Phil Hartman Dedication Month: Lionel Hutz

We continue this tribute to Phil Hartman by discussing another one of his famous characters; Lionel Hutz. You know, the incompetent lawyer you always get stuck with on your court date despite him having a great ad and seeming like someone who will win your case. I love this guy, everything about him is just funny, the way he acts, the way he talks and the way he thinks is even hilarious (Imagine a world without lawyers). So today, I thought I'd just go over a little history, talk about his cases and try to make a list of the best moments of Lionel Hutz (There are so many great moments, it's hard to choose).

Lionel Hutz was first on Bart Gets Hit by a Car where he is actually a competent lawyer who does his best to nearly win a lawsuit against Mr. Burns (I know, in retrospect this just seems so odd). But the majority of his character was established in that episode, he was crooked, more flashy than effective, and quite unprofessional. Lionel Hutz is named after a lawyer named Sir Lionel Luckhoo who was an extremely successful lawyer and is listed by many as the best lawyer ever (Considering what we know about Lionel Hutz, that's some good irony). Lionel's Hutz's office is called "I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm" just furthering the idea that he's not the guy you'd want to have handle your case. Lionel Hutz has also done some work on the side that either proves that he's incompetent, or that those degrees on his walls are probably just photoshopped to make himself feel good. Lionel Hutz has been:

• A babysitter
• A prosecutor (Usually a defense lawyer)
• Shoe repairman (My personal favorite)
• Substitute teacher (On Bart's list)
• Actor
• Real estate agent
• Moocher
• Dumpster diver

Anyways, now onto the cases, where do I even begin with the cases, well lets start off with the cases he actually won (I know shocker isn't it?) He won the case against Sideshow Bob (Although that was more on Bart and Lisa, but it counts), a lawsuit against Krusty for the metal Krusty-O, a lawsuit against the all-you-can-eat buffet (Classic line from Mr. Hutz) and a lawsuit against Roger Myers Jr. to end Itchy and Scratchy. With the short list out of the way, let's take a look at all the cases he lost:

• Bart Gets hit by a Car
• Bart the Murderer (I count this because he was about to be found guilty)
• Marge gets a Job
• Marge in Chains
• Treehouse of Horror IV (Even when it's not cannon, he screws up royaly)
• Burns' Heir
• The Boy Who Knew Too Much

What's in common with all of these? Lionel Hutz is hilarious in the way he screws up all these cases. I know we want to see the main characters succeed, but it's far more satisfying to see Lionel fail.

Okay what you've all been waiting for; the top 5 moments of Lionel Hutz. For this segment, I'm just going to list my favorite quotes, moments and even storylines for Lionel. Keep in mind, this is a personal list so don't get up in arms if you don't see your favorite moment here, just list yours in the comment section

1.  Marge in Chains, I couldn't pick just ONE line or moment from this so here are the sub-moments:
• When Marge and Homer approach Lionel for the case, the monkey thing was funny, but it was topped by this great exchange:
• Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
  Marge: Is that bad?
  Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace `accidentally' with `repeatedly', and replace `dog' with `son'.
• "World without lawyers" (My personal favorite)
• Lionel Hutz presents his closing arguments without pants
2. The babysitter plot from Marge on the Lam, yet again, no one moment, the entire plot is great
3. His shoe repair scene in Burns' Heir, I know he's not supposed to be seen as a serious lawyer, but I just found this so over the top and hilarious
4. Approaching Mr. Burns in Marge Gets a Job, how he goes from "I'm serious" to "HOLY SHIT I'M SCARED FOR MY LIFE!!" is just so funny
5. The business card from The Day the Violence Died, something about the way he tries to con Bart out of money by eating his own card made me roll on the floor.

With all that out of the way, I'm glad that I have been able to do this for the past 3 weeks, join us next week when we take a look at his minor characters.

Episode 3: Double, Double, Boy in Trouble

Before this episode aired, I read this exact story in one of the Simpsons comics which I thought did a much better job at the whole "Prince and the Pauper" story (It most certainly did! As it turned out, there was a singer who was coming to Springfield to perform on the Krusty Show and actually resembled Bart under his sunglasses and hat. Both ended up at the Quik-E-Mart, and took some time to talk about their lives. Bart had a history exam coming up, which he didn't want to study for, and the Bart lookalike wanted some time to have a family and be a real kid. Bart comes up with the idea for them to switch places, and they know enough about each other to impersonate each other fairly well. However, it's revealed that they have to switch back sooner than they thought, because the singer's performance is a day earlier than they both realized. How does it end? GO READ IT, IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN THIS EPISODE!). Unfortunately, the writers did not use that idea as a reference to do their own story and this one comes off looking half-assed. Let's review this and see why it's not always a good idea to do a story twice.

The episode starts off with Homer and Bart at the Kwik-E-Mart with Bart is acting up (You know the whole "Bart is a bad boy" moniker? Yeah that's blown WAY out of proportion for the entire first act). Apu entices Homer to buy the last scratch-off ticket, but Homer is distracted when Bart jumps off the top of an aisle and almost hurts himself. Lenny buys the ticket and wins $50K, enraging Homer moreso (If only you didn't have to bring Bart along for your shopping at the Kwik-E-Mart like you did Lisa). After some more rage scenes with Homer (And a little bit of Marge), Homer goes down to Moe's as Lenny announces he's throwing a party for his friends (Including an unfunny bit by Barney, I'll be searching for my gun now). As they get ready for the party, Bart accidentally soaks Marge with cat pee, forcing her to wear a dress she hates instead. After Marge and Homer try to figure out why Bart is misbehaving (Including a scene with Marge getting a drop of alcohol in her mouth that turned Bart evil at pregnancy)(. . . what) Bart then picks a fight with Lisa (I'm, I'm sorry. What. I'm a teetotaler, and I know one drop of alcohol WILL NOT DO THAT!) in the back.

Don't make me add drama to this!

Homer responds by threatening to drive into a tree. Marge settles Bart and Homer down, preventing anything further (Hooray for padding). At the party, Lenny thanks everyone for being friends with him (I usually hold parties to celebrate something meaningful, but whatever) and tells Homer that everyone's going home with a gift bag. Bart overhears them and decides to sabotages the "Vac-U-Bots" (How creative) everyone is going to get. OK Bart has crossed the line from his normal behavior to being a flat-out dick, seriously should we feel the least bit sorry if he were to be hung over a cliff in a few minutes? (OK a little harsh but you get the point). Bart gets busted after the police round up all the killer vacuums and Marge punishes him by taking away his games (Instead of letting him serve more time in juvie where he belongs. Hey, it worked before). While cleaning up in the bathroom, Bart stumbles upon our plot, er I mean his exact doppelganger Simon Woosterfield (Oh great the beginning of the writers attempts to replace the town of Springfield with " Identical Cousins")  This also leads to Bart meeting an older version of himself married to a female version of Milhouse. ( I have nothing, the joke is stupid enough as is)((I have something: and the few slash fans rejoiced.....yes, the Simpsons have slash fans! I HAVE RUINED YOUR MIND FOREVER!).

