Episode 17: Them, Robot

Burns replacing his workforce with robots... sure why not? Oh but wait, Burns keeps the most essential employee he can keep: Homer. Yeah if you couldn't guess by now, this premise already pisses me off. but you know what? I can still keep an open mind here. Anyways, let's take a look at this.

Opening Sequence: 41 Seconds (Twice in a row, maybe they're actually learning)

The episode begins with Homer sleeping which causes a power outage with no real consequences on the rest of the episode... moving on. After a scene of Lenny and Carl play with the sleeping Homer, Mr. Burns gives afternoon announcements (In fairness, I felt like this was a decent short joke, maybe because I expected them to go way further than they really did) and tells everyone that the plant will be giving Physicals on Monday. After an unfunny random Asian guy smoking appears (Again, random does not equal funny, I don't know how many times I've said this). However, Burns informs them that alcohol will result in firing as well, which causes Homer to "D'oh!" so loud, he causes an earthquake that has no consequences on the remainder of the episode (While I did get a few chuckles out of some of the jokes, the scene is ruined for me by two things. 1) The cartoony idea that shouting causes an earthquake. 2) Like I said, this earthquake is inconsequential to the rest of the episode, it could have worked just as well (If not better) if we cut to people in China hearing him).

Now then the following employees will be sent for their execution: Lenny, Carl... bah too long, everyone but Homer

Oh and by the way, I've been noticing this throughout this particular season. One of the jokes has Ol' Gil being squashed by a brick wall and we can see he's bleeding badly, what I'm trying to get at here is that the staff seems to have this fixation that episodes EXCEPT the Treehouse of Horror should be bloody and violent. Seriously, I could name 5 episodes this season where there has been more blood and gore than this year's THoH, that's pathetic. At home, Homer tells everyone about how he needs to stay sober over the weekend as every family member decides to tell Homer he needs to do all this boring stuff that would make him want to drink beer (By the bye, if you want to see Homer's temptation for beer done correctly, see Duffless, it actually has FUNNY jokes and it's not mind-numbingly dull). After a pointless scene at a restaurant to remind us he can't drink (See previous suggestion) we see everyone prepare for their Physicals as everyone who took theirs do random drugs (Eh a bit funny, but I think just Lenny would have sufficed). Afterwards we see Mr. Burns talk to Hibbert and Blue-Haired Lawyer as they inform him that he is liable for paying his workers lots of money for their health care (Annoying app reference included, why would Burns of all people use an app for his trap door?).

FOX wanted you to see these ratings from the last 3 years, they're abysmal

Oh and by the way, we never find out if Homer passed or failed and really it becomes inconsequential whether or not ANYONE passed or failed seeing as they all get fired in the next scene... writing at it's finest folks scenes that make the first 5 minutes completely pointless. Burns then introduces the employees his staff of robots as the first thing he tells them is that the employees will train them to be their replacements (A scene which never happens). Okay, I find this lazy in execution, first off announcing your evil intentions in forced dialogue is never a good thing. Second, if I could pitch an idea here: the workers train the robots, but halfway through they find out about the replacement scheme, so they sabotage the robot's training in various ways, i.e. teaching them sloth, taking long breaks, wrong ways to handle certain protocol, and so forth. Granted it's not the best idea, but considering the meandering of Homer and the bots for half of the episode, I don't think my idea is any worse. Where was I, oh right, the robots, Burns fires everyone and as everyone is leaving, Smithers recommends that Burns keep ONE human employee around to take care of the human aspect of the plant (Logic dictates that Smithers is that one human employee, let's see how well that works out). So Homer comes storming into Burns' office to have a bi-polar moment as Burns forgets that Homer is incompetent and decides to re-hire Homer.

Wait! I need someone to stay around to make these bland robots look interesting in comparison

Okay, while this is stupid beyond belief, it's better than Burns legitimately thinking Homer should be the one employee he hires back. I don't like this, but not as much as I thought I would when I read the premise. After Smithers is given the boot by Burns (Again, Smithers could have been the human employee, but noooooo....) we see Homer go in for work as he decides to try to chat it up with the robots which leads into a scene I like to call "Shut the fuck up you stupid jerkass! You're not funny, now go die!!!" ...wow, I think I lost control there for a second. But seriously, it's a scene where Homer repeats the same joke over and over being louder and louder until a bot shocks him, just for him to repeat the process. To whichever writer thought this was funny, I recommend that they get a screwdriver, a hammer, and plenty of towels. After a scene at Moe's Tavern to establish that everyone is out of work, we get another scene of Homer meandering at work as he tries to reprogram the robots so he can talk to them. After a few failed attempts (And they butcher the "Robots feeling pain" joke that was mastered in Lisa the Skeptic, seriously, THAT version was funny) he gets them to talk and they become his friends now. Oh and by the way, the robots are voiced by Brent Spiner, most notable for his role in Star Trek as Data. I found that amusing and I'll admit to Mr. Price himself, this is not just a guest star for the sake of a guest star, still doesn't make up for 80% of the episodes where they have 3  or so guest stars just standing around saying their names.

The robots caused all this because?

