Episode 2: Treehouse of Horror XXIII

You know, it's really sad when I need to double check what number this treehouse of horror is. It should be easy, whatever the season is, subtract 1 from that number and there you go. But because they've become so dull and uninspired, I don't even bother caring what the number is. So this time, we actually have a segment resembling a treehouse of HORROR as there's one based on Paranormal Activity... huzzah. Oh and just to further my inescapable enjoyment, Brian Kelley is the co-writer of this episode...

Opening Sequence
The opening sequence begins with the Mayan Empire predicting that the world will end by the 13th Bucktune (Or however it's spelled) unless a sacrifice is made. Remember how everyone made such a big deal about the whole 2012 thing in 2009-2011? It's not as big of a deal anymore now is it? So of course, Mayan Homer will be the sacrifice but Mayan Marge decides not to let Homer be the sacrifice. She tricks Moe (Through a bad dialogue exchange) into being the sacrifice and he gets decapitated instead, which is followed up with a "Head as a soccer ball joke" (Isn't the point of reusing jokes to prove you can improve on them?). So when they realize their mistake, Mayan Frink calculates what year the wrold will end and ends up with 2012, to which Mayan Quimby says they can blame Obama... Uuuggghhh. So we cut to the present where Homer is setting his watch according to Mayan time, why you may ask? BECAUSE JOKES ARE FUNNY IF THEY MAKE NO SENSE OUT OF CONTEXT!!! So when Homer looks outside, there are 3 Mayan statues that wreak havoc. The segment ends with the world being destroyed as Kang and Kodos almost get hit by the Lard Lad Donut thrown in space. Yep, that's the only time they show up.

Thanks Kang and Kodos, your paycheck is off to the left 

The Greatest Story Ever Holed
This segment begins with an atomic accelerator being demonstrated, but initially failing. This causes everyone to be upset with Lisa (Well considering the alternative, I don't see how this is worse). So after everyone leaves, the accelerator creates a small black hole that starts to suck things up (Okay the Willie joke did get a chuckle out of me). So the black hole meets up with a sobbing Lisa outside of the building the experiment was taking place. So after a few more people get sucked into the hole (Oh hi obligatory Ralph Wiggum cameo that's there purely for fanservice) Lisa decides to take the black hole home, she does this by sticking a stick into the hole... okay I have no problem with the black hole, as I've said before, Treehouse of Horror is allowed to have cartoon physics and leaps in logic because it's outside of the cannon universe, HOWEVER, that does not mean that they can break their own rules within the segment. There is no adequately explained reason why the black hole doesn't suck up the stick and Lisa too. I'm not going to talk about this anymore, but it did annoy me. Anyways, Lisa brings the black hole to the basement and she decides to show the black hole to everyone. So after Lisa tells everyone to avoid feeding the black hole, Homer gets too close and gets his fingers extended a la "Stretch Dude" (I half expected him to start raking up the clutter in the basement).

Homer: Dear God, this episode sucks so much

You know, looking at the black hole, there's a part of me that believes they wanted to do this to try to show off their distortion effects in animation as there's a slight distortion around the black hole at all times. Maybe it's impressive in the world of animation, but honestly I don't care. So after a montage of everyone feeding the black hole (Bart feeding it was funny, until he fed Edna into it) the black hole becomes bigger and starts sucking things up at will in the living room. We then see a giant crowd outside of the house as Homer admits he advertised the black hole as a waste removal site (The crossing fingers gag did get a chuckle, but it was followed up by an unnecessary billboard joke that brought me back down). So the black hole eats the house as people start throwing things into it. This prompts Lisa to say that if one more thing gets thrown in, it could reach critical mass. How does she know that all it takes is ONE more thing? Because the irony of something accidentally going in wouldn't seem as contrived if she said "Feeding it more and more will cause it to reach critical mass".

Lisa: I suggest you all go out for some fresh air before going on the internet and saying how much this black hole sucks

Of course, we cut to Milhouse hitting a baseball which lands in the black hole and thus everyone gets sucked in, well except the Simpsons who get sucked in last despite people further away getting sucked in before them. How you may ask? Main character immunity of course!However, the black hole doesn't suck up Maggie because it takes her pacifier and simply floats away... whatever, I'm not questioning this. So episode over, right? Nope, we find out that the black hole took everyone to another dimension as they appreciate all the junk Springfield sent them (Okay while dated, the Zune joke was a bit decent, at first).

UNnormal Activity
This segment begins with Homer shooting a bad V-log talking about how there have been weird things going on. Oh and by the way, the entire segment is shot in the perspective of the camera, I'm going to assume that was the style in Paranormal Activity so I can't complain about it. So later, we see Homer set up the camera in the bedroom as fast-forwarded footage shows something invisible messing around in their bedroom, the spirit even whacks Homer over the head with a golf club (What, was that Homer a stunt double as well?). So an hour after that, Marge is awoken to a thud and she goes to investigate it, Homer tags along (By panning around towards the corner to a non-existent door. Seriously, the camera goes past the door that leads to the hallways, but the animation completely forgets that and just creates a new pathway for Homer. Thank God for that HD animation, it truly shows the mark of quality). So after Homer tumbles down the stairs (Okay this joke is incredibly painful, Homer remarks "We have stairs?" ...You couldn't force a joke harder if you tried) we see the living room trashed as Marge insists that she doesn't know (Painfully obvious foreshadowing).

Marge: I don't know why rabid fans keep trashing our house, maybe if we make Homer more of a jerkass, they'll be appeased and leave us alone

So sometime later, Homer gets cameras installed throughout the house as later that night, Marge wakes up with a soulless expression as she just stares at him for 4 hours, followed by her staring at Homer taking a piss for another hour (Extended toilet humor; for when you run out of legitimate jokes). I mean, that toilet joke was for me the worst joke in the entire episode, and yet they fast forwarded it 3 times to put emphasis on it like they were saying "Isn't this just incredible?!". So sometime later (The days are rarely given initially) Wiggum comes over to investigate and comes to the conclusion that a family member made a deal with the devil, which causes Marge to get 'shifty eyes'. Oh and by the way, outside of the Mayan segment (Which doesn't constitute as a segment) Wiggum's death is the ONLY death in this episode, I'm just putting that out there. So on night 15, our devil spirit comes to collect Maggie but is stopped by Marge. Bart reveals the form of the devil as it turns out to be a Moe-like Devil (I would complain about it not being Devil Flanders, but I'm glad they didn't associate THoH 4 with this garbage).

