Episode 21: Ned 'N Edna's Blend

Oh joy, an episode about "Nedna" quite possibly the only romance more awkward than Twilight. But I tell a lie,  I mean, if I squint hard enough... eh nevermind it's not there. Anyways, this didn't look fun when I first saw the preview, so does the episode actual surpass expectations? Let's find out. Oh and BTW, I will be doing the BINGO again this week

Opening Sequence: 1:42 (One step forward, two steps back)

The episode begins with an audition for a play ran by that guy nobody remembers from that episode nobody remembers (Okay, it's Smoke on the Daughter and damn me for somehow knowing that without Wikipedia). After Bart asks why he has to participate, Marge insists that the Passion of The Christ is the best story, to which Bart and Homer start listing off random current events, and by current, I mean 1 year or so old (Telling jokes and saying random things are two separate ideas)(x). So Ned tries out for Jesus, but the guy turns him down as he says he doesn't resemble Jesus. He then starts saying things that Jesus would do, which prompts Homer to come back and think that he should try out for Jesus. Oh and for good measure they include a Twitter reference because their target audience wasn't born before 9/11 and have the attention span of a rock unless random culture and technology references are made. Yeah this joke is horrible and I sorta feel bad for whatever schlock intern at FOX has to update that twitter account with unfunny garbage because the staff needs to "Connect" with their audience. Seriously, these types of jokes are about as funny as watching a 70-year-old man try to be "with it" by wearing the fashion from 2008, attempting to use a smart phone, and trying to use a skateboard. It's not funny, so much as it is painful to watch. Okay, long rant over a pathetic joke over, moving on.

Hey look! A Twitter reference therefore they're "with it" right?

So Homer barges onto the stage like a jerkass and is instantly handed the part(x)(x). Later, Homer goes more jerkass as all he can think about is the costume he's been given to wear (I seriously want him to be crucified by the end of the episode. But knowing the writers, he'd come back to life on the third day since he's Jesus to them). So Lisa tries to tell Homer to take the role serious as pissing off Christians would be like wearing and Florida State shirt to a Florida game. You mean an Oregon State shirt to an Oregon game right? I mean you guys totally believe Springfield is in Oregon because you insisted on it after misinterpreting the interview. Why would an Oregon native understand a Florida reference? Eh I don't believe that, I just like screwing with their non-logic and pointing out the gaping holes from their stupidity. So Homer realizes he's in deep shit and starts crying (Okay I'm adjusting my card, this should have been one of the spots, the writers fall back on this a lot) then Homer spouts out "Why do I succeed at everything I audition for?" I have an answer: The writers are total hacks who have no clue what to do if Homer isn't the center of attention despite there being a large, diverse cast of characters with just as diverse personalities for a diverse amount of roles. Any questions?

Wiggum: Ugh, not this guy. Just kill him and do it quickly

So the play goes on and after Homer says ONE line, everyone in the audience is moved...okay, just relax, he's bound to screw up and make that blatant asskissing utterly pointless. So after he's given the cross and thorns, he continues his Broadway performance... must... hold back... rage... Homer then is crucified and as Ned is praying for forgiveness of his pride and doubting of Homer... dammit all... Homer then falls down onto Ned (x) and the director just comes out to distract the audience. No, you can't distract the people from how awful that writing was. So Ned is rushed to the Hospital and as Edna tries to get in, she's told only immediate family is allowed to ride as she tells him she's his wife as she then flashes a wedding ring. HOLY CRAP THE PLOT! It only took them 7 minutes to get there with the opening act having NOTHING to do with the rest of the episode. I'll take it basic storytelling is no longer required to pass writing classes. Also, isn't it so nice that in between September and May of this season they decided to mention this all of TWO times?! I think a lot of people forgot this was even a thing until this episode. At the Hospital, Ned and Edna are happy that their marriage is out in the open. Truly this is a love for the ages as demonstrated by all those scenes of them together, let's see them all... oh right, they don't exist... but they're destined for each other, right?!

Edna: You jelly Marge?

