Final Thoughts on the Season Finale

So only a few days left of this trainwreck of a season. we've seen some highs (Holidays of Future Passed) we've seen some lows (Moe Goes From Rags to Riches, Politically Inept with Homer Simpson, The D'oh-Cial Network, etc) but in a few days, the nightmare will be over. So FOX has been desperate in the promos for this particular episode (Think of the 500th episode promos tenfold) and they have all looked like crap. The only people who I've seen like what was in the promos were Lady Gaga fans, but everyone else (Myself included) think they look awful. So as I said in my earlier preview, the story just looked awful (Seriously, Lady Gaga having physic powers, what?) but it wasn't until FOX released video promos that my suspicions were correct, here's the initial video:

So those of you who managed to keep your brains from escaping through your ears, you realized one important thing. This episode isn't about "The Simpsons meet Lady Gaga" it's about Lady Gaga, the main characters are second fiddle in their own show... The promo suggests that the episode is nothing more than a ratings grab and its main purpose is to have a famous person promote the show (If you go to the actual video, about 90% of the comments are from Lady Gaga's fans). 

One more video, this time a more behind the scenes

Thank you Mr. Groening for feigning interest, your check is in the mail. You also have to love how Lady Gaga is B.S.-ing her lines by saying how she's been a big fan of the show for years, then saying how the script is funny. Ms. Gaga, stop trying to convince us this won't suck, there's no hope. Finally, I love how the people laughed at "WE SHOULD GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND TALK... INCOGNITO!" There's no joke there. No wonder the writers think they don't suck, they have no sense of humor.

Before we go to my main point, I found two more promos that really assured my fears for this shitstorm:

http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/05/16/lady-gaga-the-simpsons-clip/

http://insidetv.ew.com/2012/05/07/lady-gaga-simpsons-photo/

Let's address the first one (Obviously). The writing in that one scene is just horrendous. The dialogue is simply dumb and what could have been a decent crying joke is ruined by the dialogue before the scene and the men after the scene. But it's out of context, so maybe the men would make more sense in context. But that would also be giving credit to Tim Long, the guy who wrote the bar rag episode this year and the Glee episode last season.

Second one now, I just want to pull out one of the quotes that rubbed me the wrong way

"By the way, there will be plenty more Gaga to gawk at: This is only one of 18 outfits that she’ll wear in the episode, which airs May 20 on Fox."

Isn't it just nice to know that the important thing about this episode is how many different dresses the guest star will wear? Why wasn't this episode just called "Lady Gaga and Friends"? Would have made a lot more sense. 

And of course, it wouldn't be complete without seeing the promo art as well. Which FOX decided that the Edna-Ned episode didn't need a card, but this needed NINE!

The one card that stands out to me is the last one, what is that scene even supposed to be? The others (With  a background) are awful, but I have some sort of context for what they're supposed to be about. The last one... Lisa's talking to Homer about her experiences? It's just odd to have that type of promo card

So believe it or not, I DO have something I was leading into, this all reminds me of why the Classic Simpsons are well... classics. Why there were "The shit" and not "Just shit". The episode that immediately comes to mind is Stark Raving Dad, the season 3 premiere episode. Why do you say that? Michael Jackson, who was THE man in the 80's did a guest role on The Simpsons in 1991. He was still on top of the world, this was all before the sexual abuse allegations, anyone who was anyone had listened to at least one of his songs and probably owned one of his albums. So when I bring up Stark Raving Dad was the first thing that came to your mind 

• "OMG IT HAD MJ THE STORY CENTERED AROUND MICHAEL AND HOW HE WAS AWESOME!!!!!" *Waving arms like Kermit*
• "Oh yeah, I really liked that episode, Homer is deemed insane and bunks with Michael Jackson. I especially loved that "Lisa it's your birthday" song and it was just a joy to watch" 

Most likely all of you reading said the latter, and for good reason, the episode still centered around the family, MJ was huge, but so was The Simpsons. The show knew what it was and how it treated it's guest stars, heck, they made fun of MJ in that episode and how focused people were back then about MJ. This episode just seems to reek of the opposite based on everything FOX has given us. There is the smallest sliver of hope for this episode to be okay, but I really doubt it, and I think from a critical standpoint, this could be the worst of the season.

Flaming Moe

Special thanks to Razorvine: https://twitter.com/#!/R4Z0RV1N3

Episode 21: Ned 'N Edna's Blend

Oh joy, an episode about "Nedna" quite possibly the only romance more awkward than Twilight. But I tell a lie,  I mean, if I squint hard enough... eh nevermind it's not there. Anyways, this didn't look fun when I first saw the preview, so does the episode actual surpass expectations? Let's find out. Oh and BTW, I will be doing the BINGO again this week

Opening Sequence: 1:42 (One step forward, two steps back)

The episode begins with an audition for a play ran by that guy nobody remembers from that episode nobody remembers (Okay, it's Smoke on the Daughter and damn me for somehow knowing that without Wikipedia). After Bart asks why he has to participate, Marge insists that the Passion of The Christ is the best story, to which Bart and Homer start listing off random current events, and by current, I mean 1 year or so old (Telling jokes and saying random things are two separate ideas)(x). So Ned tries out for Jesus, but the guy turns him down as he says he doesn't resemble Jesus. He then starts saying things that Jesus would do, which prompts Homer to come back and think that he should try out for Jesus. Oh and for good measure they include a Twitter reference because their target audience wasn't born before 9/11 and have the attention span of a rock unless random culture and technology references are made. Yeah this joke is horrible and I sorta feel bad for whatever schlock intern at FOX has to update that twitter account with unfunny garbage because the staff needs to "Connect" with their audience. Seriously, these types of jokes are about as funny as watching a 70-year-old man try to be "with it" by wearing the fashion from 2008, attempting to use a smart phone, and trying to use a skateboard. It's not funny, so much as it is painful to watch. Okay, long rant over a pathetic joke over, moving on.

Hey look! A Twitter reference therefore they're "with it" right?

So Homer barges onto the stage like a jerkass and is instantly handed the part(x)(x). Later, Homer goes more jerkass as all he can think about is the costume he's been given to wear (I seriously want him to be crucified by the end of the episode. But knowing the writers, he'd come back to life on the third day since he's Jesus to them). So Lisa tries to tell Homer to take the role serious as pissing off Christians would be like wearing and Florida State shirt to a Florida game. You mean an Oregon State shirt to an Oregon game right? I mean you guys totally believe Springfield is in Oregon because you insisted on it after misinterpreting the interview. Why would an Oregon native understand a Florida reference? Eh I don't believe that, I just like screwing with their non-logic and pointing out the gaping holes from their stupidity. So Homer realizes he's in deep shit and starts crying (Okay I'm adjusting my card, this should have been one of the spots, the writers fall back on this a lot) then Homer spouts out "Why do I succeed at everything I audition for?" I have an answer: The writers are total hacks who have no clue what to do if Homer isn't the center of attention despite there being a large, diverse cast of characters with just as diverse personalities for a diverse amount of roles. Any questions?