And yet, this isn't the worst thing the writers have ever came up with

Simon suggests that they trade places because he's bored with his life and Bart agrees. After they exchange some exposition er I mean information about their lives, Bart goes into the limo to live Simon's life. Bart then watches Homer strangle Simon as he just laughs thinking he won in this (Oh Bart, you are an idiot. Nothing in this world come for free). After a rather stupid McMansion set of jokes (It wasn't funny, it was stupid) Bart enjoys what he sees in the mansion. He finds out that his racecar bed is like a real car (Where was this when I was a kid?!) and he passes by our shameless Joe Montana cameo (Poor Joe, reducing yourself to this, but it could be worse). After Bart calls Milhouse (Why is the writing staff so fascinated by the features of phones today? Are they still using phones from the 30's?) Simon has an outburst because of Homer chewing with his mouth open (Nice way to keep your cover, I bet you were trained by 007). Lisa suspects something because of the way he said it (To me when "Bart" called Homer "Father" I would call him out and suspects something's afoot).

You dare to question our writing?! Off to the troll feeding den with you!

As Bart and Milhouse eat in the Grand Hall, we meet our spoiled half-brother and half-sister, Devan and Quenley, who express their spoiled rotten core within five seconds of being on screen (Subtle, and here I thought characters should be fleshed out over time). Bart begins to understand why Simon wanted to trade places after Quenley gives us some forced exposition (Seriously, who talks that way? I defy you to try to have a conversation the way she does, you wouldn't be able to finish) After some bad topical jokes about the U.S. (Please kill me now) Simon calls Bart to say how he hates it and tries to explains why Devan and Quenley hate Simon. Simon, though, has a change of heart after Marge gives him a lot of affection and decides that his new life is okay (Cookies solve all problems). The next day Bart gets trapped in the family Mausoleum by Devan and Quenley (I'd rather not question how Bart can be this retarded). Mr. Burns frees Bart and decides to explain to Bart how he shouldn't trust his relatives at all. He also decides to show us how all his siblings died as well (As far as I'm concerned, the continuity for his childhood resides in Rosebud, nothing else).

Here are all my siblings, never mentioned before nor after this episode

After Bart realizes why Simon wanted to change places to avoid the step-siblings (Sorry but you gave it away when you introduced Devan and Quenley, you fail writers) we see Simon listening to Grampa's stories which raises another red flag in Lisa's mind (OK timeout HOW THE FUCK CAN'T SHE SEE THIS UNTIL NOW? SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE IT AFTER THAT DINNER, SHE'S NOT THIS STUPID!) Lisa then confronts Simon and gets him to spill the beans, since Simon doesn't really understand how much Bart hates Lisa. Bart is informed that the family is going on a ski trip to which he remembers Burns warning him about. Simon tells the family about what's going to happen to Bart, resulting in the family going to Aspen to save him (Odd how Bart didn't know about the trip until he was told by Devan and Quenley but Simon just happened to know this all along. Why not warn Bart about this beforehand in the bathroom? Why not let him know so he doesn't look like an idiot when the family's packing?)(Apparently, dickery is contagious) Either way Bart is forced down an tough trail that's too hard for him, and Homer, in his comedic ways er I mean recklessness, saves Bart from death. Simon goes back with his family, Bart goes back with his, and we end with Bart realizing that the grass isn't always greener on the other side (Blow it out your ass writers).

Too bad we can't replace our Bart with this exact look-alike

Final Judgment: This episode isn't terrible, but just poorly executed. Like I said before, I've seen this storyline before done better but to be fair this had some original ideas and concepts, but in the end, it just didn't capitalize on the entire premise provided. The characters were what I expected, but then again, I didn't expect much here. The jokes were hit-and-miss, but mostly miss. In short the idea's been used hundreds of times and this one isn't anything special, but it can be watchable in my opinion.

Final Grade: 5.9/10 Not quite an episode that inspires confidence for the years to come, but it's harmless and maybe worth a watch if you're not a diehard fan

Episode 11: Flaming Moe

For the love of God, these episodes are really taking a toll. I mean, it's one thing to make a bad episode, but to make a bad episode with a title based on a great episode is just painful.This episode just makes me feel uncomfortable; it's so unfunny in the way they make these gay jokes and yet there's a part inside me that feels like I'm homophobic for hating them. But any time I think that way, I go back to Simpson and Delilah and remind myself; "It's just their shitty writing". With that out of the way, let's see how they can possibly botch up recycled plots, pointless guest voices and jokes in general.

So we begin with Homer, Lenny and Carl check in at the power plant as their counterparts from the late shift leave (Yeah the whole setup for that was a day-shift vs night-shift fight over a candy bar...So essentially the beginning is entirely pointless and unfunny). Smithers then tries to tell Mr. Burns about the fight, but Burns is too busy updating his will with "Blue hair lawyer". After he finishes it (And goes into a state of dementia, okay show of hands, when the hell has Mr. Burns ever been mentally incompetent?) (Besides that time he was on drugs?), Smithers goes back later that night to read the will. Smithers finds out that Burns is giving away his estate and money to Yale, Gary (Bad joke, don't ask) and his tortoise (I just love lazy writing that's not in the least bit funny). Burns then tells Smithers that he will never see him as his equal until he can prove himself (Wait, I thought his exclusion would be because Burns was going to have Smithers buried with him!). As Smithers walks down a road, he notices a gay bar and decides to go in; however, he gets rejected by the bouncer and it depresses him further (I've got a bad feeling I'm going to hate this episode for the unfunny gay stereotypes it's going to throw at my face).

