Episode 13: The Blue and the Gray

... What is there to say folks? What is there to say? I just want to count a few of the ways that you can spot the failure in this episode from the start (Besides post-season 10)

1. Written by Rob Lazebnik; so you know it's good
2. Valentine's Day episode: Because the last one went so well
3. Marge having a gray hair: Because her hair is a natural blue

I know, I know, don't judge a book by it's cover. However, the last time I was told that, we got an episode that ended with a group of unknown women making out so screw that. This just has so many red flags that the problem isn't trying to go in with a positive attitude, the problem is wanting to go in at all. But because I've had 2 weeks off, I'm re-energized and ready to give this review to you all.

So we begin with a scene panning over Springfield as we see it's Valentine's Day and everyone is celebrating (Including a creepy scene of Lenny and Carl going out with each other's sisters who look like their male counterpart. Thanks Rob, you just gave me the image of my nightmares for the next 2 weeks). We then cut to inside Moe's bar where we see Moe give Homer a "Valentine's Day drink" and Homer heads back home (But of course because the writers are uncreative, Homer has to open the door multiple times to establish that Moe is depressed. I do love padding, it helps rest my head when I fall asleep). Later that night, we see Moe watching TV as he turns to an infomercial about a man named Dr. Kissingher (Subtle) holding a self-help seminar at a hotel near the airport for lonely men (Do any of the channels in Springfield just show normal TV instead of plot device shows?) After Moe decides to go (And a bad "Female Moe" joke inserted in. Thanks, that's two bits of slashfic material you've given to us? What a delight Rob can be with his writing) we cut to the next morning as we can tell Homer and Marge celebrated Valentine's Day the way it was meant to. Marge then wakes up and realizes that they slept in and only have 5 minutes to get the kids off to school. Homer, being the bad father he is (Drive kids to school? That's unheard of and completely implausible), tries to get out but can't as he's tied to the bed.

Oh Homer, you're such a card

Instead of being competent, Homer decides to play this for "Laughs" and tries to gnaw his leg off... *Angry stare* Marge  thankfully saves us all from further embarrassment and unties him herself (Yay for pointless scenes!) Marge then heads to the bathroom and notices a gray hair and starts to panic (...Um why?) After Homer and Marge have a horrible exchange (This writing can only get worse if it were written by Friedberg and Seltzer) we cut to the airport hotel where we see Moe sitting down for the seminar (So for all of you who actually give a rat's ass about this you may be wondering "What happened to the whole "Need to get the kids ready for school"?" Well like a lot of episodes with shitty writing we call this "What happened to the mouse?" and it just helps emphasize how lazy the writing is). At the seminar (Which happens to have Seymour and Chalmers there as well. Okay seriously? Are they just unofficially married or something? When Chalmers arrived it was rare and meant for a quick joke, now his presence is just painful.) Moe gets told that he needs a wingman to help him get a woman. Moe then decides to go with Homer after he sees an unfunny picture of him. We then cut to a hair salon called "Hairy Shearers" *Tumbleweed* where Marge tells her hair dresser Julio about her gray hair and how's she's doesn't care about it (Okay off topic question. Does anyone actually like this guy? I mean is there anyone out there saying; "We need more Julio! He's the the glue that keeps this show together"? Just saying).

I've had gray hair since I was 17? I never knew that.

Julio then tells Marge about how she's been gray for years and she's surprised about that *Cough* Bullshit! *Cough*. He then tells her that the blue dye he uses not only eliminates the gray hair, but the fumes give her temporary amnesia *Cough* Worse than midichlorians *Cough*. As he prepares to dye her hair again *Cough* Are you really going with this? *Cough* a random woman comes in for a touch up for her own gray hair but is told not today. She says it's okay and she seems very happy with her husband who also has gray hair. After Marge sees her happy and Julio wearing a gas mask to put the hair dye in (Slowly and long enough to give her time to change her mind or poison her), it's implied that she decides to not go with the hair dye and just let it go (You know you could always go to the Kwik-E-Mart and buy cans of blue hairspray LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE!) We then cut to back home where Marge shows off her new hair much to the shock and awe of her family (You know it must have taken a lot of time for the animators to decide how she would look now. I mean there are three shades of gray to choose from, Three!) After Marge asks Homer what he thinks about it (Which leads to unfunny padding that could have been done much better with just a "Head speaking" scene) Marge then asks her kids what they think. Lisa then spouts of some clichéd "I'm a feminist and what you did was empowering" bullcrap (When in doubt about characters, just spout out some random BS). This also leads to one of the most utterly, stupid, scenes ever in the show as Bart, Lisa and Maggie all freak out because they have no idea where their own hairlines start and what their hair even is. It's just so stupid and out of place.

Why are we still on TV? WHY?! WHY?!

