Episode 1: Moonshine River

So great to be back, right? Right? With such a horrible episode to end last year's debacle of a season (Sans an episode or two) it's safe to assume that standards will be lower for this season. So what better way to open up a season than remind us of how many girlfriends our 10 year old boy has had over the 23 years and how few of them were before season 10. Woo... So let's truly begin.

Opening sequence: 1:26 (Nice reference to the short, but it felt too long for my taste)

The episode begins with the Springfield Grand Prix (Because they have that now, shut up). Not really much to say here, it's just rather boring and filled with meh jokes (The audience in the bleachers reminds me of an early Family Guy joke, maybe I'm just making connections that aren't there). So while the race is going on, we see Homer trying to drive through a gap in the race when suddenly a bike race is going on behind the family...the hell? You know what, I don't regret making the Family Guy comparison, this show has as much linearity as an oval. So later, we see a Ball for the after race where Milhouse and Lisa are dancing which prompts Bart to make fun of Lisa for liking Milhouse. Lisa replies that at least she has a date... let's see, how many times have I mentioned that the writers think Bart and Lisa are teenagers instead of children, oh right, TOO FUCKING MANY! The dialogue doesn't disprove my case either, it's stilted for two children (Brother and sister mind you) under 10 to be saying. I know I've said this before and I know some think "Well it's just fiction" but one of the drawing points of The Simpsons was the fact that it could challenge the boundary between fiction and reality. You knew the setting didn't exist, but the scenarios were played out like in real life. That mixture hasn't existed for years and as it goes on, and as it continues, the problems are harder to mask. Anyways, to retaliate, Bart turns around and suddenly Edna appears for Bart to dance with, I must say, Springfield must be loaded with inter-dimensional portals, because people appear out of thin air so quickly.

Bart: Wait a minute, this isn't how I had you two dance in my fanfiction

Lisa sees through the thinner than plastic wrap getup and says she's with someone that likes her and this is becoming very boring very quickly. At this point I'm just praying that the show gets hijacked by the ghost of Charlie Chaplin. I know it's not going to happen, but I have better odds betting on that happening  than this being a good episode. So Lisa zings Bart by saying all of Bart's girlfriends leave him once they get to know him for a week or so (Paging Jessica Lovejoy who actually liked Bart for being Bart. You there Jessica? Jessica? Bueller?) But in all seriousness, why is Lisa being such a bitch right now? Oh right, because the writers will never get her character and they just don't care. So after Bart realizes Lisa might be right, Edna disappears and suddenly Moe and a blow-up doll appear next to Bart to say she was right. You might be asking "But didn't Moe get hit by a train in the last episode?" Oh please, you were actually expecting that joke to be something more than a cheap throw-away? You stupid fools.

Bart: Hey aren't you supposed to be dead?
Moe: Eh, different writers
Bart: ...Tim wrote Lisa Goes Gaga as well
Moe: ...#*($

So after a painful second blowup doll joke (Ow my side) Bart goes through his box of junk and finds pictures conveniently taken of him and some girl as he laments about how his relationship don't last long (Bullshit! The first picture shows Jessica Lovejoy, that actually lasted some time. How do you screw that up?) So Homer comes by (Saying he'll be taking a popcorn bath... remember when Homer's acts were actually funny instead of random?) and starts to give Bart useless advice about how being rejected is hard for his age and pretends to drunk dial someone (This joke isn't funny, so it has to be used again within 30 seconds). Oh by the way, am I the only one who thinks the animation on the phone just doesn't match the rest of the room? The phone looks close to classic, while the room feels HD. It was the same problem as the Peanuts Halloween sketch, it's just jarring and not pretty to look at. So as Bart leaves (With a horrible looking door perspective, seriously there's something wrong with Bart's wall according to the door) Homer drunks dials Bart (Of course >.<). Bart goes on a mission to track down ex girlfriends, we begin with that girl nobody remembers from that episode that aired in season 20, followed by the girl from Little Big Girl (Although why she's with Jimbo is beyond me, isn't the father from Norway or something?) followed by the girl from prison, followed by that bi-polar bitch nobody liked. Notice how none of those girls I mentioned were from the Classic years, gee I wonder why, it's almost like the staff doesn't want to acknowledge the good years of this show.

Look at how interesting each set piece is, oh wait those are girls...

Bart's hunt ends with him looking for Mary Spuckler, the daughter of Cletus. So Bart asks Cletus where she is and he says she ran off, on the way out however, Bart gets a lead from another child that she went to New York City as he exits the scene by sitting in a truck that drifts into a pond... ha-ha-ha? So after Bart watches a tape of him and Mary together he begs Marge to go to New York City (Didn't he get roped into an engaged marriage with her and begged to get out of it? Wait, why do I know more about this shit than the writers who wrote this shit? AND WHY DO I CARE?!). So reasonable, Marge says they can't afford to go and Homer declares his hatred of the city. However, Bart says that now his two least favorite buildings are no longer there, Old Penn Station and Chase Stadium... I just have one thing to say; SCREW, YOU, WRITERS! There were many ways you could've made a Twin Towers joke, but this was disgusting and not funny. So Homer decides to have a flashback of when they last went to NY, but instead it's just a reference to The Sweet Smell of Success (See Selma's Choice for how to do an incorrect flashback). However, Homer and Marge decide to go to NY by swapping houses, however, the NYers go to Flander's house (Okay a bit funny) where they go on for too long (And joke ruined). So in NYC, we see some "Hilarious" sign jokes that the writers must have spent 30 seconds thinking of (Again, changing a letter does not a good parody make).

Homer: Well thank God NYC is such a nice, crime-free place. Wouldn't want to make fun of something that doesn't exist

So after the only decent joke in the episode (BURN IT WITH FIRE!) we get a callback to the Khlav Kalash  guy and now he owns a huge corner Khlav Kalash restaurant (I guess he wasn't immune to "Hollywood Simpson Syndrome" either). So the family splits up with Homer and Bart searching for Mary while Lisa and Marge seek out NY culture (Gee, does that sound familiar?). So after Homer and Bart take a cab, we see no response from the apartment that Bart was sent to. After Homer gives a long winded unfunny bit, we see a young rich girl approach Bart asking what he's doing. After a bit of chit chat, she reveals herself to be Mary and Bart's shocked that she's so high class. She reveals that she has a job that's not steady and she's ashamed of, a writer of SNL (Eh, I'd be more embarrassed if I was a writer of this episode). So we cut to Marge and Lisa as unfunny jokes about Broadway are spewed out... CUT! Cut the scene, that was pointless and unfunny, okay let's take it from the top people. We then cut back to Mary and Bart as Homer randomly gets hit by and air conditioner... I guess they really needed to shoehorn in that "Homer getting hurt=funny" scene somehow. So Mary tells Bart to meet her later as Homer comes over with ice cream but ends up trying to strangle Bart, but ends up strangling a lamp post. Now if you didn't think that was funny, don't worry, the writers decide to hammer it in more by having a cameraman randomly shooting the scene while Homer says "Hilarious" stuff.