Wiggum: Ugh, not this guy. Just kill him and do it quickly

So the play goes on and after Homer says ONE line, everyone in the audience is moved...okay, just relax, he's bound to screw up and make that blatant asskissing utterly pointless. So after he's given the cross and thorns, he continues his Broadway performance... must... hold back... rage... Homer then is crucified and as Ned is praying for forgiveness of his pride and doubting of Homer... dammit all... Homer then falls down onto Ned (x) and the director just comes out to distract the audience. No, you can't distract the people from how awful that writing was. So Ned is rushed to the Hospital and as Edna tries to get in, she's told only immediate family is allowed to ride as she tells him she's his wife as she then flashes a wedding ring. HOLY CRAP THE PLOT! It only took them 7 minutes to get there with the opening act having NOTHING to do with the rest of the episode. I'll take it basic storytelling is no longer required to pass writing classes. Also, isn't it so nice that in between September and May of this season they decided to mention this all of TWO times?! I think a lot of people forgot this was even a thing until this episode. At the Hospital, Ned and Edna are happy that their marriage is out in the open. Truly this is a love for the ages as demonstrated by all those scenes of them together, let's see them all... oh right, they don't exist... but they're destined for each other, right?!

Edna: You jelly Marge?

So after some more pathetic dialogue from Homer (Hey America, we had a vote on this, remember? Please laugh at our callbacks to horrible writing) Marge asks why they didn't say anything. Ned explains that everyone makes a big deal out of everything and faster than you can say Supercalifrag- Kent Brockman  and a bunch of other people show up for no discernible reason. Uh, characters HAVE been married before, I mean Apu was married and got nothing, heck even more recent was the Van Houtens getting back, nothing on them. Ah forget it, this is the same staff that would light up cigars for the 525th episode and paint the town yellow for the 550th. After that pointless scene, we see the family having dinner as the kids don't exactly approve of the idea of Edna as their mom. Marge comes over to offer them a celebration for their marriage. Edna accepts as the only guests to their wedding were Ned's parents as apparently they have the same "Diddly" speech that Ned does... NO! Ned got that from the THERAPY because of his parents. You got the designs right, how did you screw up the rest? So after that Family Guy cutaway gag Ned agrees as Homer decided he needs Ned's stuff to complete the party (Why bother asking? He could just steal it).

Bart: I heard the plot needs to be moved along, so I just decided to pop up.

Later, we see Edna trying to entertain the kids on a rainy day, but since they're afraid of butterflies and believe that iron helps them play, her ideas get shot down. Bart shows up (Out of nowhere) to tell Edna to take them out to the real world, she doesn't think she needs to until Todd crashes his tricycle with training wheels.... let's move on. We then see Marge and Lisa at a wedding store as several women are jealous of the fact that Marge got to plan the party and Marge tells them to deal with it. Edna then goes to the Leftorium as Ned tells her he'll be staying late and he needs her to go to the parent-teacher conferences for him. Well that should be fun, seeing Edna talk to herself about how Rod is doing well in her classes and whatnot. Wait, they apparently go to a Christian school... I'm pretty sure they go the Springfield Elementary unless a transfer happened offscreen. That or the writers are very lazy and hate consistency, neither would surprise me. So at the conference, Edna gets a bit concerned about the teaching methods, and it's only confirmed when the teacher brings an astronomy map that involves religious figures including Tim Tebow in a green shirt. Thank God for digital coloring or else him in a Bronco's shirt would have made their joke dated before it even aired. Oh and to those who thought that the red X's through the female and black candidates in the "Politically Inept" episode was a joke about racism and sexism and not a quick-fix, you can all kiss my ass. Sorry, a bit uncalled for, let's move on.

Oh what a timeless joke, surely this joke doesn't have a 1 year expiration date, right?

So Edna pulls them out and decides to transfer them to Springfield Elementary without Ned's approval, as you'd expect he doesn't like the move, but accepts it. I don't know why he'd have a problem with it seeing as how they were there for a long time, but whatever. Later that night, Ned has a nightmare (As demonstrated in an easy to read title) which is- OH DEAR GOD! Claymation? NO! Just, NO! Did you not learn your lesson with the puppets from the Christmas episode? Just stick with your half-assed animation. So we see that Todd graduated from a real College with a degree that Ned did not approve of... so what was the point of it being claymation? There was NO purpose outside of the Davey and Goliath reference. I'm sure that was worth every penny of your sinking budget that'll not be saved by Lady Gaga next week (One week of decent ratings does not save a show). So we see the extravagant party (Because the Simpsons live in luxury and can afford anything they want) as everyone seems to be having a good time. Marge goes to talk to Ned and Edna as it turns out that after a few days in public school, Rod and Todd are already back talking Ned and getting temporary tattoos... establishing shots? What are those?

A married couple having a fight? Well I never-

Ned and Edna get into a small argument of sorts and after the women from earlier get some of the fight on their phones, Edna takes the boys home. But of course the writers just HAVE to be clever as Moe inserts a horrible 4th wall joke about the 3rd act being over for "The Simpsons" and that should be the end, as Lisa says she feels like there's going to be one more act(x). That 4th wall joke is so forced and awful I think the 4th wall repaired itself from the lack of real comedy forced against it. The next morning Ned laments that he allowed himself to act that way. Marge gives Bart and Lisa their lunches as apparently Bart has some sort of trouble as demonstrated in a scene that has no point and begs for someone to shoot it dead(x). So after that bit of nothing, Ned realizes that they don't agree on how to raise their kids (Did that require a 3-minute exchange with no jokes whatsoever?) So after more bickering (UGH! JUST KILL THE SCENE!!!) Bart shouts out that he's keeping a dolphin in his bathtub... WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT?! I mean, was the episode that short that they needed a pointless scene like that just to make 21 minutes with a 2 minute opening sequence and a first act that completely unrelated to the rest of the episode? Basic storytelling, LEARN IT!

The assembly ended because Ned had to talk to Edna, or something

Later we see an assembly where Mr Largo and Lunchlady Doris (Let her character RIP) as they tell the students the answers to an upcoming test, however it's all deemed pointless when Ned comes out of nowhere to decide he needs to talk to Edna NOW... the stupidity of this scene hurts. The two have an apology decide to play it by ear (As Ned says it "The Simpsons make it up as they go along" I can't help but believe that's the writing staff's motto whenever coming up with their episodes). The episode ends with Homer dressed up as Jesus endorsing a car dealership owned by Sleazy Sal (Oh I forgot, they put his name in the opening billboard so this is supposed to be some sort of bookending or some bullshit) and Homer gets zapped by God for calling himself Jesus. Oh and during the credits, they start to play the "Everyone loves Ned Flanders"... until Ned breaks out into rap... if you'll excuse me I have a knife to sharpen and a pillow to stab.