I mean was anyone asking "Hey where do the children's hair begin? Say let's make an entire bit out of it, that'll kill about a minute of two of screentime!" It's just retarded and unnecessary. You know looking at the scene in context of the entire episode, I believe that the entire episode was based of this "Joke" and another scene to come up, it really has that "Scenes were built around this" feel to it. Sorry a bit of rambling there, I apologize. Anyways, during all that crap (Seriously this was the second time I really wanted to end the review early) Homer gets a call from Moe and we find out Homer agreed to be his wingman (You know seeing a scene of that probably would have been better than wasting time on the whole "Simpson kid's hair" bullshit). After Homer bolts (And Lisa just draws a hairline on... Okay I swear that's the last time I bitch about it... in this review) we see Moe and Homer go barhopping in a series of scenes I'm reluctant to call a montage, but hey when it comes to lazy writing, who's better than these guys, so I'm counting it (Oh yeah a little personal attack against the writer. Virginia is a beautiful state and it doesn't need to be compared to any other states you assholes!) After a pointless scene of Homer not liking Marge's gray hair (Rinse, lather, repeat) we get a scene where Bart's friends see Marge's hair and makes fun of Bart because of that (Really this whole subplot is pointless as it goes nowhere and is just another "What happened to the mouse?").

Let's see, how many more obnoxious references can we throw in? Well I guess Ashlee Simpson may count.

Later at the grocery store we get a bunch of scenes where Marge feels worse and worse about her hair from people around her (With a stupid as all hell "Jessica Simpson is related to us" joke. You know what, I'm going to start writing a letter. Dear Mr. Lazebnik, Why do you have such a hatred for the fan base? What has this show ever done to you? What is your problem with...). Marge then expresses her feelings towards Lisa and Lisa gives the whole "Don't allow other people to influence you" speech (Does Lisa have any character anymore or are the writers under the impression she's just a box of cliches?) At the register, Marge loses it when the cashier asks if she's a member of AARP (Through another long unfunny bit of dialogue. Please kill me). After another unfunny bit by Ol Gil (For those of you keeping track at home that's... TOO MANY!) we cut to school where Skinner asks Bart about why he fought with Milhouse and it leads to Bart talking with the school counselor (How cute, the writers think this plot can be salvaged). After a long pointless bit between Bart and the counselor (Yep that's the last scene of it. See any resolution to it? Nope? Me neither) Marge goes to a coffee shop where Patty and Selma mock Marge for her gray hair.

That sound you just heard? That was the sound of millions of fans crying out in terror and suddenly silenced.

Marge then asks why they aren't more supportive since they've gone gray as they reveal that their hair is just a result of smoke and ashes as they reveal their true hair colors to be red and white... Okay that's strike three. I'm done! Honest to God I'm done! Rob Lazebnik, you really don't give a rat's ass do you? You really having this seething contempt for all fans of the series as you could care less if this show goes down worse than the Titanic don't you? I really fucking hate this episode and I feel that words are not enough to express my rage. But for those of you who aren't really familiar with what I'm talking about let me just say one thing; PATTY AND SELMA HAVE HAD THEIR HAIR COLOR SINCE BEFORE THEY TOOK UP SMOKING!!!! You really don't care do you Rob? Okay *Sigh* I've taken a long walk, collected my thoughts, and am now ready to finish this review before this episode breaks me. I've never allow a shitty episode to beat me and I wont allow this one to beat me now. After Marge talks with Patty and Selma about Homer, we find out through some young girls that Homer's been out on the night life and he's really popular with the ladies (What?! What?! WHY?!) Anyways, Marge decides to go and grab Homer (All the while more "Old people" jokes are being made against Marge. When at first you don't succeed try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, try, until your mind can't take it anymore!!) Later, as Marge travels to the club, she accidentally drives off a cliff. Afterwards, things happen to her that make her look more and more like a witch (Yeah this was that "Other scene" I was talking about earlier. How it's set up I swear they said "Let's make Marge look like a witch" and then worked from there).

Oh Homer, your total lack of personality totally turns us on

After Marge gets into "Club Zipless" (You know what, at this point I don't care. I really want to end the review so I'm going to try to speed this up) we see Homer is surrounded by about 9 women all in their 20's (Yeah because as we've seen before Homer's a real ladies man like that time he... or what about when he... Oh wait I know, that one moment he... Huh, guess you never established how he's so popular eh Robby?) After an unfunny Mr. Burns joke (Insert your own reason for why Burns is at a nightclub because the writers forgot to) we see Marge confront Homer about him being at nightclubs. After Marge tries to kill people with a flaming broom (Strike four! You've been out for a while now, now get back on the bench) Homer poorly explains that he's a wingman for Moe and she immediately forgives him (Fuck you Rob! Just fuck off!) Marge then asks Homer what his real opinion about her hair is as he imagines a lot of blue things and implies he wants her to go back.

And the final FU to the viewers is in the bag

Back home, Lisa gives another "Empowering" speech to Marge, Marge immediately calls out the BS and Lisa responds that "Whenever a woman does something it's empowering" (Strike 5, 6 and 7 For God's sakes man just end this while you still have some dign... before you enrage the fanbase even further). The episode ends with Homer and Marge sharing a kiss as Maggie and "Eyebrow Baby" share a kiss while they're both dressed up as cupid (Strike 8, 9, 10, Oh forget it, the episode's over)

Final Verdict: This episode SUCKS!!! I hate this episode, even more than Mother's I'd Like to Forget I hate it that much. The plots are incoherent and don't flow naturally, the writing is God awful, the characterization is atrocious,  and continuity takes it up the ass multiple times and just the way this episode says "We don't care" pisses me off to no avail. You know I may hate a lot of the more recent episodes, but if I can see that they're trying I'll give it a pass. They're helping to destroy it, but at the same time they're trying to make an enjoyable episode. Writers like Rob though could care less and seem to be in it more for the money and it pisses me off.

Final Grade: 0.9/10 God awful and should never be seen by any eyes