Believe it or not, this is the ONLY scene involving crime in the City... *Sigh* I miss the days of Homer getting mugged after simply turning a corner.

So after an awful "NY has no crime" joke (Again, the season 9 episode was so much better) Bart and Mary talk about stuff with each point leading to a bad joke. So Mary decides to tell Bart about her life in a song... and it's so bland. I can't even make fun of it for being bad, it's just uninteresting. So after the song ends, Cletus randomly appears to take Mary back. So we see Marge and Lisa go to see a Shakespeare play but it gets delayed because the actors quit. However, since Lisa is a master director (Just roll with it) she gets amateurs to play the roles and the play goes off without a hitch. However, Lisa and Marge get attacked by the NY SWAT team by a giant hose (Okay, admittedly another decent joke, however, it's rather sad how quickly I was able to summarize that series of events, it was just so boring). So Cletus tells Mary she's coming home, but she excuses herself and take Bart with her, they then go to the train station where Mary leaves and tells Bart she'll miss him. So when Cletus asks Bart where Mary went (Along with a horrible hillbilly joke from Homer) Bart says no and they all decide to go back to Springfield. The episode ends with Cletus giving Bart a photo of Mary as Lisa is upset with the reviews of her play... da fuc? However, during the credits, the family asks for requests for a couch gag (They're running out of ideas I tells ya) and Homer says there was a stunt double who got hit with an AC unit (BS, it happens every week, to the writers, Homer is Gumby)

Final Verdict: This episode was very boring and unappealing. Granted there weren't many terrible moments, there wasn't anything to really make this episode stand out on its own either. The jokes were very meh with maybe a handful being decent, the pacing was actually atrocious, yeah I know I never mentioned it in the review, but this episode seemed to have too much going on while having nothing happen. The main plot is basically onscreen for about 5 minutes and the opening takes way too long to establish which girl Bart is going after. In the end, it's what would happen if the writers wrote The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson. Oh and no more "Final Grades" they're too inconsistent and often will not truly reflect how I feel about episodes compared to each other.

Character Analysis: Marge Simpson

Again, I am sorry for the massive delay, the month of August has not been kind to me at all. I still hope to get Bart and Maggie before season 24 starts. However I could probably sum up Maggie's change with one characteristic, so that might not happen.

And now we move onto the typical sitcom housewife who every kid wants and she puts everyone else ahead of her. Wait, what's that? She's now just a Lois clone who often time just exists and is usually used as a sex symbol?

Classic Marge:

Caring Housewife
I think I've said this about a hundred times or so, but when I think of classic Marge, the first thing that comes to mind is a Housewife. Now this one I toned down a bit from what I would have said, I usually think of Classic Marge as a sitcom wife from the 80's (With a bit of 50's morals). A woman who instills morals in her kids, takes care of her husband when he gets home from a long day of work (HA!) tries to bond the family together when possible, I could go on for a while. Really, the main characteristic that separates Marge from the dime-a-dozen sitcom wife is how she and Homer interact onscreen in the bedroom.

See, there can be a bedroom scene that can carry a lot of emotion.

Active community member
Remember when Marge was actively helpful with Bart and Lisa's school projects? Remember how Marge was the one who suggested the idea of the Burlesque House being destroyed? The point I'm trying to make here is that Marge is not just "Homer's wife" but she is an independent character that an episode could be built around (Successfully). It's just nice to know that Marge could be utilized as a human being in her own episodes rather than a sex symbol (Seriously, fuck you Playboy cover).

Outta my way! I have a bulldozer

"Nagger"
Yeah this trait is most notable in Marge vs Itchy and Scratchy but it comes with the territory of being a caring mother. Heck this characteristic is even made fun of in Marge vs. the Monorail where even the idea of her proposing something is received with Quimby saying he'll flat out ignore her. While this is a vice of Marge, it can be used effectively as demonstrated in the previous two examples.

Are you even listening to me Quimby?

Modern Marge:

Sex symbol
Two words: Playboy cover. I don't think I even need to say anything more but I still will. The Devil Wears Nada is an excellent example of the staff trying to make the most out of the popularity of the cover. Too bad they completely forgot about their own plot halfway through and dropped it completely without a resolution. I'd almost say that was lazy writing, but hey, I'm not a professional, so what do I know? Either way, back on topic, as I said before, Classic Marge seemed to resemble a 50's housewife in the 90's. But now she resembles Lois Griffin more. To the point where she rapes her own husband just like Lois (Seriously, fuck FG for that and fuck The Simpsons even harder for thinking it was funny enough to rip off)

What's that Marge isn't just eye candy? Well I never...

Mannequin
Okay this one is a bit hard to explain, but I'll try my best here. Often times when Marge is written into an episode that doesn't revolve around her, her main purpose is to just "Be there". For example, in the recent Ned 'N Edna's Blend, what did Marge actually do there by herself? Let's see she went over to congratulate the couple, but Homer was there too, scratch that. She offered Ned advice, but Homer was there to give it so scratch that. Oh wait, she kept the gossipy women away from Edna... that was necessary. Now a lot of the main characters do get a lesser role when the episode isn't about them, but Marge in particular (Outside of Maggie) seems to get the short end of the stick when it's not about her. I probably could give more examples, but these aren't meant as deep ground breaking essays, but rather a short explanation of how I feel about the characters.

Homer: It's nice when I always have to say the marriage-saving lesson, because we don't have anyone else here to say it

Homer Supporter
When was the last time Homer did something "Wacky" or convoluted that Marge intervened as the voice of reason? Just looking through the episodes on Wikipedia (What you actually expect me to remember them?) The most recent thing that Homer did bad that Marge "supported" him on was the TV thing in Beware My Cheating Bart where Homer was in the wrong but in the end Marge had to apologize to him for having the guts to tell him that there are more important things in life than a TV show that ended years ago (Seriously, fuck that episode). But maybe I'm wrong, let's keep looking back on that episode list. Wait she made Homer go to counseling after embarrassing Bart in public... nevermind that SHOULD be a given. Let's see Season 22? Nope. Season 21? Nope. Season 20? Nope. Season 19? Ah fuck it you get the point, whenever Homer wants to do something stupid, Marge will just be on the sidelines and stay out of it because Homer is always right.

Now which one seems most like an enabler?

Cape Feare

From one of the worst episodes to one of the best. But what will happen to Kriken? Does anyone really care?

Character Analysis: Lisa Simpson

First off, I'd like to apologize for taking as much time as I did for this post. Real life really got in the way and one thing led to another but that's all besides the point. Here's segment two, I hope you enjoy.