We then see that the town is basically a ghost town because Burns' robots are causing unemployment everywhere because... I honestly don't know the reason, there is no explanation outside of "Burns replaced his own workers with robots". There's no inidcation that the other businesses did that, or did Burns buy out all the businesses? Dear God this plot hole confuses me, WHY?! Why is the unemployment rate 99%? What did hiring robots at the power plant have to do with every other business in Springfield?! ANSWER ME! Okay the closest explanation I can think of is that because all the power plant employees lost their paychecks, it affected the businesses they would normally go to. One problem with that explanation though, the time interval given appears to only be about a few days, a week at most, there would not be this much unemployment and poverty after one week. This sin't the Great Depression we're talking about here, it's a lazy plot hole with no real affect on the story. Why did I put so much more thought into this than the writers? Oh right, because for some unknown reason I actually CARE. After a pointless flashback (With an unfunny origin story about Moe's face. Oh and to be completely honest, I didn't even realize that was Moe, for some reason I thought that was young Wiggum, seriously, the initial voice sounds more like Wiggum than Moe) as we see some of the ex-employees at their new "jobs" Lenny is a windshield washer on the streets, Smithers is a substitute teacher, and Barney... wait a second, Barney was unemployed before this, why is he affected here?! Dear God, do the writers think Barney works at the Power Plant? I thought that was a bad throw-away joke, but I'm not sure anymore given their awful writing.

Homer: It's so nice to be around so many things that are as lifeless as I am

Back at the Power Plant, Homer talks to the bots as he finds out that they can only travel along a yellow line, this gives Homer the idea to paint a yellow line and he plays baseball with them (Totally NOT padding, this was essential. Do you see what I meant when I said Homer meanders with the robots? Nothing actually gets done in this plot). EDIT: They never follow the rules of the yellow line system, they only introduce it here for a sight gag of Homer painting a yellow line and then the robots can move wherever they feel like it afterwards, who says you need consistency within a minute of establishing something? Really the only things that get accomplished in these scenes are a bunch of "Homer says something and the bots take it literally" misunderstandings. So after a robot hits a homerun, Homer goes out into the street to retrieve the ball and is about to get hit by a truck. Fortunately (From the Writers POV) a robot sacrifices itself to save Homer, Homer tries to comfort the robot, but of course seeing as the writers don't know when to end a joke, about a dozen or so more robots get hit by cars trying to protect Homer. Remember how I complained that the "Edward saving Lisa from cars" in the Twilight section of THoH 21 was stretched out? This is FAR worse, it goes on longer. After Homer burns all the broken bots, he gets frustrated with them to the point where he decides to reprogram them all. This of course backfires and they all want to kill Homer (Please kill him!).

Burns: Will you please kindly get out of my house? No? Oh, well you can stay then

After a slow chase scene of the robots and Homer, we cut to Burns' manor as Homer tells Burns to save him from the robots. Burns of course tells him no, as he looks out for only himself and- oh wait he takes Homer in to protect him from the robots...I keep forgetting that the writers have forgotten what Burns' character is supposed to be. Burns then releases the hounds against them, aw yeah hounds vs robots, this is gonna be intense, this is gonna be funny, this is gonna- I just realized I put in the expectations of competency in this scene. My standards are too high at this point. So the hounds get their asses kicked and as a result, they turn on Burns and Homer, *sigh* remember when Burns and the hounds were intimidating? Neither do the writers. After Burns and Homer hide from the hounds and the robots, the robots catch up to them in a greenhouse as  suddenly everyone appears out of nowhere to save them from imminent death and they all destroy the robots (Of course how they all knew Burns and Homer were in trouble is beyond me, the writers and any sense of logic, it's almost like to the writers quality in their stuff is somewhere on the bottom of their priorities list). So after they are saved, Burns re-hires everyone as temps, and the episode ends with Homer going fishing with one of the bots until it self-destructs.

Final Verdict: This episode was rather dull, while it did have its fair share of jokes, it doesn't make up for the stupid premise and bland execution. Taking one-shot jokes and turning them into entire storylines haven't been kind to this writing staff in the past and this was no exception. Really while I liked this better than last week's episode, that's partially because I have lowered my standards and they're all still lame.

Final Grade: 3.4/10 just rather forgettable.

Episode 7: The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants

Homer as an assistant to Mr. Burns... that's all I have to say. Nope, no clever quip about how this show sucks, no mention of how this plot's been done several times before in the classic years, just straight onto the review. Okay before I start, this is the third episode in a row without an opening sequence, from now on, I'll only mention if they do include an opening sequence because it seems like they've dropped it for the Matt Selman Era.

The episode begins with Bart and Milhouse at a live recording of the Krusty show as Bart goes into a dream about seeing his 'corpse bride' coming down the aisle just to eat his brain (Okay I'll admit it was funny... until they had Homer talk at the very end ruining it for me). Krusty is confronted backstage by some business advisers as they tell him that they need to make a viral marketing campaign to sell his vodka and they suggest that he goes to a loyal fan's home to serve the vodka to generate positive buzz about it (It's gonna be Bart). Krusty tells the audience to send him letters saying why they should host the party and of course we see Krusty at Bart's home (Too predictable, but honestly I'm more upset about how lazy the transition was). Krusty's advisers tell Homer that they want his house to be the location of the party and wouldn't you know it, the party is a success with tons of people coming despite the only people who would come are people Homer invited (I would have been a bit more forgiving if the business advisers invited these people, but they say "All you have to do is invite every cool person you know" so no dice here). After they try to explain why there are so many people there (They say it's people from the plant, I'm pretty sure Captain McAllister, Blue haired Lawyer, Bumblebee Man and Rich Texan don't work at the plant) Mr. Burns arrives and starts to kill the mood of the party. The business adviser tells Homer to do something about Mr. Burns and Homer tries to get Mr. Burns to sing karaoke... WHAT? Is this a joke of some sort? I'm not talking about it being a "ha-ha" joke, but rather a joke on us. But because Burns sings the oldest song on the machine, everyone lightens up to him and sings along (I'm just going to put out an APB for the REAL Mr. Burns, if you'd like to help, just start posting signs around town).

