Episode 19: A Totally Fun Thing That Bart Will Never do Again

What can I even say? Nevermind just how selfish the main plot is (Bart having his family sell valuables JUST so he can go on vacation) but the title threw me for a loop for the longest time. I was convinced that they just ran out of titles, but silly ole me thinking that they could actually come up with their own title. Little did I know that the title was actually based off a David Foster Wallace essay of a similar name. So add a spot on that card for "Pun title"(x). Anyways, let's see what Bart will never do again, and by never I mean at least one more time before FOX cuts its losses with this unprofitable show.

Opening sequence: 16 seconds (Holy shit a short opening, the apocalypse is upon us, RUN!)

The episode begins with Bart waking up as we get a montage of Bart going through the week as it turns out to be the exact same thing with little variation on each day (Oh so this montage is a microcosm of the show today). Oh and for those of you wondering how I'll incorporate the Bingo card, I'll just put (x) next to the thing in the episode each time a new spot is checked off. Let's start off with Wiggum appearing just for the sake of picking his nose (x) and Homer's a jerkass to Bart (x). So Bart turns on the TV as the plot device channel has a commercial for "Royalty Cruises" (I knew I should have included "Plot device channel" and "Montage" to the card). Oh and this doesn't count because unlike so many other of their "Parodies" this does not apply to any given cruise liner, it can be used against ANY of them, so credit where it's due. So after Bart overexpresses his emotions (Maybe it's just me, but Bart's voice sounds really off) he asks Marge and Homer to go, but Marge tells him that Homer spent too much money recently on Mr. Steak (x) (Homer says the words "Mr.Steak" 4 times in the span of two sentences so I count that against the "Awkward dialogue").

I want to be on TV!

So after Bart mercifully leaves, he finds out he can't afford it himself. After Lisa explains that it's because they're kids (Thank you captain obvious) Bart decides to sell all his stuff in a garage sale and in the end is still short (Okay while this isn't quite what I thought he'd do to get the money based on the promo, I still find selling priceless memories JUST to go on a cruise to be utter bullshit). So after Bart goes to sleep on the floor of his empty room (Taking bets now that his room will be a-okay by the next episode with NO explanation)  Marge feels bad and the next day his money jar is full. Marge then explains that everyone sold something special to afford the cruise. Lisa sold Jazz records (Knowing the writers it probably included Sax on the Beach) Marge sold stolen China *Fake laughter* and they sold Homer's mini-pool table... which he apparently owned... what you couldn't sell the island decorations from the last episode? Clearly you didn't need them. Bart thanks everyone, but Homer starts complaining about how he'll be miserable (x) (Way too long). At the port, the family finds out that their cruise was overbooked and Homer goes into full jerkass mode. However as they prepare to go on their lesser cruise, they get upgraded not once, not twice but three times (x) (I know the spot says "Homer gets treated like royalty" but for the family to go from "We'll just have to sell valuable possessions just to get on" to "We're first class citizens" No, just... no).

Since the writers forget we're a middle class family, we get to be rich all the time

Inside their cabin, they get an introductory video from the director as he tells them to have fun. Immediately afterwards, a "Fun schedule" is given where it's essentially "How many jokes can we fit on a page?" (x) (I'm counting this as joke explained because we see it and Bart reads it off, a more effective way would have been to NOT show us the actual list but Bart reading a few). After Marge and Homer have some alone time, we see Lisa insult the "Kidzone" expecting it to be a broken hellhole. However, she is allowed to play in the "Kidzone Elite" where it suits Lisa perfectly (x) (Liberal douchebag? Check!) We then cut back to Bart as we partake in another montage, this time him having fun (I'm so excited, can't you tell by just how giddy my text sounds? Zzzz....) So we cut to dinner as everyone is happy so far and it's all thanks to Bart and his selfishness (But they're happy, so that makes it all better...). However, the director breaks into song explaining that they will all have to resort to their normal lives soon (Dammit, I already used up my "Awkward dialogue" spot). Bart then goes outside and goes into a soliloquy about how everything will go back to normal and how he doesn't want it that way (x) (Bart as a wuss. Oh and by the way, they explain the soliloquy joke. I would have had multiple Bingos by now if I was allowed to use multiple spaces for single themes).

Now where's the section for banging your head against a wall?

So after a pointless dream sequence, Bart decides that he needs to do something to extend the vacation. Later that night, the ship gets a message from William Sullivan (x)(x) as it turns out that Bart was playing a video of his (x) (Guest star voicing himself, multiple guest stars and he only got one scene. Now if only one of them was introduced as "OMG it's "x"" I would have won here). Because NOBODY is able to recognize that scene from the movie Bart played, the ship is forced to stay at sea (Oh and Bart damaged communications). After 12 days at sea (With our "Not McBain" captain mind you) we see various actions showing that life on the cruise has gone to shit. Okay seriously, this requires a HUGE suspension of disbelief that I just cannot conjure up. In the 12 days at sea after the prank virus outbreak NOBODY felt the need to entertain themselves by watching a movie and for that matter, the movie Bart showed?! That was one of the movies given in the cabins and NOBODY has seen it yet? Bullshit! No, seriously, bullshit! Bart goes around and finds that Homer, Marge and Lisa are all miserable now (Oh and there's an X-Men First Class reference here. It's about a year old so no dice).

Dammit Bart, you knew how hard it was for them to use that remote to figure out your plan

Back in the cabin, Marge and Lisa shows Bart the movie he used to prank everyone (I still count the one scene for him since it's the same scene)  and as a result, he goes in front of the "Fun Court" to admit what he did (How can a civilization decaying around themselves be so boring?). Naturally, the passengers turn against the family... wait what? So Marge turns Bart over and they want her blood as well? Wait a second! It's because the plot said so (x) THAT'S BINGO IN THE 'O' COLUMN! So the cruise throws the family into Antarctica (...Wait what?) as they leave them there to die. So THIS is what the whole "Simpsons go to Antarctica" thing was all about? Fuck this show that was horrible! So as they're walking to a research station, Bart tries to apologize and deflect the blame by saying he did it because Lisa made friends (Friends who I could never name) and Homer and Marge were happy (NO! Bart was selfish, stop pretending like we should feel bad for him).

Marge: Thanks to you Bart, we'll never get home and your room would be bare even if we did go home

After Homer fails to strangle Bart because his hands are all numb (x) the family stumble upon a penguin flock as Bart is unimpressed. However Lisa tries to tell him that despite their lives being boring and painful, it's how you perceive it and make the most of it... what?! Are they seriously trying to shoehorn a message at the very end? NO! You do not deserve to have this, not after 20 minutes of boring, unfunny, unattached nothingness. You fail! You failed miserably with the medicine episode and you fail here. You flat out FAIL! So the episode ends with the family all sledding down the hill (Not dying from hypothermia somehow) as we cut to Old Bart (Never learning HOW they got off Antarctica) reminiscing about how that experience taught him to enjoy life... oh go blow it out your asses writers. Just... blow it out your ass.

Final Verdict: This episode was utterly terrible. I would be even more pissed at the ending, if it wasn't for the fact that the rest of the episode was basically one long sedative that toned me down by the end and made me not give a rat's ass by the end. For the staff to even mention the family going to Antarctica and then having them be there for all of 3 minutes... that seems a lot like them, although 3 minutes might be giving them too much credit as I expected them to just randomly appear in Antarctica and say "The Simpsons are in Antarctica!". As for the cruise; it was boring, stupid and unfunny, so basically par for the course of this show.

Final Grade: 1.0/10 Almost as boring as the Israel episode, ALMOST