either

"Hate Month" A Star is Born-Again

Well it's that time again. A glorious time where I bash some of the worst writers ever in the history of the show. This month I take on my personal least favorite writer; Brian Kelley. Now keep in mind that while I dislike him as a writer, I don't know him (Or any of the writers) personally so while I hate their work, this is in no way a personal attack against them. With that out of the way, let's talk about today's episode. A Star is Born-Again is an... interesting one to say the least. While the idea of Ned dating again isn't terrible, this episode just manages to screw it up nonetheless. How bad can they screw it up? Let's find out.

The episode begins with the family heading to the beach as it's revealed that they are there for the annual Jellyfish Festival (While it does set up Ned's loneliness, that doesn't occur until the 4 minute mark. And it's not like this Festival is even mentioned ever again, so it's rather pointless). After Ned walks for a bit we see him filling out some forms in the Leftorium as a woman comes in to shop around. After the two chat a bit we find out the woman is charmed by Ned's wholesomeness and how she can't find people like that in LA (And in other news that'll shock the world, water is wet). The woman buys some stuff and tells Ned that she's a visitor to Springfield and she'll only be in town for a week and she'd love to have dinner with him (So many questions to ask, so few answers given). Ned finds out through a single conveniently placed poster that the woman he's about to go to dinner with is none other than movie star Sarah Sloane (Gotta love how there's only ONE poster around the walls of the Leftorium, it really speaks to the laziness of the staff).

I've had my eye on you for quite some time Mr. Ander- I mean Mr. Flanders

The next day Ned tells Homer about his date and the conversation goes nowhere as Homer really doesn't give advice to Ned but spouts off unfunny lines instead (That didn't take too long). Later we see Ned and Sarah at dinner as Lenny decides to take a joke too far (Jokes that go on too long aren't funny, writers). Later, Ned and Sarah go walking down the boardwalk as Sarah decides to kiss Ned as Ned has no problem with it (Am I the only one who feels that Ned would have SOME problem with that? I mean it's their first date, oh well, maybe I'm overthinking this). The next day we get a brief biography about Sarah's relationships from the Simpsons (Ah yes the patented "Tell don't show" method we've come to expect. Really It was established she seems like that so I don't know why they even bothered with this scene). Homer gets a call as we get introduced to... ugh, the "Tabloid satire". As Ned shows Sarah his kids, the doorbell rings and a bunch of tabloids come to storm the house. As Ned, Sarah and the kids leave the tabloids wreck everything and decide to "Concoct more lies" (You know Mr. Kelley, the purpose of satire is to point out flaws by means of irony and ridicule, and not by LOUDLY ANNOUNCING IT).

It's funny, right?! I mean because the tabloids will just break stuff and photograph it right?!

Afterwards, we see Sarah on set for a film as Ned gets the director to cut a pointless nude scene out of the film and Sarah's tells Ned that she might "thank" him later (Brian, how long can you go in an episode without including some pointless sexual joke? It seems to be a somewhat common theme in your episodes. Eh maybe I'm just forcing something that's not really there). Later, the Simpsons have dinner with Ned and Sarah when we find out that the tabloids are outside of Ned's house and are fooled by a dummy that looks like Cher (Besides the fact that the joke is terrible, where are Rod and Todd? Did you just leave them in the house to watch the paparazzi or did the writers forget about them?) Ranier Wolfcastle breaks into the Simpsons and tries to win back Sarah which doesn't work (Yay for pointlessness!) Later Sarah and Ned are walking down the street and Sarah tells Ned that she wants him to come to LA with her. This causes Ned to have a dream sequence of him in Hollywood (NO! You need to earn a dream sequence! Go back and try again)

And all this time, I thought Jim Brooks looked like the monopoly man

After seeing Hollywood looking like hell (How is that any different than today?) Ned tells Sarah that he couldn't go so she decides to stay in Springfield (Okay everyone got what they wanted, episode's over. It was bad but not as bad as I remembered it w- oh, there's still a third act left). We see Ned and Sarah as they are driving down a road and then shopping at the Kwik-E-Mart ~Padding, Padding, Padding,~ ~Padding, Padding, Padding,~ Marge invites Sarah to her book club as we find out that Sarah invited Helen Fielding to the meeting as she's the author of the book they decided not to read. Helen's not upset that they didn't read it (As she still gets paid for the sales) and decides to leave a la Benny Hill style... whu? How does that make any sense? Because she's English that automatically means she runs a la Benny Hill? When you use the Benny Hill theme, you do it for a "wacky" chase, not just because they're English. You FAIL writers, you fail!

We are the humor police! Get back here!

So after 3 minutes of nothing, we see Sarah decide to wear a revealing dress as she goes out with Ned and the kids to a Pops concert. Ned is shocked that Sarah is wearing what she is and at the concert she takes his jacket to make the dress even more sexy. After a bad Homer leers Sarah joke (3 times now and another time later) Sarah tells Ned that she wants to sleep with him but Ned tells her that he can't because he doesn't believe in pre-marital sex (Like his character SHOULD). Ned talks with Homer about it but it goes nowhere (Seriously, can someone actually tell me HOW that talk swayed Flanders in any way? There was nothing said about what he should do, just Homer thinking he's funny). Later, Ned and Sarah are on a hillside when Ned shows Sarah passages from the bible for and against pre-marital sex (One vastly outnumbering the other).