So after some more pathetic dialogue from Homer (Hey America, we had a vote on this, remember? Please laugh at our callbacks to horrible writing) Marge asks why they didn't say anything. Ned explains that everyone makes a big deal out of everything and faster than you can say Supercalifrag- Kent Brockman  and a bunch of other people show up for no discernible reason. Uh, characters HAVE been married before, I mean Apu was married and got nothing, heck even more recent was the Van Houtens getting back, nothing on them. Ah forget it, this is the same staff that would light up cigars for the 525th episode and paint the town yellow for the 550th. After that pointless scene, we see the family having dinner as the kids don't exactly approve of the idea of Edna as their mom. Marge comes over to offer them a celebration for their marriage. Edna accepts as the only guests to their wedding were Ned's parents as apparently they have the same "Diddly" speech that Ned does... NO! Ned got that from the THERAPY because of his parents. You got the designs right, how did you screw up the rest? So after that Family Guy cutaway gag Ned agrees as Homer decided he needs Ned's stuff to complete the party (Why bother asking? He could just steal it).

Bart: I heard the plot needs to be moved along, so I just decided to pop up.

Later, we see Edna trying to entertain the kids on a rainy day, but since they're afraid of butterflies and believe that iron helps them play, her ideas get shot down. Bart shows up (Out of nowhere) to tell Edna to take them out to the real world, she doesn't think she needs to until Todd crashes his tricycle with training wheels.... let's move on. We then see Marge and Lisa at a wedding store as several women are jealous of the fact that Marge got to plan the party and Marge tells them to deal with it. Edna then goes to the Leftorium as Ned tells her he'll be staying late and he needs her to go to the parent-teacher conferences for him. Well that should be fun, seeing Edna talk to herself about how Rod is doing well in her classes and whatnot. Wait, they apparently go to a Christian school... I'm pretty sure they go the Springfield Elementary unless a transfer happened offscreen. That or the writers are very lazy and hate consistency, neither would surprise me. So at the conference, Edna gets a bit concerned about the teaching methods, and it's only confirmed when the teacher brings an astronomy map that involves religious figures including Tim Tebow in a green shirt. Thank God for digital coloring or else him in a Bronco's shirt would have made their joke dated before it even aired. Oh and to those who thought that the red X's through the female and black candidates in the "Politically Inept" episode was a joke about racism and sexism and not a quick-fix, you can all kiss my ass. Sorry, a bit uncalled for, let's move on.

Oh what a timeless joke, surely this joke doesn't have a 1 year expiration date, right?

So Edna pulls them out and decides to transfer them to Springfield Elementary without Ned's approval, as you'd expect he doesn't like the move, but accepts it. I don't know why he'd have a problem with it seeing as how they were there for a long time, but whatever. Later that night, Ned has a nightmare (As demonstrated in an easy to read title) which is- OH DEAR GOD! Claymation? NO! Just, NO! Did you not learn your lesson with the puppets from the Christmas episode? Just stick with your half-assed animation. So we see that Todd graduated from a real College with a degree that Ned did not approve of... so what was the point of it being claymation? There was NO purpose outside of the Davey and Goliath reference. I'm sure that was worth every penny of your sinking budget that'll not be saved by Lady Gaga next week (One week of decent ratings does not save a show). So we see the extravagant party (Because the Simpsons live in luxury and can afford anything they want) as everyone seems to be having a good time. Marge goes to talk to Ned and Edna as it turns out that after a few days in public school, Rod and Todd are already back talking Ned and getting temporary tattoos... establishing shots? What are those?