Missing: One old man, goes by the name of Charles Montgomery Burns, if found please call...

Afterwards, Mr. Burns tells Smithers that it's because of Homer that he's enjoying himself at the party (Because heaven forbid Homer be involved in a plot that doesn't revolve around him). Now let me make one thing perfectly clear, I have no problem with the plots being around Homer, my problem here is that Mr. Burns and Homer are extremely out of character for this to work and Homer's rather forced into this, I can't look past either of these flaws. The next day, Mr. Burns informs Homer that he'll be promoting Homer to accountant of the plant. So let me get this straight, Mr. Burns decided to promote Homer to as he said it "One of the most important jobs in this plant" based solely on the fact that he was entertaining at the party? What delusional dimension do these people live in? Homer is then introduced to the old accountant who is retiring and after Homer hesitates, he agrees when he's told he will lose his soul (So he'll become a lawyer?) Later, we see Homer enter the sterile executive building as he's amazed by all the luxuries he gets (Okay so this is another example of the writers forgetting about the family being lower-middle class and just trying to make them Rich LA-type people, ugh).

Maybe this will make you funny again

So the old accountant (Not going to bother with his name, let's just call him Not-Karl) then informs Homer that he's sticking around to help Homer with his job and his first task is to convince the Mayor to approve a rate hike (Yeah the Not-Karl name is appropriate seeing as how this is a bum's version of Homer and Delilah) At the restaurant, we see Not-Karl go off with Quimby to talk about the tax breaks as Lenny and Carl walk by. Homer ignores them by drawing funny faces of them on the window (So what was the point of that scene? Are we going to get Mayored to the Mob next?) Later, we see Quimby, Homer and NK at a game where Homer sways Quimby by using a sports analogy (I'm not kidding that's their joke. We all know the real reason, but that was pointless and unfunny). Back at the office, Not-Karl offers some drinks for Homer but Homer looks at a picture of his family for a few seconds before saying yes. Not-Karl then gives Homer a set of bar tools as it's been passed down from accountant to accountant (Hmm... his character is too subtle, I THINK he might be an alcoholic given the fact that he drinks in every scene he's in... nah) Back home, Marge wants to bring Homer back to bed, but Lisa tells Homer that he was supposed to read to her. Homer blows Lisa off, telling Bart to read to Lisa and heads upstairs with Marge to bed, our protagonist everyone, a selfish jackass who ignores his own daughter. So Bart decides to read to Lisa anyways (Previously established character traits? What are those?) and while trying to read Little Women Bart has trouble reading words like 'Genius' and 'Patience'... BART IS NOT ILLITERATE! Bart might be a bit dumb, but these are not words he would mess up, does anyone on the staff have a clue how this show works?!

Bart: The kid then... um... uh... Stoo- died?
Lisa: That's 'Studied'
Bart: Is that how it's spelled? I never bothered with that word.

Anyways, Bart admits he's a bad reader (Bad reader and illiterate are two different things writers) and Lisa offers to help Bart improve his reading skills (You know, if Bart struggled with words like 'Onomatopoeia' or 'Commensurate' I could understand, but genius and patience are not complex words in my opinion and for him to struggle with them seems ludicrous). Later, we see a brief montage of Homer at his job as he gets tired but it ends with Homer on a lawnmower running over Smither's foot (Random cartoony-violence in a sitcom equals funny, guess I never got that memo). Later we see Homer getting home, but Marge is asleep so he goes to Moe, where Moe is asleep as well... let's move on. We then see Bart reading Little Women with no problem and Lisa feels accomplished that she's a mentor (Great to know that the only transition for that is... jack shit). I mean, seriously? They have a grand total of 3 scenes for this subplot, why bother including a subplot if you can't develop it? Oh wait, they couldn't reach the runtime without that filler, my mistake. So we see Homer drinking some bourbon at night as Marge comes down to find out what he's doing. Homer explains that his job is so meaningless and, hold on, I shouldn't have used 'explains' but rather 'whines', there the previous sentence makes more sense.

Nobody understand me, especially the writing staff

After Homer tries to be poetic in how loneliness is his wife (I've seen high school poems with deeper meanings than this) we see Maggie is still up and apparently, like Lisa, she too gets drunk on milk... that joke wasn't funny the first time, so of course; they think it's funny and stretch it out longer this time. Later, we see Marge approach Not-Karl at his awkward home (It might just be me, but I think this building could give the Leaning Tower of Pisa a run for its money). Marge asks Not-Karl to take his job back, but NK explains that the job emptied him and he won't take it back. After NK takes Marge to different places rather quickly (I'd say this is a parody of the Old Spice commercials, but that would be giving the writers too much credit) Not-Karl tells Marge to get Homer out before he loses touch with his family (Oh and the scene ends on a random bit about Kirk and Luann Van Houten at NK's place with some S&M gear... Okay, I'm going to pray that like the Ratatouille thing, this is just some reference I don't get, because there is no way that was meant to be a funny original joke). Later we see Bart reading on the playground (Little Women I might add, because thinking up of another book would be too hard... 1984, A Separate Peace, Shakespeare, Frankenstein, The Old Man and the Sea, The Great Gatsby, Catcher in the Rye I can go on) and the bullies spot him reading. Bart convinces them not to beat him up by reading to them.