No, no, no! Maggie's head should be turning a la The Exorcist

So Marge breaks down and confesses that she's to blame for Devil Moe as when she was a kid, she witnessed her sisters summoning the Devil in the attic and when he was summoned, Marge pleaded with him to spare them (By the way, the young versions of the Bouviers SUCK, I have nothing against Kavner, but her age really shows as her ability to change voices is minimal and they all sound like their adult forms. I know that sounds like nitpicking, but when we saw young Marge and sisters before, there were subtle changes that made them feel young. I don't get that feeling here). So Homer negotiates with the Devil to change the deal as Devil Moe says a three-some between him, Homer and another Demon will appease him *Headdesk*. So the episode ends with Homer, Devil Moe and some Demon in bed as apparently Homer is so disturbing in bed it causes Devil Moe to shout the safe word repeatedly... just one more segment.

Homer and Bart's Excellent Adventure
The segment begins with Bart at the Comic Book Store as he finds an old comic that he finds too expensive. Comic Book Guy tells him that the initial price is only good in 1974. So Bart wishing he could somehow go back in time sees a poster that reads "Fantastic Foreshadowing: The Boy Who Went Back to 1974"... do I even NEED to explain why this joke sucks? As he walks out Frink just HAPPENS to spawn right next to him on the road and declare that his time travel machine works. So after Frink just gives him the keys, Bart goes back to 1974 via a stream with James Bond Posters in the background (I would find this funny if I found the relevance to time travel). So Bart ends up in 1974 as Springfield looks much cleaner and sterile (Okay the Middle East protester was the highlight of the segment for me. Don't ever say I'm not fair). So after Bart's purpose for going back to the past is complete (Oh like you expected  there to be payoffs for anything) Bart overhears Dondelinger scolding Homer and Barney for smoking as he realizes that he's stumbled into the plot of The Way We Was. You know, I remember Family Guy had a recent episode that many considered good and reminiscent of the pre-cancellation episodes where Brian and Stewie go back to the pilot episode and experience it from a different POV. I wonder if this segment can mimic that success.

The difference between these two scenes is minimal, but the real doesn't feel wrong

So Bart decides to run in and we transition to detention where Bart explains to Homer that he's his unborn child and will cause him hell in the future. Upset, young Homer begins to strangle Bart just as Marge arrives. And here begins the man reasons for why I absolutely HATE this segment, altering the future a la Back to The Future is an interesting concept, however, when you alter the past by giving characters sudden mood changes for no reason, you immediately lose your premise. Young Homer was never a jerkass, but because the writing staff is composed of one-note uninspired 2nd rate monkeys, they can't mix BTTF and this show to make an interesting concept. It has potential, but that potential, like any other modern episode dies as soon as the word document is opened. Oh and a few more notes, because the animation style is sterile and the voice actors have aged, the cleanliness of the detention room combined with Young Homer sounding off  really offsets any nostalgia they attempted. Anyways, Marge says she would never go to the prom with a guy like Homer. So Homer, naturally is depressed that he scared off his love interest and realizes that he needs to find some way to get Marge back... oh wait, I keep thinking that these writers don't keep their heads up their asses, let me say what ACTUALLY happens. So Homer blames Bart, as Marge says she doesn't love him, Homer denies this, Marge calls him an idiot and Homer calls Marge and idiot... FFFFFFUUUUUUU- This just has Brian Kelley written all over it, although since nobody in the multiple re-writes changed this, the blame goes to every asshole involved with this. 

Now which seems more interesting? (I swear if you pick the top, you're dead to me)

So Bart finds out that his life would be better if Marge never married Homer as Homer continues to be a dumb jerkass trying to get Marge's attention (This segment is terrible and you should feel terrible for liking this). So after Bart convinces Marge not to marry Homer, he runs off and Homer chases him (With the whole detention thing being nothing more than a set piece, gotta love not giving a shit). So Bart goes back to 2012 and Homer follows him in the trunk. Bart finds out that his father is Artie Ziff and he's so much better off as Artie exposits about his life as if this was his first day in it. Oh and because there are too many instances like that, the writers really fuck up the whole "Alternate timeline" idea. The writers have so little faith in their audience, they feel the need to explain EVERY difference through characters who shouldn't know that there's an alternate timeline in place. Seriously, if I actually cared, I could go on explaining all the inconsistencies, but I'll just say that the time travel story here makes the one in Sonic 06 look like... well that's still terrible. So we see Young Homer staring into the house from a tree as Modern Homer is also staring into the house, they try to formulate a plan, but decide they need more Homers to make it work. So later, Homer approaches Artie and Bart to get Marge back. His plan is to fight them with an army of Homers from different time periods, naturally they fail in five minutes (Okay, that was a bit amusing, could've been done better, but given the standards...)

Finally, an army worthy of fighting the society of NoHomers

Marge suddenly goes outside and notices all the Homers beaten up and then for no reason decides that Homer was supposed to be the man she married... BASED ON WHAT?! Okay, I skipped over the other inconsistencies, but this is massive bullshit, the Young Homer went forward in time to 2012, therefore a Modern Homer shouldn't exist because he never grew up between 1974-2012, so thus the last encounter between Marge and Homer would be 1974 and that encounter left such a horrible taste in her mouth. So the episode ends with Marge taking care of all the Homers for no reason other than "Because destiny! That's why!"

Final Verdict: This Treehouse sucked, not as bad as last year's but that's really not something special. The best segment by far was The Greatest Story Ever Holed and even that was just okay at best. The Unnormal Activity was the closest to a Halloween segment, and it really accomplished nothing that Bad Dream House didn't do better (The Simpsons made a better parody of Paranormal Activity than the one that actually was supposed to parody it). The less I say about the final segment, the better. Overall, not worth a watch, and if you really want to see a better Modern THoH I'd reccomend XX or XIX is better.

Character Analysis: Marge Simpson

Again, I am sorry for the massive delay, the month of August has not been kind to me at all. I still hope to get Bart and Maggie before season 24 starts. However I could probably sum up Maggie's change with one characteristic, so that might not happen.

And now we move onto the typical sitcom housewife who every kid wants and she puts everyone else ahead of her. Wait, what's that? She's now just a Lois clone who often time just exists and is usually used as a sex symbol?

Classic Marge:

Caring Housewife
I think I've said this about a hundred times or so, but when I think of classic Marge, the first thing that comes to mind is a Housewife. Now this one I toned down a bit from what I would have said, I usually think of Classic Marge as a sitcom wife from the 80's (With a bit of 50's morals). A woman who instills morals in her kids, takes care of her husband when he gets home from a long day of work (HA!) tries to bond the family together when possible, I could go on for a while. Really, the main characteristic that separates Marge from the dime-a-dozen sitcom wife is how she and Homer interact onscreen in the bedroom.

See, there can be a bedroom scene that can carry a lot of emotion.

