Episode 6: Little Orphan Millie

So with Milhouse's parents divorced and staying divorced, we all expected that to remain a constant throughout the series. Then this episode rolled along, I guess Al Jean hates all things resembling quality so he tries his damn hardest to have the new episodes allude to the old ones, but at the same time try their best to retcon them. With that said, let's take a look at today's episode.

The episode begins with the Simpsons and the Van Houtens all having a picnic when Marge notices a bee on Maggie (Say, this scene has Homer in it, but isn't about him, let's see how long that lasts). Homer tries to calm Maggie away from the bee, only to stand up and get a beehive stuck on his head (Like fucking clockwork). This then leads to him falling in a blueberry patch and rolling himself up in the green picnic blanket (Yeah that bad joke of "Homer looking like Marge" was totally worth the dozens of brain cells that just died). Kirk Van Houten then announces that he and Luann are getting back together (Because as we all know, season 19 is FAR superior to season 8... I'm just going to go punch a wall for an hour). Then again, the saving grace is that nobody CARED about this episode, so in reality, they're still divorced. After some banter between Milhouse and his parents, we see Homer trying to get ready for the wedding. Marge suggests that he wears a tie that goes with her eyes and thus begins the subplot of Homer (And the audience) trying to figure out Marge's eye color (Okay, I've got this one. Her eye color is black, there, problem solved).

Come on Marge! There's no time for peek-a-boo now

After Marge needlessly runs into a bunch of things (Senseless violence = humor) we go to the wedding where Marge again complains about Homer not knowing her eye color. Okay, I've got to ask a question. Does this seem out-of-character for her to anyone else? She knows he's flawed when it comes to remembering things and she's forgiven him for worse things. I just feel that Marge being bitter towards Homer over a small detail like that is just very out-of-character for her. After an unfunny re-marriage (Just keep padding this out) we see Kirk and Luann going on a cruise and leaving Milhouse with the Simpsons (Hey Marge isn't covering her eyes. Quick Homer! Go look into her eyes, oh wait, the director forgot that detail, silly me). Back home we see Homer telling Bart and Milhouse a bedtime story as they're roasting their continuity-defying marshmallows.

Bye everyone, we're leaving forever

They then both go to sleep (At first glance I thought they were in the same sleeping bag, but considering what happens in Double, Double, Boy in Trouble, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case) Milhouse expresses how he feels happy that his parents are back together again (That's the cue for a predictable "ironic" event). On the cruise, we see Luann and Kirk are both a bit tipsy as Kirk tries to carry Luann into the room, but happen to stumble through the hallway, and through a very small casino onto the deck where apparently railings are non-existent and they fall over. Okay, there's just too much bullshit to complain about here, so I'll make this quick:

• If you were ever on a cruise that shaky, the boat's probably made of wood and from the 1700's
• I think Kirk took a grand total of 7 steps through a casino, even a dorm room requires more than 7 steps from one end to another
• Momentum doesn't work that way, even in cartoon physics

Hey, think of the bright side, that could've been the second Titanic

Okay, stupid scene over, let's continue. After we see Kirk and Luann in the ocean, we cut back home where Bart and Milhouse find a hole and it leads to them flushing a bunch of spiders out of another hole, which interrupts Lisa's and Jannie's tea party (Well that was pointless and not too humorous, way to kill about 30 seconds there). We then see a car driving towards the home in a scene straight from Saving Private Ryan as the men inform Milhouse that his parents were lost at sea (Huh, no Castaway jokes, I thought that would have been more appropriate). And because death isn't funny, Bart comes by to spray Milhouse with a hose until he's told that Milhouse's parents may have died (I love how they always manage to take away any emotion from a scene with so little effort). The men then tell Milhouse that they'll try to look for them, but it's doubtful they will be able to find them (Eh, they're probably partying with Tom Hanks and Wilson right now). After Marge and Homer decide to take Milhouse in (Do they have any other choice?) we cut to the next morning where Homer does his best to act like a complete asshole in listing all the things they have with sea-related names (Just more filler for you, because real jokes or substance requires effort). Marge and Bart try to cheer Milhouse up, but Milhouse has decided that going emo is better (I swear if he goes emo Peter Parker, I quit).

Whose that dork?