Next he's going to join a motorcycle gang, then convert to Islam and then...

However through the power of shitty writing, er I mean wind, there's only one passage left and it was from the "Pro-sex" pile that says something that makes no sense but it's good enough for Ned... Okay I'm calling bull here! Even if that did happen, I don't see Ned just throwing out all those other passages because of wind. You fail Brian Kelley, you FAIL! The next morning Ned tells Sarah that now they have to get married and she's adamant and decides to go back to LA. Ned's a bit depressed that Sarah left as the episode ends with Helen Fielding running a la Benny Hill style with Marge, Homer, Ned and a bear... wait what?

Final Verdict: This episode was awful, the jokes were terrible and often times made no sense in context to what was happening. The writing was bad with character derailment and the third act was just a mess. The story could have worked if it were just Ned and Sarah just getting into a relationship that didn't force Ned to act the way he did at the end. All together this episode was rather boring and stupid to sit through and I'd recommend staying away from it if you haven't seen it.

*Edit*Final Grade: 1.3/10 A rather stupid episode

Episode 22: The Ned-Liest Catch

... I got nothing people. Does the writing staff just have hats with names and events in them for their scripts? I mean, Ned Flanders; avid Christian and not a big dater pairs up with Edna Krapabbel; quite possibly the closest thing to the town hooker on the show (But I digress). I'm just trying to think of what the thought process was in the writing staff. But this was probably more of a marketing stunt to not only rile up the fanbase with this awkward pairing but to raise veiwership for said relationship and up the summer poll (Something I'll get into later). With all that said though, let's take a look at the season finale and celebrate the fact that we are free of this show for 4 months.

The episode begins (No couch gag, just a title card. I'll discuss my view on the opening sequence length another day) with an assembly to celebrate the fact that their girl's basketball team actually won a game (A little funny at first, but starts to wear its welcome out quickly). After Skinner introduces the team, Lisa tells everyone that the team is suffering from food poisoning and Skinner is forced to cancel the assembly, giving the students free time. However, Lisa decides that she needs to be the buzz-kill and tells everyone she has a speech prepared for the assembly (Why Lisa? Why do you have to do this to us?) Bart being upset decides to be a troublemaker and causes hell in the auditorium (And they couldn't have had him like this last week because...?) Okay,I'll admit, I somewhat like this scene, Bart being a troublemaker here is probably the most in-character thing I've seen him do in a while. And it's not like the twin episode where he's being dickish, here he's rebelling because his free time was taken away. Skinner tells Edna to control Bart, but Edna tells Skinner that she tries but nothing seems to work (Two things, one: Is it just me or does Edna's voice sound a little off? Two: Are you really trying to tell me that Edna let Bart break her? I really doubt that she'd let that happen, just seems like it's too early for her to give up, that's all). After an unfunny bit with the students exiting the gym (They're really stretching for jokes here) Edna remembers that she's a disciplinary and chases after Bart, after she catches him, she slaps him across the head (And then slaps him again harder after everyone gasps for the first time, weird).

This is for changing my birth control pills with Tic-Tacs

Everyone then looks at Edna as Skinner tells her that her act was unforgiveable and he decides to talk with her in his office (But not before a Lunch Lady Dorris cameo. Is it even worth mentioning how I feel about them continuing to use her character?) At Skinner's office, we see Skinner, Edna, Homer, Marge and Chalmers discussing what Edna did and how she'll be punished for this (Hey the first time this season where Chalmer's appearance makes sense *Celebrates*) After some unfunny lampshading about due process (And any hope for this episode being good just died) Chalmers informs Edna that she'll be suspended with pay but will have to resort to a detention center for teachers who are waiting for their hearing as well (Why am I getting this feeling of deja vu? Huh, must just be me). At the "Teacher Holding Facility" (Really, no creative name or anything? Oh well, you probably would've screwed that up as well) Edna is shown the main room where she'll have to stay from 9 AM to 4 PM as it seems like nothing more than a run down room from an insane asylum (Insert your own One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest joke here. I'm lazy). After a brief exchange between Edna and Skinner, Edna finds out just how boring and painful the facility really is (They re-play Season 20 everyday. It doesn't get more painful and boring than that). After we see Edna being a bit depressed (Wow, genuine emotion, and it was conveyed in less than 10 seconds with nobody explaining it to us. It's flashes like this that show me that the writers DO understand emotion, but often, they'll just throw it away because they think it won't hold people's attention)

You'll be my friend, right Mr. Air Vent?

