The First D'oh-El:
The segment begins with everyone in church wondering where Reverend Lovejoy is. After an unfunny bit from Homer, Ned gets a call from Lovejoy asking him to do the Christmas ceremony for him (Okay quick question, feel free not to answer: why does Ned have his phone on in church? I don't mean on vibrate or silence, I mean loud ringtone on). Ned then goes up with his reverend outfit but gets a papercut and faints (So we're back at square on now are we? Nice to know our writers got so much out of one 30-minute writing class). Homer then decides to give the sermon and he decides to tell the story of the birth of Jesus (Considering this is coming from Homer, I'd want to leave the room before he rapes the story with "comedy"). So our story begins (I just realized that calling this a "story" is an oxymoron) with Joesph (Homer) finding out that Mary (Marge) is a virgin but is pregnant (And for quite a long time it seems; I'm pretty sure Mary told Joesph as soon as it happened not 8 months after it happened). Then the Angel Gabriel (Lisa) approaches Joesph and Mary and tell them that Mary's child was conceived from the Holy spirit (Okay, you know what, I'm not going to point out the inaccuracies, but I am just going to say now that they had no respect for the source material and it pisses me off).
|What you have in yourself is either the King of the Jews or the Devil. Choose wisely|
|Oh Christmas Tree, oh Christmas Tree...|
I Saw Grampa Cussing Santa Claus:
This segment begins with Lisa and Bart watching a bad holiday special when they hear something in the chimney and head over to find out that Grampa was trying to set up a trap to kill Santa Claus. After Bart asks why Grampa wants Santa dead, Grampa reveals that it all started in WWII while he was in the Pacific Theater (Don't ask about continuity with Grampa and WWII, as far as I'm concerned, he'll always be a member of the Flying Hellfish). After Grampa tells the kids about how he was stationed with his brother Cyrus (Never mentioned before and will never be mentioned again. That's good scriptwriting, eh?) we cut to them on an aircraft carrier as they are under attack from Kamikazes. After we see them both board their planes (And see Cyrus' lucky watch ~plot point~) we see Cyrus get shot down because Mr. Burns wasn't manning his turret. After Grampa tries to get vengeance, he gets shot down and crashes into the ocean. Later we see Abe (Yeah I'm just going to call him by his real name during the flashback) try to set up some shelter on the beach but he sees Burns being lazy and Abe is forced to waterboard him until he gets his compliance (Symbolism?)
|The newest mission from Call of Duty; Shoot down Santa Claus|
|Oh my God, it's Santa Claus! Oh my God! A shoelace!|
We begin with a sign outside of Springfield Elementary telling us that there's a school play based off The Nutcracker inside right now (And it's also called the "Worst version ever", I don't know about that). After the first act ends, everyone in the audience wakes up and rushes out. This causes Mr. Largo to be the audience and boo them in place of the parents. As the family's walking down a road, Homer hopes never to hear The Nutcracker ever again, but Lisa tells him that it's in public domain so they're going to abuse the crap out of it (Okay she doesn't say the second part but that's essentially what she's saying). We then start up with everyone in town participating in "The Marche" with their own lyrics. This then leads into a Krusty Christmas special where he's pelted by snowballs (Next scene!) We then see Moe try to commit suicide to the tune of "Dance of The Flutes" but ends up deciding not to after Barnye gives him a wool cap (Next bit!) We then see Marge give Homer a present and this makes Homer realize that he hasn't gotten Marge a present. He goes out searching for a present to the tune of "Trepak" but ends up with nothing. When Homer gets home he gets Marge's present (To the tune of "Pas De Deux") which turns out to be a present to give to Marge. Marge accepts and we end with Moe on a sled with a banner reading "And to All a Good Night". Really it's over. Wow, that was short. ...Wait, it was 6 minutes? How was I able to get 6 minutes in barely one paragraph?
|Is it over yet?|
Final Verdict: This episode sucks, the first segment is not funny at all and is just insulting, the second segment is okay but really not worth watching, there are much better things to watch, the third segment had NO substance, it was just Nutcracker music being sung by the main cast and nothing more. As I said, it's not the worst Christmas episode but it's just not worth watching.
Final Grade: 3.0/10 Just watch any other Christmas special.