It's Milhouse!
Milhouse: Pain is the only way to feel

After Maggie gives Milhouse her bottle, Milhouse realizes he needs to grow up and put the death of his parents behind him...wait what? We then go to Homer looking for the photo album as Marge has put a lock on the wedding album and Homer doesn't know the combination. The next day, we see Milhouse wearing a black leather jacket standing under a tree being about as interesting as Edward Cullen (Crap Milhouse has become emo Peter Parker). After Lisa seems intrigued by Milhouse's new emo personality (Why must they try to get them together?) Nelson insults Milhouse, but Milhouse's apathetic dialogue causes Lisa to fawn for him some more (Screw previously established character development... ugh). Milhouse tells Nelson to beat him up and Nelson can't bring himself to do it. Nelson then tells Bart that he's been replaced as the coolest kid in school and Bart feels that Milhouse won't threaten him for that title (Thanks for setting up the plot Bart, here's your check, have a nice day). After Bart gets left alone at lunch, we see that emo Milhouse truly is the most popular kid now (I blame Twilight for allowing these pseudo-philosophical emo kids to be considered cool) After Bart literally begs for attention (Like father, like son I guess) we get to see Marge dance with Bart to try to cheer him up (That's an image that'll never leave my mind). Later, Bart decides that he needs to get Milhouse back to what he was before, but is interrupted by Homer being hypocritical in telling Bart to just think his thoughts (No, not ironic, that would imply his bit was funny). Bart decides to call Milhouse's Danish uncle to try to make Milhouse happy again, and thus unpopular.

Can you tell me who this "Indiana Jones" guy is? I'm Indiana Joe

At the airport, Bart thinks a big nerd is the uncle, but is surprised when Indiana Jones, er I mean Norbert Van Houten comes in via his own bi-plane. After Norbert punches out the nerd (Because he was so funny...) we cut to the park where Norbert tells Milhouse he's there for him and Milhouse decides that he doesn't need Norbert, which makes Norbert proud of Milhouse and makes Milhouse even more popular (Don't these girls have some sparkly vampires to swoon over?) Back home, Homer still can't figure out Marge's eye color, until Grampa on a hammock tells him that he wrote a song for Marge. Homer recites the song and remembers her eyes are Hazel, Marge hears that and she forgives Homer (Oh thank God it's over, that subplot was so intense).

~I always feel like, someone's watching me~

After Uncle Indy (New name for him) lets Milhouse fly hi bi-plane, Bart asks Lisa why he's jealous of Milhouse. She tells him that he loves Milhouse and after some denial, Bart admits that he does love Milhouse (And thus more Yaoi Fanfic was created). The next day at school, Skinner announces that Milhouse is leaving to go live with Uncle Indy. As theyleave via hot-air balloon (I know something else that's full of hot air) Bart grabs onto the rope and tells Milhouse he doesn't want to see him leave. Bart goes along with them and the hot-air balloon ends up colliding with Luann and Kirk's attempt to get off an island they were apparently stranded on the entire time (No Wilson, I'm saddened by this). Milhouse reverts back to his babyish ways when he sees his parents and all is saved when Uncle Indy announces he radioed for help. The episode ends with Kirk and Uncle Indy getting into a fight because of some ethnic issue or something.

Final Verdict: This episode was bad, but not terrible, it could have been far worse. The subplot was annoyingly pointless and mundane, the idea to reunite Milhouse's parents was dumb and poorly executed and the whole "Milhouse is a dark, misunderstood outcast" was just ludicrous. But in the end, it's not something that's mind-numbing nor is it really worth your time.

Final Grade: 3.7/10 If it didn't have "Emo Milhouse" I think it would have been better

Postcards From the Wedge

Today we take a look at one of the worst writers on the show today.
In-Depth look: http://krikensworld.blogspot.com/2011/07/hate-month-postcards-from-wedge.html
Count Jackula's Site: http://www.thecountjackulashow.com/

Replaceable You in 5 Seconds

Two jokes, very similar in design, but different in execution

Episode 4: Replaceable You

Uh let's see *Checks calendar* Despicable Me was released in theaters on July 7th 2010, and today is November 7th 2011. Seems like perfect timing to me to have this title. In other news, The Simpsons will have an episode called Mr. Homer's Penguins that'll air in February 2013 and  another called Horrible Parents that'll air in May 2013. Okay you get the gist, Modern Simpsons has never been known to have their titles or topical references actually be relevant when they air. They seem to be disconnected with the outside world and think that they can do the same things as South Park. News flash: South Park is usually written and produced within the week of its airing. So for them, the topical jokes are still fresh, for Simpsons... you'll find fresher things in a garbage bag. Anyways, with a completely original idea of Homer having to worry about a woman at his workplace *Cough* The Last Temptation of Homer *cough* this should be a smash, right? Well smashing your head against a table sounds like a more entertaining thing to do, let's take a look at today's episode.

The episode begins (After a 1:30 opening and a 30 second Itchy and Scratchy cartoon with no true humor. You know what? The itchy and Scratchy cartoon was more Halloween-related then their Halloween special. That is sad) with Lisa showing Bart her science project and Bart is unimpressed (As am I, Lisa should be recording how smart hamsters are compared to humans). After a horrible joke from Bart (Words escape me for them ACTUALLY having him make that model) we see Bart working on a cootie shot when Milhouse comes in with a bestiality joke about him kissing his dog (...WHU?!) But Bart scraps the project when Lisa says it's basically like what he did last year (You know, considering just how uninspiring Lisa's project is, she has no room to talk). Bart then sees Martin hanging from a tree and shoots him down, Martin thanks him for saving him and Bart asks Martin for help on his science fair project (Okay, so that makes it two ideas from previous episodes. You know I'm sick and tired of people trying to defend the show stating "But it's been on for 23 years, of course you'll run out of ideas" If you can't think of anything original, then don't pretend like you can). After a pointless, unfunny dream sequence from Martin (Gotta hit that 21:30 mark SOMEHOW) Martin agrees and they pass by Milhouse kissing his dog... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE WRITERS?! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!!