Bart gets Edna's attention and tells her he feels bad for getting her in trouble and he tries to apologize but she's reluctant to accept it. Bart tells her to meet up with him and she follows him to the bathroom (No, get your head out of the gutter, it's not like that). After Edna does that joke in the bathroom (Whatever, let's move on) Bart tells her that he has a plan to get her out and shows her a dummy he made of her to fool everyone while she's gone. Bart then gets Edna to go down a fire ladder, but the ladder breaks as she's getting down prompting Bart to find help (Well I hope, he just leaves as she's hanging there). Edna then drops and Flanders just happens to be drawn into the scene to catch her (No seriously, we get an establishing shot of the scene and nobody's around, but she drops 5 seconds later and he just happens to be right under her. I call lazy!) After Ned puts Edna down, he introduces himself to her as he goes into a 3 line rhyming conversation with her (If you'll excuse me, I'm off to hide the Rule of Three from the writers for next season). Ned and Edna then have a discussion about how she almost fell to her death and it leads into a conversation about how Ned lives next door to Bart and Homer (Is it possible for anyone in Springfield to have a conversation that DOESN'T involve the Simpsons? Just saying)

That's not what I meant when I said it's raining cats and dogs

Edna and Ned then get lunch as each of them find out that the other is single as they find out a little bit more about each other (Wow, I'm genuinely shocked, here I was expecting this relationship to be just "Edna meets Ned and they instantly love each other. Now you decide America" but it seems like the writers are actually TRYING to justify why they could be with each other. It's still a terrible idea, but they have far passed my expectations). After Ned returns Edna to the facility (Wow, that made the escape totally pointless.Isn't that like "I'm going to bust you out of prison, but you'll have to return tomorrow" what's the point?) we get a montage of Edna and Ned going out (And my hopes yet again crash back down to earth, well it was nice to see flashes of competency, I guess I'll see them again during that blue moon). Afterwards, Chalmers informs Edna that the Teacher's Union was dismantled and she's fired. However, he immediately re-hires her under the condition that she be a part-time prison guard (I sense the calm before the storm, better prepare myself for something awful). At Edna's apartment, we see her and Ned as she wants to be much closer to him but he tells her that he's against pre-marital sex (This is why so many people hated this idea before it even aired, they're polar opposites and not "I can complement you" opposites. I'm shocked that the writers haven't completely derailed one of them yet). After they start making out a little (Followed by a poorly inserted "Cheese-making documentary" joke. WEAK!) Ned decides to give into his urges as he strips down to an undershirt and makes out with Edna some more (The writers are walking on tightrope here).

Screw Maude, she's dead. Now I can do whatever I want with you.

Later we see Edna go to Ned's house as she and Bart have a rather unfunny bit where a student meets their teacher outside of school (Oh come on, that's an easy joke, how could you screw it up? Oh right, you dragged it out WAY too long). After a bit where Homer tortures Flanders in the yard (And Edna watches) Edna and Flanders approach Homer about the way he treats Ned and how he should be much nicer to him (A lot like the "Homer strangling Bart" some things are better if you don't really put much thought into them. To me, I don't really take it all that seriously and it's ruined when it is taken seriously). After Flanders takes everything back that Homer "borrowed" (Including a tumbleweed, okay that was a little funny, but who wants to bet it'll all be back in Homer's possession for Season 23?) Homer and Bart decide they need to split them up as Homer decides he needs to convince Ned to dump Edna (I still can't believe that this pairing really is now cannon). At Moe's, Homer tries to convince Ned that he should stay single so that he can do everything he wants to, but Ned tells Homer that he wants to continue to see Edna because he looks over at Homer and Marge and remembers what it's like to be married and have that special woman who he can do everyting with (I can't believe I'm about to type this... Character development! They actually gave a legitimate reason for how this could work. I still hate the idea of them together, but the writing staff actually put thought and emotion into this and kept it away from the normal monkeys who write this crap. I'd be lying if I said that this episode's writing was awful, the concept is awful, but the writing is above average, which is really preventing me from hating it right now).

Everyone! I have great news! We're firing the writing staff and going out in style.

After Homer feels bad for trying to break them up, we cut to Bart trying to convince Rod and Todd not to like Edna, but it fails and we get a rather pointless scene (Ah there's the crap I'm used to). We then cut back to Moe's as Homer proposes a toast to Ned and Edna as everyone in the bar apparently has been with Edna at some point. Skinner talks about all the times he and Edna did it around the school (All in favor of watching that episode say 'Aye') Comic Book Guy talks about how he has an e-mail dedicated as being an Edna lover (Unfortunately that is cannon, so I have to accept it) and Joey Kramer talks about how he and Edna were together for a bit (So he was able to get his drumsticks back I see. Don't know why they had to include him, but whatever, let's move on, I sense a horrible ending). After it's implied that Homer did Edna at some point (Great advertising FOX, the way they worded that part made it sound like That 90's Show) Flanders leaves disappointed. At Edna's apartment, Ned can't get comfortable with Edna as he sees different guys faces whenever he looks at her (This goes on for WAY too long and the joke is killed at the end, I guess the monkeys found their way back in). The next day, Marge berates Homer for Ned finding out the truth through other people (Yes because clearly it's Homer's fault that so many guys slept with Edna and were at that bar... wait what?!) Marge then tells Homer to talk to Ned as Homer follows Ned in the most ridiculous way possible (Oh come on, can't we just finish this as painless as possible?)