Bart: "When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations..."

Later, we see him finishing a chapter and the bullies says they'll be back for more. You know I'm glad that subplot was included, it was so vital for this episode to work. Later, we see Homer at the office as he's informed that Marge is there to see him. Homer tries to pretend that he isn't there but through bad jokes, Marge hears him anyways and barges in. Marge then tells Homer that she wants to go on a family vacation and Homer decides to treat his own wife like a client  and forces her out (Another example of why I hate this Homer, he fails to be human and is instead devoid of emotions while acting like a complete assclown). Mr. Burns comes in to tell Homer that some nuclear regulators are coming and then he notices the rafting brochure and decides to have a rafting session with them to loosen them up (Oh and Mr. Burns says: "Finally humanity has found a use for water"... anyone with an inkling of how a nuclear power plant works understands why I mentioned this). Homer realizes that the rafting could be done because he could be at work and with his family over the weekend. After Homer's secretary tells Homer that he has other plans, Homer assures her that he's got it under control as he hits Jub-Jub with a golf club into his aquarium (Why does he have Selma's pet? Ah screw it, I smell hijinks).

Oh shit! I've been spotted, must flee from family

On the river, we see Homer and the family in a raft enjoying themselves as Homer notices Mr. Burns on the raft across the river and he swims over there for the meeting. Okay you get the gist, Homer swims back and forth trying to balance both things, so I'm not going to go into detail, I will mention however that one of the jokes involves Bart watching a porno that was meant for the meeting despite Marge being right next to him as he watches it. I'm pretty sure Marge would throw a fit immediately but that would require the writers to remember that these people have character. After Homer gets caught by Marge, he gets in between both rafts and finds out that he can only save one raft from going over a waterfall (Correct me if I'm wrong, but rafting gives you paddles so you can direct yourselves while going down the river. Ah fuck logic, that would mean that this lazy plot wouldn't have a true resolution). After he questions who to save *Headdesk* Marge tells him to save them because they'll always be with him (That and they are your FAMILY!). Homer saves them and right before the business raft plummets, Not-Karl shows up out of nowhere to save Mr. Burns and leave the rest to die (Nah, they didn't die, they magically landed on a bed of marshmallows that was set up by Comic Book Guy on a picnic with Blue Haired Lawyer).

Rejoice, Homer's about to die :D

And the jerkass lives to find some gold... There is no justice

Afterwards, Mr. Burns forgives Homer because he saved them some money and he returns to safety inspector as Not-Karl decided to un-retire. Homer is thankful and after playing with Bart and Lisa some, he falls into the river and over the waterfall and dies (YAY! The series is over, Jerkass Homer is dead, all rejoice and-) Of course he lives and he finds some bars of gold which are lighter than regular bricks (Everything must go his way because the writers still believe we like this jackass) I mean, what the hell was that? He miraculously survives going over a waterfall and to compound the stupidity he finds gold which bears NO MEANING on this episode or future episodes. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the writers have turned Homer into a self-insertion fanfiction character. The episode truly ends with Homer and Marge in bed as Homer's glad that he's back to a safety inspector as we see the Nuclear Power Plant have a meltdown behind them (And that will have no point as status quo has been achieved and it will not be mentioned in next week's episode)

Final Verdict: This episode sucked, the plot was recycled and brought nothing original, the jokes were bad and the subplot and opening bits were entirely pointless to this episode. I don't get the idea to need 4 minutes before deciding what your plot's going to be, you should not be wasting that much time. In short, this was rather bad, but not the worst this season has to offer.

Final Grade: 2.6/10 Yep, that slight increase in quality was just an illusion and this season is going to suck again.

Episode 8: The Burns and the Bees

Looking back there have been few Mr. Burns based episodes and only one Burns-Lisa episode (The Old Man and the Lisa). This episode is an interesting one, since it really isn't terrible, but only goes to show the dipping quality of the series at this point. So really, is there any hope for a billionaire vs environmentalist episode? Let's find out.

We start off with Mr. Burns traveling with Mr. Smithers to the Billionaire retreat as we see what goes on with the rich minds of America (So they're all rich average Joes? Who knew)(Including Mr. Burns? PFFFT). Meanwhile back at Springfield, Bart is told by the bullies to knock a bees' nest down on some second graders (including Lisa), which he agrees to after some padding by Kearney. Lisa jumps on the hive to try to save the others (In an over-the-top way. What, is there any other way you can think of?), but is surprised to find out there are no bees in it. Lisa opens the hive to find them all dead, and Willie gives her some exposition about how bees are dying around the world. Groundskeeper Willie then reveals that he's a beekeeper himself and his bees with pun names have all been dying (If you wanted them to live longer you would have called them bee 1-infinite). We cut back to the retreat as we see more money jokes being shoved in (Net worth having Gates over Buffet, scary stories involving the Security and Exchange Commissions, large poker games, etc).

