Episode 4: Gone Abie Gone

Sorry for the lack of review last week, personal life prevented me from doing an initial review of the episode. And as the week went on, I just found the idea of writing a review to be more and more pointless so I just decided not to watch the episode entirely and just scrap that review for now. Of course, I will get around to watching the episode later, but I just didn't feel that it was essential to get a review out last week. Now, onto this week, oh writers, you couldn't even wait 3 years to recycle yet another title. Now this wouldn't be a big problem if it was done every now and then (Even the classic seasons would recycle a title or two) but when 75% of your titles are just rehashes of old "parody" titles, you fail at your job. But hey, at least it's an original premise with Grampa leaving the retirement home... you know what, I've got nothing in terms of initial praise, let's just start.

Opening sequence: 54 Seconds. A bit amusing, but nothing to put up on the fridge

The episode begins with Homer eating at Krusty Burger when after a poorly done thought bubble gag (This joke DOES work, they just screw it up in this instance). Homer then orders some onion rings where Squeeky Voice Teen gets bombarded with people asking him for stuff (Apparently the staff is comprised of two people. Worst. Fastfood. Chain. Ever) as this results in him accidentally throwing the cooked onion rings on Homer, burning him (Let me guess, that was a stunt double Homer as well. No, i'm not letting that go, they acted like Homer getting injured is a once-in-a-blue moon event when in reality it's every fourth scene). So Homer goes to a lawyer where the lawyer makes his burns out to be worse than they really are and thus Homer wins the lawsuit against Krusty (If they're trying to make fun of frivolous lawsuits, this isn't the right way for two reasons. One, this is legit as his burns were caused by the company and not him failing to realize that hot coffee is hot. Two, New Kid on the Block actually made fun of dumb lawsuits over twenty years ago). So Homer wins $5000 and after going to the bar, Moe convinces him to put the money into an online gambling site instead of a bank.

Homer: Say Lisa, what do you think of my script?
Lisa: ...That's a recipe for pudding.

So Homer decides to put the money into the site and instead of simply allowing the joke to last for 5 seconds, it gets drawn out in the scene (Drawn out jokes always kill the joke and ruin what comedy it initially had). So later, Marge reminds Homer that they missed something yesterday, apparently they missed their meeting with Grandpa at the home... What a great transition, I mean there was absolutely NOTHING indicating that he was supposed to meet Grandpa during what I can assume was his day in court. I say assume because the timeline for the opening act is for shit as I have no idea whether it's been days, weeks or even months between the initial burn and this kitchen scene. Well I'll admit I did chuckle at the Blue Moon joke as it wasn't posted on the screen for an eternity for us to laugh at the joke. So when Marne and Homer gets to the retirement home, they find out that Grandpa isn't there right now, so of course, they must go looking for him (Ten bucks says that it's because Grandpa wants to throw a pity party for himself that the family never visits him).

Marge: Look Homie, it's memories from our glory days. Let's forget about them completely

So Marge and Homer go through Abe's stuff as Homer's dialogue ranges from meh to insufferable (Remember when Homer actually talked like a real person and his dialogue didn't sound forced? What's that? I sound like a broken record for bringing this up in EVERY review? Well if Homer actually sounded like a human being, I wouldn't have to keep bringing thing up). I'm sorry, but when I watch scenes of Marge saying "I'm sure this trunk contains his most valued possessions" and Homer replies with "So precious" and then dumps the chest on the floor, the irony is completely lost when it's repeated 3 times per episode. So Marge finds a coaster of a restaurant and Homer decides to take this flimsy lead and go with it, wait I lie, he doesn't decide that, he SAYS it. You know what I said about his dialogue ranging? Well remove the 'meh' option and make it 4 insufferable lines. So back home, we get our subplot moving as Bart loses some of Lisa's money on the gambling site. Lisa finds out and as soon as she's ready to log out, she decides to earn back the money Bart lost and thus begins our predictable subplot of Lisa having a gambling addiction. You know, normally I would write within the review how the subplot goes, but it's so cliche and predictable, I'll summarize it all right now:

Lisa makes a lot of money in a montage which leads to her getting one hand that makes her cocky enough to go all in with a predictable losing result. She mopes until Bart reveals that he won the hand but they're back to the $5000 she started with b/c somehow the site found out they were both under 18.

