This Week's Review

Yet again, I am unable to put out the review on Monday. I have already watched this episode, but because of personal reasons, I was unable to finish it by my normal posting time. It will be out on Tuesday and my blog will resume as normally scheduled.

Also, because of the delay of the Lovecraft's Corner segment this month, there will be one less "Around the World in 30 Days" post as it is now 4 posts instead of 5. I apologize and will try to be on top of these delays and re-scheduling.

While you guys wait for a day, I'm just going to leave you all with a few thoughts along with the initial preview of this episode from FOX.

 "The family is greeted by folk singer Ewell Freestone when they visit a peach farm, but when Marge goes overboard with peach-inspired dishes, Lisa and Bart try to get rid of the unwanted fruit. Later, Lisa becomes a magician’s apprentice to the legendary Great Raymondo who helps her develop her craft, but a schoolgirl crush clouds her judgment when she is coaxed into revealing the Great Raymondo’s most famous magic trick to his phony archnemesis. But when the rival magician’s act takes a risky turn, the Great Raymondo has one last trick up his sleeve and stages showdown with Ricky Jay, Penn & Teller and David Copperfield, showing them why he is the master of the craft."

Where do I begin? First off, let's talk about the promotional image and why it sucks

1. It has two of my pet peeves when it comes to promotional images
• A main character looks like either a jackass or very smug
• Just the guest stars standing there (Okay they're doing something, but that doesn't hide the fact that it's just the guest stars standing there)
2. Bet you didn't know that being an illusionist allowed you to perform Dragon Ball Z moves
3. Why are there four different illusionists? What purpose could they possibly serve for this episode? Why not just one or two? Why four?

 

Second let's talk about that synopsis. How do you think the writers go from "Picking peaches" to "Lisa becomes a magician"? Second, how well do you think the whole "Schoolgirl crush" thing lasts? I can't see it lasting long. Third, "Stages a showdown with four illusionists" that just sounds dumb. I'll admit that this actually sounds like it has potential, but like a lot of recent episodes with "potential" most likely, it'll end up falling flat on it's face and fail miserably. May God help me with this one.

Lovecraft's Corner #4: The Dunwich Horror (1970)

The Dunwich Horror is copyright American International Pictures.
All rights reserved

Well, folks, another apology on the delay of this review. Life got in the way. It's enough to make me wish I could live online, were it not for.... Ah, right, this review. Today's film, The Dunwich Horror, is yet ANOTHER film from our friends at AIP and directed by the same man who directed Die, Monster, Die!. If that wasn't enough to scare you, guess what, it's the scariest part of the whole film.

A film called 'The Dunwich Horror'.

Yes.

The film opens onto a woman giving birth before the credits roll. Names appear over silhouettes climbing a mountain - no the devil - getting eaten - I'll admit, the shifts can get hard to follow, but I've been able to interpret the whole thing as the circumstances around our antagonist's birth, and so I have to admit, the credits work well. Unfortunately, the effect is then ruined when the film actually starts, opening with a biblical quote on the wall (There's a time and place for everything, yes, but in a Lovecraft film?).

We then meet our protagonist, a successful professor named Dr. Henry Armitage and his two female friends, Nancy and Elizabeth. Armitage is returning the Necronomicon to the university library since he apparently lectures on the occult. He leaves the women there, and it is then Wilbur Whateley appears. He talks a bit awkwardly, but manages to charm Nancy into letting him read the Necronomicon. While he reads, stock footage of trees and scenes of robed figures are played - and the whole scene is interrupted by Armitage, who takes the book back. Wilbur introduces himself and, upon realizing he's a Whateley, Armitage takes him out to dinner to learn more about the family. After dinner, Wilbur tricks Nancy into driving him home. During the drive, they discuss the town of Dunwich and we see that Wilbur is not well-liked in the town. They finally arrive at Wilbur's home, a large overgrown mansion. He invites her in, offers her tea, sabotages her car's engine, and drugs her to make her stay the night (Charming fellow isn't he?). During all this, we meet his grandfather and learn about a mysterious rattling door (Look out! It's the McGuffin of the film)

The next day, while Nancy and Wilbur are resting in a field and talking about dreams, Armitage and Elizabeth show up to take her home. Nancy refuses, hopelessly hypnotized by Wilbur, and so Armitage and Elizabeth leave to investigate the Whateleys. It is discovered that no one trusts the Whateleys, due to their worship of the Great Old Ones, that no one in town had helped deliver Wilbur but there was talk about a stillborn twin, and that Wilbur's mother went insane shortly after his birth. Between scenes of their investigation, it is shown that Wilbur keeps drugging Nancy and that his grandfather does not approve of his actions. Wilbur, however, does not care. During a picnic with Nancy, he takes her to a stone altar and, through mesmerism and a rather unclear sequence, apparently has sex with her.

....let's just keep going. I'll throw in the rape horn later.

Elizabeth, now very worried for Nancy, rushes back to the house. When the grandfather won't let her in, she hits him and runs in, eventually finding the rattling door. When she opens it, flashing colors and hand puppets attack and apparently kill her (Yeah somehow the special effects in this make the special effects in The Haunted Palace look good in comparison). Soon after this, Wilbur and Nancy return to the house, and Wilbur and his grandpa get into another fight. It is revealed that Wilbur plans to do something awful to Nancy, and the grandfather is trying to stop him since he knows it won't work. In the course of the argument, the grandfather falls down a flight of stairs and dies, the whipporwills announcing his death. Wilbur attempts to bury him, but the townspeople interrupt and refuse to let Wilbur finish.

Wilbur finally successfully steals the Necronomicon, after a relatively dull fight with the world's worst security guard, and takes Nancy to the altar. During this, the mother dies at the asylum, and her death causes Armitage to be concerned for his copy of the Necronomicon. Unfortunately, the ritual has already begun, and Wilbur summons his brother, who escapes the rattling door and ends up creating one of the funniest scenes I've seen in a horror film in a long time, only ended when the invisible being inadvertently sets the house on fire. It then attacks a farmhouse, killing its inhabitants. Armitage arrives after the town has gathered and barely keeps them from going after Wilbur to lynch them. They organize at the burning house and go to the altar, being attacked by the invisible brother along the way (I assume, it looks more like they're being shown a technicolor lightshow). When Armitage and the doctor (the only two apparent survivors) arrive, Wilbur summons lightning - and the Armitage uses some word never even hinted at before to kill Wilbur and dissipate the invisible brother, leaving us with a brief moment to see said brother in all its glorious fakeness.

The day saved, Armitage and the doctor lead Nancy away - and the movie ends with the dramatic reveal that Nancy is pregnant (Dun, dun dun!)