If we had clever writing, we could make this funny

Ned then thinks it over, and decides that he needs to talk to Edna about this. Back at the Flander's residence, Ned tells Edna that he forgives her past but Edna takes that as a back-handed insult and she tells him that she's not ashamed of it.Edna tells Ned that if they're to stay together, he must not allow it to get in their way. Ned then ends the actual story by breaking the forth wall with "I guess this is going to have to be decided by a higher power" (That's pathetic). The actual episode ends as Homer and Marge walk in front of the shot of Edna and Ned telling the viewers that they can decide whether or not they should stay together or not (I'd call it breaking the forth wall, but it's more like "Eh, just vote on this stupid idea and watch our crappy show next season")

Final Verdict: This episode is surprisingly average. I fully expected this to be God-awful, but it's rather average. The concept is stupid as all hell but the writing is okay, with flashes of decency here and there, the jokes range from horrible to chuckle-worthy and surprisingly character motivation actually plays a role here. However, there are quite a few of the stuff I've grown to hate. like: Characters appearing out of nowhere, characters disappearing because they have no more lines (Speaking of which, what happened to Lisa after the opening? She never even appeared afterwards) and an awful cliff-hanger that NOBODY will care about (Hey at least Who Shot Mr.Burns was good enough for the wait).

Final Grade: 4.3/10 Better than any story about Edna and Ned deserves to be

Episode 12: No Loan Again, Naturally

This is one of those episodes that looked like it had potential from a story perspective, but like many others in recent memory, suffers from poor execution. The idea of Homer having to live in a house that's owned by Flanders does raise some interesting ideas, but it just seems like the writers really didn't try to come up with these ideas. Let's review this and be thankful our property isn't owned by Flanders.

The episode starts with Homer and his family preparing for their annual Mardi Gras party (Which apparently they've done since Bart was born, interesting)(I think the show celebrated Mardi Gras before. Not at Homer's house). Marge is concerned about the cost of the party and Homer tells her not to worry about it (I would put in a "Translation: " joke in, but I assume you all know what it leads to). At the party, Quimby opens the party (Including an overlong joke about him and his wife, who said jokes need effort?) everyone seems to be having a good time. Marge tells Homer to invite Ned (To which he gives no resistance...wait what?)(.....what?) and Ned accepts the invitation (The fence joke shouldn't have been placed in, it wasn't funny with Homer and it wasn't funny the other two times). When Ned gets there, he instantly becomes a buzzkill by announcing when it's Ash Wednesday (So Ned coming over proved to be entirely pointless. Great writing, wouldn't you say? Oh yeah for those of you wondering "Was there any point to this party?" the answer is; no. You could easily replace the party with "Homer does something expensive" and it'd be just as sensible)

Quick! Name all the people in this photo who belong at a Mardi Gras party

The next day we see everyone hungover and Homer cleaning up the yard of beers. Lenny asks the sensible question in how Homer can afford this and Homer gives us a lesson in Economics 101: he takes out a home equity loan so that he gets money and the house gets stuck with the bill (Yeah because in 3 years this joke wont become dated or unfunny right?). Lenny lampshades what we're all thinking (at least someone has a bit of intelligence) and Homer takes back his Mardi Gras beads for questioning him. We then see Marge find a piece of mail indicating that their mortgage rate would be increasing and she takes Homer down to the mortgage company to find out why (They even include a bad line about it being the first day of Lent. Next year for Lent I'm giving up shitty Simpsons episodes. I think I'll manage somehow). Ol' Gil then gives them their new monthly payment (Yeah he works for the mortgage company now. I guess when consistent jobs are optional anything's possible), which is too expensive for them. Because of this, the Simpsons' house is foreclosed and we see the family packing up a U-Tote truck (Better than MyPod, but not by much).

If only this meant they were leaving television. If only

Gil lampshades about failing banks and how CEO's got out great during the government bailout (These topical plots are really getting on my nerves, I could watch episodes from 10 years ago and not have to look up the newspapers about what went on at the time to understand their jokes). As we see some people inside the house inspecting it for themselves, we find out that Homer stole all the copper wire but forgot to disconnect it causing him to get shocked (Homer getting hurt, because it only happens about a dozen times per episode now). The next morning we see Marge crying over the loss of the house (While finding memories in the house) and Homer attempting suicide by hanging himself from a tree but bringing down the tree and crushing his car (I don't know what to say, Homer attempting suicide IN FRONT OF HIS KIDS. You know the idea of Homer killing himself sucked in season one. But at least he didn't want his family to see him commit suicide)(...there are no words for the face I'm making). We then see the house up for auction as Mr. Burns bids $100,000 for the house to store his cufflinks (-_-).