Active community member
Remember when Marge was actively helpful with Bart and Lisa's school projects? Remember how Marge was the one who suggested the idea of the Burlesque House being destroyed? The point I'm trying to make here is that Marge is not just "Homer's wife" but she is an independent character that an episode could be built around (Successfully). It's just nice to know that Marge could be utilized as a human being in her own episodes rather than a sex symbol (Seriously, fuck you Playboy cover).

Outta my way! I have a bulldozer

"Nagger"
Yeah this trait is most notable in Marge vs Itchy and Scratchy but it comes with the territory of being a caring mother. Heck this characteristic is even made fun of in Marge vs. the Monorail where even the idea of her proposing something is received with Quimby saying he'll flat out ignore her. While this is a vice of Marge, it can be used effectively as demonstrated in the previous two examples.

Are you even listening to me Quimby?

Modern Marge:

Sex symbol
Two words: Playboy cover. I don't think I even need to say anything more but I still will. The Devil Wears Nada is an excellent example of the staff trying to make the most out of the popularity of the cover. Too bad they completely forgot about their own plot halfway through and dropped it completely without a resolution. I'd almost say that was lazy writing, but hey, I'm not a professional, so what do I know? Either way, back on topic, as I said before, Classic Marge seemed to resemble a 50's housewife in the 90's. But now she resembles Lois Griffin more. To the point where she rapes her own husband just like Lois (Seriously, fuck FG for that and fuck The Simpsons even harder for thinking it was funny enough to rip off)

What's that Marge isn't just eye candy? Well I never...

Mannequin
Okay this one is a bit hard to explain, but I'll try my best here. Often times when Marge is written into an episode that doesn't revolve around her, her main purpose is to just "Be there". For example, in the recent Ned 'N Edna's Blend, what did Marge actually do there by herself? Let's see she went over to congratulate the couple, but Homer was there too, scratch that. She offered Ned advice, but Homer was there to give it so scratch that. Oh wait, she kept the gossipy women away from Edna... that was necessary. Now a lot of the main characters do get a lesser role when the episode isn't about them, but Marge in particular (Outside of Maggie) seems to get the short end of the stick when it's not about her. I probably could give more examples, but these aren't meant as deep ground breaking essays, but rather a short explanation of how I feel about the characters.

Homer: It's nice when I always have to say the marriage-saving lesson, because we don't have anyone else here to say it

Homer Supporter
When was the last time Homer did something "Wacky" or convoluted that Marge intervened as the voice of reason? Just looking through the episodes on Wikipedia (What you actually expect me to remember them?) The most recent thing that Homer did bad that Marge "supported" him on was the TV thing in Beware My Cheating Bart where Homer was in the wrong but in the end Marge had to apologize to him for having the guts to tell him that there are more important things in life than a TV show that ended years ago (Seriously, fuck that episode). But maybe I'm wrong, let's keep looking back on that episode list. Wait she made Homer go to counseling after embarrassing Bart in public... nevermind that SHOULD be a given. Let's see Season 22? Nope. Season 21? Nope. Season 20? Nope. Season 19? Ah fuck it you get the point, whenever Homer wants to do something stupid, Marge will just be on the sidelines and stay out of it because Homer is always right.

Now which one seems most like an enabler?

The Blue and the Gray

Anti-love, hate, aren't they all the same?

Either way, it's not like this episode creates a positive feeling

Episode 13: The Daughter Also Rises

Ugh... Lisa falls in love with a guy voiced by Michael Cera, a guy who hasn't been really relevant since 2010. Bart and Homer decide to "Parody" Mythbusters, because that hasn't been done a thousand times on Youtube already by talentless hacks. But hey, maybe, just maybe, in the hands of a competent writer, this episode might not be total crap, I mean, the last episode was so stupid that they couldn't possibly put a talentless writer on this and *Reads credits*... Lazebnik... Rob FUCKING Lazebnik... Rob "I can't possible write anything good to save my family" Lazebnik...actually in all irony, Rob Lazebnik's last writing credit was last year's Valentine's Day episode The Blue and the Gray. Eh could be worse, could be Brian Kelley injecting his misogynistic undertones into a Valentine's Day episode. Enough with the positives,onto the review itself.

The episode begins with Bart and Milhouse next to their Valentine's Day cards as they decide to watch a random Itachy and Scratchy cartoon (It's short, but even for I and S violence, this is random). They are interrupted when Kirk pokes his head through the window to remind Milhouse not to watch Itchy and Scratchy...so the writers have officially given up on logic at the 2 minute mark, we're screwed. I mean Kirk just RANDOMLY appears outside of the Simpsons resident just for the sake of a piss-poor joke, is it really THAT hard to justify why a character would be at a certain place? I guess so because that would require effort on the part of the writing staff. As a result of Kirk's lone appearance (Never shows up for the remainder of the episode, I'm not lying) Bart changes the channel and on comes "Mythcrackers"... eh, give them credit, at least their parody wasn't called "Mythboosters".The again, that's the ONLY positive thing about this subplot, it's all downhill from here.

Next time on Mythbusters, our guys- Dammit Pete, you misspelled "Busters" again

As a result, Marge tells Bart and Milhouse not to watch TV, which leads to a series of scenes I call "We know other forms of viewing television" as it results in Bart and Milhouse watching the show at a monitor at a gas station... maybe it's because I'm an East Coast guy, but I have never seen a gas station with television monitors in the pumps. Nice to know that the writers can connect so well with the average Joes of America *Cough*Detached from reality*Cough*. Anyways, Mythbusters (I don't know how I mixed up those two shows...oops) decide to try one thing, but end up doing something completely different for the sake of EXPLOSIONS!!! Is this a parody of Mythbusters or Michael Bay films? I'm sorry but randomness does not equal comedy, especially given how the satire of this show used to be subtle. In other words, they would not announce what they were "Making fun of" while doing it, sorry, let's move on. So Bart and Milhouse decide to replicate what they did and they cause a cellphone to explode at the gas station, to which we get a "CONFIRMED" title placed over the scene (Wow, I'm so impressed by a title someone could make in Windows Movie Maker on top of an episode... yeah I really don't care for this running gag, it's just not funny). Back home, we see Homer getting ready for Valentines Day as Marge informs Homer that he can do whatever he wants for the day as her gift to him. Homer is a bit paranoid of this, but Marge insists that Homer take Bart somewhere and have fun.

