Episode 9: Holidays of Future Passed

Well I guess you all know how I feel about this episode so there's no point in me doing some "clever" introduction about how I have little hopes and I think it's going to suck. Now just onto the details of how I feel about this trip to the future.

The episode begins with the family finished eating their Thanksgiving dinner as Marge tells everyone it's time for the Christmas photo (Admittedly this is a scene I'm not too particularly fond of, there are some rather bad jokes in this scene in my opinion). After Marge dresses everyone up and sits them in front of the couch, we get a montage of family photos over the next 30 years which I'll admit is worth another look, if only to see each family member age (But like most long jokes, it loses humor towards the end). We then cut to the elementary school as it's turned into an apartment complex and we see Bart living there (I really wish they could've done more with this idea, they did very little with "Bart never leaves that school") After Skinner tells Bart he's late on the rent, Bart's kids arrive at his place because his wife wants him to spend some quality time with them. Okay before we continue I just want to address a small problem; the voice acting, Bart has aged 30 years yet he sounds like a ten year old still. There are other problems in this episode like Homer and Marge sound the same (Seriously, tell me a 35 and a 65 year old person sound the same, I dare you). Now this might be a nitpick but it's not like they haven't aged the voices in future episodes or future dreams, and really it comes across as lazy. If it doesn't bother you, there's no problem, it just bothered me, that's all.

Poor Bart, even at 40, he still can't get away from school

After adult Bart gets the idea to drop his kids off at his parent's place (Oh and to make them sound different enough, the kids sound like Bart from Lisa's Sax) we cut to Milhouse and Lisa as Milhouse's allergies are making him miserable (I still don't like this pairing, fortunately, it's briefly seen, so I'll let it slide). After we find out that Lisa's daughter is a typical teenager wanting nothing to do with her parents (I suddenly just got some bad images stuck in my head) Milhouse suggests that Lisa takes their daughter to Marge's place while he goes to Michigan since they don't celebrate Christmas. In England (Okay to their credit, they don't linger too long on the background jokes, so I found them amusing) we see Maggie is pregnant and to prevent her from talking, they make up some medical excuse about how pregnant women shouldn't talk (I know this is going to sound like a back-handed compliment, but they did do one thing right in not having Maggie talk. Fuck you season 20, you suck).

You appear to have twins...how would you like to star in a George Lucas remake?

After implying that Maggie is a slut (Charming) we cut back to Marge and Homer as they're in bed with holographic books as Marge gets some "Brain messages" telling her that Maggie, Lisa, Zia and Bart's family (Sans his ex-wife) are coming home for the holidays. After a bad joke involving Homer (There's always that one) Lisa finds out that Homer has stopped drinking and taken up boat modeling as a hobby (That was rather pointless, it doesn't really lead to anything and it wasn't all that funny in my opinion). After Bart is told that his ex-wife re-married (So Bart turned into Kirk Van Houten?) as Bart asks Homer to take care of his kids for a bit and they resent him some more (Okay, do they have names? I may have missed it, but I'm not quite sure). After a pointless scene involving Flanders revealing Edna died (Why are they so insistent about us accepting that relationship?) we cut to the airport where Maggie is unable to teleport on the basis of being pregnant as we find out that air travel is the equivalent of a motorcycle convoy. Later we see more "Futuristic" set props (This is becoming Futurama more and more) we see Lisa and Zia as Zia acts more like a one-note character in disrespecting Lisa while Marge is ignorant on the situation.

You see, this is what happens when you spend your days watching online videos every day.

After another scene inside the shit airplane, we cut back home as Homer decides to take Bart's kids downtown (Okay for the sake of the rest of this review, I'll call them Tom and Bob). After a montage of Homer taking Tom and Bob to the Kwik-E-Mart and by Mr. Burns' manor (That's not taking them downtown, they lied!) we see Kearney driving Maggie in a cab as Maggie goes into labor and Kearney has the cab drive them to the hospital (While I thought that joke was rather weak, I'll admit, the "Church of Lard Lad" was rather funny). Later, we see Lisa meet up with Bart in the treehouse as they drink some wine and discuss their lives. Bart tells Lisa that she's doing alright and she turned out just great (Eh this is more emotional than a lot of the 'emotional scenes' from other modern episodes, but it just doesn't work for me). After Bart sees Homer loving his sons, Bart and Lisa get down from the treehouse by revealing that trees are sentient and it lets them down (Honestly, I didn't like that joke).

Bart, let me tell you a secret... I'm not really Lisa,
Lisa died in a horrible drug overdose in France after  her days as a Blues Musician

Drunk Lisa then goes to apologize to Marge  and Bart tries to connect with his kids by showing them some unfunny Krusty the Clown (Wouldn't he be dead? Then again, Mr. Burns was alive... I think it would've worked better if Mr. Burns's brain was put in a robot and Krusty's tombstone was talking as to say "I'm bound to Hollywood forever"). We cut to the Hospital as we get some rather lame jokes alluding to the birth of Jesus (Let's see, Maggie is pregnant, with no father, around Christmas... I give up). Later, we see Zia connected to the internet (HEY! there's nothing wrong with spending some quality time on the internet every d- *Looks at self* you know I need to work out a bit) and Bart decides to confront Homer about watching his kids. After a pointless, unfunny bit with Patty and Selma (Seriously, they serve NO purpose, they show up for a joke and then disappear, presumably leaving, but I don't think the writers thought that out) we cut back to the hospital as Maggie's in labor and to help her, Doctor Hibbert gives her a pacifier (Considering that she's pregnant, the youth and innocence of Maggie sucking on a pacifier is GONE).

Yeah.... no

After a pointless scene so we can see how Apu is doing in the future (Okay, scenes like these just make me think the writers were off their Ritalin) we see that Lisa has finally decided to go into the "Ultranet" to get Zia out of there. After some more set pieces meant as jokes, Lisa goes to Google (Nevermind the joke about it being Dr. Seuss' birthday despite his birthday is in March. Seriously, they had nothing else?) and she searches for her daughter and finds her door and ponders whether or not to invade her privacy. Later, Bart goes looking for Homer, Tom and Bob as he gets pulled over by Ralph Wiggum (Again, a perfect opportunity at a joke is wasted by them going for a drawn out bad joke. I think it would've been funnier if Ralph ended up as a respected head of police for the state just as a twist. But that's just me) At Moes, Bart finds out that Homer isn't there, but instead is at Grampa's (Two things of note; The crime scene is worth another look and the joke involving Lenny and Carl was one of the worst jokes in this episode and entirely pointless).

I guess the rake finally got the better of Sideshow Bob

After a Hospital scene (It lasts about 5 seconds, just thought I'd mention it) we see Lisa decide to go in and she learns that Zia is more like her than originally thought including that Zia idolizes her. We then see Homer take Bob and Tom to a cryogenic lab as he tells the boys that just because Bart isn't a good father that doesn't mean he doesn't love them and they should give him more credit and love him back (While I do like Homer in this scene, it's ruined a bit later by Homer freezing and unfreezing Abe a bit more). Bart approaches Tom and Bob and tells them that he'll be a better father to them and he gives them a big hug. We cut back home as Maggie had a girl and as Abe asks who the father is, he interrupts her saying he doesn't need to know (Okay I know this is still going with the whole "Maggies doesn't talk" motif, but we never get the baby's name or father, those are things she can answer, there's no excuse for her to be cut off for answering those). The episode ends with the family gathered around for a Christmas photo to be taken by their evolved pets (Not going to question it, let's end this).