I wonder if I can be an offensive gay stereotype as well

Smithers then walks over to Moe's (across the street no less) and gets some scotch. Moe and Smithers talk for a bit and Smithers gets an idea to turn Moe's Bar into a gay bar for normal looking gays (But not before butchering the talking heads gag with Mr. Burns.) Moe at first rejects the idea but decides to change it up after seeing Barney come out with a toilet (Okay let's see I can think of at least 4 times where there's been a plot about Moe changing his bar. Are the writers just throwing darts at old scripts to pick the next episode's plot?) After a bad "Self-aware montage" Moe and Smithers throw out the "E" in Moe's sign and the bar is changed (Even Mommy Beerest was more creative in the way they did the renovation of the bar). Smithers then tells some gay people that got rejected from the gay bar (Including Mr. Largo, refresh my memory, when did he go gay?) to go over to the new Mo's. We then go inside to find out, the design's exactly the same but looks fancier (I'm calling lazy bullshit here!)

Looks like a brand new place, must have taken them 4 hours of furniture shopping to get it here

As Homer, Lenny and Carl walk in they prove that they aren't the brightest lightbulbs in the box (Or the basement, or the dump, or the...) as they don't catch on to what's happening until Moe drops some exposition on them (And shows all the different versions Moe's used to be. Okay, now you're just shameless writers, you could have played coy). After Moe forces them to accept what's going on, we cut to school where Mr. Largo announces to the kids that he's leaving. After announcing he found his soulmate, Milhouse mistakes Chalmers as the soulmate (Okay two things; 1. Which room does Chalmers live in? He clearly lives in the school now, there's no doubting that anymore. 2. Hank Azaria cannot voice Chalmers anymore as he struggles with his lines throughout the episode). Chalmers then introduces the class to the new teacher; Ms. Juniper as we soon find out that she has the free spirit of a hippie along with the brains of one on pot. We then cut back to Mo's where we see Marge and Homer drinking there and having a good time. However that's all cut down as the writers decided to make a gay cousin for Comic Book Guy and have Marge be mistaken for a Drag Queen by transvestites (This episode reeks of abject failure).

Not since Vince Vaughn have we seen such bad taste in gay people

How is it that there seems to be so much going on already but neither plot seems to be getting off the ground? After some unfunny padding, Marge tells Moe to tell the customers that he's not really gay so they'll stop hitting on him (Excuse me for a moment *Laughs uncontrollably* Oh that was precious, for a minute there I thought the writers were being serious and trying to make us believe that Moe was attractive to men. Oh that was precious). As Moe's about to tell them the truth, he decides not to because he fears that he'll lose their business (Okay, I did find the 2 shoulder devils for Moe to be a funny joke only because that seems like the bitter Moe I know). Unfortunately, we then cut to Moe getting everyone in the bar to do a gay dance (Joy, just when I was starting to like it, the plot got back in the way). We then cut to Ms. Juniper teaching music class outside with a guitar and continuing to be a hippie (Okay I have no problem with hippies, but there's no better way to describe her).

The hills are alive, with the sound of crappy writing

Skinner then arrives and passes out from having to walk all the way to the mountains they're on, after he wakes up he instantly falls in love with her (Thanks to a dream sequence. As much as I want to call bull I have to bite my tongue because it was established that Edna and Seymour broke up. I hated that but it's canon) (As I am a fanfic writer, I am not constrained by canon. LONG LIVE SEYMOURxEDNA!). We then cut to Smithers showing Burns what he accomplished and Burns is happy for Smithers and respects him (Wait, why?) (Show, don't tell). Burns then gets hit on by a grizzly gay and Smithers gets Burns out of the bar (I know he has a name, but screw it, they're all poorly written stereotypes to me). After Moe shoots down grizzly gay again, Smithers tells Moe that he doesn't approve of what he's doing to the customers but Moe uses the logic of money to put his mind at ease (And has Homer as more comic relief, joy). The next day, Skinner calls Bart in and tells him about his crush on Ms. Juniper and how he wants Bart to help (For Christ sakes, THIS IS THE BASIC PLOT TO GRADE SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL. They're not even trying are they?) Skinner tells Bart to go out with Juniper's daughter and in exchange, Bart'll get extra weeks off from school (Yep basic premise all the way) (Wait, GSC, Bart's role made sense. Here, how will dating this lady's daughter get Seymour closer? It's not like Bart's related to Skinner!). At the arcade, the daughter (Melody) is all giddy for Bart as he could care less about her (Am I the only one who thinks she's borderline stalker?).

Come on Bart, let's pose for the promotional poster

Juniper then tells Skinner out of the blue that she loves him and decides to dance with him right there and that she wants him over at her house later (Like I've said before; "I couldn't make this shit up if I tried"). Later, grizzly gay and some others go to Moe and tell them about their problems which leads to them asking Moe to run for town council to represent the gay community (Okay time-out, Patty is among the group, doesn't she of all people know that Moe isn't gay?) Smithers then confronts Moe and tells him that he's gone too far and he shouldn't be their fake leader. However, Moe let's it go through one ear and out the other and assures the gays he'll run. The next day, Skinner comes in happy, butchering "I'm Walking on Sunshine" (*Sigh* You know the drill by now; Recycled plot element from GSC) and has a pointless conversation with Chalmers outside his new bedroom (I can only assume).

Why did I agree to this piece-of-crap of an episode?

Later, Bart breaks up with Melody (In an anti-climatic, underdeveloped, "who gives a rat's ass?" way, just like this plot) and it causes Ms. Juniper and Melody to leave town (Um why?). Oh yeah, quick thing: Melody was voiced by Alyson Hannigan despite only having two scenes. Who says that this show just gets shameless cameos to boost their ratings? After a small conversation between Ms. Juniper and Skinner (and Agnes), Skinner decides he'll go with her and her daughter (Okay, as much as this makes no sense and is unceremonious. I will give a kudos to the writers for throwing a creative curve ball at us. But I'll revoke it if Skinner comes back within the episode). After Willie gets promoted to Principal (Another bad joke), we cut to Moe as he's giving a speech to get elected and it's interrupted by Smithers as he reveals that Moe is straight. Moe denies it but Smithers corners him into confessing that he is straight. The gays all turn against him and leave, after they leave, Moe kisses Smithers once to see what it's like (Like last week's episode wasn't a punch to my stomach before) (And, trust me, I don't think any fangirl was asking for that). We then cut to Springfield Elementary as Skinner gets off a bus and tells Bart that it only lasted a day (Bart tells him it was three months. You know that kudos I gave, forget it, in fact replace it with a FU right back at the writers).

Final Verdict: This episode sucks, the writing is awful, the plots are poorly paced and not developed in any sense, the jokes suck and the gay stereotyping was awful. The plots were unoriginal and the initial kickstart to the "A" plot was completely pointless as it had nothing but a token ending. Bottom line, terrible episode fitting into a terrible season.