It's the bee version of Countdown! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Mr. Burns then wins a basketball team called the "Austin Celtics" from the Rich Texan with a 9-high hand (The lowest hand one can have is 7-high, who would be betting with those hands? And really? The AUSTIN Celtics? Not even an imaginary team, just ripping off the Celtics by replacing Boston with Austin? Hey, I'm not the highly paid writer whose job is to make these jokes). We cut to Lisa telling Homer that they need to do something or the bees will die. Homer at first is reluctant until she tells him no bees=no honey (No fruit, no vegetables, no animals that eat fruit and vegetables, no bears, no- oh wait, she doesn't explain this)(Who is she, and what has she done with Lisa?). Homer then has a dream about a honey famine and decides he needs to do something (It involves Wall-E as well. I should do a new count involving stupid dreams but these don't piss me off as much). They meet up with Professor Frink, who explains that the bees have been dying of bee measles (Is anyone else not finding this funny?)(See, measles are barely funny. If they were dying of bee WEASELS.....I saw you smile there). Frink decides to collect enough healthy bees to create a new colony. One then just happens to land on Lisa's face and thus a colony of bees converge on her face... (I'll be at the bar if anyone needs me)(GET BACK HERE!).

I think this speaks for itself

Lisa convinces Marge to let her keep the bees on her face as Bart decides to have fun and mold the bees to make her look like Milhouse (And slashers smirked). We then see the Springfield Celtics facing the Dallas Mavericks, with Mark Cuban deciding to be even more annoying than he already is after his team DOESN'T score a 3 (Seriously the one who made that had a green jersey on; the Mavericks are blue and white. Nice job, editor). We then see Mark Cuban continue his hijinks (No wonder they sell beer at games. If I paid $2200 for a courtside seat and all I got to see was this jackass delaying my game, I'd want to be hammered). Yeah, I know he's not really this distracting in real life and he does have one of the elite basketball clubs, but why is he blown so out of proportion here, that it makes him look like Dane Cook on the court during halftime? Mr. Burns then confirms that Mark Cuban's a billionaire with a long bit of padding- er, I mean "Handshake" (Could always do a Google search but whatever)(Mr. Burns? The man who answers his phone with 'Ahoy hoy'?). After Mark goes back to being a pompous jackass, we cut to back home with the family having breakfast consisting of pancakes and syrup (Cue Homer eating the bees that land on his pancakes).

I want attention!

Marge is then sucked into the plot as she "remembers" an abandoned greenhouse that'd be perfect for the bees (Seriously, the writing makes it out to be like she's known this place her whole life, and it's never explained how she knew of it). Marge and Lisa go to the greenhouse and release the bees for them to live there. Later on, Mr. Burns comes out trying to be a funloving owner like Mark by renaming the team the Springfield Excitement (What was wrong with that being the first name?)(Too obvious?) and being more involved with the game (including forgetting that Austria-Hungary is no longer a country despite the fact he fought in WWII in multiple episodes, dummies). After Smither gives a long bit of history to explain that, we further see that Mr. Burns is old and not with the times based on his cheerleader selection (I wonder if the writers were afraid that people might think that the Simpsons weren't with the times either so they dedicated episodes purely to topical events). After Mr. Burns successfully drives away any fans, he gets a daydream where Mark Cuban recommends that he builds a new arena. Mr. Burns decides to create his new arena right next to the greenhouse where the bees are (Which is next to the prison... I don't know, this makes about as much financial sense as Jacksonville having a football team). Later, Lisa debates Mr. Burns about the location of his arena and how he can't have it there. Unfortunately, because Springfield is about as environmental as New Jersey, the town agrees with Mr. Burns and allows him to build his arena (That, and Mr. Burns' ability to convince the town they need basketball now by... saying they need it).

Can you believe what they've done to our characters? I mean it's absolute garbage!

After the greenhouse gets destroyed, Lisa goes to Moe's with Homer and complains to Moe about how evil Mr. Burns is for what he did (And apparently get drunk on milk, I can't fake this people. That was actually written in. Someone got paid to write that)(It's that or REAL alcohol). Moe then suggests to Homer that they combine his African bees (Why does he have African bees...?) with her bees to make a super bee (Uh, it doesn't work that way, either that or we wouldn't be worried about honey bees dying around the world). We cut to six weeks later (and one completed arena. I thought those things took months to build)(SCIENCE!) when Homer shows Lisa the new bees, which they find out are dangerous. Homer is okay with it because he thinks they won't get far (...yes, yes they will) until Lisa points out that the new arena is shaped like a beekeeper's hive (Interesting design. I personally would have gone with convention instead of playing into the plot). Mr. Burns, after lampshading how flawed the system is for building his arena, foolishly opens the roof and allows the bees in (This isn't a football arena; basketball was always meant to be played indoors in a controlled environment).

A deadly bee weapon took over this arena. Bees my God

After the bees take over the arena, Homer and Lisa go to see the aftermath. They find out that they took over and Mr. Burns is angry about it (Lisa's excited though at the fact that killer bees took over a multi-million dollar stadium. Sure put thousands of people out of a job just so your stupid bees can have a home, well done Lisa, well done. And considering that killer bees don't pollinate well, Lisa is happy because she brought in aggressive bees to harass the town and not pollinate flowers, good job.)(Seriously, where's the REAL Lisa? Anyone seen her? About yay-high, blond hair, intelligent, possesses foresight?). A year later, it turns out that Mr. Burns sold the stadium for over $800 million, making him worth only $996 million instead of being a billionaire. They decide to rip off The Godfather, having Mr. Burns play the role of Salvatore Tessio as they decide to throw him in the millionaire's camp.

Final Judgment: This episode is bad - not terrible but bad. The plot is stupid, the writing is half-assed, and the jokes are nonexistent as you are left scratching your head at what was supposed to be accomplished. Now this was another example of the writers just picking up the newspaper and deciding to make an episode based on what's popular in the newspaper leaving people who didn't know about this alone in the dark.