A married couple having a fight? Well I never-

Ned and Edna get into a small argument of sorts and after the women from earlier get some of the fight on their phones, Edna takes the boys home. But of course the writers just HAVE to be clever as Moe inserts a horrible 4th wall joke about the 3rd act being over for "The Simpsons" and that should be the end, as Lisa says she feels like there's going to be one more act(x). That 4th wall joke is so forced and awful I think the 4th wall repaired itself from the lack of real comedy forced against it. The next morning Ned laments that he allowed himself to act that way. Marge gives Bart and Lisa their lunches as apparently Bart has some sort of trouble as demonstrated in a scene that has no point and begs for someone to shoot it dead(x). So after that bit of nothing, Ned realizes that they don't agree on how to raise their kids (Did that require a 3-minute exchange with no jokes whatsoever?) So after more bickering (UGH! JUST KILL THE SCENE!!!) Bart shouts out that he's keeping a dolphin in his bathtub... WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT?! I mean, was the episode that short that they needed a pointless scene like that just to make 21 minutes with a 2 minute opening sequence and a first act that completely unrelated to the rest of the episode? Basic storytelling, LEARN IT!

The assembly ended because Ned had to talk to Edna, or something

Later we see an assembly where Mr Largo and Lunchlady Doris (Let her character RIP) as they tell the students the answers to an upcoming test, however it's all deemed pointless when Ned comes out of nowhere to decide he needs to talk to Edna NOW... the stupidity of this scene hurts. The two have an apology decide to play it by ear (As Ned says it "The Simpsons make it up as they go along" I can't help but believe that's the writing staff's motto whenever coming up with their episodes). The episode ends with Homer dressed up as Jesus endorsing a car dealership owned by Sleazy Sal (Oh I forgot, they put his name in the opening billboard so this is supposed to be some sort of bookending or some bullshit) and Homer gets zapped by God for calling himself Jesus. Oh and during the credits, they start to play the "Everyone loves Ned Flanders"... until Ned breaks out into rap... if you'll excuse me I have a knife to sharpen and a pillow to stab.

Final Verdict: Pretty bad, but not too bad either. This is rather tame compared to what has been airing recently (And the disaster to air soon) and really while I had my complaints, I felt like it was watchable to a degree. Yeah there were some pretty bad moments like the opening act and the assembly along with the credit sequence, but there were some decent moments. Overall, above average for the season, but still crap.

Final Grade: 3.7/10 Not good, but it's not a complete waste of time either

Episode 22: The Ned-Liest Catch

... I got nothing people. Does the writing staff just have hats with names and events in them for their scripts? I mean, Ned Flanders; avid Christian and not a big dater pairs up with Edna Krapabbel; quite possibly the closest thing to the town hooker on the show (But I digress). I'm just trying to think of what the thought process was in the writing staff. But this was probably more of a marketing stunt to not only rile up the fanbase with this awkward pairing but to raise veiwership for said relationship and up the summer poll (Something I'll get into later). With all that said though, let's take a look at the season finale and celebrate the fact that we are free of this show for 4 months.

The episode begins (No couch gag, just a title card. I'll discuss my view on the opening sequence length another day) with an assembly to celebrate the fact that their girl's basketball team actually won a game (A little funny at first, but starts to wear its welcome out quickly). After Skinner introduces the team, Lisa tells everyone that the team is suffering from food poisoning and Skinner is forced to cancel the assembly, giving the students free time. However, Lisa decides that she needs to be the buzz-kill and tells everyone she has a speech prepared for the assembly (Why Lisa? Why do you have to do this to us?) Bart being upset decides to be a troublemaker and causes hell in the auditorium (And they couldn't have had him like this last week because...?) Okay,I'll admit, I somewhat like this scene, Bart being a troublemaker here is probably the most in-character thing I've seen him do in a while. And it's not like the twin episode where he's being dickish, here he's rebelling because his free time was taken away. Skinner tells Edna to control Bart, but Edna tells Skinner that she tries but nothing seems to work (Two things, one: Is it just me or does Edna's voice sound a little off? Two: Are you really trying to tell me that Edna let Bart break her? I really doubt that she'd let that happen, just seems like it's too early for her to give up, that's all). After an unfunny bit with the students exiting the gym (They're really stretching for jokes here) Edna remembers that she's a disciplinary and chases after Bart, after she catches him, she slaps him across the head (And then slaps him again harder after everyone gasps for the first time, weird).