Final Grade: 2.7/10 Just despicable

Phil Hartman Dedication Month: Troy McClure

Hi there, I'm the ghost of Troy McClure, you may remember me from such hauntings as; The Marilyn Monroe Story and This is It. Today I'm here to help this guy KK do this tribute to my character as clearly I was the coolest guy from the 90's.

Okay, okay, time to be serious. Now as you all know, I'm doing a tribute to Phil Hartman's work on The Simpsons, and I decided to start with his most famous character; Troy McClure. Even though Phil wasn't brought onto the show initially to do Troy McClure, that's the character I've seen most people associate to him first. So with that, let's begin.

A little backstory to begin, Troy McClure's name is based off the actors Doug McClure and Troy Donahue. Troy's first appearance was in Homer vs Lisa and the 8th Commandment as he was doing an infomercial Troy's basic character is that he used to be a big name actor who descended into B-movie obscurity and hosted infomercials and TV specials. Probably my favorite part of his character (Besides all the funny dialogue) had to be the movies and educational films he'd star in, it was a better time when the writers were very creative and they proved to be a good idea whether they were just mentioned or we could actually see him star in them. I've also loved how Troy was nothing more than a washed-up has been but would have an IMDB profile longer than most major movie stars. Troy McClure was one of those characters that can be imitated but never duplicated.

Troy started off his educational videos with Bart the Murderer where he was giving a lecture to the kids about the history of chocolate (Which I believe isn't true, but that was part of the character that I loved). There are quite a bit of his videos that I love and I could make a list of my favorites, but I'd feel that one or two would get snubbed and I can't narrow it down to just 10 or so. I think though the videos I enjoyed the most would be the ones with Billy where Troy would be condescending to him even though the kid had a more active imagination than he did (Lisa the Simpson). In short, his educational films was a great bit and Phil could add a new element to every video he did.

Of course Troy McClure seemed like he was basically a one scene character that you'd want to see him get his own episode but you'd assume that his bit would get old fast. That is where the comedic genius of Phil Hartman would prove you wrong. In his own episode (A Fish Named Selma) we got some further back story into Troy's character and Phil does a great job conveying how Troy has a fish fetish and is not just a washed-up actor (Although I personally never liked the fish thing, the episode was still a great one). I've always appreciated what Phil was able to give to this character and I wish that he could have gotten more screen time, maybe the movie that was thought out. Yes there was talks about Phil Hartman making a live action Troy McClure movie and the Simpsons staff was behind it, a shame it never came to pass, I would have gone to see it.

As this comes to an end, I though about listing all his works but it is a lot. I knew it was a running gag with him in a lot of work but I didn't realize it was THIS much. So I hope you enjoyed this and be sure to check out one of these great titles at your local Beta-Barn:

• The Boatjacking of Supership '79
• Calling All Quakers (with Dolores Montenegro)
• Christmas Ape
• Christmas Ape Goes To Summer Camp
• The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel
• Cry Yuma 
• David versus Super Goliath
• Dial M for Murderousness 
• The Electric Gigolo 
• The Erotic Adventures of Hercules 
• Give My Remains to Broadway
• Gladys the Groovy Mule 
• Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great 'Frisco Freak-Out'
• The Greatest Story Ever Hulaed
• Here Comes the Coast Guard
• Hitler Doesn't Live Here Anymore
• Hydro, the Man With the Hydraulic Arms
• Leper in the Backfield
• Make-Out King of Montana
• Meet Joe Blow 
• The Muppets Go Medieval
• "P" is for Psycho
• Preacher With a Shovel (with Dolores Montenegro) KNOBBB
• The President's Neck is Missing
• The Revenge of Abe Lincoln
• The Seven-Year Old Bitch
• Sorry, Wrong Closet
• Suddenly Last Supper
• They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall
• Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die 
• The Verdict Was Mail Fraud
• The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the West
• Jagged Attraction
• Look Who's Still Oinking

And you can find the rest here

Episode 2: Lost Verizon

Let's start off by saying that I do not come into any episode with any bias, I approach every episode with the possibility that it mat be good. However, for those of you who remember my November posts, this episode was written by John Frink, one of those writers that inspires fear and dread anytime I see his name. But I'll still keep an open mind for this, so let's see what's in store for me today.

First, a little trivia: this episode was originally supposed to star Matt Damon, but instead the role went to Denis Leary (I have no clue why, I guess Matt said no)(Wouldn't you?). The episode begins with Seymour and Agnes Skinner running out of gas on the highway, along with a piss-poor gas joke because gas prices will always be over $4 a gallon, right? Seymour decides that the best way to get gas for the car is playing a good game of Frogger (Seriously just put the Frogger music over that scene, it's so appropriate). After some more padding, Milhouse texts everyone relevant to the school to watch Seymour act like a fool in public (You get the fact that they are now culturally relevant? Yes? Well too bad, this whole episode decides to shove that fact down your throat). After Barney mistakes Skinner for beer, Nelson wonders why Bart isn't there. Milhouse claims Bart doesn't have a plot device, er I mean cell phone and we cut to Bart having a tea party with Lisa (I have no comment, I just wonder if that tea is laced or not)(We're not that lucky).

Bart: This is the worst possible thing that could happen to me

The bullies exposit that Bart missed out on Skinner being a fool because he doesn't have a cell phone (As opposed to calling him at home but I guess that makes too much sense). Bart gets angry and Lisa mocks him with an "Imaginary cell phone". Oh yeah, huge continuity error: the bullies come up from the backyard and are on the road when clearly the backyard borders a house unless a joke dictates it to something else (i.e. the power plant in Homer the Great). Bart complains to Marge about not having a cell phone and Marge explains they don't have the money and, oh God, my nostalgia level for this show has died again. I will give the money joke its credit; it did make me laugh a little just because it does remind me of the days where the family had huge money problems. As Bart whines off, Lisa exposits about how she's used to disappointments such as not going to Machu Picchu ~plot point~. Bart walks around when he gets hit by a golf ball and finds out that he can make money by collecting them (It seems that The Simpsons Movie is not canon with the series as Dr. Nick is alive, but in later episodes, we find that to be bullshit and inconsistent writing. I love it when the writers can't even figure out their own shitty continuity).

I thought you were dead, aren't you?