Basically the same scene, but one tries way too hard while the other is funny. Which one is which?

We then cut to the Nuclear Plant where we see Homer reading up on the safety manual, but then finding it boring and pulling out a pillow and sleepers to put over his eyes (Ah yes, avoiding the easy way for comedy (Just having him with his feet up on the console and leaned back in his chair) for the more complex, unfunny alternative. Too bad they don't put nearly that much effort into anything else). Homer then gets woken up by a woman (*Checks FOX.com* FUCK! This is the Jane Lynch cameo, I am so screwed right now) she introduces herself as Homer assistant and they exchange some dialogue which teaches us nothing about her or why Homer got an assistant (Say you know that filler at the beginning? Yeah that in no way could have been used to explain why she was assigned to Homer a la Last Temptation of Homer. But NO! That I&S cartoon was VITAL!) After he shows her the breakroom, where the jokes are about as funny as nails in your arm (Oh and there's a beachball or something, it's appeared twice already, so expect a scene later on for it to appear with no humor).

Oh hai random beach ball... wait what?

We then cut back home where Martin is helping Bart with his project, Martin tells Bart to come up with something more scientific and Bart thinks up 'Robo-pet' when he sees Santa's Little Helper with a Vader mask (Do I sense a scene with Jerkass Homer screaming at Vader-dog?) After Homer 'worships' SLH (Ugh) Martin approves of the idea and the scene ends with Nelson appearing out of nowhere for a 'joke' (REASON! YOU MUST HAVE IT! Your jokes don't have humor if it doesn't make sense). We then cut back later to the room where Martin and Bart have created a mechanical baby seal, complete with fur and blinking eyes, justifying it with the ability that nobody can hate a baby seal (I don't know, tell that to this guy) After Bart has the baby seal attack Homer (Because we need to see Homer act like a pompous ass all the time) we cut to the science fair where of course Bart and Martin win first place because as we all learned, "Every good scientist is half B.F. Skinner and half P.T. Barnum." After some more meh jokes, we cut to the Retirement Castle where Lisa is complaining to Grampa about how it's not fair that she lost to Bart and Martin and how her project was better (Ever wonder what would have happened if Duffless was written today? Well wonder no longer, because we have the answer right here; it would have sucked!)

Look Lisa, you lost to Bart's flying hamster fair and square, no need to be butthurt about it

After Grampa tries to cheer Lisa up, the baby seal doll approaches Jasper to cheer him up and this causes Jasper to get up and dance with the seal... I'm pretty sure all my meds are in order. Lisa feels bad for how she hated on the project and Bart tells her that he was able to make the 'Homer Humiliator' which we proceed to see humiliate Homer (I wonder what would happen if the writers were given the restrictions of: Don't have Homer engage in senseless violence. I think they'd go into the fetal position with no idea what to do). The next day at the Plant, we see Roz (The assistant, sorry I forgot to name her earlier) working in front of Homer's workplace while Homer's goofing off (So I take it they took down that wall with the plaque). Homer tells Roz he's going to head out, and we see he's heading out to see "Paul Flart: Water Park Cop"   (Nice to know that the staff feels the need to continue taking shots at 2009. Take that! Shitty 2009 movie, mwahaha!) After some pathetic jokes (Which of course Homer and Barney laugh at, hey someone has to find this funny, or this show would have been off the air years ago) we cut back home where  Mr. Burns is there to scold Homer for avoiding work (Homer you idiot, you should have plugged in 1970's footage of you working into the video camera feed).

It's miraculous just how much a joke can be so much different
based on the QUALITY of effort put in

Mr. Burns demotes Homer (Which causes him to scream, I should keep count of how many times they do these 'Pointless screams' I think we've got 5 in this episode alone so far) and put on his 3-D glasses to pretend Marge isn't there (Has anything really happened? We've had a grand total of two scenes at the plant and the science fair subplot has already run its course). Back at school, Milhouse gets in between Bart and Martin (While wearing a creepy shirt of Bart sleeping... Okay place your bets on the 'C' plot being 'Psycho Milhouse') when Grampa and Old Jewish Guy ask Martin and Bart for more of the baby seals (Did the writers forget that these people are basically dependent on the home?) At Moe's Homer tells everyone he suspects that Roz told on him and they don't believe him. Homer feels safe until Roz comes into Moe's and decides to buy drinks for Lenny and Carl (Jokes? What are those?!) Later, Homer realizes that with his demotion, he's not making as much money (And in other news, water is wet. That's the level of humor we're working with here folks...) Back at the Retirement Castle, we see all the old people with their own baby seals as we cut to a secret room where a table of executives decides that they need to reprogram the seals so that they can create funerals and make money again (Well thank God the writers decided that plot needed to be injected in at the 13:00 mark and not a minute earlier).