Final Grade: 3.9/10 Just meh, nothing more nothing less

Episode 6: The Fool Monty

An episode where people don't care about Mr. Burns' health, what a shock. However,a break from all these Lisa episodes is just what I need right now. Here's hoping that this episode doesn't cause me to gouge my eyes out. Let's do it. 

So after an overly long couch gag (Which has Avatar and 3-D in it so you know the viewers are just going to LOVE it. Is it too early to hate this episode with a flaming passion that burns with the heat of 1,000 suns?)(Has to be worse than 'Tik-Tok', but...) we get a scene with a bunch of media owners where all they do is make bad jokes and reinforce stereotypes of the media (Great this is already pissing me off, and trust me when I say there are plenty of horrible jokes that make me yearn for the comedic genius of John Frink). The media decides to release a disease and decide to blame it on cats (Hurt my cats and DIE)(I've got a new deadly disease right here, it's called a knife in your back, writers). So after an unfunny bit involving Snowball II, we see the media overreact and tell us symptoms that anyone would feel as we transition to more scenes of people overreacting to this (Good God, the media satire in "Bart Mangled Banner" wasn't this bad). After Marge acts as the voice of reason for Homer, we cut to the hospital where I now swear the writers are trying to piss me off. Mr Burns arrives at the hospital where of course, he's given preferential treatment and takes most of the vaccines while he runs over the rest (You know, Mr Burns is an unlikeable guy in the town already, you don't need to make him Eli Roth unlikable).

I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do to save this show.

After Mr. Burns is given the vaccine, his doctor tells him he's dying from a multitude of diseases and only has a few weeks to live (Even though the doctor doesn't appear again, I'm just going to name him "Dull Vincent Price" because I need to do something to keep my interest in this episode). Smithers asks Burns if he should tell the employees about this, but Burns decides he'll tell them the simplest way he knows how: throwing a huge announcement party at his house (Remember when this show used to rely on subtle humor? Yeah, it's hard to remember as well). Burns then makes his announcement and everyone inside is cheering when he says he's being serious (If only Burns represented the show and the audience represented, well the viewers). Burns then tells them that he's going to leave his fortune to create a tree that'll magically create "Burns-fruit" that's poisonous and this causes the guests to melt Burns' ice sculpture in a way that makes anything funny in comparison (And here I thought non sequitors only applied to arguments). So Burns then goes to his room and contemplates why everyone hates him so much (Well I got a list right here: You gouge people, you're miserly, you hit children with your car, you've blocked out the sun, I could go on). We then come back to Mr. Burns attempting suicide as it goes on for so long and is so ridiculous, you'd swear it was supposed to be a dream sequence (Seriously, I half expected for Smithers to wake up and realize it was all a dream). The next morning, Bart finds Burns in the woods where it turns out that Mr Burns' brain is screwed up. After seeing Burns as pathetic as possible, Bart decides to take Burns back home (Didn't this story start off with some sort of "Media satire" or something? Way to waste your entire opening). After Bart gives Burns some new clothes, Marge hears Bart talking to Burns and we get probably the WORST ET reference of all time (Seriously, I wanted to throw my laptop straight across the room when I saw that, it pissed me off so much).

ET phone angry lawyers!

After Marge comes in, the writers decide they need to make their ET parody even clearer to the viewers (Is there any way to use telekinesis to cause the writers heads to blow up?)(You can, but the National Society of Psychics will not defend you in court). After a pointless scene where the we find out that Dick Cheney owns the power plant (Along with a lot of unfunny jokes) we see that people all over the world showed up to spit in Burns' grave despite there not being a body in there, and then "dance" on his grave (I'm just going to find a pillow to put my face in for a bit). After Marge tempts fate, Burns comes into the room scaring the family. After a scene where Marge and Homer debate what to do with Burns, we cut to Town Hall where they vote to abuse him like he did them. Lisa then tries to convince the town otherwise as she lampshades how brave she is to stand up to them (Oh that makes me feel angry!) Lisa then tries to convince the town that Burns is not the same evil man that ruined their lives without success (Including a New Jersey stereotype to oppose her. Sure why not? It's not like these minor characters have to make sense or anything). At Cheney's (I really have to wonder why they decided to put this in) we see that Smithers is a little upset with his new boss as we get our first politics joke of the season (Finally, I was waiting for this, I mean last season was littered with this shit).

Wow, what great political humor! It's so modern as well!

We then cut to a scene where we find out that everyone gets an hour to get revenge on Mr Burns as we begin a semi-montage (Goody). After a few scenes of people using Mr. Burns for their own personal gain, Lisa decides to be kind with him during Homer's turn (I'd like to ask why Lisa doesn't want revenge on Burns. I know they used the excuse of "He's a shell of his former self" but are you honestly going to tell me that Lisa doesn't want the slightest bit of revenge against him for all the stuff he's done against her (And the environment)? I mean come on. Oh and there's a callback to Maggie shooting Burns, I hate this jumbled mess of an episode). Lisa then shows Mr Burns his old mansion as he sees a portrait of himself and his amnesia goes away (Yeah they never quite explain why he's the way he was but I'm calling it "TV amnesia"). We then get a scene where Burns goes to Cheney's to get Smithers back as Cheney gives Smithers an ominous threat for leaving him (And rips off Men in Black as well, can this episode end soon?!)