Final Verdict: Pretty bad, but not too bad either. This is rather tame compared to what has been airing recently (And the disaster to air soon) and really while I had my complaints, I felt like it was watchable to a degree. Yeah there were some pretty bad moments like the opening act and the assembly along with the credit sequence, but there were some decent moments. Overall, above average for the season, but still crap.

Final Grade: 3.7/10 Not good, but it's not a complete waste of time either

Episode 20: The Spy Who Learned Me

Yeah sorry for the delay, but things got in the way to prevent me from putting this out on time (Or even the next day). But anyways we have an episode to take a look at where Homer sees an imaginary spy who makes him a more suave man or something. I don't know, all I know is that it's supposed to be a James Bond parody, but it's far from McBain or anything entertaining, so let's just get on with this. Oh and a quick side note; no BINGO this week, I'll resume next week.

Opening Sequence: 27 Seconds (And they got it right two weeks in a row, they get a cookie)

The episode begins with a generic James Bond film as Homer decides he needs to add his awful quips every 10 seconds (Not even a minute in and I'm already pissed. Thank you writers, I'm sure this will be a delight). So after Mr. Bont kills a security gaurd (Yeah screw whatever name the writers gave him, I'm calling him Mr. Bont, although that might be an insult to Mr. Swartzwelder's character) we see a meeting of generic evil people. Before you start saying "But that's just how YOU view them" the writers more or less admit that they are generic by giving them a group name of "International Brotherhood of Evil". You know, despite the group of evil people in the McBain movie at the beginning of Last Exit to Springfield having no name whatsoever, that group was FAR more interesting. Anyways, after some boring dialogue, Mr. Bont appears out of a coffin cake. Not nearly as impressive as an ice sculpture and physically impossible seeing as he arrived moments ago. Seriously, there was no need for him to be on the helicopter, why not just have his first appearance be in the cake? Simple logic goes a LONG way.

Sure glad they put that "International" part in or I would have suspected the "Not-Nazi" was from Carolina

So after Mr. Bont kills General... um... uh... *Rewinds tape* huh, he's never named. I guess the writers knew he'd never be remembered as fondly as MENDOZA! Sorry, everytime I type his name, I have to internet shout it. Because of this, Homer decides to say his third quip and while Marge gets angry at him, Lenny and Carl congratulate Homer on his failed MST3K audition (Stop encouraging Jerkass Homer, nobody likes him). After Homer spouts his final unfunny quip (Okay that one didn't even make sense, were they lampshading how terrible they all were?) Marge gets upset and on the car ride back, Homer notices that she's mad at him after he high fives Lenny who just happens to pass him on the other side of the road... Wait a second, wasn't he at the theaters with Homer? This what happens when you fail to put thought into your jokes. Later, we see the school put in metal detectors for the sake of the plot, er I mean to catch smartphones so kids can't put embarrassing videos on YouTube. Okay, where do I even begin with this disection?

1. I'm pretty sure they've called their YouTube parody "MyTube". The writers have been  really BAD with this. They will call their "Parodies" one thing, but say the actual brand name later. I didn't mention this last week, but part of the freeze frame joke with Bart's list on the cruise involved a joke reading "XBox with PS3 controls" despite the fact that they called them "YBox" and "Gamestation 3" earlier this season. Also, like I mentioned in the "Bar rag" episode, Moe mentions Facebook despite the previous episode making it clear that Facebook didn't exist in Springfield. You can't have it both ways. As long as the writing staff has their heads up their asses, they will never understand this
2. The only purpose this serves is an excuse for Nelson to steal money right in front of Skinner... would it have been so hard to have just written in a "Nelson stealing money of the playground" scene? Apparently so despite that being a common Nelson scene.

Anyways, this leads to Nelson stealing change from everyone as Willie just flat out hands it to him ... my brain is melting from the stupidity. So Bart gets pissed that Nelson's a being a bully to him... okay the writers are never consistent on whether or not Nelson bullies Bart or not, one episode they'll be working together, and then the next episode Bart will hate him. After Nelson randomly goes off to destroy Ms. Van Houten's hair dye (...I got nothing) we see Homer at work replacing a light on his continuity-defying ladder as he feels bad for Marge being angry at him. Although since the writers have no faith in their audience, Homer has to explain why he feels bad (Show, don't tell. Audiences are not drooling idiots).

Okay so establishing shot has his hand on the top and foot on the third to top stair

Now his hand is on the second to top stair and his knee is nowhere to be seen

Now we're back to the normal ladder

Or not...

We then see Burns not understanding how a driving cart works (Oh for fuck sakes- HE KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE! A steering wheel is not a foreign concept to him) when he hits Homer who after "Falling gracefully" (ugh) he wakes up and we find out he's sustained a concussion (Took him long enough to actually get one, but given the fact that his skull is very thick from the boxing episode, falling down of all things is probably the weakest excuse for a concussion). So Blue-Haired Lawyer convinces Burns to give Homer time to recover as he gets 8 weeks paid vacation. When Homer gets home, he tries to tell his family about his vacation, but his entire family decides to be loud and obnoxious to the point where he decides not to tell them. This prompts Homer to tell himself "I have 8 weeks paid vacation and my family doesn't know"... I'm sorry I forgot what happened 10 seconds ago, could you please remind me since I'm dumber than a rock? Seriously, that is horrible writing there, and trust me, this episode is not limited to just that line either. So the next day Homer pretends to go to work, but as soon as he leaves, he takes off his tie and throws his shoes at Flanders. Except he throws them at the WRONG house... it was clearly an ADR joke so why did they choose Flanders of all people. Hell Patty would have made more sense. Anyways, we see Bart's class watch a documentary hosted by... Eric Idle? NO!!! Eric for shame, you're better than this.

For you see this Krusty Burger has... oh forget it
 I WAS IN THE HOLY GRAIL FOR GOD'S SAKE! Let me have my dignity

So Mr. Idle (Yeah I don't remember his name, nor do I particularly care) begins his Super Size Me documentary on Krusty Burger called "Would You Like Lies with That?". While I'll give them credit for going with a callback from Season 14, that episode aired before the Super Size Me documentary so deciding to make a "Topical" parody of a documentary that's 8 years old is beyond stale and unoriginal. So after Krusty randomly appears in the documentary (... no, just... you cannot rationalize why he's in this scene) we see Mr. Idle getting fatter and fatter until Krusty shovels him off to be turned into food (Eh one positive note woud be the documentary form did get a chuckle out of me). This gives Bart the great idea to fatten Nelson up (Only in the mystic world of La-La Land could this possibly happen, so as you could guess, it works perfectly). We then cut to Homer enjoying what a weekday afternoon is like *Cough*Lost Our Lisa*Cough* and Homer decides to go to Moe's for some beer which leads into this "Oscar worthy" dialogue

• Moe: "Heya Homer, I could hear your pathetic rationalization through the door"

...Someone got PAID to write that. Even worse, someone else actually read the line and decided it should make the final cut. I would hate to see what doesn't make it through. 