This is for changing my birth control pills with Tic-Tacs

Everyone then looks at Edna as Skinner tells her that her act was unforgiveable and he decides to talk with her in his office (But not before a Lunch Lady Dorris cameo. Is it even worth mentioning how I feel about them continuing to use her character?) At Skinner's office, we see Skinner, Edna, Homer, Marge and Chalmers discussing what Edna did and how she'll be punished for this (Hey the first time this season where Chalmer's appearance makes sense *Celebrates*) After some unfunny lampshading about due process (And any hope for this episode being good just died) Chalmers informs Edna that she'll be suspended with pay but will have to resort to a detention center for teachers who are waiting for their hearing as well (Why am I getting this feeling of deja vu? Huh, must just be me). At the "Teacher Holding Facility" (Really, no creative name or anything? Oh well, you probably would've screwed that up as well) Edna is shown the main room where she'll have to stay from 9 AM to 4 PM as it seems like nothing more than a run down room from an insane asylum (Insert your own One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest joke here. I'm lazy). After a brief exchange between Edna and Skinner, Edna finds out just how boring and painful the facility really is (They re-play Season 20 everyday. It doesn't get more painful and boring than that). After we see Edna being a bit depressed (Wow, genuine emotion, and it was conveyed in less than 10 seconds with nobody explaining it to us. It's flashes like this that show me that the writers DO understand emotion, but often, they'll just throw it away because they think it won't hold people's attention)

You'll be my friend, right Mr. Air Vent?

Bart gets Edna's attention and tells her he feels bad for getting her in trouble and he tries to apologize but she's reluctant to accept it. Bart tells her to meet up with him and she follows him to the bathroom (No, get your head out of the gutter, it's not like that). After Edna does that joke in the bathroom (Whatever, let's move on) Bart tells her that he has a plan to get her out and shows her a dummy he made of her to fool everyone while she's gone. Bart then gets Edna to go down a fire ladder, but the ladder breaks as she's getting down prompting Bart to find help (Well I hope, he just leaves as she's hanging there). Edna then drops and Flanders just happens to be drawn into the scene to catch her (No seriously, we get an establishing shot of the scene and nobody's around, but she drops 5 seconds later and he just happens to be right under her. I call lazy!) After Ned puts Edna down, he introduces himself to her as he goes into a 3 line rhyming conversation with her (If you'll excuse me, I'm off to hide the Rule of Three from the writers for next season). Ned and Edna then have a discussion about how she almost fell to her death and it leads into a conversation about how Ned lives next door to Bart and Homer (Is it possible for anyone in Springfield to have a conversation that DOESN'T involve the Simpsons? Just saying)

That's not what I meant when I said it's raining cats and dogs

Edna and Ned then get lunch as each of them find out that the other is single as they find out a little bit more about each other (Wow, I'm genuinely shocked, here I was expecting this relationship to be just "Edna meets Ned and they instantly love each other. Now you decide America" but it seems like the writers are actually TRYING to justify why they could be with each other. It's still a terrible idea, but they have far passed my expectations). After Ned returns Edna to the facility (Wow, that made the escape totally pointless.Isn't that like "I'm going to bust you out of prison, but you'll have to return tomorrow" what's the point?) we get a montage of Edna and Ned going out (And my hopes yet again crash back down to earth, well it was nice to see flashes of competency, I guess I'll see them again during that blue moon). Afterwards, Chalmers informs Edna that the Teacher's Union was dismantled and she's fired. However, he immediately re-hires her under the condition that she be a part-time prison guard (I sense the calm before the storm, better prepare myself for something awful). At Edna's apartment, we see her and Ned as she wants to be much closer to him but he tells her that he's against pre-marital sex (This is why so many people hated this idea before it even aired, they're polar opposites and not "I can complement you" opposites. I'm shocked that the writers haven't completely derailed one of them yet). After they start making out a little (Followed by a poorly inserted "Cheese-making documentary" joke. WEAK!) Ned decides to give into his urges as he strips down to an undershirt and makes out with Edna some more (The writers are walking on tightrope here).

Screw Maude, she's dead. Now I can do whatever I want with you.