Final Verdict: This episode was decent, yes there are flaws, but for what we've had to deal with, this was great in comparison. The writing was pretty good with some areas being sloppy, the jokes varied, but there were some good ones and while the three plots didn't really mesh, at least the pacing of the three plots caused minimal padding. In short, for those of you who know how cynical I am about this show nowadays, this is high praise from me.

Final Grade: 8.2/10 I thought about high 7's, but I'm in a giving mood this season. Merry Christmas and I'll see you all next year

Episode 3: Midnight Towboy

...We're near the halfway point of October and already these episodes are already getting under my skin. No, I'm not quitting on you guys, I'm just wondering how we live in a world where FOX decides to go from "45% paycut or we cancel your show completely" to "Extended through 2014" in less than a week. I knew this would end up happening, but I didn't think it would be THAT short. Anyways, back to another season 19 review, oh please put me out of my misery already.

The episode begins with Marge trying to put Maggie to sleep, but Maggie doesn't want to go to bed yet. After Marge tries to convince Maggie to sleep, we get a scene of Homer, Bart, Lisa, Ralph and Milhouse all in togas as they are celebrating the new pledges... What the fuck am I watching here? This scene comes completely out of nowhere and leads to nothing, all it served was the punchline to "Everyone else is asleep". I'll give the writers credit here, they had to TRY to make a punchline that bad, humor that bad isn't done overnight. Not even a minute in and I'm already ranting, sorry about that, let's move on. After Marge struggles to put maggie to sleep, she decides to make Maggie a bottle of milk, when she asks Homer to hold Maggie (By the way, nobody's in their togas anymore, continuity is for the weak) Maggie jumps from Homer's grasp and Marge drops the milk bottle. After Homer cries over spilled milk (No worries, this is not made subtle at all) Homer goes to the Kwik-E-Mart where he finds out that they're out of milk (Okay, the joke involved here isn't bad, so kudos). After a trip to Moe's bar for some milk (Which isn't funny, see it all balances out in the end) Oh and I guess, Moe's been drinking some of that paint as well. Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa convince Marge to look online to deal with Maggie, this goes about as well as you'd expect from a mother on the internet (Oh come on, this joke was better suited for 2001, not 2008).

Come on mom, why don't you ever use this computer we just bought?

Afterwards, we get a rather brief montage of Homer not being able to find milk Homer ends up in Guidopolis where everyone is a bad Itallian-American stereotype (And here I thought they would all be Japanese-Americans based off the town name). After some unfunny sign gags (That they stop on for a couple of seconds, remember how if they had something funny in the background, they'd gloss over it and make it a VCR gag? Yeah, nowadays they think that these 'jokes' are so great that they need to pause so that the audience can admire them) Homer goes into a convenience store where the owner tells Homer "I got your milk right here" while pointing down, to which Homer explains that he thought the owner meant his crotch (Stop explaining your jokes! They're not funny to begin with). Some woman then come in and informs the store that Homer's car is being towed so Homer goes out to try to reason with the towman.

If you want some milk, it's gonna cost you

The towman gives Homer a lift to the impound lot as Homer decides he needs to make a fat joke, er I mean get his registration so he gets into his car, which causes the towtruck to go airborne for a second (Okay, minor nitpick here, but later on, the towman has no problem carrying Homer under one arm. Keep your jokes consistent, that's all I ask). On the way over, Homer goes into dumbass mode as Louie (Nametag) tries to tell Homer in a subtle way that he's his own boss and he works whenever he wants (So Homer's IQ in this episode is going to be 'moss under a rock' *Sigh* let's move along). After they get to the impound lot, Louie sells Homer a towtruck and gives him one rule to being a towtruck driver for Springfield; stay in his own territory (Okay they list two, but the second one is a terrible joke). Oh and in case you're wondering (All two of you) the milk is never brought back up again, not even a token line of "Hey honey, here's the milk" *Sigh* let's continue. Back in Springfield, we see Homer towing random people (Nothing really to note, although I was surprised it wasn't a montage)

Hey, the 90's called, they want their lame surf-like montage back

but fear not, for the padding comes in the form of a pointless scene where Bart is skateboarding off Homer's towtruck and when Homer brakes hard, Bart crashes and dies, the end... but medical science means nothing as crashing into a truck while presumably going 40 MPH results in a short blackout (Oh you fucking teases, you had a chance to end the show right there) Yeah, yeah, hate on me because I like the idea of one of the main characters dying which would end the show. But seeing as they have nothing in common with the characters we knew and loved from the 90's, they're just animated robots to me, I could care less what happens to them. Anyways, back home, a woman from the program they mentioned earlier (C.R.I.E.) tells Marge that she needs to let Maggie become independent and she takes Marge away from Maggie. After about 10 seconds, Maggie is now totally independent of Marge (Great development there, for a moment, I thought we might actually see Marge and Maggie struggle to stay away from each other over the course of a couple of days and in the end, both realizing that they need to allow the other some independence. But nope, 30 seconds is all the development the writers could afford).

Uh, Marge? You're doing the "I am a MAN!" thing wrong

After Homer tows a helicopter (No it's not funny in context) Homer goes to Moe's where he spends some of his new money on designer drinks for everyone. Lenny reveals he's parked longer than he should have in the one-hour zone and Homer tows Lenny's car (Am I missing something? What's the narrative flow? "Homer tows a bunch of people after getting a towtruck"? It just feels messy and unfocused, sort of like the anti Mr. Plow, but that's just me). The next morning, we see Maggie being able to sustain herself perfectly fine (Replace development with the same scene of 'Maggie is independent' ad nauseum, because that's not lazy at all). After Homer does some terrible title dropping (Ow, ow, ow that hurt) we get to see a bunch of cars on the Simpsons' front lawn (By the way, two things I want to note on the Sunday School bus; 1) Only shows up when it's needed for the scene (Wasn't there when Skinner passed by) 2) They animated Ned, but couldn't be bothered with animating the kids in the foreground because...?)

Seems like there's nothing on the street there...

...Except for that teleporting bus... wait, what?

We then cut to the bar where everyone in town is mad because Homer's towing their vehicles (Hey I've got a solution, PARK LEGALLY YOU DUMB FUCKS!) Yeah I know this town doesn't like to obey the law (See Wiggum as their Police Chief) but this just turns into a 'C' plot I guess that goes nowhere. I'll explain when we get there. Oh and by the way, another joke explained in that scene, I think that brings the total of 'Don't explain the joke' to 3, with a few that are debatable. Agnes then tells everyone that she has a plan to get rid of Homer and she whispers it to everyone (Gee does it have anything to do with that "Stay off my turf" rule mentioned earlier?) At the border of Guidopolis (Ugh) they put a car next to a fire hydrant, paint a handicap space next to said hydrant and put a bunch of tickets under the windshield and finish it off by covering the billboard of "Welcome to Guidopolis" (Okay stupid nitpick here, a handicap spot next to a fire hydrant? How stupid do they think Homer i- nevermind I just answered my own question) Meanwhile, back home, we see Maggie yet again being independent, but this scene adds Marge losing here mind as she comforts a bag of potatoes (This scene isn't charming it's flat out creepy, get this woman help!)