My wife is cheating on me at this very moment, heh-heh-h- wait a second

Oh and in case you figure that this will lead into some clever "Homer suspects Marge is cheating on him on Valentine's Day" plot, you'd be wrong, this goes absolutely NOWHERE. I can literally sum up what happens in one sentence: Homer takes Bart to the batting cages and "hilarity" ensues.This is utterly pointless, there is no reason for Homer's quick paranoia or his scene, if they wanted to justify why Marge and Lisa would be alone on Valentine's Day, I've got a reason: Marge gives Homer tickets to a basketball game with Bart, Homer gives Marge tickets to a ballet, they agree to have a romantic evening when they get home. There, problem solved, why are these guys getting paid? So after a montage of Jerkass Homer and Bart enjoying themselves (Okay there is one decent joke with the tickets and the prize exchange, despite the fact that they have done it before) we see Marge and Lisa at a restaurant as Marge tries to start up a conversation with Lisa but decides that a bad salad bar joke is in order (Oh and Professor Frink shows up for one scene which is completely pointless... that makes it what? Two characters appearing randomly and then disappearing so far?)

Love at first sight Norman Bates style, how romantic

 Back at the table, Lisa looks through a crack and notices a boy reading A Farewell to Arms and gets spotted by said boy (Although given how he acts throughout the episode, calling him a "Boy" is VERY generous, I'm just going to call him a 30 year old midget from now on, and you'll see why). So the midget named Nick invites Lisa to the dessert bar where the writers pretend this scene is romantic when in reality it's about as sterile as the Star Wars Prequels (Maybe I'm exaggerating here, I mean I think I may have seen some emotion from Attack of the Clones). Lisa tells her name to Nick which is supposed to be a romantic scene, which you can understand why they feel the need to cut to Moe at Nick's table sticking his arm through the hole to offer Marge some pasta (Is the idea of letting a scene sink in considered unholy to this writing staff?). At school, we see Bart and Milhouse begin their mythbusting careers as they find out that a vending machine is ordinary (Oh and they decide to put in a cigarette joke that lacks subtlety and tries to hammer itself in because we couldn't possibly get the joke on the first 3 parts). Speaking of running a joke into the ground, we cut to Lisa and Nick as Lisa shows that if she cuts off her peripheral vision, it seems like Paris, we see this played out four times (Because we're too stupid to get it by the second time...seriously, are the test audiences mentally deficient or something?).

Come play with us Marge... come play with us

After a scene trying to make juice boxes seem high class (Please kill me, please kill me, please-) we cut to a quilt making shop as we see Marge with Sherri and Terri's family as Sherri and Terri start moving a la ball under cups trick...am I on drugs? Lisa then comes in and we begin to plant the seeds of false tension between Marge and Lisa (Ugh... it's Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life all over again, NO! I'm not dealing with that shit today, let's move on!). Although there is ONE thing I want to point out, a third twin appears in the motion and they say "Or maybe you're losing your mind", yes Sherri, Terri and Berri, I am losing my mind at this point. Back at school, myth two involves swinging over the swingset and it proves to be false (*Yawn* how riveting, I could watch this for hou- ZZZZ). After a montage of Lisa and Nick (Along with some terrible jokes) we cut back home as Lisa decides to tell Marge about her crush on Nick (But not without Homer acting like and assclown...there are only so many words to describe my hated for "Jerkass Homer" and only a few that would get past the censors) and Marge allows Nick to come over for dinner (As long as Juliet is banned from this house, Nick can come over).

Marge: Why Nick, are you trying to seduce me?

Nick: Actually it's your daughter I'm interested in

The next night we see why I called Nick a 30 year old midget; Nick comes over with a bottle of wine while flirting with Marge and Maggie... eewwwwwww, now I will NEVER get that image out of my head, FUCK YOU LAZEBNIK! Actually I'm honestly trying to understand why he brought wine, Lisa is 8, Nick is... God only knows, but apparently he still lives with his mother, at no point does Nick actually act like a kid. Say what you want about Stewie from Family Guy or the kids from South Park, in the end, they still make child-like mistakes, they still have child-like innocence and ignorance. Nick never displays this, he always acts like he's in his late teens or early twenties from a sophisticated family (Which we never see by the way). As a result, Nick does not come across as charming, but rather as creepy. Anyways, Nick wants to take Lisa to some fair at the gym (Which given his character so far, seems like he's asking her out to the prom) and Marge begins to resent Lisa and Nick's relationship as it's taking Lisa away from her (And now we've got Dude, Where's my Ranch? included in this clusterfuck of a plot). So later, Lisa approaches Grampa at the Retirement Home (For some reason) and tells him about how she fells towards Marge's resentment. This inspires Grampa to tell Lisa about the story of Pyramus and Thisbe (For some other reason...) Anyways, Lisa points out the obvious comparisons... You cannot be serious writers!

The fine folks at Dizney would be insulted

Grampa ends the story by saying that their kiss turned them into a tree as it turns out, his story was Disney's version, complete with a talking parrot... excuse me a moment *Goes to scream expletives into a pillow* That joke was completely awful, forget about how they explained the joke, let's instead talk about how the show could actually make fun of Disney without seeming like complete assclowns in the process. I'm sorry, but this joke coupled with a double dose of Jerkass Homer in the story just makes that scene unbearable for me. Anyways, Lisa asks Grampa to help her on a romantic mission and he agrees (Wait a second, what was the plot again? Lisa meets Nick, Lisa falls in love with Nick, Marge gets jealous, Lisa wants to kiss Nick under a tree as a very romantic gesture...am I missing something? Seems very lacking to me). Back at school, we see Bart and Milhouse to a school version of Bloody Mary in the girls bathroom as they get scared when Lunch Lady Doris comes in to wash her hands (Phil Hartman characters get respect when he dies, Doris Grau on the other hand... Fuck her, it's not like the writing staff should give two shits about her. Next they'll teabag her tombstone). So everyone is disappointed that all the myths were busted and Bart and Milhouse decide to team up with Willie to make a new myth up to scare everyone and thus that subplot ends.

What's the matter, you guys look like you've seen a ghost

So essentially we got "Bart and Milhouse are the hosts of Mythbusters"... does anyone else feel like this was just a promotion for Mythbusters rather than a parody of it? Like with The D'oh-Cial Network, instead of parodying the source material, the writers instead watch something and come up with the brilliant scheme of "We can put our characters in that movie/show". That is one of the laziest forms of writing and I weep for our future. Anyways, Grampa apparently gets chased by the cops as he's driving Nick and Lisa to an beach to get to an island as Grampa gets taken back while the kids run off (What was the point of the police? Oh right, for that amazing "Spanish TV" joke... ugh). Anyways, Nick begins to seem like a wimp while he and Lisa row to the island while Marge and the family drive to try to prevent Lisa and Nick from kissing on the island (There's just no end to this, is there?) After an unfunny, padded out watershoes gag (Not the last time it'll be used, I can assure you) Lisa and Nick get under the tree as Nick acts even more nerdy and Lisa says "Shut up and kiss me"... Lisa, the FEMINIST, feels the need to place her love for a boy over herself as an equal...THIS WRITING SUCKS!!!