What a great father, no care for his kids at all

Mr. Flanders sees the Simpsons walking off in shame to which he bids $101,000 on the house and Mr. Burns doesn't bother to outbid him (You know that's pretty good for a 5 bedroom, 2 bathroom, two story building). The Simpsons come back and Ned explains that he bought it back to rent it to them and Marge is grateful for it. As they're about to put their stuff back we see Homer going upstairs to grab the "Surprise" he left for the new owners (It turns out to be a bouquet of flowers wishing the new owners treat this house with respect. Okay for as bad as this season's been I have to give credit for this scene and how Homer actually cares about something)(.....can I just say, 'Awwwwwww'). Okay, maybe I didn't give this episode its due diligence, maybe I just had a skewed perspective because of the season itself being shitty, or maybe we should watch the last two acts to be sure. At the housewarming, the two families get a picture as Bart puts up a picture of him making a face to ruin the picture and Lisa smacks him (Hooray for violence). Later, we see there's a leaky faucet and Ned volunteers to fix it which Marge at first refuses but then accepts. After he fixes it Marge begins to ask him to fix some other things in the house and we see Ned unclogging a pipe and trying to fix an electric socket (I expected a montage there, methinks this episode is lulling me into a false sense of security).

Marge dreams of Flanders

After Ned leaves, he gets called in the middle of the night and he refuses to come over to fix a gas leak. Homer then badmouths him on the phone because he refused to come over and we see that the family is using said leak to cook food (Oh goody, another bad joke). Homer then continues to badmouth him at Moe's (keeping in mind that Flanders took care of a lot for them and saved their homes, and that the house has ALWAYS been falling apart....yeah). Moe suggests that Homer goes to the media and expose him for the horrible landlord he is (Okay now I know why I dislike this: the entire premise is that Flanders saved the Simpsons home and Homer repays that gratitude with rudeness and selfishness. If I were Ned, I'd evict them to teach them to be grateful for what they had). Later we see that Channel 6 news does an investigative report on the Simpsons home (Dear Lord, did they just run out of stories to air that week or something? Oh wait it's season 20 writing, my mistake) and, based on some weak evidence, the story makes Ned out to be a horrible person (With a Hitler mustache, devil horns and a Detroit Lions fan shirt. It's funny because it's topical, right?) Ned then does the sensible thing after that and gives Homer the month to get out of the house.

I guess when you've sold your soul as much as this show has, you get a vivid image of the devil

Homer tries to plead with Ned, but, it's no use as Ned's too angry at the moment (I know someone's going to call BS on Ned's behavior here, but using Hurricane Neddy as an reference, he does store up anger and can release it all at once, so I'm going to let this one go). Later, Homer tries to trick Flanders into thinking Jesus wants the Simpsons to stay but it doesn't work (By Homer getting everything imaginable wrong)(At least he's lucky Jesus didn't show up from Colorado, or he'd kick his ass). After Ned places a notice of eviction, Homer points out a loophole that they can stay if a resident is over 65 (Grampa). The plan takes effect but Homer thinks they all have be in the residence for it to work. Marge points out that only Grampa needs to stay and she suggests they all go out for an outing (which results in some pretentious lines from Lisa). The family keeps Grampa occupied with a DVD and sneaks out. On the way back, Homer exposits what they did and Bart lampshades the fact they already know what he said (Ah, writing at its finest: complete crap). When they get home they find out that Ned took in Grampa and evicted them while they were gone. Homer decides to try out the "Tempting Fate" trope and it doesn't rain.

The E! True Hollywood Story: The Simpsons after 1999

We then see the family at a homeless shelter where they're all miserable (Serves them right. Wait I'm supposed to root for them aren't I?). We cut back to Ned about to sign two new tenants that would be perfect for him when Ned realizes he misses the Simpsons and he tells them they can't live there (The couple tells him they'll sue. I'm assuming for breach of contract but considering they never made any payments I don't see how they could win, a landlord does have a right to say no to a new tenant if they want to). Ned gives the Simpsons their house back which causes all the other neighbors to want to move out. We end with Homer saying he hates the neighborhood (And they hate you right back).

Final Judgment: This episode isn't bad but it's not really good either. The story had its moments but there were times where you were left scratching your head at the stupidity. The writing is up and down (Mostly down), the jokes really aren't that funny and the characters act weird at times. But to their credit, I believe this is the most in-character the family has acted all season. There was much more potential but unfortunately it got left on the table, it's better than the episodes surrounding it, but that's not saying much.

Final Grade: 4.3/10 Just an average, mediocre episode

Episode 1: Sex, Pies, and Idiot Scrapes

I could skip this season and just post about 5 paragraphs worth of obscenities towards this season and it'd be just the same. But I'm contractually obligated to explain in detail why I hate this season. What better way than to review the 21 combined episodes that make me enraged. Let's begin the hell that is "The Simpsons Season 20".

We begin this episode with the family going to a St. Patrick's Day Parade (The only way this can be any good is if Bart gets drunk (Hey, we have a rule about not discussing better episodes!)). After an unfunny, pointless scene involving the river and Mr. Burns (Yay for padding!), Mayor *Insert Irish names* Quimby declares there to be no booze for the celebration. Mayor Quimby tries to calm down the audience by listing things that Ireland created. After a pointless IRA joke (I thought Bart was ignorant about the history of... anywhere) we get to see some Irish stereotype floats and a Northern Irish parade towards the Irish. Lisa goes to calm the two sides down by singing an Irish lullaby that was conveniently given to her before the episode (I know she's smart but not this smart).