Conventional wisdom would say that Marge would be next, however, I want to go in order of the characters who were changed the most from awful writing. And while Homer's character change was bad, I think Lisa's was worse. Then again, I actually liked Classic Lisa so that affects my view of her change. I really feel like she was affected the second worst (When a character gets the nickname "Jerkass" they automatically have fallen the furthest) but she sunk the lowest because she was already borderline as Classic Lisa, and just sunk down to liberal douchebag level.

Classic Lisa:

Smart and wise
Now there's being smart, and then there's being smart at the right moments. While Lisa is very intelligent, she never comes across as an asshole. She never acts like she's better than everyone else because of her grades... okay let me rephrase that: she never acts like she's better than anyone else unless it involves sibling rivalry. Lisa knows how to present her smarts, she wouldn't act like a smug walking dictionary constantly correcting people or defining words for them *Cough* To Surveil With Love SUCKS *Cough* If I could reference something else, she reminded me of Encyclopedia Brown; he was a smart, know-it-all kid, but if someone asked him a question, he'd take a moment to think about it even if he knew the answer immediately. Why, you may ask? Simple: he knew that making friends involved being humble. Nobody likes a know-it-all, they get annoying real fast. Lisa never came across that way and that was one of the reasons she was my favorite character.

This coming from the same person who berated Bart throughout the episode

Expressive
Lisa has ways of expressing herself, her saxophone is the one that people most associate with her. When she gets depressed, she goes to play her sax. People remember her and the sax because that saxophone is one of her defining traits (Although if you were to believe Google, apparently  Lisa Simpson This Isn't Your Life (1 Million) is more important than "Lisa Simpson Saxophone" (94,000). Seriously internet, I'm losing faith in you guys). Heck, they even devoted an episode to the origins of her saxophone, and for me personally, it's one of my all-time favorites. However, Lisa can be expressive in more ways than just that. I point to Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington as a good example. Lisa writes up a great essay (Presumably, we never get the whole thing) and when she finds out that politics are nothing more than a sham (Must... not... insert... political... preferences...) she writes up a new essay based on passion and really moves everyone to the point where the crooked Congressman gets expelled from D.C. (Granted it's much faster than IRL, but I have a good enough suspension of disbelief to buy it). There are many examples of her being expressive, but I want to keep these short. But on a side note, FUCK! YOU! Elementary School Musical!

Ah yes, Lisa was ahead of her time when she decided to express her anger to hundreds of people.
Nowadays it's all on blogs... shit now I gave the writers an idea

Outcast
Okay, when it comes to Lisa, being popular is not something she's known for. Like with Homer, Lisa is hardly perfect. She is far from being a social butterfly (Seriously, why did the writers not get this even to this day?). Lisa did have some consistent friends (Janey being the normal constant and Sherri and Terri occasionally as her friends) but the best way to describe her social life is "Bookworm". She has had friends over for a sleepover (Flaming Moe's) she's had friends to hang out with (Lard of the Dance, Bart's Comet, Lisa Vs. Malibu Stacy, etc) so it's not like Lisa spends her lunch in the corner of the library with a stack of books taller than the bookcases. At the same time, she doesn't get bothered by not being popular (Again, see Lard of the Dance) so episodes like Father Knows Worst just miss the point of Lisa.

Social outcast will not prevent her from proving everyone wrong

Zombie/Modern Lisa:

Liberal douchebag
*Sigh* I really HATE Modern Lisa, and this is one of the reasons why. It feels like no matter what the situation is, as long as Lisa is around, she needs to inject her opinion like it actually means something. A while back, Lisa used to be the voice of reason, she was like a mini-Marge per se (Seriously, go back and count the number of times Lisa and Marge groan together when Homer/Bart come up with a bad idea). Nowadays, her voice of reason is gone, replaced by a never-ending, annoying public radio host. Let's go a bit further back for this one, in I'm Spelling as Fast as I Can, she takes the time at the very end to just blurt out "Free Tibet!" Was it appropriate in context? No, it was just there to remind us of how "Shove my views down your throat" she is. Oh, but how could we possibly forget the episode devoted to this character in Lisa the Tree Hugger? An episode dedicated to her environmentalist, animal rights bullshit that we hear every other week ever since the writers Flanderized her that way. Basically this category covers everything from when she was that annoying pissant who splashed blood on Krusty and shouted "Fur is murder" (G-I-D'oh!) to those times where a whale was more important than humans (The Squirt and the Whale).

Lisa, GET THE FUCK OUT!

Smug know-it-all
So Classic Lisa knows when to keep her mouth shut. Modern Lisa on the other hand doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. As I mentioned in the first point, Lisa is smart, but she does not know how to not be annoying. I mentioned this in my Lisa Goes Gaga "Podcast" that she has that one scene where she repeats "I denounce thee" about 5 or 6 times. For Four Great Women and a Manicure, I could easily cop out here and just say the whole thing sucked hard (It did) but Lisa's attitude for her story was enough for me to hate the episode as a whole (Her attitude also falls into the other two categories). Heck, even though I admit to liking The Monkey Suit (I'm kind of weird that way) Lisa's attitude made me feel like she thought that her thoughts were better than everyone else's. And while the idea of Creationism being taught in public schools is bat-shit stupid, the way Lisa took her approach did not make her an endearing character for the episode.

Lisa... nobody cares about what crossword puzzle you do so do us all a favor and STFU

Did she tell you she's a feminist, let me remind you for the 1000th time, SHE'S A FEMINIST!!!
I think of this as a sub category of the first topic for Modern Lisa. Any time there's something "sexist" or the least bit gender related, Lisa just has to open her mouth to remind us all that she's a feminist and express her opinions. Look, we all have the right to express how we feel about something; however, when you're a broken record about it EVERY! FREAKIN! TIME! It gets old real fast. One example off the top of my head is in The Great Wife Hope where Lisa says the line: "This goes against every bone in my feminist body, but Dad, can't you control your woman?" Thank you for reminding us that you're a feminist, maybe next time you'll remind us that you're a Buddhist as wel- SON OF A BITCH!!! This isn't just limited to feminism, the writers like to constantly remind you about any other character traits they like to butcher as well.

If the writers are reading this, notice how Lisa can be a little girl AND a feminist in the first two acts

Father Knows Worst

Another piece of shit to add to the growing pile of fail that was Season 20.

Character Analysis: Homer Simpson

So the results are in, and the character analysis choice won. So, for the next few weeks, I'll be taking a look at the characters of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie (As well as any other I can think of that have changed significantly) and how much they've changed. First up is Homer, and for those of you who regularly read this blog, you know how much I hate Modern Homer, so I'll try to be analytical here instead of rage filled. Oh and an early side note, unless it's important, I'll be ignoring Season 1 for characterizing them as Season 1's characterization of Homer and Lisa in particular are off from the rest of their normal characterization.