Writers: Look, we make callback joke therefore it's funny right? Please stop hating us and get some fresh air.

Homer then watches a Mr. Bont film as he begins to hallucinate Mr. Bont in the bar because of his concussion (Next I hear Homer will get amnesia and it'll take 23 minutes for him to remember who he is). So after Mr. Bont explains that he'll make Homer into a man Marge can't resist (And forgetting why Marge and Homer are a happy couple. I wonder what answer the writers would give if someone asked why Marge and Homer are married?) we see Nelson taking everyone's lunch money until Bart gives him some Krusty Burger along with a coupon book for 30 free burgers. Oh and by the way, this episode has NO clue how it's timeline works whatsoever. I'll explain as we continue. So we go back to Homer and Bont as he begins to tell Homer to clean up his car and dress up nicer (And he needed Bont for this because...?) So we cut to presumably 4 weeks later as Brockman reports on childhood obesity being an issue (6 years ago maybe) as we see Nelson is now obese himself. This causes Lisa to blame Bart for Nelson's current condition because she has physic powers like Lady Gaga will apparently (Sorry, but I just watched the promo for the finale and it looks like it's going to suck even moreso than usual). So we go back to Homer (Still presuming the same timeline so we should be around 4-6 weeks of his paid vacation) as Mr. Bont tells Homer to approach women and get them to fall for him. 

Hey lady, would you like to suck my- 

Hey I moved ten feet to the right but I was wondering if you two would like to- 

Hey you weren't there a second ago, all I have to do is turn around and woman appear? I am truly a God

So he approaches a woman and she's insulted. He then approaches two more women not 10 feet away who somehow didn't hear what he said and then he pisses them off as well. Homer then turns around to talk to one more woman who didn't hear a word he's been saying, only to leave after he talks. Okay this is another example of horrible writing; the writers have what I call "Screen View" where the only things that matter are what's onscreen. In this scene, the women don't exist until they're put onscreen and as soon as they leave, they don't exist as well. I mentioned this briefly in the episode where Homer sings opera, Marge was talking to her family about faking good behavior to the people at the funeral. Nevermind the fact that she wasn't whispering nor were the people far away, but they didn't hear a word she said because they weren't onscreen. There are many examples of this, I just wanted to point that one out in particular, let's continue. So Homer then gets advice from his hallucination (Which by the way is from his imagination and yet it knows more than Homer does) and he gets a woman to fall for him. Just that moment, her husband appears and draws a gun (Which nobody panics because they aren't in the scene. Wow another good example of awful writing). Oh and here's another great piece of dialogue that in no way sounds forced or contrived in the slightest:

• Husband: "What is this? I leave for two seconds to get chocolate martinis and my wife is expertly seduced by this man*?"   *(Didn't make out the last words)

What's this? I am a generic, lazy villain who appears and disappears at any given moment? Impossible

Thank you Mr. Exposition, your paycheck is at the door, and thank you for pointing out the "Instant expert" trope the writers have abused to death. So after Homer fails to blind him with a lemon, he grabs a lime and this causes Mr. Exposition to go down. Another scene that just embodies the laziness of the show, I mean first off the wife disappears when Homer squirts the husband with the lime because she has no importance anymore and he just LET Homer grab the lime. I guess he was thinking to himself: "Gee I should shoot him in the skull while I have the chance, but that wouldn't be fair. I mean, he hasn't figured out that I can't stand lime in my eyes and- OH DEAR GOD THE PAIN!" So later, we see Marge go to the SNPP to bring Homer lunch (For some reason) as Lenny (Of course, who else would it be?) tells Marge that Homer still has two weeks left of paid vacation and this infuriates Marge. Okay so our timeline indicates that Homer's finished 6 weeks of vacation while Bart gave Nelson the coupons 4 weeks ago, let's see if we'll be able to make sense of this by the end. So we cut to Krusty's as we see him and Mr. Teeny playing their "Zii" (Fuck that joke so hard, I hate it) and Lisa comes in with Nelson demanding that he help them. Um okay, how the hell did they get in? And for that matter, why should Krusty help Nelson? Why would he help them? He owes them nothing and Lisa can find Nelson a gym somewhere, ah screw it I'm delving into that "Logic" thing the writers treat like the plague. So Krusty has his assistant whip Nelson into shape (So after 4 weeks of getting fat, how long will it take to get him skinny?) Homer comes home and Marge tells him she knows about his vacation. He tells her the truth and all is forgiven (Huzzah... zzz...). 

Wow, look at how many people are in the background

I know Marge, I can't believe they all disappeared as well

So Homer takes Marge to a restaurant and Marge isn't concerned about a baby seat in the backseat because all she is for this scene is Homer's wife. Don't believe me? Here's the first line of dialogue of that scene:

• Homer: "The three of us are going to the most romantic restaurant in town"

He said THREE and Marge never questions it. Fuck you writers, you SUCK! So at the "Restaurant" (Yeah they called it one, but it sure as hell isn't a restaurant) Homer and Marge dance (With people in the background) but Homer gets knocked out by Mr. Exposition. And because the scene is about Homer and Mr. Exposition, all the tables that were once full are all empty... there are not enough profanities to express how dumb this staff is. So the woman knocks out Mr. Exposition as Marge questions why she called Homer "My love". So Marge questions that but not the "THREE"? I guess Marge has intelligence levels that are dependent on how much beer the writers have consumed. So after Homer exposits what has been going on, he decides to get Mr. Bont out to help which leads to the FOX Football Robot appearing just to dance... Seth McFarlane called, he said that joke was too random for his liking. After Mr. Exposition asks "How can a fat man hide so well?" ...FGSDSAGYUGASD- HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU YOU FUCKING MORON! HE'S NOT HIDING! I'm this close to having a brain aneurysm. So the robot turns into Mr. Bont and tells Homer to take him on. Homer gives the same schtick that he gave to his wife and all is forgiven. Okay screw details, I'm ending this. So Homer and Marge walk off with Homer saying he should have been back a week ago as we cut to Nelson who is now buff and back to bullying. So Nelson got obese in 4 weeks but buff in 3? Time and Space, how does it work?!

Final Verdict: This was terrible, I'd say it was worse than last week's but for different reasons. Last week's episode bored me while this one did manage to keep my attention. However, the writing was absolutely horrible and had no structure whatsoever with rather piss-poor jokes to compliment it. Probably one of the worst episodes of the season, but I say that often, so take it with a grain of salt (Although I still believe that the bar rag will be the worst unless my suspicions about the Lady Gaga episode are true).