I will love you and feed you and I will call you Norman

Back at the border, Homer notices the car and decides to narrate to himself how if this were a TV show, this would be the end of act 2 (Ow... even their fourth wall jokes are terrible) Louie (Yeah he's still exists) then confronts Homer about the car being on his turf as he knocks Homer out prompting a credit stating "End of Act 2" (You know what, at this point, the Joker doesn't even care that they're doing this anymore) Act 3 begins with Louie driving his truck while towing Homer's truck, which is towing Homer (Umm... Tow-ception? I'm sorry, I'll never say that again) all the while, Homer doesn't shut up until he hits a pole. At Louie's Home, he effortlessly carries Homer with one arm (Consistency, what's that?!) and then drops Homer into a dungeon of sorts where Homer finds a bunch of other towtruck drivers down there as well (So when will Louie start making his skin suit?) Back in Springfield, we see people not parking correctly (This is quite possibly the worst satire against anarchy I've seen. And no I'm not making that up, Lenny flat out states it, I'm just going to mail my dictionary to the writing staff with some post-its marked next to key words, 'subtle' is one of them). Back Home, Homer calls and tells them not to worry about him, that was pointless, let's move on. Back in Springfield, we see that the whole town has gone into anarchy because ONE towtruck driver isn't there anymore, God, this is stupid.

Are we sure this is about parking? Looks more like downtown New York

Like I stated before, I'm not quite sure if this was supposed to be the 'C' plot because it just kinda happens, it starts up and then never resolves itself, I don't know what the hell this is supposed to be, oh right, it's filler, let's move on. Back at Louie's dungeon, Homer tells the rest of the towtruck drivers some movies he saw. You know what, screw it, I'm just going to cut out the filler and get straight to the end. After Marge worries some, Maggie decides she needs to go find Homer, so through the help of Santa's Little Helper and lazy writing (SLH apparently doesn't need to smell anything to track Homer down) they get to Louie's house, attach the tow hook to the bars and free Homer and the others. The episode ends with Homer and Maggie coming home where Maggie decides she wants to be Marge's baby again and be dependent.

Final Verdict: This episode sucked, the writing was very lazy, the jokes were bad and some were terrible (Mostly the explained ones) the characterization was rather bad and in the end it was really padded. Maybe cloning Mr. Plow wasn't as great of an idea as they thought when they originally green-lighted this script.

Final Grade: 2.4/10 Very forgettable and not worth your time

Episode 20: Four Great Women and a Manicure

Yeah you know how usually three story episodes are reserved for Halloween episodes? Well apparently the writers got lazy and decided to do four short stories instead of one long one so they wouldn't have to worry about plot development and such. Yeah, this is just speculation and my feelings on these types of episodes because frankly, I don't like these episode setups outside of the Treehouse of Horror episodes. It really feels lazy as the writers don't need to take as long to develop the plot and there is no excuse for filler yet they seem to put it in anyways (Aw, but I like some of them, like the Revenge stories). So let's watch this and see why it's best to do one full plot only.

We start off with Marge taking Lisa and Maggie to a nail salon (Heads up, Bart doesn't even make an appearance in this episode but Nancy does voice Ralph here, so she is still needed). Marge took Lisa there for her first manicure/pedicure and what's the first thing Lisa does to thank her? She asks why it's more important to be beautiful than smart or independent (Great this is going to be one of those pretentious "Lisa's a feminist and we're going to point it out often" episodes isn't it?)(Though it still sounds more in-character than last episode). Marge decides to tell Lisa about how women can be smart, strong and beautiful and she decides to use the story of Queen Elizabeth I about how a woman can be great but she does need a man (I'm just going to leave a bottle of scotch right next to my computer here for future use)(I'm using it first. This story cannot possibly go well....'needs a man', what in the HELL). We find out that Elizabeth (Selma) is having suitors come to visit so she can be married. After Ralph makes his appearance we see the King of Spain (Julio) arrive being as fruity as a salad bar (....aren't there vegetables at the salad bar?)(Did I mention I HATE this character? Probably but to be sure let's get that out of the way).

NO! We are not having you in this episode! Now scram!

After he threatens Elizabeth, we see Walter Raleigh (Homer) who Marge immediately falls in love with (In the interest of fairness, the writers did get Walter's character right. He did popularize tobacco in England and the writers took advantage of that to make a decent joke out of it. Unfortunately, that's the only decent joke in this segment, all the rest are cringe-worthy). Because Julio was rejected by Elizabeth (For not being straight enough to be a husband) he decides to launch the Spanish Armada against England (Okay I'm not going to allow history to affect my opinion of this story because if it did, there would be so many parts that are nowhere near what happened)(Can I?). Back in England, Walter runs into Marge and helps her carry water up the stairs and they start making out on the stairs until Elizabeth comes out of her bath (Must be that time of the month). Elizabeth decides to send Marge and Walter away because Walter was her suitor, not Marge's. We then have an unfunny bit where Moe calls Elizabeth; Grendel (That doesn't even begin to make sense. Even though the story was available in England, it'd be like Hilary Clinton calling Obama, Frankenstein and being serious about it. The book was fictional  and originated in the Baltics so that joke was stupid and made no sense). Moe then tells her that the Spanish Armada is coming and Elizabeth goes into action (This is stupid on so many levels but whatever, it's not as stupid as what's to come).

Well if your mission was to ruin humor, plot and an otherwise great show. Then that's correct

After an unfunny "Mission Accomplished" banner (These topical jokes are TERRIBLE) the ship that Walter happens to be on catches on fire by his pipe and the ship just happens to run into the Armada and sets them all on fire destroying them all and thus letting England win (A swig or two of scotch and then my mind will be clear)(...I want to hurt something so badly...). I'd rather not get into the stupidity of this because this whole story is flat out stupid in its own right so let's move on. After that, Elizabeth knights Walter and blesses the marriage of Walter and Marge. Elizabeth realizes that she doesn't need a man but she has a whole country (Sure why not? Next story!).

After Marge tells Lisa she'll look great, Lisa decides to try to tell the story of Snow White. Blue-haired lawyer interrupts claiming the rights to that story belong to Disney (And we see he has long nails indicating he's evil, just like Disney, and Fox executives). Lisa counters saying it's a fairy tale from hundreds of years and her characters are not the same as Disney's (That's like saying if I created a yellow kid named Elizabeth with spiky hair it's original because the name is different. What a legal system)(Technically, she is right, though, I think). After we see a musical bit that is not in any way "Hi-Ho" (Seriously it's not horrible but just try to keep the parody as a funny parody and not a "We're stealing from Disney so Ha-Ha") we see the wicked witch talk to her HD TV on the wall (Pills, I need pills). No I'm not letting this go, I hate things like this, there are idiot writers and producers who think that old stories need to be modernized in order for people to find them entertaining. I'm not a person who'll enjoy a black and white movie for the sake of it being black and white, but I'll most likely hate it if a good black and white movie is given a color release. What's the point? I've never seen it but whose idea was it to 'modernize' Rear Window in Disturbia? (Based on reviews from IMDB and Rottentomatoes that's what it seems like). Anyways, the witch finds out that Lisa is Snow White and this upsets her, causing her to tell the huntsman (Willie) to go kill Snow White and put her heart in a box (Okay the body box for Snow White and the huntsman did make me laugh a little in the interest of fairness).