Later we see Edna go to Ned's house as she and Bart have a rather unfunny bit where a student meets their teacher outside of school (Oh come on, that's an easy joke, how could you screw it up? Oh right, you dragged it out WAY too long). After a bit where Homer tortures Flanders in the yard (And Edna watches) Edna and Flanders approach Homer about the way he treats Ned and how he should be much nicer to him (A lot like the "Homer strangling Bart" some things are better if you don't really put much thought into them. To me, I don't really take it all that seriously and it's ruined when it is taken seriously). After Flanders takes everything back that Homer "borrowed" (Including a tumbleweed, okay that was a little funny, but who wants to bet it'll all be back in Homer's possession for Season 23?) Homer and Bart decide they need to split them up as Homer decides he needs to convince Ned to dump Edna (I still can't believe that this pairing really is now cannon). At Moe's, Homer tries to convince Ned that he should stay single so that he can do everything he wants to, but Ned tells Homer that he wants to continue to see Edna because he looks over at Homer and Marge and remembers what it's like to be married and have that special woman who he can do everyting with (I can't believe I'm about to type this... Character development! They actually gave a legitimate reason for how this could work. I still hate the idea of them together, but the writing staff actually put thought and emotion into this and kept it away from the normal monkeys who write this crap. I'd be lying if I said that this episode's writing was awful, the concept is awful, but the writing is above average, which is really preventing me from hating it right now).

Everyone! I have great news! We're firing the writing staff and going out in style.

After Homer feels bad for trying to break them up, we cut to Bart trying to convince Rod and Todd not to like Edna, but it fails and we get a rather pointless scene (Ah there's the crap I'm used to). We then cut back to Moe's as Homer proposes a toast to Ned and Edna as everyone in the bar apparently has been with Edna at some point. Skinner talks about all the times he and Edna did it around the school (All in favor of watching that episode say 'Aye') Comic Book Guy talks about how he has an e-mail dedicated as being an Edna lover (Unfortunately that is cannon, so I have to accept it) and Joey Kramer talks about how he and Edna were together for a bit (So he was able to get his drumsticks back I see. Don't know why they had to include him, but whatever, let's move on, I sense a horrible ending). After it's implied that Homer did Edna at some point (Great advertising FOX, the way they worded that part made it sound like That 90's Show) Flanders leaves disappointed. At Edna's apartment, Ned can't get comfortable with Edna as he sees different guys faces whenever he looks at her (This goes on for WAY too long and the joke is killed at the end, I guess the monkeys found their way back in). The next day, Marge berates Homer for Ned finding out the truth through other people (Yes because clearly it's Homer's fault that so many guys slept with Edna and were at that bar... wait what?!) Marge then tells Homer to talk to Ned as Homer follows Ned in the most ridiculous way possible (Oh come on, can't we just finish this as painless as possible?)

If we had clever writing, we could make this funny

Ned then thinks it over, and decides that he needs to talk to Edna about this. Back at the Flander's residence, Ned tells Edna that he forgives her past but Edna takes that as a back-handed insult and she tells him that she's not ashamed of it.Edna tells Ned that if they're to stay together, he must not allow it to get in their way. Ned then ends the actual story by breaking the forth wall with "I guess this is going to have to be decided by a higher power" (That's pathetic). The actual episode ends as Homer and Marge walk in front of the shot of Edna and Ned telling the viewers that they can decide whether or not they should stay together or not (I'd call it breaking the forth wall, but it's more like "Eh, just vote on this stupid idea and watch our crappy show next season")

Final Verdict: This episode is surprisingly average. I fully expected this to be God-awful, but it's rather average. The concept is stupid as all hell but the writing is okay, with flashes of decency here and there, the jokes range from horrible to chuckle-worthy and surprisingly character motivation actually plays a role here. However, there are quite a few of the stuff I've grown to hate. like: Characters appearing out of nowhere, characters disappearing because they have no more lines (Speaking of which, what happened to Lisa after the opening? She never even appeared afterwards) and an awful cliff-hanger that NOBODY will care about (Hey at least Who Shot Mr.Burns was good enough for the wait).

Final Grade: 4.3/10 Better than any story about Edna and Ned deserves to be