5 Simple steps for a lazy subplot

Step 1: Introduce your character to something different 

Step 2: Make said character good at this activity

Step 3: Character learns harsh reality of activity

Step 4: ...

Step 5: Twist ending!

There, 3 lines and nothing of value was lost. Anyways, Homer and Marge go to the restaurant on the coaster where Homer asks a simple question, but since he cannot talk like a normal person, the bikers think he's a narc and start to threaten him and harm him. However, the owner comes out and recognizes Abe in the photo ans tells the bikers to put him down. Okay stupid question that borderlines on nitpicking, we will see in a moment that the restaurant was classy when Abe worked there, why does he own it in the condition it's in? It's not a big problem, but it does raise some questions. So Abe was a busboy and he fell in love with a black female singer at the club. While trying to put this on some timescale is stupid, I'm going to assume the late 60's or so which would put this after Mona leaves the family and would mean that Abe's hairstyle is wrong and... wait I'm putting continuity into this. Ignore what I just said.

Oh the hilarity of seeing Homer needlessly getting harmed for the 7th time in the span of 5 minutes. That doesn't get old at all...

So in between more of Homer's awful dialogue ("My grandfather was an aspiring musician like Charles Manson" to name one charmer) the guy tells Homer that he was sorry for pushing them apart and to look up Rita Lafloeur (Oh and they try to make a gag out of the fact that the owner has a long name, but really naming him "Mr. Kamquat Pickles" would be funnier). So after Marge pulls out the script to conveniently find Rita's number (Yeah, yeah probably a yellow pages app. *Sigh* I'm getting old) Rita informs them that's she's Abe's wife. So Homer is distraught that Abe had another wife (He also had at least two illegitimate children and neglected his family, what do you expect from him) and they head over to Rita's place. Rita explains that she saw something in him under all his layers (So Grandpa is an ogre?) and she fell in love with him. Homer doesn't understand how he didn't remember any of this as he is shown to have witnessed this as a kid (Oh so we're going down the whole George Lucas path of inserting characters in stories to pretend that they have some sort of connection).

Sorry Young Homer, but not even you are safe from this trainwreck

So Marge decides to explain that this was after Mona left (Silly writers, trying to act as if this were canon) and in the flashback, Abe and Rita get married as it results in Homer getting harmed because he's stupid like that (IS HOMER GETTING HURT FUNNY YET?! NO?! WELL LET'S TRY IT 7 MORE TIMES!!!) So in the hospital, Homer falls off his bed for no reason (Once). Then Rita gets a call to perform in Europe as Homer sticks his tongue in an electrical socket while Abe is turned around (Twice). Abe decides that his retarded son is more important than Rita and he tells her he can't go with her (Apologies to retarded children everywhere as Homer would be a disgrace to those children). So after Abe sees Rita off, he decides to forget the memories by drinking it away at the bar, however Homer falls off his bar stool (Thrice). Okay this isn't even stupidity anymore, I think child Homer might just have a disease that's cut off his nervous system completely, get the child help now. Later, Rita apologizes for her scene being utterly useless and gives Homer some of Abe's cologne. This prompts them to go to a cologne store where it turns out Abe is working there. Look, the episode's almost over and I can summarize this very quickly, so let's do that. Abe gives the whole "You didn't pay attention to me" speech for the 65th time, Homer and Marge apologize, Abe accepts the apology and they go home. Okay, one joke that made me snicker was the jab at FOX, but more because it was a jab against themselves. So the episode ends with Abe back in the retirement home as Rita plays the piano to get Abe's attention and they play into the credits.

Final Verdict: This episode was very bland and forgettable. The opening act felt jumbled and had awkward transitioning. The subplot was very safe and took no chances, which in the end made it incredibly forgettable and gave you that sense of "I've seen this before in something better". The whole plot involving Rita and Grandpa was pure filler and just an excuse to make Homer a punching bag, now granted young Homer has been the punchline of injury jokes in the past, but those jokes made sense and weren't just mindless "Harm Homer". And the ending was very rushed, because the fact that Abe was missing between the 5 minute mark and discovered at the 19 minute mark of a 21 minute episode, there was no room for the whole apology scene to even take place. Overall, this was a rather bad episode and 2nd worse of the season next to Moonshine River for me (Keep in mind I'm ranking this out of 3 episodes, my midseason review will be more precise).