I know by now I shouldn't be too harsh in judging adaptations - made that mistake in my first review - and The Dunwich Horror would be hard to adapt. You don't even meet the protagonist until at least halfway through the story. That being said, this is both a good and a bad adaptation. It keeps the characters, yes, but what they did to Wilbur - his death in the original tale was considered the prologue, not the end, and that's just the NITPICKING. Wilbur was not a charming person and barely looked human to begin with - they could have tried showing that in the rape scene, but, nope - and, maybe most annoyingly, the movie makes him look sympathetic at parts. The movie tries referencing the original story, except that by starting where they did, the references make no sense, and the ending, without Wilbur's diary, feels like an ass pull. All the details suggest that they did read the story, but the main story ruins this as an adaptation for me.

As an original movie, I can't quite judge this (blame the rape scenes and some negative feelings), so I'll let Kriken wrap up.

Thanks RBY, this movie was weird. So far I rank it as the second best adaptation we've done so far but that's only because I didn't like either Die, Monster Die! or The Curse of the Crimson Altar. While I'll admit there were some good scenes in terms of movie scenes, in the end, it didn't leave that great of an impression. The music was okay, but at the same time it sounds like generic "Spooky" music that I swear I've heard somewhere else (Maybe not though). The grandfather was completely pointless and I swear he reminds me of Torgo, (Maybe it's just the staff). Really, where I lost all respect for the film was the "Brother", forgiving for a moment that effects in 1970 weren't great, the way he attacked was just ludicrous and silly. Whenever I saw him attack someone (Always from a POV shot by the way) I couldn't take it seriously, it felt more like the brother was flashing a multicolor strobe light at people to kill them rather then being a menace. Nothing else to really note outside of Dr. Armitage being played by Ed Begley (Bigot juror from 12 Angry Men) and the ending was rather empty as it seems like a rip-off of Rosemary's Baby (Okay I'll admit I'm basing this off the plot synopsis from IMDB seeing how I never watched Rosemary's Baby, but considering how RBY told me that was never in the story and Rosemary's Baby came out in 1968 I feel that it's fair)

Final recommendation? .....I guess if you're into psychedelia and old movies, or if you can forgive Wilbur's portrayal, go for it. Otherwise, leave this in the 70s.

Episode 14: In the Name of the Grandfather

Every time the Simpsons go to a different country, somehow, they always seem to cause controversy in said country whether it be because of stereotypes or just poor portrayal of the country. This doesn't do either, but because of that, it loses humor and is incredibly boring. It does have some moments, but there were so many jokes and rather funny stereotypes it left on the table that the PC writers decided were not "needed". Let's dive into the most sensitive episode of the Simpsons portraying another country (....in the SAME SEASON as the Muslim terrorist episode? ......pardon my language, but you HAVE to be *****ing me).

We start off with the family going to a "Home and Garden Show" for Marge and all the family members are disappointed about going there (I love how Homer hates being there, yet he's the one driving). After a pointless scene of the kids and Homer practicing complaining (Not funny), we see the family looking around (And Bart pranking Skinner, wait why is Skinner there? Oh right because Skinner needs to be everywhere). Homer and Marge notice the hot tubs (Small line error: Marge says "What's that soothing sound?" even though all we see are steam clouds and there's no discernible sound for her to listen to). After Carl describes the hot tub as great, Homer asks Marge to get one and Marge agrees (After Bart asks and Lisa spazzes out, nice line read there Yeardley. This time can you say it with talent?). After they get the hot tub (offscreen) they relax for days and days (There's a pointless scene involving swingers coming to the tub as well, it's not funny nor necessary. Next scene!).

Homer accidentally pushed a button that sent them back to 1986

A little bit of nitpicking here, but I really have to wonder why the Simpsons haven't become withered corpses by now. I own a hot tub and, after an hour or so, my body starts to get really hot and I want to get out; just saying it looks like science in particular left the show (Even in "Bart of Darkness" the family left the pool at times. I don't know it's probably something that only bothers me). We then see that the family forgot about Grampa's Senior/Family picnic at the retirement home and Grampa is miserable because they aren't there. Grampa then goes to the house and destroys the hot tub (With a baseball bat no less. What was the tub made of, balsa wood?) because they made him lonely (Yes, destroy a possession that costs thousands of dollars because you felt lonely, great logic there.)(Does this mean I can trash a car because no one will hang out with me?). The fish out of water joke just goes on for a bit too long and becomes unfunny and more like padding (Your season already has enough padding so knock it off). The family wants to make it up to him and Grampa gives Homer a list of things he wants to do before he dies. Homer decides to take him to a pub which Grampa reveals is in Ireland (In a way that's contradictory to their normal method, guess they don't want to be stale and repetitive with their jokes)(They do? ...can we get these writers back?).

Gee, I wonder why?

On the way to Ireland we begin with our leprechaun-like pilots telling the people about what's outside (Including a half-naked Kathy Ireland, classy)(Compared to what else we've seen this season...). Grampa reminisces about when he went to the O'Flanagan's pub which includes taps for beer, corned beef, and cabbage, Grampa doing riverdance through the pub and continuing onto someone's grave (During his tour for WWII, I can assume). As the Simpsons get to Dunkilderry we come to find out that it's not quite the way Grampa remembers it (I felt the same way after watching every new episode of The Simpsons). So essentially all the topical plots that The Simpsons do in America have been transferred to Ireland (I'll be at an Irish pub for a while)(OI! Back here!). As we see more companies with "hilarious" new Irish names (Someone get me a gun) we see that the pub is still there but nobody in the pub is getting drunk (Hey, we Irish (about 1/16th part Irish, but it counts) pride ourselves on being able to get drunker than Germans)(Word! We don't bother with that pansy wine, nosiree! Straight to the scotch! ....wait, we're part German....dude, did we just insult ourselves?).

An empty pub in Ireland? Quick! Someone call Ripley's!

Grampa and Homer stay for a drink and Marge takes the kids to go sightseeing (But not after Bart watches some poorly translated German Krusty, that's funny because...?). At the Giant's Causeway, Bart and Lisa decide to play some Q*Bert with the landmark (I don't get why Lisa's deciding to jump around on a historic landmark, but the scene itself is just underwhelming). Next up is the Guinness factory as we see the family on the tour; Lisa stays behind a little and discovers that Guinness is a combination of bog water and chocolate syrup at a 1:1 ratio (Why does Lisa care so much about the way Guinness is made? Springfield drinks Duff and Lisa's too young to get drunk)(Besides, the bog water adds BITE!). We then go to McEllis Island (Get it? Ellis Island, where all the American immigrants went to? Yeah all the subtlety The Simpsons were known for is gone). We continue on with the Blarney Castle (Is there a plot or were the writers going sightseeing in Ireland and hoping to get paid for it?)(Wouldn't you rather be sightseeing than watching this season?) where we see Bart spray-paint his ass gray to fool people into kissing his own ass instead of the stone. It backfires as we see Irish Nelson carve his initials in Bart's ass (Is there a Chinese Nelson and a German Nelson as well?). We finally get back to the plot as we see Homer and Grampa get drunk and start acting up in the pub (We even get a token joke about Mona's death, charming).