Stop fighting! We can't have excitement in this episode

The Irish then go back to doing what they do best: disorderly conduct. Marge then gets mobbed by Irish kids and loses her cupcakes. A man named Mr. Flannery retrieves the cupcakes for her and offers her a job at his bakery. Meanwhile, Homer goes for arraignment on his involvement in the riot. His bail is set incredibly high, forcing him to seek out a bail bond center. At the center, Homer gets bailed out and is told if he doesn't appear for his court date, a bounty hunter will chase him. Homer becomes a bounty hunter himself (after he got fired for getting arrested) and he lures Snake and his girlfriend into a trap. He traps Snake in an alley which leads to Snake shooting Homer (I wonder how this will play out).

Thank you Flanders, lazy writing has saved me again

When the commercial break ends (much to our dismay), we cut back to Flanders putting his Deus ex Machina, er, I mean bullet-proof glass in front of the bullet to save Homer. After Homer then apprehends Snake, he proposes to Ned that they should team up to catch criminals. We check back with Marge at her new job as a baker for an erotic bakery (The name of the bakery should have tipped her off; I don't want to buy my mom a cake from a place called "Au Naturel"). Marge gets furious at Mr. Flannery for not telling her, but, through the power of an unimpressive speech, she agrees to stay (I call foul on this, I really doubt Marge would want to continue doing this now that she knows what it is)(I concur; Marge has some pretty 1950s' housewife values). Homer and Ned then have a small talk which leads to Homer misusing a taser and tazing himself. After a montage of them catching bail-jumpers (Yeah I'm doing that again, I didn't plan on it I swear) Homer gives his family presents from his job.

Real subtle there. Bet you can't guess what's made inside

After a scene where Marge prevents Homer from knowing what she really does, Homer and Ned stake out the Italian restaurant for Fat Tony, from which he escapes on a subway car. Homer pursues him recklessly to pad out the episode a little. Ned then expresses his disgust for Homer's disrespect for the law (And I express my own to the fact that Fat Tony was only given grunts as lines; if you bring in Joe Mantegna for Fat Tony, GIVE HIM SOME LINES!). Flanders then calls the partnership off and Homer agrees. Homer grieves over the friendship being over when the writers decided to throw in Marge telling Homer about her job (Seriously, how he finds out is awful: she just tells him for no reason even though earlier she was ashamed enough not to explain why they couldn't get a cake for Lisa's Birthday). After some unfunny jokes involving cake, Flanders finds out he needs to catch Homer because he missed his court date. After Flanders hesitates, he decides to search for Homer because he doesn't want Homer hurt by a different bounty hunter.

Welcome back to "Physics is for losers". Today we will rape the laws of gravity and momentum.

Flanders then chases Homer in a chase scene that has physics makes Bill Nye's knowledge of science look like Einstein (That's just being mean to Bill Nye) (By the way Homer and Flanders are both very athletic and would put Bruce Lee to shame. Consistency, what's that?). Good Lord, this chase lasts for over two minutes and it's not really good either. After the chase is over they decide to further pad it by talking like they're Obi-Wan and Anikan from Revenge of the Sith. After Homer remembers all the good times with Flanders, he decides to save him but it backfires as they land in some wet cement, which doesn't seem to hurt them despite the fact the cement is about 6 ft. deep and it hardens as soon as they land in it (Oh booze I've missed you). Flanders pads out the end with reciting the Bible as Homer is taken to jail. Marge sends him a cake that says she loves him and the episode ends.

Final Judgment: What a stupid episode, I don't know which was worse the Marge subplot or the bad buddy cop main plot. The opening ended up being entirely pointless as it really could have been any situation and it would have been the same. The writing seemed half-assed as there were times where I wondered what happened to the main characters' personalities and I wonder who thought this would be a good idea. When you get down to it, the subplot was just filler as it really had no implication on the main plot and didn't develop anything for any of the main characters.

Final Grade: 3.4/10 What a way to open up a shitty season, this was a red flag to what would become of this season, but nobody seemed to listen. Word of advice: never open your season with garbage, it'll be the first impression on how your season will be.

Episode 16: Greatest Story Ever D'ohed

An improvement! But not a significant one. This episode is extremely dull and boring - seriously, I think I only laughed 3 times and I believe one of them wasn't because the scene was meant to be funny. Yet again an episode with potential that is just wasted *sigh* I miss the good old days when I could be proud to watch this show. Let's review this episode and get enough coffee out for twelve.

We start off with Flanders holding a bible study with culturally relevant words placed in (I think the writers realized how stupid some of their references are and just slipped that in as an apology). The bible study is then interrupted by Homer being Homer with a slip-and-slide in his backyard. We then see the character derailment of Flanders as he just berates Homer immediately when he confronts him. Lovejoy suggests that Homer should come with the group to Israel, to which Ned is skeptical but eventually is accepting of. Flanders goes over to a now grass-skirt wearing Homer (The Pagan reference is SO subtle) and invites him to Israel.