I knew it! The real Lisa's been dead for years and they've been holding her body in there

We then see Snow White doing some cooking as the huntsman comes in and can't bring himself to kill her. He then tells Snow White to run away and he tries to get a different heart but he fails several times (Wow, what a pansy). Snow White gets to the several dwarfs' house and settles in but not after a piss poor attempt at parodying Little Red Riding Hood (They did that before, lazy). As the dwarfs get back, they notice someone's disturbed their house (Because we can't see shit when they say that, I guess they never understood "Show Don't Tell" did they?). They go into their room and wake up Snow White by accident (When you consider it's Lisa and she's 8 and the dwarfs are all above 20, I can't help but be a little disturbed)(In the original, I think Snow White was 12. AND Disney had censored most of it. That's fairy tales for you!). After Hibbert warns Snow White, we see all the animals helping to clean up the house (Who is she, Dr. Doolittle?)(It's Disney Power!).

I guess subtlety really is a lost art

We then see the witch disguised as an old woman with a basket of apples, offering one to Snow White (This isn't nearly as bad as taking candy from a stranger, but if a stranger offered me food after he got into my house I'd run away) After she gets Snow White to take a bite, the witch runs off against the ineffective dwarfs until she gets mauled by the forest animals (Oh great Cartman's X-mas critters got out again. Didn't you lock their cage RBY?)(I was kinda hoping I could get them to maul drunk frat boys...). We see Snow White in her glass coffin as she isn't rescued by Prince Charming but instead by a female doctor offscreen. This is the same girl whose favorite movie is "The Little Mermaid" (Make Room for Lisa), a movie that's underlying theme is "Give up your voice so you can be with a man". Words escape me people, this is total bullshit, next story!

Our next story starts after Marge laments being married to an idiot. We start off by seeing Marge who plays Lady Macbeth in a local play trying to get the stains out of a costume. We see she's angry because Homer cannot act to save his life and his role is that of a tree (I'd doubt that, cardboard cutouts of trees would be far more interesting)(....why would they pay someone to act as a tree?). Homer points out that Sideshow Mel is playing Macbeth and Homer could never be as good as him. Marge suggests to Homer that he kill Mel and take over the role of Macbeth (except there are probably about a dozen guys more qualified but we'll get to that soon). Homer kills Mel in his dressing room with his bone and Homer ends up getting the role of Macbeth (Odd, I would have assumed there would be promotions for all cast members)(Actually, they'd use, you know the understudy). Homer is a complete failure as Macbeth during his first performance and the reviews praise Dr. Hibbert for his role as Banquo. Marge decides to have him killed next because he's outshining Homer. Homer lampshades that he should take acting lessons instead but Marge says no and he needs to kill Dr. Hibbert.

I'm married to a tree, guess mom was right about you

Homer then pumps laughing gas into Dr. Hibbert's office causing him to laugh to death (Oh the irony). In the next review (they lampshade this) everyone except Homer is considered a good actor by the paper (We're reviewing the play? I didn't think we were famous, Kriken!). Marge in a fit of fury tells Homer to kill them all so it'll only be him and Marge. Homer then kills the cast members one at a time as they are in a conga line for a cast party (Subtle). As Marge cleans the dead casts' wardrobe (from blood) the ghosts of the cast come to haunt Marge for her having Homer kill them all. Marge then dies of a heart attack from the ghosts and she continues to nag Homer to perform Macbeth by himself. Homer then goes out and has a great performance but nobody's there to hear him except ghost Marge. After she gives Homer some more plays to rehearse for, Homer kills himself and says that having to read them would be a tragedy (Wow, that was completely underwhelming and forgettable, final story!)

Marge breaks the fourth wall by saying they always tell three stories until Maggie implies she wants one for herself. Marge decides her story will be that of "The Fountainhead" and Maggie is Maggie Roark (I have no idea what this is so I'll just play along)(Ayn Rand, folks....this is going to be a long ride, folks). We see Maggie at a daycare center where the teacher Mr. Toohey lets them play with blocks. We then see Mr. Toohey try to get them all to conform to be mindless impotents and he punishes Maggie for being artistically creative (Kind of counterintuitive, wouldn't you say? Blocks are one of the best ways to be creative). We then get a montage of Maggie being creative and Mr. Toohey being a complete and utter prick (I'm not sure but I doubt this was the way Howard Roark's creativity was oppressed)(He got expelled from college and was rarely hired). After that Mr. Toohey tells the kids to show to their parents how "uncreative and beaten down they've become" (Wow, how totally subtle, we couldn't possibly see that on our own. Thank God we have writers who think we're drooling idiots, it's what draws me back week after week). Mr. Toohey, expecting all the kids to be drooling idiots, is shocked when Maggie creates another building and he decides to punish her in his court (Oh scotch thank God you're still here for me).

Big deal, I was making designs for entire cities while waiting to be born

Mr. Toohey argues in "Court" that Maggie reminded them that they are individuals and she should be punished (You know after reading Ayn Rand's biography on Wikipedia, I found out she hates socialism, communism, fascism, and welfare state. Quite frankly this story is about as subtle as a punch to the face)(Restraining snark.... Rand's pretty controversial figure. I won't go into depth myself about her beliefs, as I don't know enough about them, but she had a tendency to go on long-winded tangents about her beliefs in the story. I'm not a literary critic or scholar, but Rand was never subtle. Sadly). Now before continuing, Maggie has spoken a grand total of 4 times in the series (Including the movie) and all of them have been a sentence or less with 3 being two words or less

1. When she said "Daddy" in Lisa's First Word it was precious and funny

2. In Treehouse of Horror V she had James Earl Jones' voice to emphasize the bizarreness in Homer's time travels

3. In Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily Maggie said "Dadily-doodily" to emphasize she barely knows Homer

4. In the Movie she said "Sequel" for the sake of fanservice

I wish for this episode to be stricken from continuity and everyone's memories your honor

Here Maggie talks for a grand total of 6 lines about how she's being treated unfairly. A part of my childhood died when she opened her mouth; my little nostalgic feeling died and cremated itself after this. Let me say one thing; MAGGIE DOES NOT TALK! How the fuck did this get by the director? (Booze?) Who in their right mind thought to themselves "Hey let's give Maggie more speaking time in 20 seconds than she's been given in the entire series". It would be like having three South Park episodes where Kenny is wearing street clothes and talking normally, IT'S JUST PLAIN STUPID!! This really ranks up there as among the stupidest moments in the show. Moving on, (Brain bleach, I need the bleach) we see that Maggie grew up to be a great architect and her office had a daycare center for children with active minds(FUCK YOU WRITERS!). The episode ends with Maggie using the nail polish to paint Van Gogh's Starry Night and giving the same look as we all have; confusion (While that sounds cute, that would require the viewer to stay around after seeing her TALKING).