So we're the bad guys apparently... Wait what do we do?

Later, we see Homer getting to work late because the writers felt the need to include a bad joke. Roz tells Homer to make a list of ways to make his job worse (What the hell is going on? This plot is so underdeveloped that I feel like I'm watching clips of an episode out of order). We then cut to the next day where we find out an old woman died from the baby seal and that leads to a press conference by the late Dr. Nick (Why bother killing him in the movie if they weren't going to follow up on it? Oh right, shock value and nothing else) Bart and Martin then approach Professor Frink (You know, that rat poison must have really been candy instead) and Professor Frink tells Ms. Wyoming that he can't go out with her that night...What? Later, we see Ned and Homer putting their garbage at the curb as Homer tells Ned that he's having a problem with his boss as "She's the worst person to come out of Ohio since LeBron"... FUCK THIS JOKE! That was horrible! I cannot express with words how much this 'joke' hurt when I first heard it. So they had Roz come from Ohio PURELY for a lame, one year too late 'LeBron's a douche' joke. That was BAD, you have to TRY to write a joke that bad. Next we'll be seeing "A dollar is better than LeBron because it gives 4 quarters" jokes coming next September (P.S. those jokes are already old and dated, so I wouldn't put it past them). Ugh, let's move on. Ned tells Homer he had a problem with a similar woman and we find out it's the same woman (Wow, who would have guessed it)

I HATE HUMAN EMOTION! Never make me have an emotion again!

Actually, the more I think about it, what IS Roz's character? I mean is she a nice woman? Is she a backstabber? I honestly have no clue because she's so underdeveloped. After Homer explains a joke (Thank you Homer, we had no idea that 'Stones' was slang for dick, I NEVER would have guessed) Ned goes into flashback as he explains that Roz hates to be touched (No wait, she SAYS that. Show, don't tell, stupid writers). Homer thanks Ned by... worshiping him (Again, where are the jokes? I don't even remember how all this started, this is so inept). We then cut to Professor Frink as he's organized the College Nerds with Bart and Martin to help reprogram the seals. Frink reprograms the seals through a remote transmission and their cuteness causes Wiggum to let them out (Oh and Snake does the same thing to get out, no further comment). At the Nuclear Plant, we see Roz being awarded the employee of the millennium... where the FUCK did this come from? After she is awarded a trophy, Homer comes onstage where he suggests that Mr. Burns give her a hug (Burns Hugging someone? I think the writers AGAIN forget what they're supposed to be writing for).

You know, I may have learned to respect you... 

... Nevermind

After everyone chants 'hug' a bunch, Mr. Burns hugs her and she goes... berserk I guess, her voice, doesn't quite match her actions, she sounds more constipated than angry. Mr. Burns fires Roz and Roz tells Homer that she underestimated him and she goes on to explain how she feels about him (Again, SHOW don't tell every. Single. Detail). After getting the trophy off Homer's head... The Simpsons: trying their damn hardest to be more random than Family Guy. After struggling a bit, the trophy gets stuck further on his head and this leads to Homer eating butter that was meant to get him out (Just saw his head of please). We then get to see that all the seals made it back to the Retirement Castle safe and sound (Oh thank God, I would have been up all night wondering if that plot was ever resolved or not). That plot ends with the senior citizens all happy and they all (Including the nerds and Bart) dance... Hey a random dance sequence seemed to work wonders for How the Test was Won why not here?

Final Verdict: Was there an episode that took place or not? Every time I lower my standards for this show, it just seems that they limbo under that bar every single time. This was terrible and forgettable, the writing was awful, the plots? What plots? They were basically non-existent or were way too underdeveloped and hampered by all the padding and the jokes were just awful. Thank God within a week, nobody will ever speak of this again.

Final Grade: 1.4/10 At this rate, I do believe this season will surpass season 20 in awfulness, only to be leap-frogged by season 24 and then season 25

TCJSHSS Halloween is Grinch Night

Review

Halloween Music Video

I make a cameo in this video, I highly reccomend you look at this guy's work. 

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Treehouse of Horror XXII in 5 Seconds

Because THIS is what I think of when I think of a Halloween Special.