Classic Homer:
Classic Homer in my eyes was a misunderstanding father who took the easy approach to things and wasn't the type of role model you would want to be to kids. However, Homer always had good intentions whenever he was around his family.

• Bad father with good intentions
• In Lisa's Substitute, Homer focuses so much attention on Bart and his campaign that he can't even see that his daughter is taking a substitute teacher as her new father figure. Even when he takes a trip with Lisa and Mr. Bergstrom, Bergstrom tries to tell him to be a better father figure to Lisa, but he doesn't think he needs to be despite the fact that throughout the trip, she spends more time with Berstrom than her own father. It escalates to the point where at the dinner table Lisa's sad over Bergstrom's departure and Homer doesn't understand why she's sad. However, Homer redeems himself by cheering up Lisa and Bart with some talks which showed that his heart's in the right place, even if his brain isn't. 

Baboon Homer love Lisa

• Loving husband
• While Homer has had his temptations (Lurlee Lumpkin and Mindy Simmons to name two) he has always loved Marge first. And while he has gotten into numerous fights with Marge, in the end they will always love each other. Their love is not based on a physical attraction, but rather a deep emotional bond shared together after Homer faked learning French just to get to know Marge better in High School (Fuck you That 90's Show). Homer gave Marge a pretty crappy wedding and has done a lot of irrational things, like spend more money on temporary tattoos over gifts for his wife. Marge has every reason to leave Homer, but I do believe that if a gunman held Marge hostage, Homer would do everything he could up to getting shot to save her. 

I totally want this reception

• Lazy worker
• Let's face it, we've all had that "Homer Simpson" co-worker or classmate at one point in our lives. That one guy who seemed to coast through, doing as little work as possible and yet somehow coming out on top. This was highlighted in Homer's Enemy where Grimes was the embodiment of a hard working human being who has been screwed over time and time again, while Homer symbolized everything wrong with America. However, this still works because while it went to show how far removed The Simpsons was from reality, it still was able to keep some sort of attachment to that same reality. Homer is not the ideal worker and basically the opposite end of the spectrum of what an employer would want (A trait that would be forgotten entirely by the Modern Simpsons). While this is a vice of his, it's still a defining character trait that must be mentioned.

That's my type of co-worker! I'm sure not to get fired first

Modern/Zombie/Jerkass Homer:

I think I could write a thesis on how much Jerkass Homer sucks and how far removed he is from Classic Homer. But you're not here to read for days, so let's make this short. 

• Walking punchline
• I've said this so many times that it's become a broken record, Homer gets very few lines of dialogue that a normal person would say. An example that comes to mind is The Scorpion's Tale. If I recall correctly, Homer had a grand total of two or so lines that weren't meant to be followed by a laughtrack. Even worse was the majority of his actions felt like shoehorned in punchlines. For instance, Lisa discovers that her medicine makes scorpions docile and she tells that to Homer. Unlike a real father or human being, he tells her "If you were a boy, you'd be a scientist". I've said it before but I'll say it again, the only way it could have been worse was if Homer had followed that up with "Now go to the kitchen where you belong and make me a sammich!" That particular line was par for Homer's dialogue in recent years as he's devoid of actual character and speaks awkward dialogue that would be laughed off the set of Two and a Half Men. But that's JUST the dialogue part, I could go into the numerous occasions of stupid actions, but I'll just list one more from that episode. So after that atrocious line, Homer sees Grampa acting grumpy and he decides to use Lisa's medicine to clean his shirt... it's actually worse when you hear the dialogue.

This makes LESS sense in context

• Human pinata
• Slapstick can be funny, we all enjoy other people's suffering. Why do you think AFV lasted for as long as it did? But when the slapstick is part of the character's main trait and is used over, and over and over and over and over and over and... you get the point. Now it's not like Homer wasn't injured for the sake of laughs in the classics, don't get me wrong. But I'd just like to compare two scenarios to try to prove a point here. In Bart the Daredevil, Homer, like the good father he is, tries to save Bart from hurting himself. Bart promises not to jump the Gorge and Homer accidentally jumps it instead. What results is the most overused bit of Homer falling down getting hurt all the way. While it is overused in my opinion, it's still funny, there was the set up of Homer trying to be a good father and more or less accidentally taking a bullet for Bart. There is humor in that scene and it works great. Now in A Mid Summer's Nice Dream on the other hand, Homer brings Cheech (Or Chong, I don't care, the episode sucked and I'm not watching it again to confirm which one it was) to the stage to reunite with the other and Homer ends up grabbing a random rope that causes bags of sand to fall on him. There was no setup for it, the scene wasn't the least bit interesting and it was just random as the next time we see Homer, it's like nothing happened. 

Most recent photo of Homer

• Jerkass Homer
• When Homer was selfish back in the classics, there was usually some sort of repercussion in the end. Homer denounces religion and embraces sloth? He gets saved by everyone from a house fire. He prays for Flanders' business to crash and burn? He ends up saving it in the end. The point I'm trying to make here is that even at his worst, he still was able to change and be a likable character in the end. The latter however was removed when Jean decided to advance Scully's ideas and make Homer a full-on jerkass. Now this character trait also covers his "Instant Expert" as well as his selfishness because they just go hand-in-hand. By the writer's standards, Homer can never be blamed for anything and should be worshiped like a God. For example, in Them Robots, Homer goes through a painfully unfunny sequence where he can't consume alcohol and 'hilarity' ensues. He ends it by spitting on some food and everyone applauds him for it. I don't care if the man started shitting out golden eggs, if he ruined my breakfast, I'd punch him in the face, not applaud him. For another example, I refer back to the awful The Scorpion's Tale episode. Towards the end, Homer has basically what amounts to a 2 minute soliloquy meant to set up how bad his generation his. And after he wrecks his car, the next time we see him, his car is overturned and he's dancing around it shirtless...there is no rhyme or reason to Homer's actions, it's just what the writers think is funny. 

Such a jerkass that he even got them trademarked

Kriken Rants: Lisa Goes Gaga (With Delonge Wannabe)

So I sit down with Delonge to discuss this trainwreck of an episode. 

Delonge's Channel: http://blip.tv/delonge-wannabe 

Airport: http://www.wwtdd.com/2010/09/this-is-lady-gaga-at-the-airport/

Season 23 Review

Another year, another 20 some episodes of mediocrity and laziness. It included the best of times (Holidays of Future Passed) the worst of times (Lisa Goes Gaga) and a bunch of other 21 minuted animated wastelands not worthy of our memory. This season to me at least was worse than last year's because despite it having better highs than last season, it had WAY lower lows. Really there's nothing I could say here that I didn't say about 22 times these past few months, but I'll try my best. So without further ado, let's begin

Bottom 10 episodes:

10. Beware my Cheating Bart

• I just imagine in my head the writers telling each other that Bart's not 10, but actually 16. It's the only way this hacktacular episode could be considered the least bit funny. Between a stupid as all hell "Bart gets a girlfriend" plot (Which has happened 6 times in the past 6 seasons as opposed to twice in the first 6) and a failed attempt at topical humor with Lost, this episode deserves its spot here at the bottom.