Here is a small collection of pictures from the writer staff's recent vacation

The next morning it turns out that Homer and Grampa bought the pub from O'Flanagan and are shown pictures as proof (Viva Ned Flanders much?) As Homer and Abe try to run the pub they find business is hard to get in sober Ireland (Just move five miles east, you'll get plenty of business). After the family find out they've run out of landmarks (Translation; we don't have any more filler), we cut back to Homer as he calls Moe to help him run the pub. Moe suggests that they allow something that isn't allowed in the rest of sober Ireland, they find out that smoking in pubs is not allowed and create a "Smokesie" that allows them to smoke indoors (Oh topical humor where would we be without you? A better episode? You kid). I might stretching here by comparing two things that aren't the same but  in Maryland (At least), if a bar can prove they're losing business because their customers can't smoke, they can appeal to the government and can be given a permit that allows the customers to smoke indoors. Eh it's comparing apples to oranges I know, but I just wanted to state that fact (Or is it? ....be back in a bit, researching Irish law).

And now for something completely normal; an unfunny scene

The police show up in a raid and take down the pub and arrest Homer and Abe. At prison (With a sign indicating Colin Farrell's status, that's not funny), Abe apologizes to Homer but Homer is optimistic they will get out (While making fun of the Yankees in a joke that didn't even make sense then, since the Yankees were strong in 2008-2009. Topical humor may not work all the time, but it still needs to make sense in the time period). At the court hearing (With Judge Mr. Potato Head of all people, oh please end this) Homer makes a terrible argument but the punishment is deportation and a small fine (I'm assuming the deportation is because they aren't citizens, but they were tourists, not illegal immigrants). We end this with Wiggum coming in (Because the judge said they deported all nitwits to America and they became police officers) and make a complete fool of himself into the credits (Ah yes, have Wiggum act like an even bigger idiot then he already is, worked wonders for Homer... wait)

Final Judgment: This episode is rather boring. The writing isn't terrible, but it's nothing decent either. the jokes are rather dull and bland. The plot was actually rather interesting in concept, but boring scene after boring scene interlaced with the filler that was the writer's vacation just made the story dull. I really feel that after the Brazil episode the writers decided to try to be a bit more sensitive when it came to the family traveling, but it really limits the jokes and humor. There were so many times I saw places where a good stereotype could have been placed for a joke.

Final Grade: 4.0/10 Just pretty bland and forgettable, but not painful

(I'll be, smoking IS banned in Irish pubs since 2004 - oh, next review!)

About "Lisa's First Word" airing last night

While I did miss the airing last night (Was taking care of something else at the time). I heard that Fox was showing the re-run of Lisa's First Word last night. I figure that they did this in memory of Elizabeth Taylor (They should have also shown Krusty gets Kancelled as well since they showed two reruns that night. Nobody wants to be reminded of the nightmare that is Mother's I'd Like to Forget, Fox). So I decided to re-watch the episode on my own time (I hope to get to a tribute of Elizabeth Taylor sometime soon), and I still stand by that this is my 2nd favorite episode of all time and I still get emotional over the last scene despite it being just one line. The line was just so powerful in context (And even out of context) that I'm glad that they decided to re-air the episode in tribute of Elizabeth Taylor. It's the perfect example of why this show still resonates well with people despite the crap that currently airs. This episode really represents everything that modern Simpsons isn't; It's well written, the story is excellent, the jokes are great and don't feel dated, the characters are great and very developed, and above all it evokes a feeling other than disgust. There wasn't a single moment where I wasn't smiling or laughing and it shows that the show is very capable of tugging at the heart-strings while still being funny.

My hope is that fans of modern Simpsons watched this episode and realize why the show sucks now and will stop watching the new episodes. I doubt that will happen but this reviewer can dream, can't he? I'm just going to end this little bit with perhaps one of the most memorable endings to an episode ever. Enjoy:

I do not own this clip, it belongs to Fox

Copyright © 1992 FOX Broadcasting Company

All Rights Reserved

Around the World in 30 Days: Bart vs Australia

Hello and welcome to "Around the World in 30 Days". Today we take a look at one of the more popular international travel episodes, and quite frankly, one of (If not) the best. While a normal text review would seem in order, I'd like to try something different with this. I'd like to talk about the strengths of each episodes whether it be accuracy of location, humor, story, etc and their weaknesses. This will be very similar to the controversy month, but at the same time, I hope to make it a different experience. All that introduction out of the way, let's begin. (Oh yeah, because I can't include everything, I tried to limit myself to just a couple of points per subject. So don't get upset if there's something that you feel is missing from here).

Strengths of episode:

• Pretty funny episode
• Inaccuracies about Australia aside (I'll get to that in a bit) this was a pretty funny episode with a good number of memorable scenes and jokes (One of my favorite being the whole Bart-Lisa thing at the beginning)
• Memorable storyline
• Basically this on paper seems like nothing more than an extended version of Bart's crank calls to Moe's. But the whole story of Bart pissing off Australia and that leading to him mooning the Prime Minister is very memorable.

Yeah I'm sure that Australia loves getting mooned by ten-year-old boys all the time.

Weaknesses of episode:

• Perception in Australia
• This will be a recurring theme for this month, but quite a few of the episodes The Simpsons did where the family travels to another country, the country more often than not gets angry with the episode. This episode is no different as it has gotten mixed reactions from Australia ranging from Australian accents to the way their Government is portrayed.
• Time frame
• In terms of season 6 episodes, in my opinion, it's not really that strong. Don't get me wrong, it's still one of my favorites, but if I had to make a list of the best episodes from season 6, it would take a while to get this one on there.

Depiction of Country:

• Got it right:
• Initially the British did bring convicts to Australia because convict labor was considered better than slave labor
• The toad plotline is very similar to a problem that Australia had
• Got it wrong:
• The Australian Government is nothing like the way they portrayed it.
• Australia is not filled with "rednecks"
• I'm pretty sure there isn't a punishment of being kicked with a big boot

Memorable Scenes/Jokes:

• Opening scene with Bart vs Lisa in "Bathroom products race"
• Bart: Hmm. So down there in, say, Argentina, or.. Rand McNally, all their water runs backwards? Lisa: Uh huh. In fact, in Rand McNally, they wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people.
• Bruno calls for his member of parliament
• Mr. Conover's entire performance (What else do you expect from Phil Hartman?)
• Bart's trial
• Bart moons Australia
• Evil looking koala at the end

Final words: I highly recommend this episode to anyone who hasn't watched it yet. And for Australians, don't take everything in this episode with a grain of salt, try to appreciate the jokes for what they are.