November Schedule

11/2/11: Treehouse of Horror XXII in 5 Seconds
11/7/11: Replaceable You
11/9/11: Replaceable You in 5 Seconds
11/11/11: Little Orphan Millie
11/14/11: The Food Wife
11/16/11: The Food Wife in 5 Seconds
11/21/11: The Book Job
11/23/11: The Book Job in 5 Seconds
11/25/11: Husbands and Knives
11/28/11: TBD

Schedule subject to change

Side note, I've decided to cut down on the Season 19 reviews to once every other week due to personal workload. I'll keep you in the loop for any changes coming up

Episode 3: Treehouse of Horror XXII

Hey look, a Halloween episode by The Simpsons that has actually aired before Halloween. The last time that happened? Treehouse of Horror X (Okay Treehouse of Horror XX aired before Halloween, but October 18th is too early to count it). So does that mean this will be good like the first 10? Only in the Twilight zone, I'm afraid. Let's celebrate Halloween with the scariest thought possible: Another horrible episode.

So the episode begins with Bart, Lisa and Maggie all coming home from Trick-or-Treating as Marge decides to give them 'healthy alternatives' as the kids walk off moaning (But she never took their candy, what are they complaining about?) The next morning, Marge gives Homer a bag full of candy (Wait, when did she get their candy? Oh wait, this is leading up to a predictable ending, my mistake) and she tells him to take it for donation. However, the Psycho theme starts playing and Homer decides to take the candy for himself and gets stuck in a canyon with a rock wedged on his hand (It doesn't make sense in context, you're not missing anything).

Aron Ralston, you are not

So after Homer gets told a helicopter won't be there for 20 minutes (Great to see them use their cameos oh so effectively), Homer decides he needs to bite his hand off... didn't they do this EXACT same joke in The Blue and the Gray from last year? THEY DID! You lazy bastards!! Didn't work then and doesn't work now. However he fails on the first two tries and in a flashforward, he finally bites his right arm off (With no real effort apparently) and when he opens the bag, it turns out to be vegetables, which prompts him to shout NO at the top of his lungs (Not as bad as Vader's 'NO!' but it's close). This prompts a cut to Bart, Lisa and Maggie all eating their candy as we FINALLY get the title sequence at the 2:35 mark. Okay, mini rant here:

• WHY THE FUCK DID THEY FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE THAT 2:35 LONG OUT OF A 21 MINUTE EPISODE?! I'll fix it quickly: Bart, Lisa and Maggie all get their candy, dupe Marge and Homer that night and cut to them in Bart's room that night eating the candy. Voila! I just cut out a little over a minute and it's just as effective. But no, that would require them to actually put effort into 3 6-minute segments, now it's far less effort for them. That was long and pointless, let's move onto the first segment.

The Diving Bell and the Butterball

The segment begins with a POV shot from Homer as he opens his eyes to see Bart and Bart goes running off. We're informed by Marge that Homer is paralyzed and he cannot speak or move from his spot on the floor (YES! YES! YES! He cannot speak, oh glorious days, wonderful days... wait a second, we're going to hear his narration throughout aren't we? Dammit! So close). So of course, to find out what happened to Homer, we go into a flashback as we see Homer decorating the house as a spider crawls into the decorations and he accidentally grabs it, acts like the Homer we all (unfortunately) know and loathe, causing the spider to bite him (I like how the writers expect us to care if he lives of dies, for me, he's the missing member of this season's Jersey Shore). Back in the present, we see Marge caring for Homer as Homer loves Marge for what she's doing, only to be sidetracked by Marge's cleavage... Classy. We then see Lisa reading to Homer as Homer decides to try to get rid of Lisa by farting.

Dad, you look absolutely ridiculous

It doesn't drive her away as he would like, but then Lisa realizes that Homer can control his farts and thus communicate with other people... excuse me a minute... *Screams obscenities at the top of my throat in the woods* ...I mean seriously?! What the fuck?! Did the writers really think that the Master and Cadaver segment was so amazing, they had to top it with a segment even Family Guy would be ashamed of? And the worst part? To even associate this with The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is a complete insult to that movie and despicable  You know what, this segment's lost me already, I'd quit right now and move onto the next segment, but I owe you all the knowledge of how this plays out, *Sigh* let's continue. So Lisa creates a code for Homer's farts (Are they really taking this serious?) and Lisa reads a romantic letter to Marge which ends with the line "For further communication, I will need more beans" (*Facepalm* Ugh I hate this segment) Homer then is put outside as he ponders about life, but that's interrupted when he gets bitten by a glowing green spider and we see *Sigh* Spider-Homer... how did this segment just get worse?

And because the writers have the attention span of a 5 year-old: Homer farting webs...

We then see Dumbass-Homer (Not calling him Spider-Homer anymore, I like this name better) as he swings into some robbers and then farts a web onto them... did I just type that? My brain is melting here. The episode ends with Homer taking Marge back home... I just realized nothing happened here, it just a bunch of scenes with no real connections between each other, this felt like it was written by someone with ADD, God this was terrible, next segment.