Bart: I am totally 10

9.  A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never do Again

• What's this? A story where Bart's on a cruise and everything goes to hell so the cruise turns into a dystopia? How could this go wrong? Well it did, and I still don't know how you could make a concept like that boring. To top that all off, the episode's last act puts the family in Antarctica of all places and apparently Bart learns some sort of lesson about living in the moment rather than seeking it, but the lesson is so forced that, like The Scorpion's Tale, it feels more awkward than it does meaningful.

And they all died of hypothermia. The End

8. Exit Through the Kwik-E-Mart

• Yes exit through the Kwik-E-Mart... but first we'd have to enter it. It's one thing to have a parody title about a guy who you have a hard on for (Seriously staff, just because he gave you attention with that fake controversy doesn't mean you have to suck his dick every three episodes). But it's another to have a title about something, and then have only THREE scenes of that plot in the entire episode. But even if one could forgive that type of laziness, the main plot is a fake parody of street art where Bart (The little Gary Stu he is) spray paints his message of Homer being an idiot all over town and this calls the attention of 4 artists who appear just to say their names (Okay one does appear later, but the reasoning is such bullshit, it doesn't make a difference).

That's some pretty good craftsmanship from an amateur 

7. The Spy Who Learned Me

• I almost considered just listing this purely for how pathetically animated it was. But then I realized that it could have been animated by geniuses and it still would end up here. I already pointed out the logic errors in my full review, so I'll just skim over why it sucks. The James Bond jokes had no originality and even when they tried to do a parody movie, they screwed up by putting in awkward humor. Instead of just exaggerating certain elements, they put in slapstick type comedy and played the rest straight. But that was just the movie, for the Bond parody, "James Bont" in You Only Move Twice was funnier in his one scene than the entirety of this episode.

The name's Bont, James Bont

6. Replaceable You

• Because apparently getting cast members of Glee is so popular (I don't know) the show decided to tip it's hat and do it again. And like the first time, the result SUCKED. So Jane Lynch was Homer's assistant Roz, and good God she was dull. Her only personality trait was that she didn't like being touched... and that's it. The episode was just a bunch of piss-poor topical jokes and dragged on for what felt like an hour. The subplot was horrendous as well with robots that had no rules that some how lead to an evil corporation that turned them evil, until they were good, and then turned evil again... for some reason.

Please stay out of this! PLEASE!

5. The D'oh-Cial Network

• Title is very lazy? Check. Movie they are parodying is over two years old yet it's supposed to be a topical parody? Check. The parody itself is just inserting the family in the roles of the main characters of said story thus eliminating the idea of it being a parody? Oh Modern Simpsons, you never fail to disappoint me in just how pathetic you can be. Let's just somehow forgive the fact that the main plot didn't begin until the 9 and a half minute mark and instead talk about its back-ass logic here. So Lisa feels that she has no friends and to solve that she makes her own social network despite the fact that Facebook existed in episodes before and after this episode. In fact, the very next episode referenced Facebook. This is what happens when the writers create a parody and then forget the rules of how said parody works (I'm looking at you Ranier Schwarzenegger, er I mean Arnold Wolfcastle). 

And now I will log onto Facebook to- oh wait I meant... screw it Facebook is better

4. Treehouse of Horror XXII

• This is what happens when you make a Halloween special with nothing remotely Halloween about it. None of the stories they "Parodied" had anything to do with Halloween or horror in general. The closest thing was the Dexter parody, and it was about as bloody as a church service. I've seen more gory stories involving a guy getting a paper cut. But for the moment, we'll forgive the fact that there were far bloodier episodes later in the season. The only time this actually resembled a THOH was the obligatory Kang and Kodos cameo. Remove them and this would be nothing more than a mediocre anthology episode with horrible dated parodies.

The bloodiest scene in this episode... where's the blood?

3. Politically Inept with Homer Simpson

• Let's see a Glenn Beck parody in 2012 when his show ran from 2009 to 2011? Sounds like the perfect time for a satire of that. I had a conversation recently with a few friends and I pointed this out and followed it up with the idea that they should drop the idea that they are topical since their parodies are about 2 years date when they air. They try so hard to be South Park in their topical jokes, but they don't have the production schedule to poke fun of something a week after it happens. And besides, this episode was just unfunny and uninteresting and failed to even make fun of politics at all.

I AM AWESOME RIGHT?!

2. Moe goes from Rags to Riches

• Mix one half boring with one half lack of focus with one half unfunny and 3 halves padding and this would be the result. Nobody cared about Moe's bar rag (Next season I hear how Maggie got her pacifier... oh wait they get them at the Safeway for $1.95... Thank God for retconning) but even the story couldn't follow its own continuity. For example, one scene has the tapestry record history, but that gets dropped about 3 scenes later (Excuse me for not being precise). The jokes in this are terrible like Comic Book Guy randomly passing by Mount Everest in a hot air balloon just so he could say his line, Moe's parent being a yeti, Wiggum's entire scene, etc. The point still remains that this was a terrible episode and it's not even interesting enough to be in the "So bad it's good" territory.

Least interesting character ever

1. Lisa Goes Gaga

• Okay let's face it, who DIDN'T see this one coming? The promotions for this one were reminiscent of trailers for The Three Stooges movie and promotions for last season's finale (Edna and Ned get togehter), except while those two examples surpassed the low expectations, Lisa Goes Gaga was worse than we could have imagined. A 30 minute promotion for a mega celebrity with generic songs and even more generic jokes (P.S. Moshi Monsters made the common "Lady Googoo" joke back in October 2011)(Edit: Actually their name was "Baby Googoo", still it was a terrible scene for the sake of a joke). This was just a terrible episode about an emo Lisa learning nothing, a celebrity appearing just for the sake of "Hey we got 'X' take that internet!"

Did we mention we have Lady Gaga? We have Lady Gaga!

Top 5 Highlights:

5. Brian Kelley didn't show up this season

• Okay I'm cheating with 5 here, but when I stopped and looked at the candidates, I couldn't justify putting them on this list. You could argue they were the "Least terrible" but even that's questionable at best for me. Also, one could argue that "Al Jean stepped down" could make this as well, it's not like Matt Selman is any better, so it's like trading a rotten tomato for a dead skunk. So instead, I'm going to celebrate the fact that this talentless hack had no episodes this year and judging by the change in showrunners, he's gone for good

4. Them Robots

• Not really good, but not terrible either. The best way I could describe this episode would be to say that it's like having your foot stepped on. Initially it's painful, but you'll get over it sooner rather than later and it'll be like nothing happened. The episode had a somewhat interesting premise, but stumbled upon its own rules and logic. There were a few 'decent' jokes and some potential, hell I thought it'd be far worse than what it really was. But in the end, it's just another 'meh' episode.