Can you two move out of the way? We're trying to film Twilight

But just as Lisa is about to become a Barbie doll of a character, she gets a vision of Hemingway's wives and a marlin advising her not to go through with this...I think I must be on drugs, no sober person could possibly find this entertaining. Lisa decides against the kiss as Marge finally gets there to stop them. Nick admits that he's a fraud and heads back in the boat (Then what the fuck is he? I have no clue who this 30 year old midget is, is he a postman? Is he homeless? Is he part of the upper class? ANSWER ME!). Lisa tells Marge that she couldn't do it because a person you kiss under a Mulberry tree is someone you'll love for the rest of your life, and Marge proceeds to give Lisa a kiss on her head (How sweet... if only this episode wasn't shit, I may have cared). Marge and Lisa try to walk back to the shoreline as Homer for no reason grabs a fan boat and randomly sinks (How cute, the writers think they can be funny). The episode ends with Homer getting up saying "If a fat man stays still, he floats" as he sinks with a "MYTH CRACKED" sign over the screen (And the episode comes full circle, too bad the circle turned out to be two parallel lines).

Final Verdict: This episode SUCKED. The stories were boring and stupid with the main one being a "Lisa/Bart finds Boy/Girlfriend" story with no originality, the jokes were just awful and the padding was annoying. Nick is uninteresting, unappealing and underdeveloped and his character change in the final act is just jarring. I don't blame  Mike Cera, this script was awful he had nothing to work with here. Now this isn't AS bad as last year's Valentine's Day episode, but that's not saying much.

Final Grade: 1.5/10 Only way to watch this is with some Valentine's Day cocktails. Next time is the 500th episode, where the Simpsons go to Antartica... stop laughing, it's the actual plot

Episode 7: Husbands and Knives

First of all I'd like to apologize for this not being last week's post. With that out of the way, the more I watch these episodes, the more I understand why I have little to no memory of watching them. They are incredibly dull and forgettable, case in point; today's subject matter.

The episode begins with kids at the Comic Book Store (I honestly think this was the last time Comic Book Guy was actually at his store, because nowadays he just lives wherever the plot needs him) as CBG is acting like a giant asswipe towards the kids. After Bart tells him to stop being such a dick, CBG tries to mock Bart until he realizes that a new Comic Book Store is opening up across the street from him (So much potential wasted away here). After CBG gets owned by Bart, all the kids flock over to the new store where we meet the owner; Milo (Eh, he's too generic to have a name like that, let's call him 'Lame Steve') Lame Steve then invites everyone in as he plays some Korean Tom Jones... am I missing something here? After some padding in the form of Lisa reading (Say, isn't this episode supposed to be about Marge opening a gym? We're over 4 and a half minutes in and we have NO indication of the actual plot) Bart basically becomes the audience surrogate as he says that he gets it about Lame Steve, how he's not mainstream and wears a porkpie hat, which then leads to a cutaway of Homer at work saying "Mmm... Porkpie" (Dear God this really is Family Guy, random cutaways, ludicrous plots, jokes that aren't funny).

You have failed to impress me

Bart then asks a question to Lame Steve and LS decides he wants Bart's opinion (Oh by the way, great alternate names with "The Mulk" and "The Thung" I've said it before and I'll say it again, changing ONE letter in something does not make the parody funny, it's utterly lazy. And before you mention "Sorny" or "Panaphonics" keep in mind those were meant to be knock-offs and not parodies). After Marge drops off Bart and Lisa at the store, she notices a cardboard cutout of Wonder Woman and can't help but feel self-conscious when standing next to her (And we finally get plot at the 5:30 mark, great writing there). After a pointless bit involving the bullies (No I don't know why they were walking by and neither do the writers) we go inside the store where we see Alan Moore, Art Spiegelman and Dan Clowes (I love how Lisa decides to list them off as she's in line for the book signing like she's explaining who they are to the audience. Another example of the writers being as lazy as possible). While I hate the fact that Alan Moore reduced himself to this tripe, I do enjoy his bits the best (Hollywood being leeches, getting frustrated at Bart not getting his work, etc). Then, CBG barges in to try to win back his customers by announcing his shop now sells ninja weapons. After Lame Steve expresses appointment in CBG's tactics, CBG tries to destroy Lame Steve's shop, but is stopped by the 3 Comic Book writers who proceed to beat the shit out of him (Rather disappointing fight, much like everything else in today's episodes).

Alan Moore does not approve of this episode

We then FINALLY start the plot at the 8:25 mark when Marge decides to go to a gym (I know that the Comic Book Store plot was to help set this up later, but it took up WAY too much time). After a then-topical bit with celebrities doing the "Ok Go on Treadmills" (While it was okay back then, it just didn't age well at all) Marge exits the gym wishing that there was a female-only gym and because nobody on the staff cares about continuity, the LA gym is now magically across the street from CBG's old store (Effort; it takes so little time to make it seem like you actually care). Faster than you can say "Bullshit!" the store is instantly changed into a gym called "Shapes" *Fake laughter* and Marge reads off the rules she puts up on the wall (Why am I getting Alone in the Dark flashbacks?). After Jerkass Homer mocks Marge for her gym, he notices a huge line for the gym and praises her, but not without it being more Jerkass Homer (*Goes through recap* This is his first real scene, we're in for some serious shit here people). Later, we see that Shapes is an instant success and that leads to them creating a second gym (Instant expert? Check). After a montage of Marge's gym being a huge success (Can we elevate this to Mary Sue levels yet?) we see her on the "Opal Show" (*Grabs forehead* these parodies suck) where nothing happens (Feel free to close this window down at any time, I doubt anything exciting will happen).

Well I don't see anything next to that lamp

Call Penn and Teller, Homer has a magic remote

Later we see Marge and Homer at a hotel that apparently is holding some meeting for businessladies or something, I don't know and I'm pretty sure this is the point the writers gave up on this having a coherent plot. After Homer steals the TV remote (I wonder if this will turn into a running gag) we see Homer at the poolside as he meets up with some other husbands as he's informed that he'll probably be replaced with a trophy husband. After they tell Homer the signs, Homer refuses to believe that Marge will leave him (Why would she? She's been with him through some rather terrible situations. Normal Homer would know that he just needs to give her some more attentions, but let's see what Jerkass Homer does). Homer then gets to Marge and notices she's undergone a makeover (Step 1) Homer then asks Marge about her day, but instead of listening to her, he watches TV instead *Headdesk* After Homer suspects that Marge fulfilled all three requirements, he starts crying and takes as much as he can from the room into his luggage (Ugh... please someone kill him) Later we see Marge at a social event where some lady tells Marge that because she's rich now, she should get a new bag (We all know how the writers will play this scene out) Homer then overhears them as he thinks that they're talking about him and he gets in the middle like the jackass he is.