After a montage of Bart collecting balls (I have a bad feeling about this season and montages) Willie takes away his business, and Bart retires. Wow, way to pad out the episode, that was annoying and pointless. We then see Denis Leary play golf at Krusty's golf tournament, and see that he's proud that he is best known for Ice Age. After his phone disrupts his swing, he throws it towards Bart and Bart takes it as his own (And people dare to claim I have a bad attitude towards cell phones)(Sure why not. It's not like all the contacts in that phone wont know that Denis threw his phone away and they might mistake Bart as Denis and, oh wait). After some more cell phone antics (I GET IT, YOU THINK YOU'RE CULTURALLY RELEVANT, STOP SHOVING IT IN MY FACE!!!) Bart gets a call from producer Brian Grazer to star in Everybody Poops and Bart agrees as Denis. Ok, quick question: HOW THE FUCK DOES BRIAN NOT RECOGNIZE DENIS' VOICE? It's a really big plot hole in the rest of this story as nobody seems to be able to tell the fact that they aren't calling Denis but some other guy.

Hey Bart, after we finish texting all our friends, why don't we Skype our cousins, update our Facebook and then Twitter how our day went.

After a scene with Denis in his new movie (I really don't get how that'd make money, but hey, I'm not a Hollywood producer) Bart decides to pad out the episode by crank calling bars with Denis' cell phone (*sigh* Remember those days when Bart crank called Moe and he and Lisa would get such a kick out of it? Yeah those days are LONG over). Denis threatens Bart after getting some Yankee stuff (Hey who wouldn't be angry over that?) Marge then takes the phone and talks to Denis as he convinces her to give the phone back to Bart and track him using the tracking device in it (Afterwards eating pop-tarts in the most over the top way possible). And that's the last we see of Denis, what was his point in the episode? No point at all, glad to see these cameos are being put to good use. I could talk about how the cell phone tracking an invasion of his privacy, but I'd rather not get political here. Besides, after seeing him play with a forklift (Who gave him that?) she has a right to try to prevent him from doing bad stuff, but it does seem a bit out of character for Marge. After another montage (Yipee) Lisa finds out about the tracking and informs Bart about it because she respects his rights (I guess then people under house arrest should be given privacy too, how does this make sense? I mean it's not like Marge actually knows what Bart's doing, she just knows where he is. I'd also like to remind you that Bart's 10, of course a mother wants to know where her child is).

Bart, you're an idiot, give me a minute to explain the plot to you

Bart takes the chip out and attaches it to a bird which sends Homer and Marge on a wild goose chase... I did not mean that but I'll punish myself for that *Smacks self for bad pun* (*smacks him again* That's MY job!) Afterwards, Bart decides to do whatever he wants, which includes all the stuff he doesn't like doing, such as eating vegetables.... moving on. We cut back to Bart having Nelson and Milhouse over after the family's been gone for three days as they both leave before it gets dark, causing Bart to get scared of the dark. How did this story go from Bart wanting a cell phone to Bart getting afraid of being alone? As the family continue to follow the bird (Seriously, the bird travels faster than the car and they aren't the least bit suspicious of that?) Lisa discovers that the chip is attached to a Scarlet Tanager the whole time and she decides not to tell Marge and Homer because she wants to go to Machu Picchu. OK I have two complaints here:
1: Why is Lisa such a selfish asshole here? She'd be more than willing to make her family travel through all of Central America and North West South America just so she can visit a city which she could probably visit later in life when she's older. That is just so stupid it doesn't even deserve a wall-banger here.
2: After a quick Google check, the Scarlet Tanager does travel through Peru but it's only in the U.S. during the Summer unless the Simpsons live somewhere between Florida and Texas. They couldn't have used a different bird here?

Look at that, our plot device is a Scarlet Tanager. Good thing we have Wi-Fi in the middle of nowhere.

Moving on, after Bart decides to tell us how night sucks and day is awesome (Show, don't tell, nimrods)(Because I feel it's my duty to help the world, here's how this could be done: just SHOW Bart having fun during the day, going 'Whoo-hoo!' and the like. At night, he can just be shivering, blankets pulled up over his head. No need to actually SAY night sucks and day's awesome, since most viewers are intelligent enough to understand) the Simpsons finally end up in Machu Picchu (Nice going, Lisa, you just cost your family hundreds in gas money, scarred Bart and skipped over a week of school but it's all for a good cause, the chance to NOT ENJOY Machu Picchu. A couple of hours isn't enough to soak in the atmosphere of a city like that, it's like telling me I could enjoy Bermuda with only three hours of walking around). As Marge takes a nap, she dreams about what the city was like if it had all its warriors emasculated by their mothers and unable to fight off the Spanish Inquisition.

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

(The writers clearly were lazy here, as there is very little known history behind Machu Picchu and the history we do know points to Machu Picchu abandoned before the Spanish Inquisition). In Marge's revelation, she realizes she can't always be there for him (Where did this come from, honestly it seemed like the writers forgot what their message was supposed to be for this). The family goes home to reveal they were gone for two weeks as Bart is grateful for them to be back. We end with Maggie being left behind but being worshiped as a God by the Machu Picchu natives.

Final Judgment: This episode is fair at best and awful at worst. The writing is stupid, the plot is littered with cultural relevancy up the wazoo and worst of all the message seems tacked on and stupid. This episode just goes to show that just because you're keeping up with culture doesn't mean your writing will be good.

Final Grade: 3.3/10 It's really not worth watching

Episode 10: Mom's I'd Like to Forget

Today we look at an episode where the premise is just plain stupid and it seems like there's no possible way to salvage it. I don't think that even the writing staff of season 4 could save it, it's just so retarded. But it's okay, we have the Brian Kelley seal of quality attached to this episode so... wait... I quit *leaves*. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll give a quick history lesson; Brian Kelley cannot write a decent episode to save his ass!!! I hate his writing, I hate his episodes and I hate the fact that he's still on the staff, trust me his day WILL come on "Hate Month" here, but his name along with a couple of others are the LJN of writing, the Asylum of episodes. In short, Brian Kelley is my Joe Quesada and I never feel good whenever I see his name on the screen. With all that out of the way, let's see how badly he can botch this episode.


After a long opening (I'm eventually going to stop this, only after they stop making openings that are 1:30 in length) we see a dodgeball match between the 4th graders and the 5th graders is about to begin (Crap, this show's already detracting me, I could be watching an episode of Recess instead). We then get a dream montage of Bart winning the match and what happens after he wins (What exactly is the point of all this? Oh right, I forgot, there doesn't need to be a point for storytelling, just padding). Anyways, in reality, Bart misses the 5th grader and his two remaining teammates get knocked out, but in typical Invincible Hero fashion, Bart seemingly wins the match for the 4th grade (Which causes Nelson to dump Gatorade on Ms. Krabappel, no good reason, he just does it).