Dial D for Diddly

(How many times can they use the same title like this?) The segment begins with Flanders narrating as he's driving through downtown Springfield watching all the crime and sin being committed around him. After Nelson's mom tries to seduce him (Which leads to a "Yale School of Prostitution"... the hell?) we go into that bit which was shown at the comic-con (still makes about as much sense out of context as it does in context). After Ned watches Mr Burns dump nuclear waste into the lake (Am I the only one who thinks Mr Burns would be too lazy to do it himself, maybe with Smithers, but not by himself) Ned gets instructions from God himself to kill Mr. Burns (Okay the odds right now stand at 'Homer imitating God' as the favorite, followed by Reverend Lovejoy, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy and 'God himself' being the underdog). After killing Burns, Ned talks about how he's now God' soldier against sin... and his next assignment is to kill Patty and Selma. After Ned questions that, God gets angry and it's revealed that Homer has been talking through a voice modulator to convince Ned he's God (Hey look at that, I predicted their 'twist'on the first try. This writing is predictably God-awful).

I present to you all; King Louis XVI... wait sorry, it's just Burns, my mistake

It's revealed that Ned's Bible has the other transmitter and Ned NEVER questions this even though Homer basically gives himself away with his latest bit (Doesn't Ned have Mensa-level intelligence? Oh right, just forget that, the writers did). After a terrible Roadrunner parody of Ned killing Patty and Selma (How was that funny? They basically did the opposite of what made those cartoons funny. I just think to Bart's Inner Child for how this is done correctly) Homer then gets Flanders to kill more people because he can... I'm sorry where's the humor again? The past two segments have failed to have any horror feel, so it should fall back on humor, the problem is that there is no humor, so this segment is just boring right now. However, Flanders FINALLY catches on and tells Homer he's going to kill Homer for sending him to hell.

Even God hates Jerkass Homer

However, Jerkass Homer scoffs off his death threat and taunts Flanders to the point that God removes the ceiling just so he can choke Homer and kill him (Hooray! Can we play that again? That was so satisfying). Marge comes in and asks God to return everything to normal (Again, did they just think Master and Cadaver was such a great segment or something?) and God says he can't because Satan will get upset. The segment ends with Satan treating God as his servant and Maude appearing as Satan's mistress... I've got nothing, the writers didn't know how to end this segment.

In the Na'vi

Hey look, it only took them about two years to finally make an Avatar parody. Anyone want to take bets on how long it takes them to do a Smurfs 'parody'. I'm going say three years, seems about right for their timeline. Okay, enough screwing around. The segment begins with Chalmers addressing everyone in the giant mech suit from the movie about the planet they're on (Didn't that suit come at the very end? Oh right, logic has no place here). Chalmers hands it over to Krusty as apparently they're on the planet to get some 'Hilarium' which makes people laugh at anything (Oh... so that's why Al Jean was looking for a space shuttle last month). After Chalmers picks Bart to play the role of Jake Sully, Lisa puts Bart in the pod where he goes through a vortex and ends up as a Kodos/Kang alien (Give them credit, they could have easily made the vortex the Doctor Who vortex in the opening).

Watch out for the TARDIS, Bart

After a pointless bit with the bullies, we see Alien Bart and Alien Milhouse trying to fly but failing and this forces Bart to walk, but not after an Alien Taxi with a terrible accent arrives (These jokes are terrible). After Bart gets eaten by a plant, some random female Alien (Obviously Neytiri) saves him and then instantly falls in love with Alien Bart (This segment gets the most time and yet somehow feels like the least amount of effort was given). After some more padding with not-Neytiri scolding Alien Milhouse for hurting nature (Why is she yelling all the time? I don't get it, in Avatar, none of the Na'vi yelled, so why include it here? It's not poking fun at them, it's just random.) not-Neytiri (I don't care what her name is) and Bart have... sex? What the HELL is going on? The Dunwich Horror's ending wasn't nearly this confusing. Afterwards, AB accidentally spills the beans about him being from Earth and he tries to explain Earth to NN. NN doesn't get what AB is talking about but believes Bart (Wait what just happened?). AB then finds out that NN is pregnant and apparently this means that they need to give NN some 'Hilarium' to prevent her from getting cranky, if this seems rushed to you, don't worry, nothing about this segment is redeemable so far.

Eww... don't you know where that stuff has been?

I'm trying my hardest to have this make sense, but it's near impossible with the material given here, I don't think I get it. Kang (Or Kodos) tells AB that the Hilarium is secreted from the queen's drool and Alien Milhouse calls the base to tell them they found it (Oh, by the way, Alien Milhouse is now with Bart, despite leaving him a while ago. Consistency be damned!) AB scolds AM for betraying the aliens (Not that AB has enough character development to explain why he's now supporting the aliens. Dear God this hurts me physically) and faster than you can say 'bullshit' the military arrives and they decide to shoot up the aliens... WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS?! In Avatar they killed the aliens because Jake said the Na'vi wouldn't give up the tree no matter what. Here, they come in guns-a-blazing shooting up the place after finding out where the source is. And the scenario is totally different as requesting for 'Hilarium' would be much easier than obtaining the stuff from Avatar. Ugh, the writing style for this show is simply: Watch a movie, forget all purpose and meanings of ANYTHING from the movie, replace characters from movie with Simpsons characters. It's just so pathetic how bad this is. After some of the aliens get killed, animals start coming out of nowhere and start shooting things out their faces (Or mouths) to fight the military... I give up, let's end this as quick as possible.