Final Grade: 1.3/10 Probably the hardest to grade given last week's grade

Episode 19: A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never do Again

What can I even say? Nevermind just how selfish the main plot is (Bart having his family sell valuables JUST so he can go on vacation) but the title threw me for a loop for the longest time. I was convinced that they just ran out of titles, but silly ole me thinking that they could actually come up with their own title. Little did I know that the title was actually based off a David Foster Wallace essay of a similar name. So add a spot on that card for "Pun title"(x). Anyways, let's see what Bart will never do again, and by never I mean at least one more time before FOX cuts its losses with this unprofitable show.

Opening sequence: 16 seconds (Holy shit a short opening, the apocalypse is upon us, RUN!)

The episode begins with Bart waking up as we get a montage of Bart going through the week as it turns out to be the exact same thing with little variation on each day (Oh so this montage is a microcosm of the show today). Oh and for those of you wondering how I'll incorporate the Bingo card, I'll just put (x) next to the thing in the episode each time a new spot is checked off. Let's start off with Wiggum appearing just for the sake of picking his nose (x) and Homer's a jerkass to Bart (x). So Bart turns on the TV as the plot device channel has a commercial for "Royalty Cruises" (I knew I should have included "Plot device channel" and "Montage" to the card). Oh and this doesn't count because unlike so many other of their "Parodies" this does not apply to any given cruise liner, it can be used against ANY of them, so credit where it's due. So after Bart overexpresses his emotions (Maybe it's just me, but Bart's voice sounds really off) he asks Marge and Homer to go, but Marge tells him that Homer spent too much money recently on Mr. Steak (x) (Homer says the words "Mr.Steak" 4 times in the span of two sentences so I count that against the "Awkward dialogue").

I want to be on TV!

So after Bart mercifully leaves, he finds out he can't afford it himself. After Lisa explains that it's because they're kids (Thank you captain obvious) Bart decides to sell all his stuff in a garage sale and in the end is still short (Okay while this isn't quite what I thought he'd do to get the money based on the promo, I still find selling priceless memories JUST to go on a cruise to be utter bullshit). So after Bart goes to sleep on the floor of his empty room (Taking bets now that his room will be a-okay by the next episode with NO explanation)  Marge feels bad and the next day his money jar is full. Marge then explains that everyone sold something special to afford the cruise. Lisa sold Jazz records (Knowing the writers it probably included Sax on the Beach) Marge sold stolen China *Fake laughter* and they sold Homer's mini-pool table... which he apparently owned... what you couldn't sell the island decorations from the last episode? Clearly you didn't need them. Bart thanks everyone, but Homer starts complaining about how he'll be miserable (x) (Way too long). At the port, the family finds out that their cruise was overbooked and Homer goes into full jerkass mode. However as they prepare to go on their lesser cruise, they get upgraded not once, not twice but three times (x) (I know the spot says "Homer gets treated like royalty" but for the family to go from "We'll just have to sell valuable possessions just to get on" to "We're first class citizens" No, just... no).

Since the writers forget we're a middle class family, we get to be rich all the time

Inside their cabin, they get an introductory video from the director as he tells them to have fun. Immediately afterwards, a "Fun schedule" is given where it's essentially "How many jokes can we fit on a page?" (x) (I'm counting this as joke explained because we see it and Bart reads it off, a more effective way would have been to NOT show us the actual list but Bart reading a few). After Marge and Homer have some alone time, we see Lisa insult the "Kidzone" expecting it to be a broken hellhole. However, she is allowed to play in the "Kidzone Elite" where it suits Lisa perfectly (x) (Liberal douchebag? Check!) We then cut back to Bart as we partake in another montage, this time him having fun (I'm so excited, can't you tell by just how giddy my text sounds? Zzzz....) So we cut to dinner as everyone is happy so far and it's all thanks to Bart and his selfishness (But they're happy, so that makes it all better...). However, the director breaks into song explaining that they will all have to resort to their normal lives soon (Dammit, I already used up my "Awkward dialogue" spot). Bart then goes outside and goes into a soliloquy about how everything will go back to normal and how he doesn't want it that way (x) (Bart as a wuss. Oh and by the way, they explain the soliloquy joke. I would have had multiple Bingos by now if I was allowed to use multiple spaces for single themes).

Now where's the section for banging your head against a wall?

So after a pointless dream sequence, Bart decides that he needs to do something to extend the vacation. Later that night, the ship gets a message from William Sullivan (x)(x) as it turns out that Bart was playing a video of his (x) (Guest star voicing himself, multiple guest stars and he only got one scene. Now if only one of them was introduced as "OMG it's "x"" I would have won here). Because NOBODY is able to recognize that scene from the movie Bart played, the ship is forced to stay at sea (Oh and Bart damaged communications). After 12 days at sea (With our "Not McBain" captain mind you) we see various actions showing that life on the cruise has gone to shit. Okay seriously, this requires a HUGE suspension of disbelief that I just cannot conjure up. In the 12 days at sea after the prank virus outbreak NOBODY felt the need to entertain themselves by watching a movie and for that matter, the movie Bart showed?! That was one of the movies given in the cabins and NOBODY has seen it yet? Bullshit! No, seriously, bullshit! Bart goes around and finds that Homer, Marge and Lisa are all miserable now (Oh and there's an X-Men First Class reference here. It's about a year old so no dice).

Dammit Bart, you knew how hard it was for them to use that remote to figure out your plan

Back in the cabin, Marge and Lisa shows Bart the movie he used to prank everyone (I still count the one scene for him since it's the same scene)  and as a result, he goes in front of the "Fun Court" to admit what he did (How can a civilization decaying around themselves be so boring?). Naturally, the passengers turn against the family... wait what? So Marge turns Bart over and they want her blood as well? Wait a second! It's because the plot said so (x) THAT'S BINGO IN THE 'O' COLUMN! So the cruise throws the family into Antarctica (...Wait what?) as they leave them there to die. So THIS is what the whole "Simpsons go to Antarctica" thing was all about? Fuck this show that was horrible! So as they're walking to a research station, Bart tries to apologize and deflect the blame by saying he did it because Lisa made friends (Friends who I could never name) and Homer and Marge were happy (NO! Bart was selfish, stop pretending like we should feel bad for him).

Marge: Thanks to you Bart, we'll never get home and your room would be bare even if we did go home

After Homer fails to strangle Bart because his hands are all numb (x) the family stumble upon a penguin flock as Bart is unimpressed. However Lisa tries to tell him that despite their lives being boring and painful, it's how you perceive it and make the most of it... what?! Are they seriously trying to shoehorn a message at the very end? NO! You do not deserve to have this, not after 20 minutes of boring, unfunny, unattached nothingness. You fail! You failed miserably with the medicine episode and you fail here. You flat out FAIL! So the episode ends with the family all sledding down the hill (Not dying from hypothermia somehow) as we cut to Old Bart (Never learning HOW they got off Antarctica) reminiscing about how that experience taught him to enjoy life... oh go blow it out your asses writers. Just... blow it out your ass.