April Schedule

4/1: Around the World in 30 Days: Part 1
4/4: In the Name of the Grandfather
4/6: Lovecraft's Corner #4: The Dunwich Horror (1970)
4/8: Lovecraft's Corner #4: The Dunwich Horror (1970)
4/11: The Great Simpsina
4/13: Wedding for Disaster
4/15: Around the World in 30 Days: Part 2
4/18: TBA
4/20: Eeny Teeny Maya Moe
4/22: Around the World in 30 Days: Part 3
4/25: TBA
4/27: The Good, the Sad, and the Drugly
4/30: Around the World in 30 Days: Part 4

Episode 17: Love is a Many Strangled Thing

Before I begin this review, let's go over our checklist to see if we could predict the success of this episode in advance:

• Title is a rather lazy pun off another title? Check
• Pointless cameo from a big name guy? Check
• Rather stupid plot that makes no sense for the character? Check and check

Okay, maybe that's not the best way to prejudge an episode. But with all that in mind, let's take a look at this week's abomina- er I mean episode.

So our episode begins (After having the Futurama ship fly by in the opening. Tip to the staff; don't show us better stuff we could be watching) with Mr. Burns doing a plant inspection via 1800's balloon (Although this does seem like something Burns would do, it's still a rather bland sequence). After the balloon goes out of control, Lenny gives Homer and Carl guns from his trunk to shoot down the balloon (Because he went hunting, huh. Interesting, Lenny would bring loaded guns to work, this episode would probably be 100 times better if it was about Lenny going Postal on the plant. Just saying). Of course though, Homer can't just shoot down the balloon, he needs to do a needless ritual and then shoot at everything EXCEPT the balloon (Ah yes the ever efficient "padding" it always seems to work on people who just don't care). Homer eventually does get the balloon down (Which apparently the plant is right next to a church... weird) Burns then gives Homer a reward of tickets to a game with no promotion that day (Because that's... funny? Insulting? Insinuating? I don't know, and I doubt anyone else know either). After the family looks around inside the stadium (I'll admit, there's the occasional decent joke in here, but the rest aren't worth an emotion) they go to watch the game (Is it just me or is the stadium the size of a small city? Just saying)

Well, considering who's writing this, that shouldn't be too hard

At the game, the jumbotron asks for the fans to make asses out of themselves (I know who wins! It's Lisa isn't it?) So after a few scenes that kill some screen time, we see that Bart's uninterested in dancing and Homer tries to encourage him to join in, but then ends up embarrassing him on the jumbotron after Bart continues to tell him to stop and how it's not funny (I concur, this isn't funny, stop now). Oh yeah quick note, Lisa's more than willing to join in with Marge and Homer for this, but Bart isn't? Did the writers just forget their characters or something? This is more something Lisa would do. Bart then gets angry at Homer for causing him to wet his pants in front of everyone, so Homer apologizes to Bart and Bart is reluctant to forgive him, thus leading Homer to wonder how he can get Bart's love back. Or that's how it would have gone had this show been written by competent writers, instead Homer does a half-hearted apology while at the same time trying to start the wave like a complete moron (How sad is it when it takes me all of 5 seconds to rewrite this episode into something decent?) So let's see, it took about 6 minutes for us to get to "Bart's embarrassed in public" isn't padding just a wonderful thing? Later that night, it seems that Springfield has nothing better going on as Bart wetting himself makes the evening news in an unfunny drawn out scene (Okay seriously? What the hell writers?)

Who does this "Kriken" guy think he is bashing our show?! I'm going to complain about him on my Liveblog

Homer then feels a little bad about what he did and Marge berates Homer for what he did to Bart causing Homer to make it seem like Bart's nothing more than a pet dog with a broken leg (Just when you think the writers can make Homer redeemable, they pull him back to his hole and throw him another shovel). As Bart's overhearing all this, he goes online and sees how Jimbo and Kearney make fun of Bart via Skype (Look, it didn't work when you used this in Bart Mangled Banner and it doesn't work now). Marge tells Homer that he needs to take advantage of this to improve his fathering (Oh for Fu- HOW many times has this plot been used in the past 3 seasons ALONE?! I'll give you a hint; TOO MANY TIMES!) After Homer gives Marge some sarcasm to the idea, she enrolls Homer in the 24/7 "How to be a Better Father" school (Yeah I'm pretty sure these sort of things have "Calling hours" so you can't just call in the middle of the night). At the class, we see Homer, Apu, Kirk, and two random guys along with the teacher Dr. Zander (Don't ask why these guys are here, they are entirely pointless. You could have just had this class full of clowns and it'd make about as much sense).

The staff recently polled some fans and they wanted to see these 4 guys with Homer in this class

Dr Zander then asks Homer about what his experience of being a father has taught him and Homer tells a random story when he tells Zander that he strangled Bart for name calling. Dr. Zander, being a human is appalled by Homer strangling Bart (Relax Doctor, Bart's neck is now made out of silly putty so it's all good). After Homer seems proud of what he does to Bart (I'm pretty sure he strangles Bart out of blind rage and not just "You exist! I'll strangle you boy!")  After a flashback to show how Homer strangled Grampa when he was little (Ah, yeah... BULLSHIT!) Dr. Zander dimisses class. One week later, we see that Dr. Zander only wanted to talk with Homer at the seminar. Dr. Zander then tells Homer that based off his one story that he needs to take an extreme treatment method to cure Homer (Yeah because weeks and weeks of therapy and hard work never do anything. Always resort to the Ludivico treatment, right?) Dr. Zander then calls in Kareem Abdul Jabar and the session begins with KAJ looking like Homer while Homer is given a Bart-style wig as Dr. Zander tells Homer that he needs to realize what it's like to be a young terrified little boy (Great, you want to turn him into a pansy. I swear if this ends with Homer jumping out of a window and ending up in a hospital being fed grapes by Marge, I quit).

This is 50% physical humor, 50% padding and 0% substance

After we see KAJ strangling Homer initially, we get a montage of KAJ strangling Homer for days (This is just beyond stupid. I mean at least the "Spanking treatment" in Hurricane Neddy had some charm. This lacks all of that). After all that strangling (Because harm to Homer a thousand times is funny, right?) Homer sits on a couch and Dr. Zander decides that Homer's cured (Now everytime he sees a neck getting strangled, he'll start to get nauseous and get down on his knees and start gagging). Later, Homer informs Bart that he's cured, and to prove this, Homer has Bart throw some eggs into a fan and everytime Homer tries to strangle him, all he can see is KAJ (They somehow found a way to make that pointless cameo fit into more scenes of the episode. Dammit, I lost my bet). After Bart sees Homer freak out over his hallucinations, he decides to take Willie's tractor into the school and wreak havoc (Because... I honestly have no idea... hello? Logic? Reasoning? Bueller?). Edna tries to stop him, but Bart points out that Homer's afraid of Bart now (I still don't see how that prevents Bart from being punished. There are still school rules and Marge is more than willing to punish him). After some padding by Bart (It's funny because it's not) we see that Homer's having a nightmare about Bart being the parent while Homer's being the abused child (This episode's becoming more and more painful by the minute). After that bit of pain, Marge gets a call from the school saying that Bart's out of control (Because as we all know, schools call right in the morning and give specific details like "Out of control").