Only the genius of the new Simpsons writers could possibly make this happen

Burns then approaches Evergreen Terrace in a helicopter as he reveals his plan to get revenge on them is covering the town in a dome... excuse me a moment *Screams out obscenities* ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! You were honestly THAT bankrupt for ideas, you stole from your own movie?! This is without a doubt, some of the LAZIEST writing I've ever seen and some of the most infuriating writing ever (They even take footage from the movie to show the dome approaching Springfield, I mean WHAT THE HELL?!) . Moving on, Lenny lampshades how it's already been done (Nope too late, you've already enraged me, you can't pretend like this is "Simpsons Did it". Wait a minute...)(Oh my God....is that on right now?). After Burns gets out of his chopper, Marge tells Burns that he's already surpassed his 6 weeks to live and she believes it's because he felt good about helping people (Sell your bullshit in the Barney department lady, we have a "mature" show to watch). It turns out that it was his hate keeping him alive and he vows to continue to be evil (So why was the doctor so afraid then if hatred was keeping him alive to begin with? Ow, my brain). We end the episode with Nelson extorting Burns to come to his play as we see the episode off with further padding.

Final Verdict: This episode sucks. The plot is incoherent and a total mess, the jokes are non-existent or are just plain unfunny, and the writing just plains sucks with ideas stolen from previous episodes (As well as footage). This episode is just stupid and shouldn't have been made. Just because this show's been on for 22 years doesn't give it the right to not even try to have an original story.

Final Grade: 3.8/10 This season is looking bleaker by the week

Episode 17: American History X-cellent

Burns going to jail? Yes!! This episode is an homage to "Shawshank Redemption" and "The Green Mile"? Yes!! What could go wrong with this? Poor writing on the two subplots and the main plot doesn't live up to expectations. $*&%!!!! Yet again this show is on the way up but if it were going back down, it would be underground. While it isn't a bad episode, it just doesn't have that feeling of something to want to watch on a rainy day. Let's begin with our review, shall we?

We begin the same way all great episodes begin: One scene that leads to a flashback that'll eventually explain this scene (I'm sorry it's not this episode, CSI: Miami has forever ruined this story type for me). We see two white guards and a black guard that couldn't possibly be Homer, Lenny and Carl (Sorry but it's so obviously them, you don't even need cliffnotes to figure this out).

Ok Mr. Burns, time for "The Room"

The guards open a cell with Mr. Burns inside and we begin our flashback (And the point of this is? We'll be seeing this scene again with an explanation so I really find this pointless). Anyways, we cut back weeks earlier to Mr. Burns forcing everyone to come to a company picnic where they will all be miserable. During the picnic, all the employees are miserable and after a mini-play, Homer suggests that they trash the place. After getting drunk and trashing his observatory, the police come to arrest Homer and gang but arrest Burns after finding out he's been stealing art (By the way the Tufts joke was stupid before and bringing it back up still pisses me off). As the entire town goes to mock Burns while he's carted away (Not driven, carted) Bart and Homer are berated by Marge not to throw rotten food at Burns (With a drawn out scene of Homer and Marge arguing which leads to Homer eating a rotten Jack-O-Lantern, need I remind you this takes place in July).

Ok Bart, time for our contractually obligated B plot. What say you about an ant farm?

After that, Marge tells Bart to play with Lisa and we are introduced to our underdeveloped subplot of Bart and Lisa taking care of an ant farm (Seriously, the plot seems like the writers threw it in last minute, it just doesn't seem interesting at all). Right before Burns is put in jail, he gives Smithers control over the plant (This leads to the point in which Burns turns out to be the writer as he controls what happens to Smithers afterwards). As Burns is being processed, Burns tries to blackmail the Warde but can't make out what he's addicted to (It's helium, who knew that was such a crime?). After more processing, we meet Burns' cellmate who is just as harmless as him (I laugh at Virginia, however the death of Yeardley makes it harder to laugh at them). We then cut to the ant farm plot as the farm is destroyed and only one ant made it (Wow, I care so much about this. This plot is so developed and *yawn*). As Smithers takes his new role, he decides to be a new type of boss; a friendly boss.

My first order as boss: Dress code includes pink shirts

We cut back to the ant farm plot (Do you really care about this? Each scene for this plot gets less than a minute and in the end, you feel empty. I'll explain when we get there) where nothing really happens outside of: "Leave my ant alone Bart" (I am serious nothing important comes out, it's just another example of a scene that could be deleted and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference). After Mr. Burns gets taken by our black preacher inmate (Yeah it's revealed later but it's better to characterize him now) Smithers finds out that the employees have been taking advantage of him and he turns into a worse version of Mr. Burns (thanks for the shirtless scene, classy Simpsons, classy). After we get our scene of the employees working too hard, we go back to the black guy trying to redeem Burns' soul through a dramatic scene and sucking out the evil inside him (I know this references one of the movies mentioned but I haven't seen either movie which I am ashamed of).

See, this is what happens when you eat at Arby's

After short scene of Bart and Lisa discussing what to do with their ant, we see the gang discussing their hatred of Smithers and getting Burns out of jail. We then see the scene that was in the opening and our episode nears an end. As the gang is about to take Burns out, the preacher tries to stop them. Our ant farm plot ends with Bart and Lisa releasing "Annie" into the wild where their dog eats her (And Lisa gives Bart an expression like it's his fault). OK why is this plot bad you may ask; no scene gets more than a minute screen time, the plot's not that interesting, and the payoff you usually get when a plot is over seems to be gone here, you're left with an empty void that nothing can fill. Mr. Burns explains to the preacher that he still had some evil and it multiplied and he must go back to his plant.