Final Verdict: This episode was utterly terrible. I would be even more pissed at the ending, if it wasn't for the fact that the rest of the episode was basically one long sedative that toned me down by the end and made me not give a rat's ass by the end. For the staff to even mention the family going to Antarctica and then having them be there for all of 3 minutes... that seems a lot like them, although 3 minutes might be giving them too much credit as I expected them to just randomly appear in Antarctica and say "The Simpsons are in Antarctica!". As for the cruise; it was boring, stupid and unfunny, so basically par for the course of this show.

Final Grade: 1.0/10 Almost as boring as the Israel episode, ALMOST

2nd Year Anniversary, Announcements, and Previews

So yeah, I've been blogging for two years now... go me? Well there's not really much to say, I've been doing this for two years and I've enjoyed my time doing this. I've met some nice people, I've apparently entertained many and despite how much I hate this show now, I do find myself enjoying ripping it apart. Oh well, maybe this will all end soon enough, and then who knows? Maybe I'll take that job over at the up and coming nuclear power plant.

Anyways, there's more to this post than me just patting myself on the back as the title indicates. First up; the announcements:

• Due to upcoming finals, there WILL be a review for "A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do again" (Details later). However, there will be a delay on "The Spy Who Learned Me" and possibly as a result "Ned 'N Edna's Blend" might be delayed.
• Also, I will do my best to get the newest episode up next week. I was worn down a week ago so I didn't write the script when I should have and took the week off. However, I will do my best to get something up before finals and then after that, it's back up in the air when my Season 1 finale will come (Wait, I have seasons? Since when?!)
• There might be a lack of content over the Summer, but I will put up a poll soon asking for suggestions (i.e. commentaries on old episodes, short reviews, in-depth analysis, possibly a review of an episode of a different show entirely). I am open to all suggestions

Now that that's all out of the way, time for a preview of the last 4 episodes (Will update with pictures when FOX provides them)

A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never Do Again

• When Bart sees a commercial for the ultimate cruise, he begs his parents for a family vacation. Low on cash, the only way they can go is if each family member sells one valuable. Once they're away, Bart is determined to make the vacation last forever. So he comes up with a plan to make sure they never have to return home.
• Guest Voices: Treat Williams (Himself) Steve Coogan (Entertainment Director)

Where to begin? First off, I would find the title as slightly humorous lampshading as that's basically the plot to every episode (Do something that will never be done again). However, given how insecure the staff is and how insistent they are about the episodes being put out are quality over quantity (And I'm an alien from Poochie's planet) the title loses humor for me. Second, I can just see Bart asking Homer "Can you take me on this cruise?" and Homer replying with "No!" (About 15 times, or in their case, a good 3 minutes). Third, Bart is determined to go on a cruise that he saw from a commercial and is willing to allow his family to sell their valuables JUST so he can get away?! The term "Selfish bastard" has never been more appropriate. And to top it all off, based on this picture, Bart puts his family in trouble just so he can stay away from reality. Bart's the guy we want dead, right? Wait, we're supposed to care about him? Fuck that, I'm getting my pitchfork and torch now.

The Spy Who Learned Me

• After suffering a head injury, Homer begins seeing visions of a suave superspy named Stradvaruis Cain, who gives Homer lessons on being Marge's dream man. Meanwhile, Bart finally devises a way to get Nelson to stop stealing his lunch money.
• Guest Staring: I don't know, but the spy will be someone else

Oy vey, I don't even want to talk about this. Okay the spy story sounds incredibly boring right off the bat, I don't see that one working at all. With the subplot (I assume it's the subplot based on the title, but who knows? Maybe the spy thing lasts all of three scenes like the Kwik-E-Mart bullshit) it apparently involves a coupon book for Krusty Burger or something, why do I see this as Nelson or Bart getting addicted to the burgers as if they were drugs?



Ned 'N Edna's Blend

• When the town of Springfield discovers that Ned and Edna have secretly gotten hitched, Marge offers to throw them a congratulatory reception. However, bringing everyone together makes them all realize that no marriage is perfect. Meanwhile, Edna tries to help Ned's children become more socially acceptable by changing some of the rules. 
• Guest Voices: Marcia Wallace (Edna, duh)

*Sigh* I hated this relationship then and I hate it now, and I hate how they keep trying to force it down our throats like "THIS IS CANON! ACCEPT IT ALREADY!!!" But really I just see this as a bland, forgettable episode with nothing special to even make it memorable from a "So bad it's horrible" standpoint.

Lisa goes Gaga

• Lisa tries to reverse her status as one of the least popular girls in school by ghostwriting positive things about herself on the school blog. When her plan backfires, her social ranking plummets to a new low - until a psychic force tells Lady Gaga that Lisa needs her help. With Gaga's assistance, Lisa and the entire town of Springfield realize that being yourself is better than being like anyone else.
• Guest Voices: Lady Gaga (Herself, what you think they'd actually attempt a parody? Get real)

Ah yes, the 22 minute long love letter to Lady Gaga... has she released anything of note recently? I know about "Poker Face" "Bad Romance" "Born this Way" and a few others, but outside of "Born this Way" her most famous songs were 2008-2010, now that's not a knock on Lady Gaga, but like a lot of other stuff, it just feels like the writers were too late in getting to her when the spotlight was the brightest. Really this just sounds like a combination of the failed Social Network homage (Was not a parody, they just inserted Lisa into the role of Mark Zuckerberg and went from there) and Michelle Obama appearing out of nowhere to tell Lisa that being herself is okay. Wait a second, the preview says that Gaga arrives to tell Lisa that being herself is okay... GODDAMMIT YOU ALREADY DID THIS TWO YEARS AGO YOU LAZY FUCKS!!! Also, did I just read that right?

• "until a psychic force tells Lady Gaga that Lisa needs her help."

...I think I just had a small brain aneurysm from the stupidity of that line. 

Oh and one final thing, I got bored and created this little card. Basically it's a bingo card with as many bad cliches of the show that I could think of. For me, it's a way to try to make watching an otherwise boring as all hell show slightly less boring and test if I understand the format better than the actual writers do. Now I know a few of these are rather vague and some seem repeated, but you know what? This was for fun and just something I thought I'd add on for a bit of amusement, so enjoy:

Oh and for this week's episode, check three off already, 2 guest stars, one of the images contains a guest star by himself, and one guest star voices himself.

Episode 18: Beware My Cheating Bart

Ah yes, that break was bit too long for me, back to mediocrity. Okay before I even talk about this episode, let me address something that wasn't worth it's own post because it wasn't news. Springfield, despite what you may have read is NOT in Oregon. So you may be saying "But Matt said it was!" actually NO he didn't, let's read the quote together:

OK, why do the Simpsons live in a town called Springfield? Isn’t that a little generic? 