Final Judgment: This episode sucks, the plots are all moronic, unoriginal and boring, the writing is horrendous and the characters are either unlikable or extremely derailed, and the jokes are mostly horrible. Having Maggie talk is one of the biggest sins of not only this episode but also this season and the series as a whole. It really wasn't funny and there was filler even though each story averaged just over 5 minutes.

Final grade: 1.2/10 Just something that's been regurgitated by Satan himself

Episode 16: Eeny Teeny Maya Moe

Here we go with a Moe story. They aren't usually bad because we get some insight into the character under the rough exterior. Couple that with the fact that most of them are funny because Moe is Moe and you can usually write a good episode if you write him correctly. However, writing him CORRECTLY being the key idea, he (Like almost every other character) has devolved into a hollow shell of his former self and really lacks humor and cha-... discharm that made him so great. So let's take a look at Moe dating a midget (Wow, this sounds like a bad fanfiction one of my friends would write).

We start off with Homer watching some hokey and Marge wants Homer to spend time with Maggie (Real original plot, wouldn't you say?). After some back and forth arguing, Homer decides to spend time with her and takes her to Moe's with him (Sure take the baby to a bar, what could go wrong?). At the bar, Moe is cleaning up and discovers a window that happens to show a daycare next to Moe's that Homer decides to leave Maggie at (Sure why not? It's not the most implausible thing the writers have pulled out of their ass this season)(Though why it would take twenty years to learn about this window....). After getting the attention of the barflies (By shooting his shotgun into the air and nothing happens, um, I'm pretty sure bullets do damage), Moe exposites why he was cleaning up, he found a woman on a chat-room that's dumber than Homer, er I mean "A sophisticated intelligent woman" and he fell in love with her (This is just incredibly painful, Moe gives a very bad joke and she thinks he's funny. I wouldn't be surprised if Chris Hansen was on the other side). After some more painful dialogue and forced antics (Please kill me now), we see Moe likes her in the picture she sent and she likes the picture of himself (For some reason, maybe she's partially blind because she calls him cute *gags self*)(Maybe she just pities him). We then cut to Maggie as we see that the kids at the daycare do not like her via an ominous shot (Never explained why they don't like her, I guess they're just more generic bullies).

It's a good thing I'm dumber than a rock, otherwise I might catch on to what's going on here

Homer picks her up before the kids do anything (and he misses the point that those kids hate Maggie. Are the characters just given the script and told to act stupid to things that are obvious?)(Remember when Homer was only a bit dumb and not a COMPLETE moron? Me neither). We see Moe prepare for Maya when it turns out Maya is only two feet tall (The only thing missing from this is the music from "The Odd Couple" to start playing). After Moe tries to let this soak in, he unintentionally mocks her size (It's like the guy from work who's a complete douche and he's the only one who doesn't know it). Moe does decide to continue the date and her takes her to Luigi's where Luigi insults her too (That had purpose). At the make-out point (I guess she has mental retardation as well), we see Moe and Maya making out as I'm left to ponder what she sees in him since he continues to show that he's an utter jackass towards her. Oh right, this is sitcom relationships where the relationship depends on whatever the writers say happens. The next day Moe's in a good mood and he thinks that if he tells the barflies about Maya,but he thinks they will mock her even worse than he has (No it couldn't get worse). After Lenny and Carl mock Homer we cut to Maggie continuing to struggle at the daycare as she's put into a circle of babies beating pails (like drums) and Kearney's baby enters the ring to fight her (Again, we have no idea why they're doing this, motivation is such a simple concept that gets screwed up so easily).

AHHHH!!! BRAIN BLEACH! Get the brain bleach! 

Homer yet again picks up Maggie before anything bad happens and he thinks that babies whistling nonchalantly is perfect behavior for her "friends" (Seriously, this plot is so contrived, it makes PSA plots seem legit). Back at home, Maggie is terrified and Bart decides to calm her down by playing the bongos (Oh the irony, this humor is way too subtle and not contrived as well, please someone shoot me)(When did Bart get bongos?). After Marge suspects that Homer hasn't been watching Maggie, she turns on the TV to "The Plot Device channel" as a commercial for a surveillance system that can fit in Maggie's bow. As Marge thinks about the ethical consequences Lisa tells her to just do it (Remember when she used to be the voice of reason? Those days left a long time ago)(I also thought Lisa would be against this kind of invasion of privacy). We cut back to Moe driving to Maya's house as Moe mistakes a tree for her house (We get it! She's short! Will you knock it off yet or do you have a lot more jokes to make? (20 more) Okay I'm just gonna get it over with and hang myself now)(Only when you finish the season! BWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!). Inside, Moe continues to express his love for her as Maya asks Moe why she hasn't seen his friends yet (We haven't seen her friends yet so what's the big deal?).

Oh great, I wanted a BLONDE midget blow-up doll

After we get a joke of Maya becoming like a doll (Liquor is my friend here) Moe and Maya go over to the Simpsons' house as Homer decides to ask a question that sound more like an innuendo question (Oh writers where do you get your material? So I can BURN IT DOWN!) Upstairs we see Marge watching the surveillance video from Maggie as she sees Homer drop Maggie off at the daycare (They call it a park but really it looks more like a daycare) and she fails to see what happens after Homer leaves. After the double date (Really nothing happened, you could cut it out and there'd be no change in the plot at all. Okay, maybe Homer wouldn't have stopped Moe later but I doubt it), Moe proposes to Maya as she seems to be happy at first but then Moe spews out every short joke about a wedding as he can, which pisses Maya off and she tells him to leave (I may have to re-evaluate my opinion of Moe as a character...). Moe's back at his bar as he's crying over this and he asks Lenny and Carl for advice on how to get Maya back. Lenny suggests (Sarcastically, from the sound of it) to do a "Grand reckless gesture" to win her back (So making fun of bad romantic comedy ideas to them means "Let's do it and be totally serious about it. It's not like these are contrived and stupid right?").

You know, I was willing to marry you just a second ago

Moe decides that he has to be shortened in order to get Maya back... BULL! FUCKING! SHIT! Maya loved Moe for Moe, not because of his height; she didn't get rid of him because he was too tall, she told him to beat it for a while because he was being rude and insensitive. In fact, before he was insensitive, she probably would have said yes and they'd be married. Writers READ A FUCKING BOOK! (And don't reference Parker and Cooper, the Spidey fans are already mad enough). Moving on, Moe asks Dr. Hibbert to do it but he says no so Moe goes to Dr. Nick to get the surgery (Odd how he's now officially un-dead, I guess the movie was a retcon and the continuity doesn't matter. Oh wait the Medicine Woman makes an appearance later in the series so YES IT DID COUNT WRITERS!). Maya then talks to Moe right before he gets the operation and tells him that he's being shallow and she can't be with a shallow man (....that came out of nowhere...)(Yeah this plot is stupid). Marge decides to actually watch the surveillance as she sees that Maggie was placed next to Moe's and Homer actually sees what goes on and attempts to save her as he gets beaten up himself (Our hero). Maggie saves Homer (That's three times, Homer really sucks at defending himself) and Marge forgets the whole bar thing because Homer tells Maggie he'll always be there for her. Homer goes to Moe's and gives him some encouraging words which later helps Moe feel better.