Oh great Dog God. Grant me a pair of comfy pants

Homer declines but Marge accepts and Homer whines a little about it. After an unfunny incident involving Homer and airport security, we see Krusty who decided to make the pilgrimage to Israel to avoid hell (To which Lisa points out Jews don't believe in hell). At the hotel we get to meet our tour guide; Jakob who is yet another guest star that does nothing but spout out unfunny dialogue (He's like that guy who thinks he's funny but in reality he's not). After what seems like an eternity by Jacob, Homer decides to but in and delay the tour by going to the breakfast buffet. After that, we get to see Mr. annoying still ramble on for a good portion of his scenes (Seriously, the writing for him is TERRIBLE, he comes off more annoying than funny).

Ok let's get one thing straight. I will not be funny nor charming in this episode.

Flanders then hoping that Homer will stop being Homer asks for him to show a little interest in Israel instead of being an ignorant tourist. After Homer continues to piss all over what Israel stands for, we see the group viewing the Wailing Wall Homer and Bart get into a "fight" as Bart mocks Homer's prayer and Bart prays for him to die. Bart gets away by skateboarding on top of the wall, as Jakob's niece Dorit chases him down. She catches up to him and beats him down with Krav Maga (Israeli military fighting technique) and kneeing him in the crotch about a dozen times (OK that is funny). As the tour group goes to the Church of the Holy Scripture, Ned thanks God for being there and giving him Homer as his burden. He then finds Homer sleeping on the tomb of Jesus as that really starts to piss off Flanders.

Dear Lord! Jesus has been resurrected as Homer Simpson!

Homer and Flanders are then banned from the Church as Flanders then tells Homer his soul has no possibility for salvation and leaves infuriated. Homer then follows Ned to the outskirts of town as he goes into the desert where a sandstorm strands him out there. Homer then wanders the desert as he starts to get dehydrated and beings to starve where he hallucinates the "Veggie Tales" vegetables (Just roll with it) telling him he is the messiah(Who knew the anti-Christ would be our savior?). After Homer is then taken to the room, it's then told that Homer's suffering from "Jerusalem Syndrome" (Yes it exists, but I'd say he's more suffering from dehydration that caused his delusions).

Worship me peons! For I am a God.

After Homer escapes, the family goes to the Dome of the Rock to prevent him from doing something stupid (too late). On their way there (And our final visit from Jakob Yay!) The family (Plus Flanders) sees Homer giving a speech to try to unite all faiths as one religion (Um Homer, it's a bit more complicated than that, there's a reason that Jews and Christians consider each other to be different). It is then forgotten as Agnes and Dr. Hibbert declare themselves as the messiah.

Seems like Lisa is really racking up the fatalities against Bart

As multiple nut cases, er I mean people with Jerusalem Syndrome board the plane, we see Homer's OK, Ned's at peace with Homer and Lisa gets the window seat by kneeing Bart in his crotch.

Final Judgment: This episode isn't nearly as controversial as I thought it would be but at the same time, it's boring. The tour guide comes off as annoying rather than funny, the plot itself was nothing special and when you come down to it, it's not that memorable.

Final Grade: 6.2/10 Not bad, just bland

Episode 5: The Devil Wears Nada

To me, Marge Simpson is a typical 50's mother: a woman who has good moral values when it comes to families and probably would berate a kid for wearing their pants too low. Then Marge appeared on on the Playboy cover and a part of my childhood died. Now I can't really bash this because I know that not everyone feels this way, but this has to rank in my top 5 things that I never wanted to see associated with the Simpsons. Now onto the review.

We begin the episode with Homer's supervisor retiring which then leads Mr. Burns to hire Carl as the new supervisor after he is able to screw a lightbulb in *insert lightbulb gag here*. Marge then partakes in a rather pointless plot *will explain later* about her group trying to raise money. I did like the bake sale gag as it made me laugh at just the sight of Bart and his friends eating cakes. However, the rest of this plot is just to further remind us that Marge was in Playboy as well as the chalkboard gag. We cut to Marge and the "Charity Chicks" doing their photo shoot with perhaps the second most annoying character in the history of this show (Seriously who keeps lobbying to bring back this Latino guy for more episodes, he's just flat out annoying in every one.)

Golf hasn't been this interesting since the Tiger Woods controversy

*Hey look a reference to Tiger Woods before the scandal* After cutting to a pointless conversation of Homer and Carl we see Marge's calendars with photos I'm pretty sure she didn't authorize (which in real life would get the photographer and publisher arrested but what do I know?)(Yeah, that's grounds for a good lawsuit).

Who knew alcohol could do that to you?