Big deal, Edna has nothing on that Chinese man in Tianamen Square

After Marge suggests therapy for Bart (And Homer shoots down the idea of two people in the same family needing therapy *Bites tongue*) she goes to the counseling center as she finds out that Dr. Zander's not there (I guess she couldn't tell it was abandoned by oh let's see THE BIG "FOR LEASE" SIGN or what about the fact that IT'S BOARDED UP?! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out). Marge goes to find out that because of the economy him and a lot of other unnecessary expensive luxury providers are out of a job (In 5 years this won't seem dated at all). Marge gets Dr. Zander to agree to help reverse what he did to Homer as SOMEHOW this led to Bart becoming a bully (Seriously, this makes no sense at all. I'd get it if it was just Bart to Homer, but apparently it's Bart to everyone. That's a lot to buy there writers, that's a lot to buy, and I ain't buying it). We then see Dr. Zander take Bart and Homer out on a trip to the wilderness, as we need our obligatory "Snake in Homer's pants" joke (You see this face?! Oh yeah, you can't, well I'm not laughing) After a stupid scene involving Bart having Homer getting hurt by cacti (If Homer gets hurt maybe once in a blue moon, it's be funny, but it gets tiring seeing Homer get hurt a dozen times per episode. You can't make that your running gag for EVERY episode) we then see that Marge decided to kill some screen time by "Bonding" with Lisa over doing nails, making brownie sundays and watching 4 sad movies (The last of which isn't shown but makes Lisa cry. My guess is it's The Simpsons Season 24)

Oh mom, don't remind me of that shitty Season 20 release. It was so forced and terrible.

After they kill some more screen time (Seriously, this feels very shoehorned in, it's unresolved in the end, and UTTERLY pointless. Was the script 1 minute too short?) Dr. Zander has Homer set up on a tree with a noose around his neck assuring Homer that Bart will cut the noose when he jumps down (Or he falls to his death and we're free of this crap forever. Come on Bart, don't cut the noose!)  After Homer jumps, Bart decides to text Moe "I am a wiener" (Great, another memorable joke raped by the writers. Hey, while you're at it, why don't you have Homer take his family our for some "Zero-fat, low-calorie unfrosted "rich in antioxidants" chocolate malts"?) Dr. Zander, angry at how Bart could care less about Homer decides to strangle him himself and realizes why Homer strangles him constantly. Bart decides to cut Homer down and he saves Bart from Dr. Zander. The episode ends with Homer and Bart relaxing inside of a tree agreeing that therapy works (Bull-fucking-shit! I want a refund for this crap).

Final Verdict: This episode is terrible, the story doesn't flow at all, the jokes are just lame, the writing is terrible, and there's no point to ANYTHING in this episode. This is just a very frustrating episode that starts nowhere and ends nowhere. It's also very (And I emphasize very) forgettable, I couldn't write up the review by memory, there was nothing memorable about this. In the hands of competent writers, this may have been a pretty good bonding episode between Bart and Homer *Cough* Boy Scoutz in the Hood *Cough*, but in the hands of these writers, it's a joyless mess.

Final Grade: 2.0/10 Will this season just END already?!

Episode 13: Gone Maggie Gone

Dear Lord this episode is pretentious, everything from the attempts to be like National Treasure mixed with The Da Vinci Code to the jokes to the characters is all annoying and stupid. I feel that anyone who thinks this is a clever puzzle story really needs to step back and realize the plot canyons this episode provides. Now let's get on our Sherlock Holmes hats, smoke a pipe and discover why this episode should have been gone with Maggie. Oh yeah, I apologize for the length of this review in advance, as it's longer than my normal review, thanks for the cooperation.

We start off with a narration explaining how man was ruled by science and industry but is now ruled by prophecies, puzzles and signs in the skies (Since when? ...the Mayan thing? Only a small minority believe that!)(So in other words, we are moving backwards in evolution. Well seeing as how this show's gotten stupider and stupider, I don 't doubt that they think this). Oh yeah, in case you couldn't tell what this show's supposed to "satire", the writers put on the chalkboard that this episode is a "Da Vinci Code Spoof". Don't you love it when the writers think we have the mind of a retarded seven-year-old? So after that bit of exposition (Quit being boring, you're boring everyone), we see that there's going to be a solar eclipse and Kent Brockman freaks out because the eclipse viewer wasn't pre-made (Hey it could be worse, you could try viewing Twilight: Eclipse)(NEVER AGAIN!).

All the subtly of a burning house

In a CGI shot we see the moon causing the eclipse over America (But in reality the shadow is way too small. Yeah I might be reaching here, but a partial solar eclipse takes up a few thousand km in diameter, while a full takes up a few hundred km in diameter. In this it's apparently only a full eclipse. In other words Physics is officially out of this episode. Wow, that only took 1:30, that's just under 1 minute after I stopped caring). During the eclipse we see some jokes about what happens when it goes dark during the day (Vampires come out? Bats come out? Nerds come out?)(Hit and miss) and we see the Simpsons preparing to view the eclipse (They acknowledge here that there are different phases of an eclipse. So that means they knew a solar eclipse has two different types of shadows but didn't give a rat's ass enough to animate it). Homer breaks his viewer and Marge gives him hers which causes her to miss it and hear about everyone loving it. Upset, Marge decides to look at it without a viewer and burns her eyes burn out as soon as some sun rays come through (She should have shared with Maggie, how would she remember?)(.....SCIENCE! It's what this episode LACKS!).

MY EYES! The invisible goggles do nothing for the stupidity of this episode!

Okay where do I  begin? Staring into the sun for 3 seconds does NOT burn your retinas, just staring at it like that would at worst cause minor retina damage that would not become apparent for hours and at worst cause some blind spots. You'd need to be looking at the sun through a telescope for the same period to come close. In other words, YOUR STORY IS STUPID! After a trip to Dr. Hibbert to give Marge treatment for her illogical condition (It's not even the worst thing so I'll buy it for now), we cut back to home as Homer and the family is taking care of Marge. We see that there are rats in the kitchen (Homer lampshades the fact they are referencing Ratatouille. Because as we all know just saying the name of a movie equals humor, right?). Afterwards Homer goes out to get some rat poison (Still using his hair to control himself, how is this funny?). After getting the rat poison (In Shelbyville, for some reason) Santa's Little Helper fights with Maggie for the poison (Okay I know this is a stupid question but why did Homer bring Maggie and the dog with him to buy rat poison? Did he know how the plot was going to go and knew he needed them along? This plot hole hurts).