I'm not going to allow myself to get replaced by Roy as the main character!

Marge walks away because he's acting out of character (I'm not even joking there, that's the way it's done) and Homer begs the trophy husbands to help him (Sorry I meant to say "Begs as annoyingly as possible" I hate how they write Homer as a sitcom character rather than as a human). One of the trophy husbands reveals himself to be a first husband and gives Homer plenty of helpful advice. But that wouldn't nearly be funny to see Homer do that so instead he writes down "Get stomach stapled" (There's only so many times I can shake my head in disbelief). Homer then goes to a plastic surgery center where he's falsely explained the procedure (Medical science has no place here!) Homer decides to knock himself out by reading the bill (But they screw that up too. The only thing I find funny is just how inept these guys are and how they manage to make something so easy, unfunny). Later, we see Homer not eating at the table as he explains to Bart and Lisa that he had his stomach stapled, this is followed up by a bad blender scene (He presses the same button 3 times, but it makes different noises, i refer to the "Effort" bit I mentioned earlier).

My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

Later that night, we see slim Homer seducing Marge, but is unable to finish it because of all the excess skin created from the procedure (I'm bored out of my mind right now). Homer then confronts the doctor and tells him to give him more procedures (You know what? I'm bored senseless from this, so I'll just summarize the rest of this episode). Marge is given a key to the city for her gyms, Homer gets on stage looking like a Frankenstein's monster, he grabs Marge and runs away when the audience forms an angry mob, Homer flees to "Notre Dame of Springfield" (TOO SUBTLE!) and is told by Marge that she's leaving him. After she pushes him off, Homer wakes up and was told that his family prevented the surgeries after the doctor called them (Doctor-Patient confidentiality? Fuck that!) The episode ends with Marge and Homer walking through the town together as we get one last appearance from the Comic-Book writers as they fly off to a cash bar... Yeah I don't get it either, oh well episode's over who cares?

Final Verdict: This episode was terrible, the pacing was atrocious as the first act was a complete waste of time, the plot was stupid and very lazy (Mary Sue type writing) the characters were poorly written here and the jokes were bad. Really, there were few (If any) bright spots and this does not deserve to be remembered.

Final Grade: 1.8/10 Boring and stupid, then again, how is that different from any other episode?

Episode 5: The Food Wife

Oh hey, a bunch of celebrity cameos, that'll make this episode good, right? Someone really needs to inform this staff that quality writing was what made this show good, not "We've got a bunch of celebrities, so watch our show". A lot like special effects *Cough*Micheal Bay*cough*, people like these guys think that they can mask over their inept writing and awful jokes with a bunch of fanservice and guest stars and it'll be alright. Case in point, the "Lisa learns magic" was perhaps one of the best episodes last year, but that didn't prevent it from being crap anyways. Likewise, Judge Me Tender and Elementary School Musical had 13 guest stars between them and were both utter garbage. With that said, let's take a look at today's episode.

The episode begins (Without an opening sequence I may add, considering how they'll lean on a padded out opening segment to cover up their less-than full episode, I'm surprised) with Marge deciding that the kids deserve a fun weekend with Homer and Homer takes the kids to E3 er I mean E4 (Meh, not really anything bad). After an Angry Birds reference (Oh hey, look, a joke that'll make this episode dated real quick) we see Homer gives the kids VIP passes so that they can get in quicker (How did they even get in? E3 is a private event to people associated with the gaming industry. Just write it up as another "Writers don't understand the outside world") Inside, we get a panoramic shot complete with a bunch of lame electronic jokes (Eh at least give them credit in the fact that it didn't focus 5 seconds on each joke and it requires you to actually require freeze frame to read them clearly). after a couple of scenes of Bart and Lisa playing some games (No real jokes here, you might get a laugh) we see Homer grab some Frisbees from "Medal of Duty" (SMH) and go into a FPS mode as he throws the Frisbees to get the kids towards another hall (This isn't bad, but I wish they could have taken advantage of some of the flaws in FPS and made fun of them instead).

Anyone else getting Doom flashbacks?

Later, we see Homer and the kids arrive home and they're on bouncy balls exclaiming that they love 'Fun dad' (Well as long as it isn't Jerkass dad, I'm all for it). Marge tells them to take a rest, but Homer takes them away and grabs the Flanders while bouncing away... whu? Marge then tells Homer that she feels left out and wants to have the kids attention herself. Homer tells her that she can pick the next event and of course, she picks something that sucks and the kids hate her for it (You know, between the E3bit and this, it doesn't drag too much, but it didn't need to be this long either, they could have cut a few things out and nothing would have been lost). On the car ride home, Marge tries to apologize, but Bart and Lisa are still mad at her for what she did. The car then breaks down and they have do drive to a nearby town to wait for a towtruck. They stop in Little Ethiopia... How big IS Springfield exactly? Judging by how many different places they've included, Springfield must be bigger than Dallas and New York combined. However, because the neighborhood is unfamiliar and scary looking, Marge locks the doors and hopes they don't get attacked (Hey that's racist!)

We can't leave the car Lisa, all the internet trolls are waiting for us

After Lisa tells Marge that she's hungry, Marge takes a look outside and decides to try to sprint towards a restaurant (You know, that sidewalk doesn't look the least bit intimidating at all, either Marge really is racist, or the director forgot that this was supposed to be a "Menacing looking" neighborhood. Neither answer would surprise me). Once they spot a restaurant, Bart and Lisa just casually walk out and Marge follows them (So the whole "This neighborhood is scary" was completely forgotten 30 SECONDS AFTER THEY BROUGHT IT UP! Continuity within a scene is for shit here). In the restaurant, Lisa encourages Marge to be exotic with her food choice and she picks something on the side that isn't translated! Um... far out? I like how the entire restaurant gasps at the idea of someone ordering something from the back is like eating a Guatemalan insanity pepper. Once she eats some of it, we see her tongue as her taste buds all stand up and start partying (So in other words, There's a party in her mouth and everyone's invited?) The kids start eating the food as well and they too enjoy it (So I have to ask, why did everyone gasp at the idea of them ordering something good?) Suddenly Comic Book Guy and Sideshow Mel arrive together at the restaurant and wonder what Marge is eating.