Prepare to die Vince, er I mean Bart

But because this show doesn't believe in physics, the ball finally drops from the sky and the 5th grader catches it, winning the match (Taking bets now on how utterly pointless this turns out to be). The next day, we see the 4th graders and the 5th graders in the hall in a standoff, this leads into a bunch of scenes where the 4th and 5th graders take shots at each other (Screw it! I'm watching Recess instead *leaves*) Okay I'm back, where were we? Oh right, all this bickering causes a huge fight in the teachers lounge because they themselves have the maturity of the classes they teach (We're already over 5 minutes in and there is still no semblance of a usable plot. It's especially jarring considering that we've never even seen the 5th grade on the show before). After more banter from the 5th graders (Because it never gets stale) Bart challenges them to a rumble. After more unfunny padding (Thank you Brian Kelley, thank you) Bart sets down the ground rules for the rumble and they begin (With Chalmers and Skinner watching from a distance. Does Chalmers just live in the school now or are the writers just incapable of giving him any character outside of berating Skinner?) As the rumble begins, the 5th grader (You know what, until named, I'm calling him Bob) throws a punch and Bart notices a scar on Bob's hand resembling a sword toothpick.

If you like this tattoo, you should see the one on my ass

Bart asks about it and reveals he has the exact same scar on his hand... (WHAT THE FUCK WRITERS?! You know I can suspend my disbelief enough for the whole 5th graders that we are apparently supposed to know, but this is massive bullshit. This is the equivalent of finding a long lost brother when you're in your 50's by bumping into him at your grocery store. You see why I hate the man so much? He puts NO effort into thinking this stuff through, I'm willing to bet my house that the end result will be so lazy that it just makes the whole scar thing even less connecting to the two). Anyways, Willie then buts in for an unfunny joke as the act ends with Bart and Bob staring at their hands (Making the entire conflict between the two grades, you guessed it; entirely pointless). Bart then asks the bullies if they gave it to him but they tell him no (Well that's another pointless scene and that calls for a shot... oh wait wrong theme). After seeing Homer being Homer (Dumb unsympathetic idiot version) Bart asks Marge about the scar and Marge starts telling him about how it happened (With a convenient picture book in the bathroom, what you don't keep yours there? You must keep yours in a closet or something *Scoffs*)

Let's see what the script has in store for us this week

Marge tells Bart that she was friends with 3 women and Bart was friends with their sons who were all bad influences on Bart (I've seen Bart when he was a toddler, he wasn't a choir boy himself Marge). After Marge tells Bart that she had a falling out with her friends, Bart asks why they don't get back together, Marge thinks about it and decides to get back with them (When in doubt, write lazy excuses for why we never see these new characters. I'm glad they don't feel the need to put effort into this). After Homer does the taxes on the toilet (It's as stupid as it sounds) we see Marge with her old friends in their group called "The Cool Moms" (Great, the effort meter just flatlined). After no development for the parents, we see that all four boys have the same scar (This episode has inspired me, I'm going to go out in the world and look for all people who have scars similar to my own) and then they jump out of the tree on their skateboards (OMG! Character development! The boys are all troublemakers and, oh wait we already knew this, nevermind false alarm).

Why can't we do anything for this episode?

The next morning, Marge tells Bart that they're going to have another get-together and Bart seems less than thrilled about it. Marge then is told by her friends that they should meet every Tuesday and Marge gladly agrees (With a stupid brain joke. I'm getting too old for this shit). Homer hears Marge coming home at 12:10 AM and we see Marge drunk and not even tired (The only thing Brian Kelley can get right; Character derailment). After another pointless scene of the parents being together (Seriously, this is just so boring, it's giving me no material) we see Bart getting made fun of by his new friends (Who I still don't know, say Brian, if you want me to give a rat's ass. Give me a reason to care!) Lisa then sees Bart doing a dare for the boys and she tells him that he needs to get Marge away from the women. Bart concludes it has something to do with the scar on his hand (Which is still never explained how HE NEVER SAW IT BEFORE IN HIS LIFE!!!) After Dr. Hibbert tells Bart to go see Comic Book Guy, he and Lisa head over to him where CBG decides to tell bart about how he got it (After threatening a rare comic book. Odd how this episode indicates that Bart's had this scar his entire life yet in ALL the times he's gone to the store, CBG NEVER DECIDED TO TELL HIM ABOUT IT!! I'm sorry, but this episode's really pissing me off, must be the Kelley effect).

Give us a coherent plot or I'll ruin this comic book

CBG tells Bart that the scar happened 7 years ago on July 4th at the 4th of July picnic for Springfield. After a lot of unfunny jokes (Please kill me now) we see that CBG was in charge of the fireworks display and Marge and her group were in the audience with their kids. Bart and the boys then snuck off to the fireworks controls where they pressed all the buttons causing the fireworks to all go off at once and cause chaos. One of the fireworks made it back to the control panel destroying CBG's sandwich and causing the four sword shaped toothpicks to explode off and land on all of the boys hands... THAT IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT!!! Let me count the ways this makes no sense in the slightest:

1. There were 4 toothpicks for the sandwich no more, no less, how convenient
2. I'm no scientist but they all happened to superheat instead of melting like the plastic they are
3. They all happened to land on each boy's hands and stay there long enough to cause said scar
4. That's not the way fireworks work, they don't head back when dozens are all shot off at once
5. Bart can remember back to when he was 2 or 3 but he can't remember this?!
6. Why doesn't Bart EVER question why he has this scar on his hand?
7. This causes the whole "Connection" to make even less sense as it was purely coincidence that they all got the scar on their hands instead of it being intentional to connect them for life

Class act our Mr. Kelley, classy

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm nitpicking but this episode is terrible. Anyways, Bart decides to make a new explosive to cause the moms to separate, but Marge catches Bart making it and Milhouse runs away (Nice to know he was vital). Bart tells Marge the truth and Marge gets angry that he wants her as a mother again and she can't be with her friends (I hate your character derailment Brian). After Bart explodes the fireworks anyways (With Homer being an idiot *Bites tongue*) Marge then tells her group about Bart's plan as the other women accuse Bart of being the bad apple. Marge defends Bart as she decides to leave because they insulted her son (Which leads to the 3 remaining women making out after she leaves... FUCK YOU BRIAN KELLEY!!!) Bart and Lisa comfort Marge about losing her friends as Marge tells the kids that Homer ended up staying with the fathers (As they do what they've done the entire episode: NOTHING!)