Because as we all know, you MUST bring your baby and pet along while buying poison

After Homer lampshades the plot hole while driving (That doesn't make up for it, it's still stupid), Homer decides to take a boat across the river to get to Springfield (wait, he can't buy rat poison in Springfield? ......Why?) but he can't take everyone as they're too heavy (Interesting how leaving the poison and the dog behind would make the boat light enough. I guess physics really did leave)(Why haven't you?). Homer breaks the fourth wall by asking the audience and accidentally kills Pr. Frink with some poison (Remember once upon a time when the show kept some mild form of continuity? E.G. When a character left or died, they would stay gone? No? Me neither) and we're left to solve the puzzle we learned in 5th grade (The puzzle, though, wasn't they were too heavy but the tiger couldn't be with the goat in the boat at the same time)(Or there wasn't enough space for all three). Homer gives us all the answer and starts by rowing Maggie across, SLH decides to swim but Homer says no to that idea (How dare SLH bring logic into this show, doesn't he know this season is meant for drooling idio-... nevermind). When Homer leaves Maggie on that side, a nun picks up Maggie and Homer fails to get her back (Making the riddle *Entirely pointless*). We cut back to the home where Homer tells Bart and Lisa about what happened and Lisa volunteers to infiltrate the church to find Maggie.

I guess the whole "Buddhist" thing was just a phase

At the church, Lisa goes in as a "poor little sinner who's lost her way" and gets in (There's also a joke that seems funny on paper but when executed seems so wrong; maybe it's just my dirty mind). We then see Lisa look inside a nursery that doesn't have Maggie but does have some insults against Catholics (I'm not going to allow this to get to me but I will point them out). After Lisa asks if they have any other babies (in an unfunny exchange), Lisa questions why they'd lie to her like that (I don't know, maybe it's none of your business, you're just a newbie to them)(You know, if she was going to blow her cover so soon, why bother with the cover at all?). We then see a mural at the top of the building of Saint Teresa pointing to a jewel in a hand owned by Monty Python (Do yourselves all a favor, go watch Monty Python, it's so much funnier and better than this crap). Lisa finds out from another sister that she needs to find the jewel to find Maggie (This is the point where you should shut it off. The payoff isn't worth it. Well if you had expectations it isn't worth it). The nun points Lisa to the first clue and exits dramatically (Or turns into a vampire! But not one that sparkles, they suck).

It's the source of Monty Python's comedy!

Lisa reads the first clue, which is in Latin that translates out to "Seek God in Heart and Soul" (Okay when did Lisa learn Latin? Or better yet, how the fuck is she able to memorize Latin, it's a pretty difficult language. The plot holes will continue to get larger trust me)(That said, Latin is usually taught in high school by an experienced teacher, spending about five hours a week on it, not counting homework or simple memorization. Just think about that for a few minutes). Lisa concludes that the clue means play "Heart and Soul" on the piano *Bangs head on table*. Yeah sure, this 300-year-old puzzle starts off with a song created in 1938 so why not? So after playing a lyric, the piano opens up and reveals an intricate device that takes forever to get to the next clue (Even Lisa finds it boring how long it takes, that's a bad sign when your own characters find your plot boring). So let's recap, Lisa needs to find a jewel that's centuries old by playing a song created 70 years ago to open up a device that looks like it belongs more in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and these nuns created this. Time for the booze(Me first!).

Can YOU believe nuns made this?

So after some padding (The device takes up about a minute of screen time, the staff must have been very impressed with their animation or something), we see Homer dressing his arm up like Maggie to fool Marge (It's not funny and leads to nothing, I apologize for even adding this in). We cut back to the device finishing up to open a chamber with the next clue in English this time (Consistency, what's that?) Lisa decides to read every other word for no reason other than she was given the script (Seriously she doesn't read it through once, just assumes it's every other word. Hello writers, normal people would usually read it once through and then try to decipher it)(And even intelligent people know you can't assume you know the cipher right away). It turns out that Lisa needs to find the biggest ring in Springfield as we see a lot of rings we don't usually see. The writers then decide to allow us to play again and find the biggest ring (Well let's see considering it had to be around post-1938 I'd say that Hollywood like sign). Lisa then breaks the fourth wall after the commercial break as it turns out she was talking to Milhouse about the riddle (You're not Deadpool, Lisa, just stick to being pretentious to the townspeople). Lisa figures it must be the "ring" from the bell in the bell tower (That comes in for this episode). Back home, we see Bart filling in for Lisa so that Marge doesn't get suspicious about where she is (Too late, Bart, we know the real Lisa's still missing).

Bart, do I even WANT to know what you do on the weekends?

We cut back to Lisa unmasking Skinner and Comic Book Guy as they reveal that they too are looking for the gem because they are with the Freemasons -er, I mean the "Brethren of the Quest" (Quest? For the One Ring? Hmmmm). Skinner exposits the history of the gem after Lisa blackmails him (Goody, because we didn't have enough plot holes already). It turns out that Saint Teresa had a vision of a gem that would usher in an era of peace and harmony (Big deal, I see those all the time when I'm high)(Really? I just see the Blue Beetle ta- ....never mind). She then sent some nuns to the new world to find the gem (Acting like pirate though, because heaven forbid they actually worship God or act like Catholics *Bites tongue*). After setting up a convent, word got out about their mission for the gem (Lousy security). Benjamin Franklin tells George Washington and King George III about the gem and they (I'm not kidding here) "Staged a phony war of independence" to search for the gem... Words escape me people, I've heard of shitty conspiracy theories, but this is the WORST.

It's a good thing this whole thing is fake. Otherwise, that British soldier might have felt a lot of pain there.

I know it's supposed to be a "joke", and I'm not supposed to take this seriously, but it'd be about as funny as them saying that Hitler used the Holocaust so he could find the treasure of the Baltic Sea. YOU DON'T DO THAT! There was NO thought put into this, the writers just must have looked at National Treasure and said "Hey! We can make our own half-assed version of that". Hundreds of Thousands of people DIED in that war and all you can say was it was fake?! THIS IS STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! (Besides, then what was the rationale for the War of 1812? Second chance to search? At least National Treasure came up with a decent reason to include the Revolutionary War...) I'm this close to cracking people. The nuns then fled to Springfield (Contradicting stories from Lisa the Iconoclast. You know writers, you're not giving me ANY reason to give you credit yet), and it turns out that the gem will be revealed on the first full moon after a solar eclipse (How do we know this is true? It's been over 300 years since the search for the gem took place and nobody's found it yet. I say it was a drug trip St. Teresa was on). Lisa then reveals that she went to the belltower because it was the biggest ring, CBG shoots that down by revealing it's a fake bell and she's a condescending bitch (Okay he doesn't do the latter, but seriously, the writers need to stop writing Lisa as this smart-alec condescending bitch. It's not like her at all). Lisa then finds out the real answer and they all head to the giant SPRINGFIELD.