Dammit, Mel! We've been spotted. Now the slashfics are starting

Okay a few problems, 1.) Why CBG and SS Mel? What could those two possibly have in common that's actually been established? 2.) If I am to interpret the later scenes correctly, CBG and SS Mel come here often. They have NEVER had this meal? WHY is this meal such a big deal? They're acting like it was just created 5 minutes ago and nobody has ever tried it before. This plot's not even 3 minutes old and yet has more holes than a minefield, eh let's continue. Marge and the kids invite SS Mel and CBG to join them and they invite some "Foodies" to join them. After they eat some more, CBG explains what "Foodies" are and what they've been doing. Later, we cut back home where Homer decides he doesn't want to partake in what they're doing and then proceeds to take his pants off and eat directly from the fridge... You just know that scene was made SPECIFICALLY for the promo. Lisa suggests the Marge and Bart that they start up their own food blog and call themselves "The Three Mouthketeers" (Yeah I'm never calling them that again, how about... hmm... The Three Nuts, or TTN for short)

Again, it's amazing how a simple joke can be vastly different given the writers

After Homer resurrects himself from choking (I'm reminded of that good joke from Homer's Triple Bypass where he has a heart attack and resurrects himself to get a free ham. This is nowhere close to that joke) we get a montage of TTN sampling different food as they upload photos of themselves with the food to their blog and the montage song is like a rejected South Park montage song (Let's count the number of things wrong here; montage, annoying "We use the internet and technology just like everyone else" and drawn out, goody). Afterwards, Homer tries to get Bart and Lisa back to him by showing them KrustyLand on his laptop (Which he places on top of their laptop). However, Marge reminds Bart and Lisa that they're going to an exclusive restaurant because their blog is very popular, as Lisa puts a third laptop on top of the other two to demonstrate what the restaurant does.

Uh, Lisa? Where the hell did you grab the laptop from?

Okay let's talk problems here; 1.) The family has at least three laptops? Why not make it five and have a scene of Maggie on MySpace since they probably think MySpace is still popular. 2.) Their food blog is THAT popular? Again, the writers have no clue how real life works. Local bloggers do not get that popular, if they had them join some sort of "Foodies" group then there might be some merit behind that idea. But nope, that would require effort, instead, they're just 'Instant experts' on this topic and everything goes their way. Would you expect it any other way from these guys? Anyways, Marge tells homer not to be jealous and this causes Homer to start crying as he crawls his way up the stairs (Ah, so Marge is now a troll, you mad Homer?) Later, we see Homer in the garage as he's making a baseball bat because apparently that's what he does when he's sad (No he makes baseball bats after tree limbs fall down and he's on the company softball team. GET IT RIGHT!) Marge then invites Homer to their event and Homer agrees. Homer informs Bart and Lisa, and they get happy to hear that, this causes Marge to worry that Homer will take all her thunder away from the kids. later, Marge has a nightmare that her and the kids are going to try new food, but Homer barges in to be 'Jerkass Food Dad' and takes them away from her (And some other random people as well... where did they come from? Shut up, that's where).

I am here to ruin everyone's fun

Marge is then interrupted by a seemingly bored Gordon Ramsey (Seriously, he sounds bored. Maybe it's because all I've seen of him is a few Hell's Kitchen but he does not sound interested in this role at all) and is told that she blew her chance by inviting Homer. After real Gordon Ramsey wakes up (With the line of "What in the bloody hell was that?" I agree, what the bloody hell was up with that dream sequence?) Marge tries to encourage the kids to not invite Homer, but they want him to come. Later, Marge gives Homer the wrong address and Maggie gives Marge a disappointing look (To which she scoffs off). Later, the family arrives at the restaurant and Homer arrives at a meth lab (I know Homer is stupid, but how is he so stupid that he can't even identify that he's in a meth lab? It takes a HUGE amount of suspension of disbelief to buy this character derailment, and I don't have that much). We then cut back to TTN where Marge tries to ignore the fact that Homer isn't there and their scenes are intertwined with Homer at the meth lab with each scene of that just further driving the fact that Homer cannot have a functioning brain (They even have a scene where Homer mistakes meth addicts for hipsters... charming)

Yeah because I can totally understand how ANYONE could mistake
this for a fancy, high-end restaurant

You know, after watching the restaurant scenes with TTN, I have to believe that Matt Selman thought that just having the characters say a bunch of big words would translate to comedy. Really, it's the equivalent of saying 'Banana' 'Kumquat' 'Pickle' 'Pudding' while those words can be funny to say, there's no real joke behind them. Back at the meth lab, we see Homer about to inhale some meth, but the police suddenly break in and gunfire ensues (I'm not going to question how the police knew about this meth lab, given their competence. But I'm just going to leave that thought out there). Back at the restaurant, we see them serve porkchops 100 ways and Bart and Lisa are stunned that Homer is missing this (Oh minor note, Lisa never pushes them away. They would try to cover it up claiming the porkchops were vegetarian, but I have a better solution; The writers are idiots who can't grasp basic continuity and just forgot about Lisa's vegetarianism for that scene). Marge calls Homer and finds out that he's at a meth lab, Marge tries to get the 'Foodies' to help her, but they couldn't possibly leave without eating every meal provided (Because as we all know, if you're ever obsessed with something, that thing is more important than human life... *Facedesk*)

Okay, Wiggum and company outside

Place is on fire

And now neither are true, continuity isn't required anymore

Marge decides to leave without them and is given a dessert by the chef in a fancy bag (Again, this is just "Throw big/fancy words together" instead of actual jokes). At the meth lab, we see the police outside as they allow Marge to go in to save her husband (Wait, weren't they inside having a gunfight? Speaking of which, what happened to the meth addicts? Basic continuity again, herp a derp) Inside, the main badguy is chasing Homer as the meth lab around them is burning up, he is about to kill Homer, but Marge shoots the dessert given earlier and the man suddenly goes into a dream where he imagines himself as a French child... I don't get it either(EDIT: Thank you Sean in the comments for pointing this out as a Ratatouille reference). Back in the present, Wiggum knocks him out as the fire is all gone now (Continuity is for losers!) Marge apologizes for sending him there and the episode ends with Homer and Marge taking the kids to Krustyland as they all have a good time.

Final Verdict: This episode was bad, but not nearly as bad as the past two weeks. Don't get me wrong, this reeks of a lot of the problems that plague Modern Simpsons but it's not terrible either. The plot was rather okay, albeit a lot of padding and unnecessary scenes (Seriously, that E4 bit went on too long), the jokes about 'Foodies' sucked and the jokes in general were underwhelming and things like continuity were for shit. And the guest voices again, were wasted, 3 out of 5 of them appeared in that pointless dream sequence, but the other two were used pretty well. In the end, it's not worth a watch, but if you're curious, it won't hurt.

Final Grade: 3.7/10 So much potential, so little effort

Episode 4: I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

If an episode airs and nobody laughs, does it make an impact? Well that's the question for this episode today, an episode with nothing memorable about it in a season that's very forgettable. I don't think I've ever had a more apathetic feeling towards an episode after watching it than this one. It's just so... 'blah' I can't even get angry at this one. With that said, let's see why it's so bland and forgettable.