Final Judgment: This episode is stupid. It seems to try to include a BS message about how love is not skin-deep, but it unfortunately fails at that by undermining the plot with hundreds of unfunny short jokes. The writing is crap, the subplot is recycled and boring, and the moral seems to be shoved in last minute (If you think about it, that would explain a lot).

Final Grade: 2.8/10 Maybe having Moe based episodes isn't a great idea in this era (no, it's ok, we just need decent writers)

About "Lisa's First Word" airing last night

While I did miss the airing last night (Was taking care of something else at the time). I heard that Fox was showing the re-run of Lisa's First Word last night. I figure that they did this in memory of Elizabeth Taylor (They should have also shown Krusty gets Kancelled as well since they showed two reruns that night. Nobody wants to be reminded of the nightmare that is Mother's I'd Like to Forget, Fox). So I decided to re-watch the episode on my own time (I hope to get to a tribute of Elizabeth Taylor sometime soon), and I still stand by that this is my 2nd favorite episode of all time and I still get emotional over the last scene despite it being just one line. The line was just so powerful in context (And even out of context) that I'm glad that they decided to re-air the episode in tribute of Elizabeth Taylor. It's the perfect example of why this show still resonates well with people despite the crap that currently airs. This episode really represents everything that modern Simpsons isn't; It's well written, the story is excellent, the jokes are great and don't feel dated, the characters are great and very developed, and above all it evokes a feeling other than disgust. There wasn't a single moment where I wasn't smiling or laughing and it shows that the show is very capable of tugging at the heart-strings while still being funny.

My hope is that fans of modern Simpsons watched this episode and realize why the show sucks now and will stop watching the new episodes. I doubt that will happen but this reviewer can dream, can't he? I'm just going to end this little bit with perhaps one of the most memorable endings to an episode ever. Enjoy:

I do not own this clip, it belongs to Fox

Copyright © 1992 FOX Broadcasting Company

All Rights Reserved

Episode 13: Gone Maggie Gone

Dear Lord this episode is pretentious, everything from the attempts to be like National Treasure mixed with The Da Vinci Code to the jokes to the characters is all annoying and stupid. I feel that anyone who thinks this is a clever puzzle story really needs to step back and realize the plot canyons this episode provides. Now let's get on our Sherlock Holmes hats, smoke a pipe and discover why this episode should have been gone with Maggie. Oh yeah, I apologize for the length of this review in advance, as it's longer than my normal review, thanks for the cooperation.

We start off with a narration explaining how man was ruled by science and industry but is now ruled by prophecies, puzzles and signs in the skies (Since when? ...the Mayan thing? Only a small minority believe that!)(So in other words, we are moving backwards in evolution. Well seeing as how this show's gotten stupider and stupider, I don 't doubt that they think this). Oh yeah, in case you couldn't tell what this show's supposed to "satire", the writers put on the chalkboard that this episode is a "Da Vinci Code Spoof". Don't you love it when the writers think we have the mind of a retarded seven-year-old? So after that bit of exposition (Quit being boring, you're boring everyone), we see that there's going to be a solar eclipse and Kent Brockman freaks out because the eclipse viewer wasn't pre-made (Hey it could be worse, you could try viewing Twilight: Eclipse)(NEVER AGAIN!).

All the subtly of a burning house

In a CGI shot we see the moon causing the eclipse over America (But in reality the shadow is way too small. Yeah I might be reaching here, but a partial solar eclipse takes up a few thousand km in diameter, while a full takes up a few hundred km in diameter. In this it's apparently only a full eclipse. In other words Physics is officially out of this episode. Wow, that only took 1:30, that's just under 1 minute after I stopped caring). During the eclipse we see some jokes about what happens when it goes dark during the day (Vampires come out? Bats come out? Nerds come out?)(Hit and miss) and we see the Simpsons preparing to view the eclipse (They acknowledge here that there are different phases of an eclipse. So that means they knew a solar eclipse has two different types of shadows but didn't give a rat's ass enough to animate it). Homer breaks his viewer and Marge gives him hers which causes her to miss it and hear about everyone loving it. Upset, Marge decides to look at it without a viewer and burns her eyes burn out as soon as some sun rays come through (She should have shared with Maggie, how would she remember?)(.....SCIENCE! It's what this episode LACKS!).

MY EYES! The invisible goggles do nothing for the stupidity of this episode!

Okay where do I  begin? Staring into the sun for 3 seconds does NOT burn your retinas, just staring at it like that would at worst cause minor retina damage that would not become apparent for hours and at worst cause some blind spots. You'd need to be looking at the sun through a telescope for the same period to come close. In other words, YOUR STORY IS STUPID! After a trip to Dr. Hibbert to give Marge treatment for her illogical condition (It's not even the worst thing so I'll buy it for now), we cut back to home as Homer and the family is taking care of Marge. We see that there are rats in the kitchen (Homer lampshades the fact they are referencing Ratatouille. Because as we all know just saying the name of a movie equals humor, right?). Afterwards Homer goes out to get some rat poison (Still using his hair to control himself, how is this funny?). After getting the rat poison (In Shelbyville, for some reason) Santa's Little Helper fights with Maggie for the poison (Okay I know this is a stupid question but why did Homer bring Maggie and the dog with him to buy rat poison? Did he know how the plot was going to go and knew he needed them along? This plot hole hurts).

Because as we all know, you MUST bring your baby and pet along while buying poison

After Homer lampshades the plot hole while driving (That doesn't make up for it, it's still stupid), Homer decides to take a boat across the river to get to Springfield (wait, he can't buy rat poison in Springfield? ......Why?) but he can't take everyone as they're too heavy (Interesting how leaving the poison and the dog behind would make the boat light enough. I guess physics really did leave)(Why haven't you?). Homer breaks the fourth wall by asking the audience and accidentally kills Pr. Frink with some poison (Remember once upon a time when the show kept some mild form of continuity? E.G. When a character left or died, they would stay gone? No? Me neither) and we're left to solve the puzzle we learned in 5th grade (The puzzle, though, wasn't they were too heavy but the tiger couldn't be with the goat in the boat at the same time)(Or there wasn't enough space for all three). Homer gives us all the answer and starts by rowing Maggie across, SLH decides to swim but Homer says no to that idea (How dare SLH bring logic into this show, doesn't he know this season is meant for drooling idio-... nevermind). When Homer leaves Maggie on that side, a nun picks up Maggie and Homer fails to get her back (Making the riddle *Entirely pointless*). We cut back to the home where Homer tells Bart and Lisa about what happened and Lisa volunteers to infiltrate the church to find Maggie.