Springfield was named after Springfield, Oregon. The only reason is that when I was a kid, the TV show “Father Knows Best” took place in the town of Springfield, and I was thrilled because I imagined that it was the town next to Portland, my hometown. When I grew up, I realized it was just a fictitious name. I also figured out that Springfield was one of the most common names for a city in the U.S. In anticipation of the success of the show, I thought, “This will be cool; everyone will think it’s their Springfield.” And they do.

Allow me to point out one thing in particular that made the whole "OMG SPRINGFIELD IS IN OREGON" stories complete bullshit.

"Springfield was named after Springfield, Oregon..."

Read it with me now: NAMED after a town in Oregon. Plus Matt has said this MULTIPLE times in commentaries and other places. Why would it be so special now? One word: Publicity. The Simpsons have reached all time lows in their rating sinking under 5 million viewers not once, but TWICE this season which are both all-time lows (Update: so much for publicity, this managed to sink under 5 million as well, making it the second least watched in history). But an obvious publicity stunt is obvious, it has no meaning on the show today... except that the staff felt the need to plug it into their opening. *Sigh* And given how little the staff understands irony, I doubt that was meant to be ironic, but rather meant to be taken serious. Anyways, rant over, let's begin

Opening sequence: 1:40 (Already addressed the piss-poor Oregon thing, but the couch gag was nice, at first but there was no reason for it to last that long)

The episode begins with Homer taking Bart and Milhouse to the movies (And by movies, I mean terrible outdated "parodies" of movies, with one simply being called "Horrible Premise." How sad is it that the laziest poster is also the best?) where Homer takes them to go see "Happy Little Elves II: The Sequelf"... Okay let's see the second Alvin and the Chipmunks movie came out December 2009 (So closer to 2010) so that makes this about two years dated... PERFECT TIMING for the reference! So after Homer drops them off, he heads over to the food court where of course, he eats a lot (Lemme guess, a fat joke coming up?) Afterwards, Homer walks a short distance but gets winded almost instantly (*Sigh* Homer's fat and he's the victim of "physical abuse for the sake of comedy" his only two character traits according to the writers). So Homer is approached by a store owner and is brought into the store. By the way, the shop owner? Never given a name, and they even go out of their way to say he's nameless. 3 seconds of effort?! Pffft- yeah right. So the nameless shop owner asks Homer if he wants to live longer (By the way, he instantly calls him Homer despite them never meeting and Homer never saying his name. Giving a shit?! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA, you must think this show is written by people who care).

Now I know you can't afford this, but through the power of lazy writing
you'll be able to own this with NO consequences against you

So Nameless McLazy (Yeah it's pathetic, I apologize) shows Homer a state-of-the-art treadmill with so many features he would never use. Homer claims he can't afford it, but in the end McLazy gets him to buy it (Oh quick sidenote, the joke of "I can't afford 300 a month" followed by "Can you afford 10 a day?" did crack a chuckle partly because it was short and they didn't feel the need to explain it). So even though I just praised a joke in that scene, it still bugs me that a man of his paycheck would be able to afford something like that. I guess I could just wave it off as "Borrowed credit he couldn't afford and thus he gets deeper in debt" but considering how irrational purchases made in Modern episodes have NO consequences, I'm going to say no and call out the bullshit from this scene. So we see Jimbo and the bullies approach Bart as he leaves the movie as a potentially funny joke is ruined by the writers feeling the need to extend it and explain it (SIMPLICITY! Why is that so hard to understand?!). So after the bullies decide to go see a horror movie, Jimbo's girlfriend Shauna decides she wants to see a mushy girly movie, to which Jimbo decides to have Bart go with her (Huzzah for contrived plots!)

It's a good thing the writers have no real reason for this relationship to exist...

Anyways, after a boring movie which I guess is supposed to be a parody of Jennifer Aniston movies, but really it fails to be amusing, sorry I got offtrack, where was I? Oh right, after the movie. Bart and Shuana go to the food court as squeaky voice teen works there and- OH GOD MY EARS! Dan, buddy, pal, you just CANNOT do that voice anymore, I mean this is a really common theme and besides horrid writing, the voice actors are just losing their ability to do certain voices. Dan struggles with Quimby and SVT, Kavner hasn't done Grandma Bouvier in a long while and seems to struggle with Patty and Selma, and even in this episode, Marge's voice just seems off. I haven't really talked about this because it wasn't this frequent, before it was just a character every third episode or so, but of recent, it seems to be multiple characters per episode. Sorry, got off track again, back to the food court. After Bart tries to convince Shauna to stop flirting with other men, Shauna and Bart engage in dialogue that can only be described as "Somewhat worse than Attack of the Clones love dialogue." Yeah I know I bitch about this constantly, but that's the thing, the writers keep thinking that unnatural dialogue is funny for some reason when in reality it isn't. They will never understand it because they keep getting paid to do what they do now, when a person gets rewarded for sloth, they have no reason to change.

Oh Homer, you can't carry that. You're too weak. Ha-ha-ha-ha-I'm getting to old for this

Oh and now he can summon drinks at will... anything is possible when you're a walking pratfall

Anyways, Homer approaches Bart for the sake of being a set piece as the treadmill crushes him, and then he happens to grab a convenient cup to drink from as he's being crushed (Effort put into jokes?! Why bot- oh screw it, you get the point). So after Jimbo insists that Bart has to take Shauna out again (Does Jimbo have no other friends?) we see Homer walking on the treadmill as Lisa points out that he can stream old TV shows on his treadmill, and after a flurry of bad recall jokes, he decides to watch "Stranded". Okay I want to address this, Lost has been off the air for over two years so of course, this is not topical. I've seen some people argue "Well it's not supposed to be topical, that's the joke" here's the ultimate flaw with that argument: They don't treat it that way. They honestly treat it like he's watching an ongoing television show, so the idea of "It's not supposed to be topical" is a BS argument. Two things they COULD have done to make this joke better:

1. Treat it like it really is where Homer approaches his friends and tells them "Hey guys, I just found the best show out there: Stranded" and everyone just looks at him like "Where have YOU been these past 8 years?"
2. Actually MAKE FUN of the problems with Lost with original jokes. Instead of actually putting effort in, they just said basically what everyone else said back in 2010. Here's the problem: it's 2012. Seriously, basically any joke they make about Lost here can just be slapped on a Slowpoke meme and it would be funnier (They aren't be ironic, they're being serious).