Final Verdict: This episode sucks, the plot is stupid, there is no coherence anywhere to be found, the pacing is abysmal and plot elements are dropped almost as quickly as they are added. The jokes are terrible, the writing is lazy and horrible and the episode is boring, I've just got one thing to say about this:
Brian Kelley, YOU'RE! A! HACK!!!!

Final Grade: 1.7/10 Talk about a title that's just a word off from what we all feel. This is truly an episode I'd like to forget.

Phil Hartman Dedication Month: Introduction

Hi there! I'm KK (Or Kriken) you may remember me from such blog posts as; "Episode 1: Elementary School Musical" and "Episode 5: Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life". I'm here to pay homage to one of the greatest guests that the show ever had: Phil Hartman. I can't recall a single performance he gave that I didn't like, he always had a way of stealing the scene or episode whenever he was around, God bless him. It was very tragic what happened to him to end his life so abruptly. So I thought I'd begin this month with a little bit of insight about Phil Hartman from characters, to episodes, to even how he became a part of this show.

To begin let's go over all the different characters Hartman voiced:

• Lionel Hutz
• Troy McClure
• Lyle Lanley
• Bill Clinton (No Seriously)
• Fat Tony (We'll get more into this later)
• The Godfather
• Nelson's Father
• Jimmy Apollo
• Tom
• Horst
• Evan Conover
• Moses
• Shady Cable Man
• Plato

In short, the man was a great talent and provided the show with tons of characters. Not all of them were memorable, but they were all great to watch. Of course his two most famous are Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz and I'll go into more detail about them later this month.

Probably the thing I find most interesting about Hartman was the fact that he was only supposed to be a one-time character as "Competent, funny lawyer Lionel Hutz" (That lasted a long time). But sources say (Wikipedia and DVD commentaries) that he enjoyed the writing staff so much he asked to come back as recurring characters and thus Homer vs Lisa and the 8th Commandment was made (Okay it wasn't JUST for Hartman, but it was the launch of Troy McClure so I get points here). Over the years, Phil Hartman would return for a few episodes per season and eventually Hartman grew so attached to the character of Troy McClure, he asked the staff about making a live action Troy McClure movie (More on that later). I could list my favorite performances, but I feel that leaving any of them off the list would be a grave injustice to the man's work. But I will say that my all time favorite performance from him has to be Lyle Lanley in Marge vs the Monorail. That is an all-time great episode and I felt that Hartman just stole the show with his Music Man character who is just over-the-top expressive. The character has no subtly in the way he act but is just great in the way he is able to manipulate people into giving him their money for his scam. I don't think there was a moment when he was on screen where I didn't enjoy him. Where was I going? Oh yeah back to the introduction... Really not much more to add to this post, I basically just wanted to introduce the concept of what's to come the next few weeks. There will be more detail to come as I talk about certain characters, certain episodes and scenes in greater detail about a great man.

In short, I hope this month is as successful as the "Juice Loosener" and you all come back for more.

HP Lovecraft Review #1: The Haunted Palace

So, hey, folks, RBY speaking. Just a quick introduction. My little series examines films claiming to be adaptations of H. P. Lovecraft's works and tries to evaluate them as an adaptation and as a film - after all, just because something's a poor adaptation doesn't make it a bad film. Not everyone will know the story it's trying to adapt and thus will have no expectations.

I admit, this is my first-ever review. Constructive criticism is much appreciated, and any feedback is much beloved. Thanks for supporting Kriken, and, in advance, thanks for giving me the time of day.


The Haunted Palace - a 1960s movie named after Edgar Allen Poe's poem but claiming to also be based on H. P. Lovecraft's 'The Case of Charles Dexter Ward'. For those who aren't aware, it was part of a series by the American International Pictures showcasing Poe's work - the title was their idea and was chosen against the director's wishes. For MST3K fans, I'm going to drop a name that might make you groan: Roger Corman. Yes, he directed this film. Before you go, though, you ought to know the star: Vincent Price. I'll be honest, before this film, I never saw Price's acting. Now... Well, I'll tell you after the summary. Spoilers ahoy.

The movie opens with credits over a spider spinning its web and catching a butterfly to eat it. Anyone who's read the book this movie is based on can see that it could be apt symbolism for the actual story; anyone just watching the movie may get a little lost.

After these credits is a cut to the 1700s (I assume), showing Vincent Price as Joseph Curwen, kidnapping a young woman for his experiments (aka forced to mate with Elder Gods. Dead serious). He is then caught and burned alive by a mob. 110 years later, Charles Ward and his wife (!) Ann arrive in the town of Arkham to claim Charles' great-great-grandfather's palace as part of a mysterious inheritance. Neither intend to stay long, due to the palace's creepy feel, the mutated humans running around as a result of Curwen's experimentation, and the unfriendly residents who note Charles' uncanny resemblance to Curwen. However, the housekeeper Simon persuades them to stay long enough for Curwen to start possessing his descendant. Charles soon becomes unable to leave the house, with the townspeople growing suspicious of him. Curwen starts getting revenge on the descendants of the townspeople who killed him, aided by Simon and another old assistant, Jebidiah.

Finally, Charles makes one last attempt to leave but fails, with Curwen sending Ann away in Willet's care. Both soon return in hopes of saving Charles from the town and from his ancestor's grasp. While the two search the palace for Charles, eventually stumbling across his not-so-well-hidden laboratory, the townspeople form a mob and set the palace on fire. Curwen captures Ann and intends to subject her to his 'experimentation', restraining Willet; however, when the fire above destroys the portrait of Curwen, Charles breaks free to save Ann. Simon and Jebidiah attack Charles while Willet gets Ann out of the burning palace. He then goes back and pulls out Charles as well, with the implication at the end being that Charles is still possessed by Curwen.


As an adaptation of 'The Case of Charles Dexter Ward', this movie fails. The setting is wrong: the big issue being that there was never a palace, though the lab isn't as secretive nor as well-hidden as it should have been. The characters are wrong: two major examples are that Charles was a bookish awkward teen interested in history, with Dr. Willet as the family physician (and thus having a reason to care so much about Charles). The plot is wrong: Curwen's plans never directly involved the Elder Gods, and what he actually did to Charles is possibly more disturbing than the demonic possession presented in the movie. The worst sin of all, though, is the treatment of Curwen: in the book, everything he did was so awful, so gruesome, that the town struck him nearly entirely out of history, and it was only through Charles' best efforts he found anything at all. In the movie, the whole town knows about Curwen, even naming a tavern to reference his fate, but still try to act like he wasn't a person. Sorry, townsfolk (and movie), but that I can't excuse by any means.