I guess the whole "Buddhist" thing was just a phase

At the church, Lisa goes in as a "poor little sinner who's lost her way" and gets in (There's also a joke that seems funny on paper but when executed seems so wrong; maybe it's just my dirty mind). We then see Lisa look inside a nursery that doesn't have Maggie but does have some insults against Catholics (I'm not going to allow this to get to me but I will point them out). After Lisa asks if they have any other babies (in an unfunny exchange), Lisa questions why they'd lie to her like that (I don't know, maybe it's none of your business, you're just a newbie to them)(You know, if she was going to blow her cover so soon, why bother with the cover at all?). We then see a mural at the top of the building of Saint Teresa pointing to a jewel in a hand owned by Monty Python (Do yourselves all a favor, go watch Monty Python, it's so much funnier and better than this crap). Lisa finds out from another sister that she needs to find the jewel to find Maggie (This is the point where you should shut it off. The payoff isn't worth it. Well if you had expectations it isn't worth it). The nun points Lisa to the first clue and exits dramatically (Or turns into a vampire! But not one that sparkles, they suck).

It's the source of Monty Python's comedy!

Lisa reads the first clue, which is in Latin that translates out to "Seek God in Heart and Soul" (Okay when did Lisa learn Latin? Or better yet, how the fuck is she able to memorize Latin, it's a pretty difficult language. The plot holes will continue to get larger trust me)(That said, Latin is usually taught in high school by an experienced teacher, spending about five hours a week on it, not counting homework or simple memorization. Just think about that for a few minutes). Lisa concludes that the clue means play "Heart and Soul" on the piano *Bangs head on table*. Yeah sure, this 300-year-old puzzle starts off with a song created in 1938 so why not? So after playing a lyric, the piano opens up and reveals an intricate device that takes forever to get to the next clue (Even Lisa finds it boring how long it takes, that's a bad sign when your own characters find your plot boring). So let's recap, Lisa needs to find a jewel that's centuries old by playing a song created 70 years ago to open up a device that looks like it belongs more in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and these nuns created this. Time for the booze(Me first!).

Can YOU believe nuns made this?

So after some padding (The device takes up about a minute of screen time, the staff must have been very impressed with their animation or something), we see Homer dressing his arm up like Maggie to fool Marge (It's not funny and leads to nothing, I apologize for even adding this in). We cut back to the device finishing up to open a chamber with the next clue in English this time (Consistency, what's that?) Lisa decides to read every other word for no reason other than she was given the script (Seriously she doesn't read it through once, just assumes it's every other word. Hello writers, normal people would usually read it once through and then try to decipher it)(And even intelligent people know you can't assume you know the cipher right away). It turns out that Lisa needs to find the biggest ring in Springfield as we see a lot of rings we don't usually see. The writers then decide to allow us to play again and find the biggest ring (Well let's see considering it had to be around post-1938 I'd say that Hollywood like sign). Lisa then breaks the fourth wall after the commercial break as it turns out she was talking to Milhouse about the riddle (You're not Deadpool, Lisa, just stick to being pretentious to the townspeople). Lisa figures it must be the "ring" from the bell in the bell tower (That comes in for this episode). Back home, we see Bart filling in for Lisa so that Marge doesn't get suspicious about where she is (Too late, Bart, we know the real Lisa's still missing).

Bart, do I even WANT to know what you do on the weekends?

We cut back to Lisa unmasking Skinner and Comic Book Guy as they reveal that they too are looking for the gem because they are with the Freemasons -er, I mean the "Brethren of the Quest" (Quest? For the One Ring? Hmmmm). Skinner exposits the history of the gem after Lisa blackmails him (Goody, because we didn't have enough plot holes already). It turns out that Saint Teresa had a vision of a gem that would usher in an era of peace and harmony (Big deal, I see those all the time when I'm high)(Really? I just see the Blue Beetle ta- ....never mind). She then sent some nuns to the new world to find the gem (Acting like pirate though, because heaven forbid they actually worship God or act like Catholics *Bites tongue*). After setting up a convent, word got out about their mission for the gem (Lousy security). Benjamin Franklin tells George Washington and King George III about the gem and they (I'm not kidding here) "Staged a phony war of independence" to search for the gem... Words escape me people, I've heard of shitty conspiracy theories, but this is the WORST.

It's a good thing this whole thing is fake. Otherwise, that British soldier might have felt a lot of pain there.

I know it's supposed to be a "joke", and I'm not supposed to take this seriously, but it'd be about as funny as them saying that Hitler used the Holocaust so he could find the treasure of the Baltic Sea. YOU DON'T DO THAT! There was NO thought put into this, the writers just must have looked at National Treasure and said "Hey! We can make our own half-assed version of that". Hundreds of Thousands of people DIED in that war and all you can say was it was fake?! THIS IS STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! (Besides, then what was the rationale for the War of 1812? Second chance to search? At least National Treasure came up with a decent reason to include the Revolutionary War...) I'm this close to cracking people. The nuns then fled to Springfield (Contradicting stories from Lisa the Iconoclast. You know writers, you're not giving me ANY reason to give you credit yet), and it turns out that the gem will be revealed on the first full moon after a solar eclipse (How do we know this is true? It's been over 300 years since the search for the gem took place and nobody's found it yet. I say it was a drug trip St. Teresa was on). Lisa then reveals that she went to the belltower because it was the biggest ring, CBG shoots that down by revealing it's a fake bell and she's a condescending bitch (Okay he doesn't do the latter, but seriously, the writers need to stop writing Lisa as this smart-alec condescending bitch. It's not like her at all). Lisa then finds out the real answer and they all head to the giant SPRINGFIELD.

Subtly; Because thinking is just too damn hard

When they get there, Mr. Burns is already there with his "Faithful Albino" (Get it, because he's that guy from The Da Vinci Code, because this plot was SO subtle. What? You're not laughing? Can't blame you). Lisa then finds out there's a clue on the RING (What) which is "Great Crimes Kill Holy Sage" and she deduces it must be an anagram because of the way it's worded (Makes sense; now can you explain how she knew to use every other word?!). We see Lisa trying to solve the anagram while Skinner and CBG are forced to dig their own graves (Because... it's funny?). After the break we find out that the anagram spells out "Regally the rock gem is Lisa" *Bangs head on wall* How the fuck does that make any sense?! Are you really trying to say that St. Teresa sent her nuns to North America to search for a 'gem' that wouldn't be born for 300 years!? This is honestly some of the laziest writing I've seen in this show and quite possibly any show. Smithers tells Mr. Burns that Lisa IS the gem and it's not in her (This plot device was bad in Men in Black 2 but that had more logic because SHE WAS ALREADY BORN when the message was made)(When MIB 2 makes more sense, you've royally screwed up). Lisa is proud that God would make her the gem (And try to bring her back to Christianity. Just fuck off writers, fuck off) and the gang go to the convent via Mr. Burns' chopper (Get to the choppa!).

There are a lot of things you don't get writers. Like why kids like Cinimmon Toast Crunch 

While they're flying over, I have so many questions, like:

"How many people named Lisa have there been in Springfield in the past 300 years?"(965)

"How many times have there been an eclipse where they chose the wrong Lisa?"(Three)

"Why would God pick Lisa of all people to restore peace and order to the entire world?" (Because it went so WELL with Veidt!)