Ahh, I get the joke. A robot within a robot; Robotception!

After a boring fight ensues, Chalmers gets into a bigger mech that his mech controls to fight a bulldozer animal controlling a bigger bulldozer animal (And the joke is?) The segment ends with NN, Kang and Kodos saying that they would have given the humans the Hilarium if they asked because they don't believe that anything belongs to anyone (This isn't a satire of Avatar, the writers missed the point of Avatar completely... urge to kill rising!) The show itself ends with everyone saying Halloween is over and to begin Christmas shopping to stimulate the economy (Remember the ending to Bart Simpson's Dracula and how the Christmas ending was meant to be ridiculous? To hell with that, THIS ending is the funny one... If you'll excuse me, I've got a bottle of Prozac with my name on it).

Final Verdict: This was just putrid, possibly worse than last year's, we had a segment with farting Homer, a segment that felt repeating the same scene ad nauseum would work and a segment that's not topical, funny nor gets the point of satire whatsoever. The writing was awful, the jokes were terrible and none of these segments FELT like a Treehouse of Horror segment, they felt more like incomplete episodes. I pray that this results in a drop in the ratings moreso and FOX decides to cancel that new extension given to this show.

Final Grade: 1.8/10 Will give you nightmares, but not the type you want

Episode 5: Treehouse of Horror XVIII

When was the last good Treehouse of Horror? Five? Ten years ago? Maybe even further back, either way this one doesn't reverse the trend and is another piss-poor attempt at the Halloween special. So without further delay, let's take a look at today's subject.

The episode begins with Marge addressing the audience acknowledging that it's past Halloween, but they're still celebrating anyways (Translation: If this show was still good, we'd have this BEFORE Halloween). After Marge kills some promos, she decides to cook them into a meatloaf and each slice gives us part of the title sequence.

E.T. Go Home
The segment begins with Marge having Bart go get some butane from the shed as Bart notices a glow from the shed out back (Personally I would be more surprised a shed that never existed is in my back yard, but I digress) Bart throws a baseball and ends up hitting Kodos in the nuts causing him to come out in pain. Kodos claims to be an alien who comes in peace, but after his gun falls out, he tries to hide it by saying it's a deodorant applicator and shoots himself while repressing the pain (After 18 encounters with these aliens, I'm surprised Bart didn't just grab the gun and shoot him on the spot). Inside, Bart shows Kodos his toys and Lisa comes in and is happy to see an alien in Bart's room. Bart and Lisa promise not to tell anyone about him, and Kodos tells them that he would like to phone his relatives as he gives them a handy list of things they need to get (Gee I wonder if the alien bent on world domination has plans of world domination?)

I wonder how the female taste with tartar sauce

After a scene of Kodos building said phone with Bart and Lisa, we see Kodos in the shower as... oh God no! Homer comes in and thinks that the giant green object with a glass dome poking above the shower curtain is Marge (Yeah it's understandable how he could mistake the two). After Homer gets Kodos to massage his butt (*throws up in mouth* I want to know the asswipe who thought that was funny) Homer finally realizes it's not Marge and screams (Okay so that's two out of three for Homer's character traits; Being an assclown, and screaming all in his second scene). After Marge says he can stay, Bart notices a van with men in body suits coming for Kodos (How did they know he was there you may ask. Because they read the script, no other given reason). However Homer has a plan to distract them as he gives off a southern Belle accent when they get to the door and comes to the door dressed as Abraham Lincoln... What. The. Fuck? I'm not angry so much as confused to what amount of drugs the writers were on when they wrote that scene. The agents get in and Lisa mocks them for being too late as Bart and Kodos haven't gotten very far in their escape (The irony's not lost on me, it just isn't funny). After Southern Belle Homer says goodbye to the agents (Why do the writers insist on Homer being about as funny as Paulie Shore? You know what? I take that back, Paulie Shore's not THIS bad)

I'm going to give you to the count of three before we shoot you Mr. Simpson

Bart and Kodos get to a roadblock where army personnel are waiting for them with guns (This is the perfect chance to make fun of the change to walkie-talkies and you MISSED it? I know it's obvious, but there could have been a joke about it there). Kodos blasts them and they ride off. In the forest Kodos reveals that he's evil and he plans on bringing shock troopers to Earth to take over the world. Kodos then activates the teleporter, but after they all arrive, the military arrive and shoot them all, killing them where they stand (How very anticlimatic, if I cared, I'd be disappointed). Bart then aims a gun at Kodos, but is unable to shoot because of their one-day friendship, prompting Homer to shoot him. The segment ends with Kodos being dissected alive until Homer smothers him with a pillow (Can Homer be on the other side of that pillow instead? No? *Sigh*)