Subtly; Because thinking is just too damn hard

When they get there, Mr. Burns is already there with his "Faithful Albino" (Get it, because he's that guy from The Da Vinci Code, because this plot was SO subtle. What? You're not laughing? Can't blame you). Lisa then finds out there's a clue on the RING (What) which is "Great Crimes Kill Holy Sage" and she deduces it must be an anagram because of the way it's worded (Makes sense; now can you explain how she knew to use every other word?!). We see Lisa trying to solve the anagram while Skinner and CBG are forced to dig their own graves (Because... it's funny?). After the break we find out that the anagram spells out "Regally the rock gem is Lisa" *Bangs head on wall* How the fuck does that make any sense?! Are you really trying to say that St. Teresa sent her nuns to North America to search for a 'gem' that wouldn't be born for 300 years!? This is honestly some of the laziest writing I've seen in this show and quite possibly any show. Smithers tells Mr. Burns that Lisa IS the gem and it's not in her (This plot device was bad in Men in Black 2 but that had more logic because SHE WAS ALREADY BORN when the message was made)(When MIB 2 makes more sense, you've royally screwed up). Lisa is proud that God would make her the gem (And try to bring her back to Christianity. Just fuck off writers, fuck off) and the gang go to the convent via Mr. Burns' chopper (Get to the choppa!).

There are a lot of things you don't get writers. Like why kids like Cinimmon Toast Crunch 

While they're flying over, I have so many questions, like:

"How many people named Lisa have there been in Springfield in the past 300 years?"(965)

"How many times have there been an eclipse where they chose the wrong Lisa?"(Three)

"Why would God pick Lisa of all people to restore peace and order to the entire world?" (Because it went so WELL with Veidt!)

Thank God there's booze to remove any memory of these questions *Drinks*. At the convent the nuns are singing "O Fortuna" *Drinks some more* and Lisa smugly comes in as the "Gem child" (Seriously why is she such a prick?). The lead nun tells Lisa she's wrong and it turns out that Maggie is the Gem child *Preps myself for a lobotomy*(Ick, NO). This was stupid enough already but now you're going to say it's Maggie?! Oh my God, it's officially happened, the writers have thrown up their hands and just said "Fuck it, we don't care, our audience will buy anything we say". Well it turns out that Lisa misinterpreted the anagram and it really said "It's really Maggie, Sherlock" (And even Lisa points out that that anagram requires you to solve it incorrectly first - and how did the nuns know it'd be Maggie?! ....WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS PLOT?!).

Even M. Night Shyamalan would find this "Twist ending" stupid

When the sun rises we see that everyone is nice and happy all because Maggie was placed on the throne (Bullshit!) Lisa finally believes it's her (Because the writers didn't believe it themselves when they read it back). Marge comes bursting in (Still blind) and grabs Maggie which instantly means no more peace and prosperity (Oh fuck it it's almost over)(Wait, how'd Marge find out?). Maggie then pulls off the bandages to which Marge sees Maggie (Wait a minute Dr. Hibbert said the bandages must stay on for two full weeks yet she takes them off the next day and is perfectly fine. It looks like sense of time went with Physics on vacation)(And we're next). Marge says she couldn't allow her child to stay and God wouldn't want her to sacrifice her for the good of the world, again (Charming *Hits her over the head with a Bible*). Homer gives the convent Bart and we see that when he sits on the throne, all hell breaks loose (You mean EVERYONE'S forced to watch this season FOREVER?! NOOOOOO!!!!!!)

Final Judgment: This episode is terrible. This is the type of episode where the writers say, "Hey we can reference any movies we want and you'll accept it". The writing is terrible, the jokes are terrible, the plot is beyond stupid and the plot holes are big enough to fill with every piece of merchandise The Simpsons ever made. This isn't the worst episode but I rank it low because, frankly, this is just the writers thinking that we have no minds of our own and we have to accept this.

Final Grade: 0.8/10 Watch something else, The Da Vinci Code doesn't have as many plot holes as this (Can we go to Italy now? I hear Florence is lovely this time of year)

Updates about the Blog

Hey readers, this is Kriken, just wanting to give some news and notes. First off, as you can see, I have set up a poll for the order of my theme month next month. Yes I will go back to the 3 posts a week format and move the season 20 reviews back to Wednesday. I'll be posting my April schedule around the end of March, like usual, I can only list the episodes that are scheduled to air. RBY and I are working hard on the next Lovecraft's Corner, I think you will all like the next installment, it should be rather good.

But since, updates aren't what you want to see, I'm also going to include a preview of Sunday's episode.

According to Fox (Yeah this is just a cut and paste, so sue me) the story is:

"When Homer inadvertently humiliates Bart in front of a stadium crowd, Marge encourages Homer to enroll in a fathering enrichment class taught by therapist Dr. Zander. Shocked to learn that Homer often strangles Bart for mischievous behavior, Dr. Zander conducts a series of treatments with the help of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to teach Homer what it feels like to be young and small. But when Bart learns that the therapy sessions have transformed Homer into a pushover, he takes advantage of Homer and becomes a school bully. Hoping therapy could also cure Bart of his bullying habits, Marge enlists Dr. Zander's help to patch their relationship."

So, where do I begin? First off, why does Kareem Abdul-Jabbar even need to be in this story? By my understanding of that synopsis, he'll appear for one (Or two) scene to hurt Homer and leave. When this show was great, it managed to give its guest stars an actual purpose in the episode, now it's just "Hi I'm *Insert celebrity here* and I just decided to pass by Springfield to say hi. Oh, there's my *Insert exit method* gotta go." Secondly, do we really need an episode dedicated to Homer's strangling of Bart over the years? I mean, I'm all for someone getting help if they need it, but this is a mainstay of the show. I just have a hard time envisioning Homer voluntarily going to therapy because of something he does all the time. Yeah I know all will be resolved in the end, status quo will be achieved, but I just have a hard time even trying to accept that this concept will even air. This has "Duffless clone" written all over it (If you replace beer with violence, and humor with painful dialogue). Maybe I'm just nitpicking here with the whole "Homer will go into therapy over strangling Bart" but it just seems so wrong to me, maybe it's just how bad the season's been to date and I'm just putting on the "This episode sucks" blinders. Who knows, maybe the writers might actually make a funny episode, maybe it'll be okay, maybe hell will freeze over, who knows?

Episode 12: No Loan Again, Naturally

This is one of those episodes that looked like it had potential from a story perspective, but like many others in recent memory, suffers from poor execution. The idea of Homer having to live in a house that's owned by Flanders does raise some interesting ideas, but it just seems like the writers really didn't try to come up with these ideas. Let's review this and be thankful our property isn't owned by Flanders.