It was so nice of them to remind me of their 'hilarious' jokes like "Alaska Nebraska" and "Thicker than Waters"
Although, I think putting their own show within the show violates the 4th Wall Treaty of '05

But again, what do I know? I'm not the paid writer here, I'm just a college student pretending to be an internet critic. Later, we see Bart and Shauna at a beauty salon as Shauna steals some perfume only to be caught. Bart takes the fall seeing as Jimbo would kill him if he didn't and after he gets detained, he somehow causes an explosion in mall security and escapes... I guess Michael Bay decided to direct this particular episode. After Shauna and Bart escape, they hide in an abandoned store where Shauna decides to thanks Bart for taking the fall. Oh well I guess it will be something like a kiss on the cheek, a hug, some money, maybe a kiss on the lips at worst or- WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?! ...BART IS TEN YEARS OLD!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! ...I'm going to go take a 5 hour shower and then try to cleanse my soul by reading the Jon Benet Ramsey case (Hey don't judge me, it's less creepy in comparison). Anyways after that-*Gag* sorry we see Bart at the table as they 'hilariously' give Bart food resembling boobs and throw around boob-jokes with so much dramatic irony (How is it that the cupcakes scene from Duffless is FAR less creepy despite what I know about what those cupcakes symbolize?) I'm sorry, but I can't let this go because THEY won't let it go, it was such a horrible scene and they try to play it for laughs, when in reality that's like trying to find humor in a guy burning to death.

Two completely different ideas, same imagery. Although one is FAR less disturbing and much funnier

Of course, laced in that horrendous scene includes Bart saying "Doesn't anyone here realize I'm only ten years old?" I would say this is ironic, EXCEPT for the fact that in later scenes, Bart's personality alters from "10-year old kid" to "17 year old boyfriend" with no real explanation, so just mark it up as unintentional irony and inconsistent writing. Dear God, I've spent over a paragraph just talking about that ONE joke, but really it deserves so much worse when I get to it at the "In-depth Analysis" of this episode. Anyways, Homer goes downstairs to "exercise" as Grampa tells Marge he's most likely lying because he's been a liar ever since he was a kid (Uh animators? You DO know he had hair back then, right? He wasn't like Charlie Brown.). So after some more filler involving Not-Lost, Marge finds out and she forces him to return the treadmill since he isn't properly using it. Oh by the way, Homer is now REALLY invested in this show's mysteries for some reason, again I refer back to what I said before in solution 1. This just isn't funny, it's boring. So we see Bart at school (With a blanket around him, oh ha-ha making fun of traumatized victims is hilarious. I think I'll go make fun of the war veteran with PTSD) as Bart tries to convince Shauna to find someone better than Jimbo... hello bipolar Bart, I have some pills that will help keep you consistent throughout the rest of the episode. Oh, you don't want them, okay then, be my guest. So after another scene of Homer watching Not-Lost (GO BUY LOST ON DVD! GO BUY LOST ON DVD! Sorry I don't know what came over me, but I have a sudden urge to go watch Lost) we get a montage of Bart and Shauna hanging out together as they do things like a teenage couple (Uh, yeah... what was that line about anyone remembering that Bart is 10? Because the writers sure as hell forgot that). I mean, it's hard for them to have character consistency from episode to episode, but to lose character consistency WITHIN THE EPISODE?! Go back to basic writing!

Bart: Doesn't anyone realize I'm only 10 years old?!

However, Jimbo finds out and Bart distracts him long enough to escape like the little kid he is... fuck it I give up. So Bart runs home as somehow the bullies get there first and wait for him to get home. Now of course, Bart, being a 10 year old has the right to be scared and thinking about himself right now as- ah screw it, he acts like a teenage boy with raging hormones when Shauna arrives. If you'll excuse me, I have a thick book that needs to meet my forehead. Anyways, Bart decides to hide and he asks Comic Book Guy for safe haven. However, this is all for naught as he informs the bullies that Bart and Shauna are there, but Shauna starts to troll text him and they escape. Oh and the bullies NEVER show up at the comic book store, but stay at the Simpsons residence THE WHOLE TIME! Say it with me now; that scene was: A waste of time. We cut back home as Homer is having a Not-Lost discussion group (Like I said, the writers take this concept WAY too serious and act like he's watching an ongoing series) the end result is that Homer and Marge get into another pointless fight (Oh I forgot to mention they've already gotten into 2 pointless fights before over Homer's obsession with Not-Lost. So why didn't I bring them up? Because they were pointless). I mean Homer flat out tells Marge that their marriage is in trouble ALL BECAUSE SHE SPOILED A SHOW THAT WAS TAKEN OFF THE AIR 5 YEARS AGO! I honestly have nothing here, and it's made worse when we get to the resolution as it's less satisfying than the resolution of Lost (No that's not an exaggeration, that's the truth).

Thank you all for helping to pad out this utterly pointless subplot

So because the bullies never left the residence, Shauna and Bart are somehow in the treehouse waiting for the right time to sneak out (I can't explain this, you COULD argue they left for the comic book store, but that's just speculative. Especially considering WHY they would go in the treehouse if the bullies left. Why not go inside the house and lock Bart's room? Ugh, the more logic I try to apply, the more my brain hurts). So Lisa appears out of nowhere to be a condescending bitch to Bart as she says she'll help them, but it's all for naught as Jimbo gets up there anyways (Are you sensing a pattern with these pointless scenes?) Lisa says that Shauna should decide what's best for herself (Yeah Lisa claims to have been watching from a distance, but I call bullshit). So Shauna decides to pick neither as apparently that's the end of that plot (Okay Jimbo hangs Bart upside-down but really, what a waste of ink). Homer goes to bed angry at Marge as apparently Marge decorated the bedroom with an island theme...Okay, time for problems

1. Homer was so obsessed with a show that it almost ruined his marriage so MARGE has to apologize?! BULL FUCKING SHIT!!! This is another case of the writers thinking that Homer can do no wrong. NO WRITERS! Homer was in the wrong, I will not feel bad for him. He wasted money on a treadmill and then almost lost his wife
2. How the hell could Marge afford all this?! Suspension of disbelief can only go so far, and I ran out of it in act 1.

Marge: I felt so bad for telling you to stop obsessing over a TV show that's been off the air for years
that I decided to sell a kidney to afford this decor just for you.

So yeah, because of all this, they make up... what a load. The episode truly ends with a zoom out shot (With a few clever sight gags) as we see a cat in a litter box (Oh ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Uuuugggghhhhh)

Final Verdict: This episode SUCKED, not only was it a piss-poor recreation of New Kid on the Block, but it was just horrible in it's execution as a whole. The plot between Bart and Shauna was drained of emotion and uninteresting while the subplot took itself WAY too seriously and had nothing to back itself. While there were a handful of decent jokes and the couch gag was the highlight of the episode, the episode was extremely weak relying on it being memorable for two things: the couch gag and Bart getting flashed... FUCK!!! OW MY EYES!!!

Final Grade: 1.6/10 Just miserable schlock, but honestly, what do you expect from these guys?

Lovecraft's Corner: Necronomicon

Special thanks to the Horror Guru: http://www.bloodsplatteredcinema.com/

And Maggie Makes 3

I don't know why anyone would LIKE this episode