Mr. and Mrs. Simpson

The segment begins with Homer and Marge in what appears to be a therapist's office talking about how they've grown apart (Well seeing as how they're nothing like their original characters, I can see why). We then go into a... dream? Flashback? Future event? I'm going to say flashback based on the ending, but it might have been helpful to say something along the lines of "It all started X months ago". Homer goes into the kids bathroom as he turns into a Bond-esque headquarters with Mr. Burns telling him to kill Kent Brockman because he revealed where Burns hides all the energy to jack up the rates over the Summer (*Sigh* Another  'You'll have to Google this to understand it' jokes. By the by, I DO understand this joke, I just didn't find it funny the first time). Later, Homer informs Marge he'll be home late and Marge tells Homer she'll be gone for the night as well (Okay, I've never seen the Mr. and Mrs. Smith movie (Either one) so I don't know how well this follows the movie). At a party celebrating Kent Brockman (Don't know why, they just are) Homer goes up to the top of a construction site where he tries to ready a sniper shot. He is obstructed by some woman who ends up stabbing Mr. Brockman in the least subtle way possible (If it wasn't for the fact that the police are completely inept, I would say I'm surprised Marge gets away with her assassinations).

Wait a second, that's the building across from my window... Nice knowing you guys

Homer shoots wildly like a 5-year-old and reveals the assassin to be Marge (That came out of left field, I for one am shocked). Homer gets back home where he confronts Marge but doesn't reveal his knowledge of what she is. At... dinner I guess, I mean it's gotta be close to 11 or 1 AM given what we've been told, Marge gives Homer some food and Homer like an idiot, eats it all and asks for seconds before pulling out a gun and they exchange gunfire (I never thought I'd find a shootout between a husband and wife to be so boring, but here we are). After the drawn-out fight with bad jokes ends, Bart and Lisa come down to all the wreckage and Homer sends them back up with the promise of ice cream (Again, isn't it around midnight or so?) After Homer points a crossbow in Marge's face (Okay, why are they trying to kill each other again? No, seriously. I don't think there's a reason why they're trying to kill each other) Wiggum appears and Marge shoots him with the crossbow. Homer and Marge have sex on his body and we cut back to the office where it's revealed it was Skinner's office and the segment ends with Marge and Homer shooting him (So what actually happened here I do not know, it was just boring, bland and repetitive).

Heck House
The segment begins with Bart, Milhouse, Lisa and Nelson going Trick-or-Treating as Agnes stiffs them on candy. Bart decides to get even by 'tricking' her as they all throw water balloons at her. Afterwards, they decide not to give people an option which leads into a montage of them all 'tricking' people while Lisa disapproves each time. Okay, I feel I need to explain my stance on this right now:

• This COULD have been a decent idea, of them ALL committing simple fun pranks like smashing pumpkin, egging houses, TP-ing trees, etc. Two problems, one they go too far in their 'tricking' to the point of criminal felonies such as B&E and manslaughter, it loses humor value instantly. Two, having Lisa always give that "I don't approve of this" look really removes her from the story and they might as well have not even included her if all she was going to do was be a buzz-kill. Would those changes have made this good? I don't know, but I feel like it could have been made decent. let's move on.

Now this has humor because she stiffed them and this is a reasonable response

This is not because they're just flat out robbing him

Afterwards, all the townspeople approach Homer as he tells them to relax, until Bart drops a pig on Homer's head and he can't see. Ned Flanders then approaches the townspeople saying he can fix them, of course though, the mood has to be ruined by the pig dragging Homer around (Even when the scene's not about Homer, the writers make Homer an assclown). After stealing from Lenny, the kids pass by the church with "Heck House" in Neon lights. The kids go in and are unimpressed by Ned's exhibit. After praying to God to help him scare the kids, Ned turns into the devil and sends the kids to hell (Lisa thinks her punishment being the same is wrong. I might have agreed, except you never stopped them, so you're just as guilty). After they all fall into chairs and are strapped in, Devil Ned shows them people committing the 7 deadly sins and how they will lead them back to Hell. The kids promise never to sin again and they're all transported away. The segment ends with normal Flanders wishing us a happy Halloween and saying we're all going to Hell for watching any FOX programming (Okay, small kudos for the jab at FOX)

Final Verdict: This was rather mediocre, but at the same time, not terrible. The jokes weren't really funny, the writing was bad as well and none of the segments stood out. I felt that the Mr. and Mrs. Simpson was the worst and Heck House is debatably the best, but not by much. Really, it's just not worth your time as the only thing horrifying about it is just how bored you'll be by the end.

Final Grade: 3.5/10 There are much better things to watch this Halloween.

Treehouse of Horror XXI

Have any hope for this year's Treehouse of Horror? Well looking back at last year's abomination might give you second thoughts.