Act 2 begins with Homer being promoted to Carl's assistant since apparently extortion is not a crime in Springfield. We then end the whole calendar plot with Marge being accepting of everyone just leering her after she hears praise from the church. Now this is where the calendar sub-plot proves to be pointless, I know somebody's going to say: "But it made Marge horny and fueled the fire for the main plot of Marge and Homer not being able to be together" and to that I say - Bullshit! If you take a look at Grampa Vs. Sexual Inadequacy, Marge and Homer couldn't be intimate before even though Marge wanted to, and it didn't require buildup. Here, it's just delayed so much by the padding that it just makes me angry at the episode.

Enough said

We then get to see our main plot as Homer is too involved in his work to be intimate with Marge (Yeah Homer actually cares about work...BULLSHIT!!!) Oh wait, I lied, apparently the writer were about a minute short for this episode and decided to throw the calendar back in just to enrage Bart *and the viewers who are asking for plot*. While Homer goes with Marge to a romantic weekend, Carl ruins it by calling Homer back for an expo in Paris. When Homer heads off in his cab, Marge hits Flanders with a mallet by mistake and so our plot for the rest of the episode kicks in (because as we all know, Marge does actually have the hots for Flanders). After Homer and Carl land in Paris, Carl decides he wants to stay longer and that causes Homer to miss Marge by hallucinating her as everything in Paris *save the gargoyle*

OMG the false tension is just leaping off the screen

When Ned goes over for dinner, Bart and Lisa decide to leave and Rod and Todd were grounded so it's just Marge and Ned *OMG TENSION!!!!*. Ned and Marge have a near moment but it's interrupted by a plot device - um, bell. Yeah, just a bell that wasn't conveniently timed at all. Homer then decides to go home after he is able to blackmail Carl, and Homer goes home to Marge and they finally get intimate.

Final Judgment: This episode was pretty stupid as it was just an excuse to say to America "Hey we're in Playboy, suck on it". With all we know about Marge and Homer, there is no true tension of either leaving the other and it just seemed like an old plot reused.

Final Grade: 3.2/10 It's not really worth watching the first time so why watch it again?

Episode 20: To Surveil with Love

What can I say about this episode? Well when the opening is more memorable than the actual episode, you're in deep trouble. But couch gags do not make or break episodes so that will not factor into my review. This episode begins with Homer at the bar when "Duffman" comes in and does his best imitation of Duffman because he couldn't afford the license to Duffman's original music. Either way that leads in a somewhat weird series of events that has Homer leave a duffel bag with a rod of plutonium alone at a train station. Meanwhile, Nelson trips Milhouse which leads to Lisa (who is sitting across from him for no reason) berating him for tripping him and making fun of him. After the annoying "logic" we see a woman who invites Lisa to join an unknown debate team, she accepts and we cut to Lisa debating some girl about carbon emissions from cars. We come to realize why this debate team has never been mentioned before as all it is is just a kindergarten argument where the winner doesn't win by having the better argument but by making fun of their opponent better. This is the point where you will want to grab the booze if you watch the rest of this. We then see a woman who makes the people from the bank look like Mensa, who starts spazzing out about a bag left alone for not 10 seconds. The police blow it up and then the city assume that the bag was meant to be a terrorist attack. Some British person comes in and explains that England has never really had to deal with problems (I guess WWII bombings were just a mild nuisance) and referencing the London subway bombings, the man explains that they added cameras everywhere and crime is now non-existent. Lisa argues that it is an invasion of privacy and it violates the Constitution, but as the writers realized their was logic in this plot, they insert yet another bad blond joke saying that all blonds are dumb and they should not be listened to. Marge tries to comfort Lisa by giving her a stupid book on how to deal with being different, even though A lot of America is blond so that's like saying wearing black makes you different. After the cameras are all installed the police force hire 8 people who will monitor people's actions. The only funny part of this is when Maggie watches a gay bar where there are multiple people dressed up in Sesame Street clothing. It is at this point where you realize that George Orwell must be rolling in his grave. Lisa then decides to dye her hair in a mildly cool scene that made me laugh because I have a soft spot for those Frankenstein like scenes. The whole Big Brother thing continues with very boring scenes as filler so moving on. When Lisa does reveal her new hair I admit it was cool but I didn't know that hair dye not only changes the color of the hair but it cuts and styles it as well. This subplot was very underdeveloped and it seemed utterly pointless. As Flanders realizes that the Simpsons have been using the blind spot to commit crime, he comes to flat out say that this episode is a mockery of 1984. After all the cameras are destroyed we finally get an idea of who was behind it all. It could be anyone it could have been some political person trying to set up another dome over Springfield, it could have been Sideshow Bob planning his return to Springfield. As it turns out though, it was the Queen of England who made the cameras into a reality show. Yes the writers were so bankrupt for ideas that they had to steal the 1st episode of South Park.

This episode is just so blah, I really love 1984, it is perhaps one of my favorite books of all time and the writers just give it the middle finger. I do not feel that same sense of a great plot while watching that plot that i get while reading 1984. The subplot of Lisa's hair was stupid as it was just pointless and didn't really make you feel any different about Lisa.
*Note: this episode has Krusty again, and again they do not address what happened in Paris so I'm giving up on any continuity involved with that episode and throwing that episode out the window.

Final grade: 2.4/10 Read 1984, you'll get such a better feeling