Homer: Hmm... a character with more personality than me

3. Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts

• While not spectacular, this episode was possibly the least painful one left. So Bart learning outside of class has already been done (Much better) but I could see where they were going with this. Unfortunately this episode, like a lot of others was just held back by bad writing and backwards logic (Nelson has no problem with getting rid of Chalmers, but in the next scene he works with Bart to get him back, what?). A few decent jokes plus not terrible equals #3 on my list.

Chalmers: I still hate you all

2. The Book Job

• I think I was MUCH harsher on this episode than it deserved to be when I first watched it. Keep in mind, I just had to suffer through Replacable You and The Food wife in addition to having standards raised by my video review of Bart vs Thanksgiving. This was a no-win situation for the episode. But after watching it again, it was better than I gave it credit for and Neil Gaiman seemed to try his hardest to make it good. I still think they took the whole "This is how books are made" premise too serious and it could have been done better. While I'm a bit ashamed they only had one Twilight joke, I guess less is more because I could see that joke ending up being beaten like a dead horse. I personally don't mind it, but in terms of the rest of the season, it's pretty damn good.

Come on Lisa, just sell what little soul you have left to make this decent

1. Holidays of Future Passed

• I am willing to go out on a limb here and say this is arguably the 3rd best Christmas episode of this show's entirety and the 2nd best future episode. Seriously, I was about ready to hate this episode because I just saw the premise and thought it'd be just like every other episode they fucked up. I finished it pleasantly surprised. The jokes made me laugh more than any other episode this season, the pacing was much better than any other episode as the padding felt minimal compared to the others. This is the only episode I recommend to anyone who quit watching this show years ago because while it's not on Classic Simpsons quality, it's one notch under it in my opinion. If it wasn't for this episode, I would say this was the worst season the show has ever had.

Lisa: I'll let you in on a secret. This episode will actually be decent

Reasons why episodes did not make the cut (For either list)

• The Falcon and The D'ohman
• Lackluster cameo from Sutherland playing Jack Bauer, horrible flashbacks (Especially the training one), boring villain who doesn't show up until the 16 minute mark. However, it's not bad enough to reach the bottom 10
• The Food Wife
• No discernible connection with reality plus it being more of a commercial for foodies rather than a satire prevents this from being top 5.
• The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants
• Bullshit setup and taking itself way too serious on the parts that should be satirized combined with the main plot being boring and the subplot being utterly forgettable (Seriously, I forgot this even had a subplot until I looked this back up) makes this a middle of the pack episode
• The Ten-Per-Cent Solution
• Bullshit setup (Yeah the family just happens to run into an old agent of Krusty's) combined with a bipolar guest star and in the end nothing happened won't get many points from me
• The Daughter Also Rises
• I really wanted to put this in the bottom 10. Unfortunately, I ran out of spots by the time I got to this one and couldn't justify swapping one of the others out with this. Consider this one to be #11 on the bottom 10.
• At Long Last Leave
• You mad writers? 500 episodes and only 200 of them are good. Most shows on TV nowadays has a good relationship with their audience, The Simpsons on the other hand has nothing but contempt for theirs. The episode itself was very lackluster and contrived (Writer 1: Hey how do we achieve status quo? Writer 2: We should move the entire town to the new town and then never mention it again. Writer 1: Brilliant!) and to top it all off, the staff told everyone they can go fuck themselves. Oh how your ratings would plummet
• How I Wet Your Mother
• I keep hearing people say this was one of the best of the season. To me, I don't see it. Maybe it's because the episodes around it were so lackluster this looked like gold. But to me it's just Inception as played by The Simpsons and nothing more.
• Ned 'N Edna's Secret Blend
• Not as bad as I thought it would be, but boring as a snail race and a bunch of non-jokes made this outside looking in on the top 5

So at this point last year I mentioned how many montages, guest stars and guest stars voiced themselves here. Not the case this year, I will flat out admit, I got lazy and did not bother with a montage count because honestly, there's no point. You know how repetitive it is, I know how repetitive it is, why hammer the point in any further? Point is they had a lot of guest stars (Which Price insisted were essential) and a lot of them voiced themselves. The only one that comes to mind right now that I enjoyed was Neil Gaiman's guest spot. Partially due to the fact that they did not treat him like a God, Moe held him at knife point multiple times and one of his last lines makes it sound like he's a thief for all of his books. 

Ratings hit an all time low:

While ratings don't tell the ENTIRE story of whether a show is good or not (Internet streaming, Youtube, outsider sites, etc) seeing this show almost get cancelled for being unprofitable, only to get renewed for another two years to then bring in the worst ratings for a season and secure the 5 least watched episodes were all from this season just brings a smile to my face. The Season Finale ratings more or less told FOX that they made a HUGE mistake in renewing this show. So much promotional material was made, such a huge guest star with an equally huge fanbase, and all it counted for was 4.8 million viewers and 5th least watched of all time. I'm more than willing to bet that an executive at FOX kicked a dog when he saw the ratings. Not only did The Simpsons fail to win their own timeslot that night, but Family Guy had over 5 million viewers later that night which follows the trend that The Simpsons beats out Family Guy between September to February and from March onwards, it's reversed. The final average for this show ended up being 6.14 Million, which is down by just under 1 million of the 7.10 million average of season 22.

Final Verdict: This season was terrible. While the Christmas episode was perhaps the best episode in several years, it had really low lows. The theme for season 23 seemed to be "The Simpsons live in Hollywood" because there were so many episode where the family seemed to have luxuries they shouldn't be able to afford and just so much detachment from reality. The writing followed the same ol' "We don't give a shit" the writers have been giving since season 17. The jokes were mostly terrible with a lot of them either being explained or just awkward dialogue. I'd say this was worse than last year's but not the worst all time. Still looking at you season 20.

Final Score: 1.4/10 Just avoid this, even the riffability isn't worth it

Episode 22: Lisa Goes Gaga

So... Lady Gaga, what can I say? What can I say about an episode where the main characters feel shoehorned in? It's one thing to have a guest star in an episode, it's another thing to turn the episode into a 30 minute commercial for said guest star that's meant to pander to the fans. But I have a job to do and you all enjoy seeing me suffer (You sick fucks) so, without further ado, let's see how bad this can get and where they insert the "Poker Face" reference.

Opening sequence: 20 seconds (Although it's undercut by the Wii reference, seriously, what is up with their fetish with Wii now?)