Thank God there's booze to remove any memory of these questions *Drinks*. At the convent the nuns are singing "O Fortuna" *Drinks some more* and Lisa smugly comes in as the "Gem child" (Seriously why is she such a prick?). The lead nun tells Lisa she's wrong and it turns out that Maggie is the Gem child *Preps myself for a lobotomy*(Ick, NO). This was stupid enough already but now you're going to say it's Maggie?! Oh my God, it's officially happened, the writers have thrown up their hands and just said "Fuck it, we don't care, our audience will buy anything we say". Well it turns out that Lisa misinterpreted the anagram and it really said "It's really Maggie, Sherlock" (And even Lisa points out that that anagram requires you to solve it incorrectly first - and how did the nuns know it'd be Maggie?! ....WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS PLOT?!).

Even M. Night Shyamalan would find this "Twist ending" stupid

When the sun rises we see that everyone is nice and happy all because Maggie was placed on the throne (Bullshit!) Lisa finally believes it's her (Because the writers didn't believe it themselves when they read it back). Marge comes bursting in (Still blind) and grabs Maggie which instantly means no more peace and prosperity (Oh fuck it it's almost over)(Wait, how'd Marge find out?). Maggie then pulls off the bandages to which Marge sees Maggie (Wait a minute Dr. Hibbert said the bandages must stay on for two full weeks yet she takes them off the next day and is perfectly fine. It looks like sense of time went with Physics on vacation)(And we're next). Marge says she couldn't allow her child to stay and God wouldn't want her to sacrifice her for the good of the world, again (Charming *Hits her over the head with a Bible*). Homer gives the convent Bart and we see that when he sits on the throne, all hell breaks loose (You mean EVERYONE'S forced to watch this season FOREVER?! NOOOOOO!!!!!!)

Final Judgment: This episode is terrible. This is the type of episode where the writers say, "Hey we can reference any movies we want and you'll accept it". The writing is terrible, the jokes are terrible, the plot is beyond stupid and the plot holes are big enough to fill with every piece of merchandise The Simpsons ever made. This isn't the worst episode but I rank it low because, frankly, this is just the writers thinking that we have no minds of our own and we have to accept this.

Final Grade: 0.8/10 Watch something else, The Da Vinci Code doesn't have as many plot holes as this (Can we go to Italy now? I hear Florence is lovely this time of year)

Episode 6: Pranks and Greens

So your episode airs the Sunday before Thanksgiving, what will your opening be? A parody of the 12 days of Christmas. I felt it was out of order to begin with, but considering that next week's couch gag involves Thanksgiving I really had to wonder if the production staff was on LSD or something. (Not much of an introduction I'm sorry). So let's begin our review.

The episode begins with Bart having a montage of his newest pranks at school as it ends with Bart destroying Skinner's car. Skinner then informs Bart that there was a better prankster than him but just leaves it at that for Bart to actually look him up himself. After that is our sub-plot about Marge having playdates with other mothers and babies, leading to Marge becoming such a conscious mother about what she provides as food. To be truthful I really, really hate this craze about how babies must eat certain foods, not drink out of certain cups and must be home educated a certain way.

How dare you bring milk and cookies as a snack?! You'll ruin our master plan!

As far as I'm concerned, having your 1 year old eat baby food with some milk from a plastic sippie cup will not prevent him from going to Harvard (I'd like to point out that I'm a National Merit Scholar who went to public school, drank out of BPA sippy cups, and gnawed on plastic toys. Just saying). We resume our main story with Bart finding out that the paper didn't publish for a week and spies Willie in the back of a picture showing an 'evil' Skinner. Bart then talks to Willie as he reveals he was a swim teacher and he taught the school the "Aberdeen Crawl" (I really don't care where he's from but here's a point towards Aberdeen).

Skinner felt that the kids should take a more serious interest in their summer reading projects

As Skinner takes his morning dip in the outdoor pool (Seriously that pool was better than my pool from high school and I really have to wonder how a school with budget troubles can afford an outdoor pool) he finds out the pool is filled with worms and then the prankster closes off the pool so Skinner can swim with the worms for the weekend *And Monday* (I guess Skinner never read "How to Eat Fried Worms"). After Willie frees him, Skinner tells him to "Shut this pool down Groundskeeper Willie". Willie then tells him it was Andy Hamilton and our search for him can now begin. We begin act two with Marge burning all the junk food because of the "Chemicals" and "Trans fats" (You know milk has chemicals in it to add Vitamin D. Food for thought) Homer being upset goes in and grabs Cool Whip which backfires because it's really propane in a spray can *nah it's Cool Whip but it'd have to have a high concentration of petroleum to be that flammable*.

Bart secretly replaced Homer's Cool Whip with propane let's watch

Bart and Milhouse go to Mr. Hamilton's house, and we get a gallery of his pranks outside and inside as Andy also shows off his pranks from school. When Bart tells Lisa about Andy, she calls him a loser in a rather annoying running gag (Although I did think that Lisa showing up both Bart and Homer was relatively funny). We then see the family *save Bart and Maggie* go to a health food store where the purpose is just to serve up lousy health food jokes (BTW at the beginning is Lisa having a petite mal seizure? Her head just keeps bobbing back and forth in a rhythmic pattern). We then get to see Bart tell Andy that he needs to straighten up and he can get him a job with Krusty (This leads into the running gag of Krusty never being able to remember Bart or Lisa which is established continuity so let's move on).

Her Facebook was down so she had to find a new way to update her status

Andy is then hired as a second assistant, which consists of him just driving erratically away from Krusty's enemies. The act ends with Bart and Lisa playing "Tiddly-Wank" as Bart berates Andy and Lisa calls him a loser. We begin act 3 with another playdate as Marge brings the guests Shit-cupcakes and sterile juice. But that's not good enough as Non-stick pans will be the deaths of us and the sippie cups with BPA will instantly stupify kids... excuse me a moment *Goes off to bang head against a cinder block* WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA!?!?!?! *returns* I'm sorry I just lost my sanity for a brief moment, let's continue. Bart gets Andy his job back as Andy promises to stay. We then see Marge find Homer's stash of junk food as they accept that society is stupid and it's better to live a short fulfilling life than a long miserable life (As much as I dislike the subplot, I like the moral. Of course, it's only implied...).

As the Mommy-and-me Nazi, I have to say: No fun for you!

We end the act with a delivery of worms being delivered to Andy which leads Bart to believe the worst. As Bart goes to find Andy we get a stage hand tell Bart that Andy's "20 years too late" of ruining the show (I think that was snuck in to admit what they are doing is crap.) Bart tries to save Krusty from jumping into the worms but fails and finds out that the worms were intentional as part of a bit. Andy goes to be with his new slutty girlfriend while Lisa calls him a loser for being a writer *as well as the producers*.

Final judgment: The main plot is actually written quite well but the sub-plot is where this episode falls flat of being considered a great. It has its ups and downs, but in the end it's a fairly good episode. This also teaches us that subplot needs to work as well as the main plot.

Final Grade: 5.2/10 Probably would have been higher if not for the subplot