The episode starts with Homer and his family preparing for their annual Mardi Gras party (Which apparently they've done since Bart was born, interesting)(I think the show celebrated Mardi Gras before. Not at Homer's house). Marge is concerned about the cost of the party and Homer tells her not to worry about it (I would put in a "Translation: " joke in, but I assume you all know what it leads to). At the party, Quimby opens the party (Including an overlong joke about him and his wife, who said jokes need effort?) everyone seems to be having a good time. Marge tells Homer to invite Ned (To which he gives no resistance...wait what?)(.....what?) and Ned accepts the invitation (The fence joke shouldn't have been placed in, it wasn't funny with Homer and it wasn't funny the other two times). When Ned gets there, he instantly becomes a buzzkill by announcing when it's Ash Wednesday (So Ned coming over proved to be entirely pointless. Great writing, wouldn't you say? Oh yeah for those of you wondering "Was there any point to this party?" the answer is; no. You could easily replace the party with "Homer does something expensive" and it'd be just as sensible)

Quick! Name all the people in this photo who belong at a Mardi Gras party

The next day we see everyone hungover and Homer cleaning up the yard of beers. Lenny asks the sensible question in how Homer can afford this and Homer gives us a lesson in Economics 101: he takes out a home equity loan so that he gets money and the house gets stuck with the bill (Yeah because in 3 years this joke wont become dated or unfunny right?). Lenny lampshades what we're all thinking (at least someone has a bit of intelligence) and Homer takes back his Mardi Gras beads for questioning him. We then see Marge find a piece of mail indicating that their mortgage rate would be increasing and she takes Homer down to the mortgage company to find out why (They even include a bad line about it being the first day of Lent. Next year for Lent I'm giving up shitty Simpsons episodes. I think I'll manage somehow). Ol' Gil then gives them their new monthly payment (Yeah he works for the mortgage company now. I guess when consistent jobs are optional anything's possible), which is too expensive for them. Because of this, the Simpsons' house is foreclosed and we see the family packing up a U-Tote truck (Better than MyPod, but not by much).

If only this meant they were leaving television. If only

Gil lampshades about failing banks and how CEO's got out great during the government bailout (These topical plots are really getting on my nerves, I could watch episodes from 10 years ago and not have to look up the newspapers about what went on at the time to understand their jokes). As we see some people inside the house inspecting it for themselves, we find out that Homer stole all the copper wire but forgot to disconnect it causing him to get shocked (Homer getting hurt, because it only happens about a dozen times per episode now). The next morning we see Marge crying over the loss of the house (While finding memories in the house) and Homer attempting suicide by hanging himself from a tree but bringing down the tree and crushing his car (I don't know what to say, Homer attempting suicide IN FRONT OF HIS KIDS. You know the idea of Homer killing himself sucked in season one. But at least he didn't want his family to see him commit suicide)(...there are no words for the face I'm making). We then see the house up for auction as Mr. Burns bids $100,000 for the house to store his cufflinks (-_-).

What a great father, no care for his kids at all

Mr. Flanders sees the Simpsons walking off in shame to which he bids $101,000 on the house and Mr. Burns doesn't bother to outbid him (You know that's pretty good for a 5 bedroom, 2 bathroom, two story building). The Simpsons come back and Ned explains that he bought it back to rent it to them and Marge is grateful for it. As they're about to put their stuff back we see Homer going upstairs to grab the "Surprise" he left for the new owners (It turns out to be a bouquet of flowers wishing the new owners treat this house with respect. Okay for as bad as this season's been I have to give credit for this scene and how Homer actually cares about something)(.....can I just say, 'Awwwwwww'). Okay, maybe I didn't give this episode its due diligence, maybe I just had a skewed perspective because of the season itself being shitty, or maybe we should watch the last two acts to be sure. At the housewarming, the two families get a picture as Bart puts up a picture of him making a face to ruin the picture and Lisa smacks him (Hooray for violence). Later, we see there's a leaky faucet and Ned volunteers to fix it which Marge at first refuses but then accepts. After he fixes it Marge begins to ask him to fix some other things in the house and we see Ned unclogging a pipe and trying to fix an electric socket (I expected a montage there, methinks this episode is lulling me into a false sense of security).

Marge dreams of Flanders

After Ned leaves, he gets called in the middle of the night and he refuses to come over to fix a gas leak. Homer then badmouths him on the phone because he refused to come over and we see that the family is using said leak to cook food (Oh goody, another bad joke). Homer then continues to badmouth him at Moe's (keeping in mind that Flanders took care of a lot for them and saved their homes, and that the house has ALWAYS been falling apart....yeah). Moe suggests that Homer goes to the media and expose him for the horrible landlord he is (Okay now I know why I dislike this: the entire premise is that Flanders saved the Simpsons home and Homer repays that gratitude with rudeness and selfishness. If I were Ned, I'd evict them to teach them to be grateful for what they had). Later we see that Channel 6 news does an investigative report on the Simpsons home (Dear Lord, did they just run out of stories to air that week or something? Oh wait it's season 20 writing, my mistake) and, based on some weak evidence, the story makes Ned out to be a horrible person (With a Hitler mustache, devil horns and a Detroit Lions fan shirt. It's funny because it's topical, right?) Ned then does the sensible thing after that and gives Homer the month to get out of the house.

I guess when you've sold your soul as much as this show has, you get a vivid image of the devil

Homer tries to plead with Ned, but, it's no use as Ned's too angry at the moment (I know someone's going to call BS on Ned's behavior here, but using Hurricane Neddy as an reference, he does store up anger and can release it all at once, so I'm going to let this one go). Later, Homer tries to trick Flanders into thinking Jesus wants the Simpsons to stay but it doesn't work (By Homer getting everything imaginable wrong)(At least he's lucky Jesus didn't show up from Colorado, or he'd kick his ass). After Ned places a notice of eviction, Homer points out a loophole that they can stay if a resident is over 65 (Grampa). The plan takes effect but Homer thinks they all have be in the residence for it to work. Marge points out that only Grampa needs to stay and she suggests they all go out for an outing (which results in some pretentious lines from Lisa). The family keeps Grampa occupied with a DVD and sneaks out. On the way back, Homer exposits what they did and Bart lampshades the fact they already know what he said (Ah, writing at its finest: complete crap). When they get home they find out that Ned took in Grampa and evicted them while they were gone. Homer decides to try out the "Tempting Fate" trope and it doesn't rain.

The E! True Hollywood Story: The Simpsons after 1999

We then see the family at a homeless shelter where they're all miserable (Serves them right. Wait I'm supposed to root for them aren't I?). We cut back to Ned about to sign two new tenants that would be perfect for him when Ned realizes he misses the Simpsons and he tells them they can't live there (The couple tells him they'll sue. I'm assuming for breach of contract but considering they never made any payments I don't see how they could win, a landlord does have a right to say no to a new tenant if they want to). Ned gives the Simpsons their house back which causes all the other neighbors to want to move out. We end with Homer saying he hates the neighborhood (And they hate you right back).

Final Judgment: This episode isn't bad but it's not really good either. The story had its moments but there were times where you were left scratching your head at the stupidity. The writing is up and down (Mostly down), the jokes really aren't that funny and the characters act weird at times. But to their credit, I believe this is the most in-character the family has acted all season. There was much more potential but unfortunately it got left on the table, it's better than the episodes surrounding it, but that's not saying much.

Final Grade: 4.3/10 Just an average, mediocre episode