The episode begins with someone narrating about the story we're about to get. Oh and it might just be me, but is anyone else thinking Frosty 2 here? Eh it's probably just me. After we go around Springfield seeing random set pieces, er I mean people and places, the "Story" begins on a typical day with Clancy and Ralph at the park as Ralph acts like a dog, and he never appears again(x). But it turns out that a change is coming as apparently all the animals sense it coming, even going as far as chickens laying crystal eggs... why not? I mean, anything's possible in Hollywood, er I mean Springfield. So a woman is quick to point out that this is all because the "Lady Gaga Express" is coming through... let's see 1:18 in and already I hate this episode, kudos writers, usually it takes longer for my will to break. So we see the train (No I will not refer to it by name) as "Poker Face" is playing in the background (I cannot describe just how awful this train is, so you'll just have to believe me when I say it's awful). Inside we see Gaga's backup dancers well dancing as the conductor decides to introduce Lady Gaga (x) for her entrance in the train itself, by the way, is the conductor supposed to be a parody of someone in particular? He reminds me of a tall Gary Coleman for some reason, maybe it's just a generic guy, I don't know.

Okay kiddies, get ready for the newest show on FOX: 'Gaga and Friends' premiering Sunday at 8

So after Lady Gaga gets dressed via robots (Okay that was a bit amusing) Gaga asks about the status report of the trip and the conductor informs her that they'll be passing through Springfield. The conductor then informs LG that Springfield is a quiet suburb (Bullshit! Not the way you guys portray it) and it has the lowest self-esteem of anyplace on the planet. Mainly because of decisions like Homer can't host TWO parties at the same time or Bart can't decide which luxury cruise liner he wants to randomly go on. Those decisions would make ANYONE depressed. So LG decides out of the goodness of her heart (And her bank account) she should make a stop in Springfield. However, her agent tells her she shouldn't go and he'll take her on a plane. LG says no and tells him "Remember what happened at Laguardia?" as we get a flashback of her missing the plane... you think that's bad? Remember the time I- okay you get the point, this is a typical Family Guy cutaway, except there's not even humor here, just a cutaway.

Isn't this just hilarious? Lady Gaga doesn't travel normally at all... LAUGH DAMMIT!

So LG decides that based on a Billboard she'll be stopping in Springfield. The agent tries to warn her, but she says "No buts" as she turns around showing her ass sticking out a bit... tee-hee, that'll amuse the 8 years olds for about 3 minutes. We then cut to Springfield Elementary as the narrator informs us that Lady Gaga's arrival was perfect because Lisa was about to get depressed for the 1489th time this week. I want to note two things here for why this episode sucks up to this point

1. The Simpsons (The title characters) don't even get mentioned until the 3 minute mark. They should have just called this episode "Gaga and Friends"
2. Stop playing the depression card, yeah I know you have NO more ideas, but at least try to hide the fact that you're out of ideas

Inside, we see an assembly for student awards as Bart wins "Campus clown" which essentially allows for Bart to be a prankster. Oh my God, the writers actually remembered he's a prankster, and that's the only mention he'll get about that feature for the episode, what a wasted opportunity. Lisa then wins an award for "Least Popular Student" and she gets embarrassed when she accepts it. If you're wondering what I'm doing right now to keep my sanity, I'm watching Summer of 4 Ft 2 and reminding myself that the writers are total hacks who don't understand their characters or humor. I mean "Least Popular Student"? Really? I remember better put downs from Elementary School. I mean this is extremely lazy writing and horrible comedy, it's not that hard for people to pick on Lisa, but that would require more than 5 minutes in front of Microsoft Word, which they don't want to do. So we cut back to Lady Gaga's train as she's wearing a new dress now (No I'm not going to keep count, I just wanted to point out that she changed dresses in the span of a couple of hours for no reason). Anyways, after that pointless scene (But it did provide an animation goof. What's holding this man up? Should be the spike, but you can see that's not it) we see the family (Plus Milhouse) at the dinner table as Lisa mopes some more. 

Milhouse: Thank God my pants can hold so much

However, Milhouse brings his laptop over (Which wasn't seen before) and pulls up the school's forum page. Lisa sees that she has her own topic with a lot of replies, all being positive from a "Truth Teller" (It's Lisa, you spoiled it in the promos). So this gives Lisa some hope and Milhouse denies that he wrote the posts (He didn't it was Lisa). So the next day Lisa is popular and as she basks in the glory of being popular, she drops a notebook that Bart reads outloud and reveals to everyone that Lisa is "Truth Teller". Okay I have to ask a question, why would Bart do that? Why would he expose Lisa after reading it to himself? He might be mean, but he's still her brother and while Bart exposed Lisa to her new friends in Summer of 4 Ft 2, he did that because she was getting all of his attention, not because she was feeling good. He felt like she took his stuff and got popular as a result and she needed to pay, jeez this writing is so very contrived. So because she's been exposed, everyone ridicules her again and this time they call her "Lie Smeller". And the point of "Truth Teller" was... absolutely nothing, seriously, nothing was accomplished and we're back at Lisa being unpopular and being depressed. "Truth Teller" was just a waste of time with no real jokes, let's move on. 

Lisa: *Sniff* I'm going to go write in my LiveJournal about how mean you guys are

So we cut back to LG (Focus, what's that?!) as she's dancing with her backup dancers. During a break, she starts to get a headache and sees a vision of Lisa on the sidewalk moping, thus motivating her to get to Springfield faster... so is this power ever explained? You have too high of standards if you're expecting competency from these guys, it's just a power she has that is used all of twice, never explained and never brought up again. Yeah I know I said "Family Member gains ability" but screw it, this is horrible enough to justify that spot(x). So the trains' back engines (Shaped like bras ha-ha-ha-ha, ugh) fire up and pass by Cletus. This causes Cletus to throw away his whiskey... if the joke ended there, I would have said it was good, but they extend it to the point of unfunny(x). So as everyone gathers around the train, we cut back to Lisa moping in her room listening to "Crawling" (Okay she doesn't do that, but at this point she should).Marge tries to encourage Lisa and so does Homer... for about 3 seconds (Telling her "You want to honk your Jazz Tube? NO! He calls it a "Saxamaphone" that is a defining character trait of him you idiots) until he treats his daughter like a rag doll flipping her upside down multiple times (What's that? The emotional scene at the end of Lisa's Substitute was good? Well we gotta do the exact opposite). 