Now, to be fair to this film, it wasn't all bad. Sure, most of the actors are average, at best, with the exception of Vincent Price. I will say this once, Vincent Price turns this from an awful adaptation into a pretty decent B-movie. The effects are cheesy, the climax far too rushed, certain characters are not worth their screentime, and the plot missed the point of the book it was supposed to be based on, but the music isn't bad and, again, Vincent Price. Honestly, if the movie had just been 'inspired by' the novel, and the names were changed, it would significantly improve this flick for Lovecraft fans.

Overall: Lovecraft fans, don't bother unless you can not take it seriously. Non-Lovecraft fans, it may be Corman, but it's at least worth a look via renting or Youtube.

Episode 1: Sex, Pies, and Idiot Scrapes

I could skip this season and just post about 5 paragraphs worth of obscenities towards this season and it'd be just the same. But I'm contractually obligated to explain in detail why I hate this season. What better way than to review the 21 combined episodes that make me enraged. Let's begin the hell that is "The Simpsons Season 20".

We begin this episode with the family going to a St. Patrick's Day Parade (The only way this can be any good is if Bart gets drunk (Hey, we have a rule about not discussing better episodes!)). After an unfunny, pointless scene involving the river and Mr. Burns (Yay for padding!), Mayor *Insert Irish names* Quimby declares there to be no booze for the celebration. Mayor Quimby tries to calm down the audience by listing things that Ireland created. After a pointless IRA joke (I thought Bart was ignorant about the history of... anywhere) we get to see some Irish stereotype floats and a Northern Irish parade towards the Irish. Lisa goes to calm the two sides down by singing an Irish lullaby that was conveniently given to her before the episode (I know she's smart but not this smart).

Stop fighting! We can't have excitement in this episode

The Irish then go back to doing what they do best: disorderly conduct. Marge then gets mobbed by Irish kids and loses her cupcakes. A man named Mr. Flannery retrieves the cupcakes for her and offers her a job at his bakery. Meanwhile, Homer goes for arraignment on his involvement in the riot. His bail is set incredibly high, forcing him to seek out a bail bond center. At the center, Homer gets bailed out and is told if he doesn't appear for his court date, a bounty hunter will chase him. Homer becomes a bounty hunter himself (after he got fired for getting arrested) and he lures Snake and his girlfriend into a trap. He traps Snake in an alley which leads to Snake shooting Homer (I wonder how this will play out).

Thank you Flanders, lazy writing has saved me again

When the commercial break ends (much to our dismay), we cut back to Flanders putting his Deus ex Machina, er, I mean bullet-proof glass in front of the bullet to save Homer. After Homer then apprehends Snake, he proposes to Ned that they should team up to catch criminals. We check back with Marge at her new job as a baker for an erotic bakery (The name of the bakery should have tipped her off; I don't want to buy my mom a cake from a place called "Au Naturel"). Marge gets furious at Mr. Flannery for not telling her, but, through the power of an unimpressive speech, she agrees to stay (I call foul on this, I really doubt Marge would want to continue doing this now that she knows what it is)(I concur; Marge has some pretty 1950s' housewife values). Homer and Ned then have a small talk which leads to Homer misusing a taser and tazing himself. After a montage of them catching bail-jumpers (Yeah I'm doing that again, I didn't plan on it I swear) Homer gives his family presents from his job.

Real subtle there. Bet you can't guess what's made inside

After a scene where Marge prevents Homer from knowing what she really does, Homer and Ned stake out the Italian restaurant for Fat Tony, from which he escapes on a subway car. Homer pursues him recklessly to pad out the episode a little. Ned then expresses his disgust for Homer's disrespect for the law (And I express my own to the fact that Fat Tony was only given grunts as lines; if you bring in Joe Mantegna for Fat Tony, GIVE HIM SOME LINES!). Flanders then calls the partnership off and Homer agrees. Homer grieves over the friendship being over when the writers decided to throw in Marge telling Homer about her job (Seriously, how he finds out is awful: she just tells him for no reason even though earlier she was ashamed enough not to explain why they couldn't get a cake for Lisa's Birthday). After some unfunny jokes involving cake, Flanders finds out he needs to catch Homer because he missed his court date. After Flanders hesitates, he decides to search for Homer because he doesn't want Homer hurt by a different bounty hunter.

Welcome back to "Physics is for losers". Today we will rape the laws of gravity and momentum.

Flanders then chases Homer in a chase scene that has physics makes Bill Nye's knowledge of science look like Einstein (That's just being mean to Bill Nye) (By the way Homer and Flanders are both very athletic and would put Bruce Lee to shame. Consistency, what's that?). Good Lord, this chase lasts for over two minutes and it's not really good either. After the chase is over they decide to further pad it by talking like they're Obi-Wan and Anikan from Revenge of the Sith. After Homer remembers all the good times with Flanders, he decides to save him but it backfires as they land in some wet cement, which doesn't seem to hurt them despite the fact the cement is about 6 ft. deep and it hardens as soon as they land in it (Oh booze I've missed you). Flanders pads out the end with reciting the Bible as Homer is taken to jail. Marge sends him a cake that says she loves him and the episode ends.

Final Judgment: What a stupid episode, I don't know which was worse the Marge subplot or the bad buddy cop main plot. The opening ended up being entirely pointless as it really could have been any situation and it would have been the same. The writing seemed half-assed as there were times where I wondered what happened to the main characters' personalities and I wonder who thought this would be a good idea. When you get down to it, the subplot was just filler as it really had no implication on the main plot and didn't develop anything for any of the main characters.

Final Grade: 3.4/10 What a way to open up a shitty season, this was a red flag to what would become of this season, but nobody seemed to listen. Word of advice: never open your season with garbage, it'll be the first impression on how your season will be.

January Schedule

1/3: Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes (Individual post)
1/5: The Haunted Palace (RBY review)
1/7: Phil Hartman dedication month (Part 1)
1/10: Mom's I'd like to Forget
1/12: Lost Verizon (Individual Post)
1/14: Phil Hartman dedication month (Part2)
1/17: Flaming Moe
1/19: Double, Double, Boy in Trouble (Individual post)
1/21: Phil Hartman dedication month (Part 3)
1/24: Homer the Father
1/26: Treehouse of Horror XIX (Individual post)
1/26: Phil Hartman dedication month (Part 4)
*1/31: Mid Season Report Card

Subject to change