You're in my way, sir... I said, you're standing in my spot, sir.

The preacher explains that because he killed so many rich white guys he wanted to do right by one and he let's them go. Mr Burns takes back his plant as he reminisces about the preacher. We end with a scene of the Preacher and Fat Tony together in a cell.

Final Judgment: This episode's pretty good but there were points where I just smacked my head. The ant subplot was completely worthless and couldn't do it's role of padding the episode out. They probably could have used the time to further explore Smithers' role as boss at the plant.

Final Grade: 7.3/10 It's worth a re-watch at least once

Episode 10: Once Upon a Time in Springfield

Even though our streak ended last week, this episode isn't really that bad. Unfortunately, this episode does not measure up like the previous 4 so I had to exclude it from the streak. As I watched this for the first time, I could feel the winds of change as I knew some bad shit was coming, if only I knew, if only I knew. Let's begin our review.

We start the episode out with the Krusty Show as he and Teeny are shooting each other with flaming arrows at their crotches (weird). One of the arrows sets Mel's hair on fire to which Krusty then beats him with a fire extinguisher. We see that Homer and Bart find it funny while Marge is knitting and Lisa is doing her homework. OK this needs to be addressed, in order for this to work, the writers have to have Lisa not interested in the Krusty show, which is out of character and just plain stupid. After the show ends we find out that Krusty is losing ratings with young girls (no adequately explained reason; he just is) and either he needs to hire a female co-star or the studio will replace him with a cheaper alternative.

Mmmm... donuts.Wait, wrong cast member. Cut!

As the family is having breakfast the next day Homer turns down Marge's donuts claiming he always gets free donuts at work. When he gets to work - Surprise! No donuts (or No! D'oh! Nuts! I loved that joke). Later we see Bart and Milhouse watching Krusty while Lisa is reading a book (OK this still pisses me off especially because they do not give any reason, not even a token mention of what the show did to turn her away). We see Krusty's new co-star Princess Penelope, whose main goal is to basically take away humor from a show and instead turn it into a bad Disney musical (I also get bad "Lisa the Drama Queen" flashbacks watching this bit). After seeing her, Bart and Milhouse hate the show and Lisa immediately loves the show again (Nice going executives, now you've alienated the male audience). I especially love how Bart puts on Milhouse's glasses to not be able to watch the show; if only the writers knew I did that for the bad episodes. Homer, Lenny and Carl are approached by a recruiter from another nuclear plant and he offers them a chance to work at said plant.

Hey Lisa, when you decide to have a normal body, give me a call.

Meanwhile, the Krusty Show gets a packed audience filled with girls and Krusty is pissed about it because now he's second fiddle. As Homer and Bart go to pick up Lisa, Bart notices that Krusty has basically been run out of his own show and he convince Krusty to get back on his feet and take back what is his (which leads to a funny series of events that basically belittle Krusty - until the last line, that is). We then see Homer, Lenny and Carl tour the Capital City Nuclear Power Plant as they get to meet Gary Larson and he draws up a nice cartoon. Moving on, Krusty goes to confront Penelope as she reveals to him that she loves him and Krusty becomes more willing to work with her (It's touching but considering some of the plots later on I thought someone would call sexual harassment on one of them).

Behold the NEW & IMPROVED Krusty the Clown Show... (Transformers is on channel 5 kids).

Act three begins with the new Krusty and Penelope show which is basically an hour of one of them sharing their love for the other (See that? That's your ratings down the toilet Krusty). Also, considering that Krusty is in his fifties to sixties and she has to be somewhere in her twenties, I die a little considering he's old enough to be her father (or even grandfather possibly). After a pointless presentation by Lisa's class ("I'm a Star Wars" was pretty funny though), we see Homer and the gang being treated to massages. Smithers sees this and informs Mr. Burns that they could leave and Mr. Burn's doesn't want that.

OK writers, you are making this too easy

As Bart and Milhouse watch the Krusty show the same way one watches season 20, Krusty proposes to Penelope on TV. Bart and Milhouse then decide that they must break them up and they start planning. The final act begins with wrapping up the Homer story as Mr. Burns offers the gang each two donuts a day (which are extremely good) for them to stay. Homer, Lenny and Carl agree and they are all seen enjoying their donuts at Homer's work station.

You can either have a nice enriching life. Or you can have the mystery box.

After a news story to point out the celebrity marriage (And to point out that Penelope is just a Disney Princess. I knew it all along) we see the wedding take place. Bart tries to convince Penelope that Krusty has done this before and she will end up miserable. The writing staff then decides to piss on the grave of Eartha Kitt by having her lines recorded for a video right before her death (Pills, I need more pills). Penelope is unfazed but Krusty realizes that he will do the same and leaves her there. After Penelope performs as a street performer outside of a restaurant, she sees Krusty in the Seine river and he is willing to give the relationship a chance. We end the episode with a thank you from the writers claiming "The best is yet to come" (Liar, Liar, Liar!)

Final Judgment: While there were stupid moments and multiple times with padding, this was a very decent episode. It seems that the writer put time into both the main and sub plots as both are very entertaining.However the character derailment of Lisa is proof again that this staff has no idea how to write for her and it's really sad. The biggest rift I have against this is that the relationship between Krusty and Penelope is never explained later, they even took Krusty out of the show for a while which to me indicated that he was still in Paris. But to say the best is yet to come was the biggest insult of all, I can't believe they put that line in with serious intentions.

Final grade: 5.4/10 Not terrible but really not worth it