Child Services then came to arrest Not Homer for treating his daughter like a doll

Oh and Homer gives a horrible explanation for why he's doing what he's doing, so(x) and BINGO! So we cut back to the train station with everyone holding up signs and kissing Lady Gaga's ass with all of them (Eh if "Born This-a Way" counts as "A letter or two was changed" then we got another bingo). So LG appears in a bird dress as she thanks them all for being her "Little Monsters". Which Moe says he's half monster... so does that make the bar rag episode canon? OH DEAR GOD NO! Forget what I said and let's move on. So LG begins a song number as in all honesty, it's not that bad. it's not something I'd want to listen to again, but it's not the worst song in this episode The song is okay, but a lot of the jokes within the song range from bad to terrible, the worst being Mr. Burns and Grampa (Seriously, why is Grampa there? I could buy Burns, but Grampa makes no sense). So Lisa feels better after the song, but the bullies appear just to bully Lisa and Homer doesn't even flinch when they make fun of here(x) (Yeah I count this as Homer disappearing from the scene because he's just a set piece there). So LG feels like her job is done, but out of nowhere her Bullshit powers sense that Lisa downloaded more Linkin Park for her IPod, er I mean she's still depressed (I know I sound like a broken record, but EVERY scene (Save one) that Lisa has been in, she's been depressed. I can't tiptoe around that). 

Looks like LG has an Excedrin headache (This blog has been brought to you by Excedrin) 

So LG spots Lisa and she wants to know what's wrong with her. Lisa says she doesn't want attention as LG shouts to her that they should meet incognito (Yeah, even in context, it's still not funny). By the way, the line she says just emphasizes how lazy the writers are, LG shouts that they should meet at Lisa's house and yet the Simpsons residence is never swarmed by paparazzi, to the writers, everyone in the audience just doesn't exist, and they are treated as nothing more than mannequins, that's the only way this scene works. Anyways, Gaga escapes from the stage and walks off with Lisa without drawing attention whatsoever... moving on. So on the way home, they run into Ned as he has a conversation with LG and it goes nowhere... yeah, at this part of the episode, it stops being frustratingly awful and just becomes mundane and boring, a lot of scenes that go nowehere with no real jokes, but at the same time, nothing really to get mad at. So LG sees the new posts and tells Lisa that everything will be fine, all of this while Lisa is "Face-bedding" (Don't worry Lisa, I had the same reaction when I saw the premise for this episode). So LG tries to cheer Lisa up by having a flash mob give her a message with their cellphones. 

Facebed: When a facepalm and headdesk just cannot express the stupidity onscreen

However it doesn't work and after LG tells them to disperse, they spell out disperse, which pisses off "Just Stamp the Ticket" Guy (Wow, he came out of so many peaceful years of retirement JUST for this? You've reached a new low JSTT Guy). So after LG tells Lisa she's not going to give up, Bart bring Maggie in all dressed up calling her "Baby GooGoo"... nice to know that Maggie too has been included in the list of "Characters who are now set pieces". Later, LG tries to talk to Marge about Lisa as she tries to comfort Marge by grabbing her hands, followed up by making out with her for a second... So first we get a childish ass joke, now a pointless lesbian kiss? Are we sure Brian Kelley didn't leave the show? Seems like his sort of joke. So after a pointless after-sex scene with cringe-worthy dialogue (Again, I do believe that Kelley was a pen name and the writer who used it is still there) we see the next morning that Lisa "snuck out" and Homer decides to eat Lady Gaga's meat dress which will not appear again (Nope, Weird Al did it better, try again). At school (Yeah, Lisa "Snuck out" to go to school, what a load) Lisa is still depressed and is now contemplating whether or not to wear black nails (Again, didn't happen, but it's still the same scene). LG then arrives in a giant egg and she tells her that she's going to end her moping (PLEASE). 

Lisa: In the name of Lovejoy I CAST THEE OUT SATAN!

Lisa however fires back by claiming that LG isn't doing this to make Lisa feel better, but she's doing it to make LG feel better as she starts to mock how Lady Gaga introduced herself to Springfield. I'll admit, that was possibly the best mocking of LG this ENTIRE episode, but then Lisa goes on and spout out more terrible dialogue by repeating "I denounce thee" towards LG (Long: Hey, Lisa's smart, right? Would she say this line? Selman: What? Sure, be sure to have her say it mulitple times though. Long: Wow, genius, that's why you're the boss). This awful dialogue causes LG to start crying diamonds... I got nothing and she runs off. So later, Homer goes to talk to Lisa to try to cheer her up (Make a drinking game out of this, you'll die of alcohol poisoning by the end) Oh by the way, Lisa paces back and forth with a watch on, but as soon as she leaves the treehouse, it's gone. Why was she wearing the watch in the first place? Anyways, after Homer spouts out some meaningless bullshit, Lisa realizes that she's been ungrateful throughout the episode and she needs to find LG. Oh and she mentions how Homer's speech was entirely pointless... much like every scene in this episode, oh fuck this episode, it's almost done. So Lisa catches a departing LG and tells her that because she was able to lash out against LG, she was able to realize that she does have some positives and it's alright to be herself. So in other words Lady Gaga could have been ANYONE and the episode would have worked just the same... and people think this show deserves another season WHY?! 

Lisa: Be sure to buy all of Lady Gaga's albums on ITunes, while you're there, but this episode as well 

So LG is proud of Lisa as she gets her to go inside the train and perform a song simply titled  "Super Star" and my opinion on this one? I've said in the past that Yeardley Smith struggles singing as Lisa and this is no exception. I'm sorry Ms. Smith, I love Lisa as I've mentioned before, but the one thing I've always disliked is her singing. Her singing was okay, sometimes good in the 90's, but it's just horrible today. Heck it doesn't sound so much like singing as much as talking with the beat. And in terms of songs involving musical guest stars, well let's just say it's no "Lisa it's your birthday" in terms of memorability, you're not going to hum this on your way to work. So after the song, Moe chases the train down and asks for LG to help him. She says no and Moe gets hit by a train while Gaga waves. But don't worry, he'll be back in next season's premiere titled Despicable Moe. The episode ends with Lisa happy (Goody) and the narrator telling us that he was one of Lady Gaga's dancers. Before the credits, we see a preview for the fact that Maggie is getting a short adventure before Ice Age 4 where she'll be animated in 3D *Cough*Treehouse of Horror VI*Cough* and over the credits, Homer is singing his own version of Poker Face simply called "Homer Face" which sounds like a cat getting run over by a steamroller... it's over! Be free everyone! The terror is finally done!

Final Verdict: Everything leading up to this indicated it would suck, and they didn't disappoint. After a 30 minute Lady Gaga promo with little humor and repetitive scenes, the last thing I want to do is listen to one of her songs in the near future. This was meant to be nothing more than a marketing gimmick in the hopes of raising the ratings, but that failed miserably when the ratings came out with 4.79 million, making it the 4th least watched of all time.

Final Grade: 0.3/10 I debated whether this was worse than the bar rag and thinking about it, yes, yes it was worse than a talking bar rag. The Season 23 review will be up next week.

Lyrics for all the songs: http://www.nohomers.net/showthread.php?97746-Rate-and-Review-quot-Lisa-Goes-Gaga-quot-(PABF14)&p=2942836&viewfull=1#post2942836