The episode begins with Marge dressing Bart up nicely as Homer doesn't know why. After the writers butcher the "Talking to brain" joke (It's not that hard of a joke, how do you screw it up?) Marge tells Homer that there's going to be a ceremony for Lisa tomorrow. After Marge tells Homer that he needs to be there (And listing off the times Homer missed his kids events, I find it sad that I give credit to this episode for NOT making their flashback sequences over 10 seconds long) Homer decides to come to the ceremony only after "negotiating" with Marge on how drunk he's allowed to be... I'm sorry, was that meant to be a joke? The next morning, Homer gets ready as he mistakes Maggie for a tie and puts on milk as cologne... did the writers forget their Ritalin? I didn't see anything actually funny about that scene. Anyways, Homer's driving to the school and gets there about two hours early so he decides to continue his book on Superman... wait, what? After some more unfunny padding (Remember the freeze frame jokes from the 90's? Yeah they figured they could turn them into 10 second stills so that we can sit and 'enjoy' them) we see Marge at the bank as the man in front of her opens fire and tells everyone he's robbing the bank (For a moment, I thought he was just testing the accuracy of his gun. I would never have guessed bank robbery).

I WANT ATTENTION!

After some bad jokes when pointless bank robber #2 pulls his own gun out (If he has a name, I don't care, he lasts for all of two scenes) we cut back to the ceremony where Homer decides to go into jerkass mode as he mocks 'Marge' for not being there (You know, if the writers knew Homer at ALL they would know that he would be concerned that she's not there since she would never miss something like this. Oh wait, that wouldn't be 'funny' what am I thinking?) When Homer decides to call Marge during the ceremony so he can gloat (This is our main character everyone... are we supposed to root for him or wish a slow painful death upon him?) the robbers get paranoid and pointless robber #2 shoots randomly which happens to kill Ol' Gil just as he had 2 days let til retirement (Okay it was his first day not 'two days til retirement' although the latter is still more ironic than the former). After pointless robber #2 flees, Lou tries his hardest to explain to Wiggum that an armed robbery might be taking place (Wiggum's dumb, but not THAT dumb).

Hey! The animation took a step up now

Back at the ceremony (Oh yeah, this proves to be utterly pointless, literally NOTHING happens. Yeah Skinner talks, but really think about it, nothing actually occurs, it's just padding) Marge calls Homer and tells him that she's being held hostage and Homer decides that trying to comfort her is for humans and 'comically' tells her everything that would get her killed (Okay, seriously, HOW do people find this guy funny? I get the fact that all he does is spout 'jokes' and has no real character anymore. But he is such an unrelatable jerkass, why would anyone like him?) Back at the bank, Dwight (The robber) locks all the hostages up (Which is why in the next scenes they're all outside the vault... Is the concept of continuity THAT hard to grasp?) where Dwight gets hit by a lot of dye packs and turns blue (But don't worry, in the next scene he's perfectly alright, if you need me I'll be walking out the door to my lawn only to end up in my kitchen). After some more padding by Wiggum (I just realized, we're over 8 minutes in and we're STILL on the bank robbery, the pacing here is atrocious) Marge decides to try to talk some sense into Dwight as she recommends he surrenders himself.

Now I expect you all to stay put while I rob the bank

Hmmm... I guess the honor system doesn't work after all

Dwight says he has no family and can't go back to prison and says he'll turn himself in if Marge agrees to visit him. After a dated 'Chinese lead paint' joke (I get it, it just helps date this episode terribly... how many times will I have said that by the end of this season?) Marge agrees and the standoff is over (Well we're at the 9:10 mark now, thank God for padding or the writers may have needed to put in real jokes and story). Dwight is taken away as he gives Marge and ominous statement that he'll see her soon and this makes Marge uncomfortable (Just avoid him, he has no way of knowing anything about you). Later, Marge tells Homer that she's afraid to visit Dwight in jail (Really? The way I saw it, I thought she'd be ecstatic to see him). Later, we see two scenes of Marge not visiting Dwight and this ends up making Dwight needy for attention from her (*Yawn* sorry, nothing interesting is happening, there's not really much to say here). Later, Marge starts coming up with excuses not to see Dwight as she gets a call from him and hangs up when she doesn't get a response (How he got her number I will never know, and neither will the writers). Later, Marge is watching the 'Plot device' Channels' latest original movie: Guilt Trip, a movie about a guy on death row who hopes to see his mom and she never shows up (Eh my titles are better than their half-assed attempts). In a transition to the prison a la Cape Feare (Except ruined by the image of Ralph holding the balloons, I don't get why, it ruined any atmosphere the scene may have tried to create) there, we see Dwight escape the prison a la Shawshank Redemption only to see a pipe nearby with spring water (Yeah, Dwight always getting screwed is a running joke that's not really funny)

I don't think I've ever seen a more appropriate metaphor for this show

After Marge finishes the movie, Dwight pulls out a newspaper with all the information he could ever need to locate Marge (The only way the writing could have been lazier was if he was handed the script in episode). After a 75 second Itchy and Scratchy cartoon (Remember when they were put it for entertainment value and not to help pad out the running time?) Kent Brockman gives a bulletin saying Dwight escaped and Marge becomes afraid now. After a montage of Dwight following Marge around (You get the drill, padding, padding, padding and no substance. This is just so boring right now) Dwight catches up to Marge and forces her to drive him to an amusement park (Oh right I forgot to mention, in some painfully obvious foreshadowing, Dwight's mom abandoned him at an amusement park). After passing by some signs with 'joke' ride names.Dwight reveals that all he wants is for Marge to give him the day at the park that his mom didn't (Just three more minutes, I can take this).

Hey Dwight? Is that a pickle in your pocket or are you just happy to see Marge?

Doctor Hibbert then approaches Krusty at the amusement park where they notice Marge and Dwight, Krusty suspects foul play and Hibbert shows Krusty that the police are at the amusement park too (You know, by the looks of how Marge and Dwight traveled, this amusement park seemed to be in the middle of a desert, why is everyone here?) After Lou tries to tell Wiggum about Marge and Dwight, Dwight gets Marge to take him on the ride where his mom abandoned him. Wiggum tries to apprehend Dwight on the ride but fails and Dwight, in an act of kindness for Marge sacrifices himself to jam the gears (What a sad death, I'll go prepare his tombstone, it's 'Dwight Bugeye' right?) Of course he lives and the episode ends with Marge visiting Dwight in prison (Healed from his wounds... there's nothing indicating how long she took to visit him, so I'm calling this lazy writing).

Final Verdict: This episode was boring, I mean nothing about this was memorable, the jokes were mediocre, the writing was stupid and the pacing was all over the place, ranging from plodding at the beginning to rushed ending. In short, this was boring, stupid and very forgettable.

Final Grade: 2.3/10 As I write this part, I forgot what started this episode