Episode 11: The D'oh-Cial Network

What was it that Krusty said a few weeks ago about how animation departments take a long time to animate these things so thus their topical references seem dated when they air but we shouldn't blame them? Do as I say, not as I do is the phrase that comes to mind because they continue to put out dated shit and expect us to think it's topical NOW. So today we get a washed up episode about social networks, yeah because a better show hasn't already done something similar in a much better way *Cough* You Have 0 Friends *Cough* Yeah I could go on, but let's just take a look at this trainwreck and continue on with our lives.

The episode begins (But not without a long ass intro sequence that takes up 1:54. Yeah padding is going to be a common theme here) with a court scene of Blue-Haired lawyer questioning Lisa about how her actions brought devastation upon the town (She found out the last decimal place of Pi?) After some more forced dialogue (Yeah I'm going to keep complaining about how their characters never talk like people but talk like bad sitcom characters because I hate that) Bart acts out and Marge tells him it's okay to do it at home but not in public (...*pounds face into wall*). Marge then tells Lisa to tell her side of the story (Because Lisa could not afford a lawyer or something... I've watched this episode 3 times and I STILL have no idea how or why she's in court, what charges are brought against her, who is filing the charges or who is defending Lisa. This episode is confusing and I'll go into more detail why later).

~When you see my face, hope it gives you hell...~

As Lisa is ready to go into flashback mode (Anyone else getting Falcon and the D'ohman flashbacks themselves?) it's halted by BHL (Blue Haired Lawyer, I'm just saving space here) telling everyone to imagine it for themselves (Oh for Christ's sake, GET ON WITH IT!) The flashback begins with a movie of McBain and Mendoza (Rule of entertainment; never remind us of better things we could be watching) as it turns out that Homer was watching that from someone else's car while he was driving (I'm sorry, was that meant to be a joke? The execution was terrible). Anyways, Homer parks in a space, but after seeing someone approach behind him he decides that the runtime was 30 seconds too short and decides to pad it out by doing an unfunny bit with him pretending to be leaving, but then tells the man he wasn't, I especially love the exchange between Homer and Bart:

• Bart: We totally wasted his time
• Homer: And ours

Guy: Hey! Are you that guy who ran over my poodle?!
Homer: I thought I could turn your poodle into a puddle *Heh-heh-heh*

Nice to know that unfunny padding qualifies as entertainment. Anyways, in the fancy new mall (That will never be seen outside this episode. Anyone want to take that bet?) we get some more pointlessness as we get a scene of a harmless trolley and a drawn out unfunny scene of Lenny loosing his marbles (We're at the 5:30 mark and we still have no clue why Lisa is in court. GET ON WITH IT!) Anyways, on the trolley, Marge goes through her purse as she decides to throw away gift cards of companies that went out of business and thus begins a 'in memoriam' scene of gift cards with "hilarious" parody names... I'll be out back with a whiskey jar wondering why I just didn't quit on this show 5 years ago like I should have. Marge then gives everyone a gift card and they all split off, Homer goes to "Cinnabun" (Get it? They changed the "O" to a "U" therefore it's funny, right?!) Bart goes to a complexion store (Run by a female Milhouse based on the voice) and Lisa goes to a "Blocko" store where she is told that she is not allowed to buy a Lego, er I mean Blocko and make something new with it (My collection says otherwise). 

What a witty parody, what will they think up next?

The last one I don't even get, I know that Lego in the 50's to 60's (Not exactly sure, just off the top of my head) sold Legos in boxes with no real instructions. They do that occasionally today, so I don't really get this, maybe I'm looking too deep into this and giving it more thought than the writers did. BHL then asks Lisa if the court REALLY needs to hear all these details and Lisa insists that it is as she left a lot out and clean up the swears (And yet they SOMEHOW didn't make the runtime based on this alone. These guys are fucking lazy as they pad out this episode to the max and insist it's all needed. The only reason it's needed is because they couldn't be bothered with putting in actual effort). Lisa then goes back into flashback mode as we find out that she approached Sherri and Terri but they told her she was uncool and Lisa is saddened by this (Two things; 1. Where have I heard this recently? 2. Initially I thought the animators got lazy with Lisa's arm bands and forgot to animate them, but after watching it again, you can see them for a brief second before she approaches them. As much as I want to call out the animators for this, they actually did put this in for a brief second so they win this round). 

Somewhere, the CEO of Apple is not insulted

Oh and BTW, notice how this display was NOT in the establishing shot.

After Marge pulls Homer away from the Cinnabon (I'm surprised they didn't call it the "Cinnabin" I is closer to O than U is on the keyboard) she takes Homer into the "Mapple" store (... yeah I'm just going to refer to it as Apple instead) Homer notices an ultra-thin MacBook as Homer decides to buy it... for some reason... somehow considering what he makes... do you get the point yet? So after Homer somehow paid for it, we see him at home using it at the kitchen table (IT'S THE 8:30 MARK AND WE STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHY LISA IS IN COURT YET! DEAR GOD JUST GET ON WITH IT!) Lisa then comes in dejected as she tells Homer and Marge that she has no friends (Janey, Ralph, Milhouse, Allison... are we getting the point yet?) Oh and it might just be coincidental but as I stated earlier, the South Park episode dealing with social networks was titled You have 0 Friends maybe I'm looking too deep into that line. So after Homer decides to act like a jerkass for no reason (tee-hee, Homer downloaded Shakespeare just to delete it, Homer funny) we see Lisa up late in a Springfield chat as she tries to find out what other people have in common with her. 

Let's see, if I buy 30 lbs. of Yellow Cake Uranium, I get 20 lbs. free... SWEET!

After Bart upsets Jimbo... somehow hearing him (Random does not equal funny) Lisa decides that she should set up an online meeting place to find other people with similar interests as her so that she can make more friends. AND TIME! The plot decides to show up at the 9:35 mark... IT TOOK THEM 9 AND A HALF MINUTES?! DEAR GOD MOVIES DON'T TAKE THAT LONG AND THEY GET A 90 MINUTE RUNTIME, ugh this is gonna suck. After the commercial break, we cut back to the courtroom where BHL decides to recap what we've already seen... Have I said that the writers are targeting this show towards toasters? I take that back, toasters aren't this dumb. I'm thinking now more along the line of rocks. Lisa then explains that she gathered some of her online friends to help construct this site as we go back into flashback mode (Hang on, need to recover from the whiplash a bit). Lisa tells everyone that "SpringFace" (UGGGHHH....) will be popular as soon as they finish coding it. Then Nelson appears (For some reason, why would he be in the computer lab?) as he decides to beat up on all the nerds sans Lisa for being there ("More padding, less substance!"- Matt Selman to the writing staff) 

I guess nerds really aren't all that smart

Back in the courtroom, we find out that her site was an instant success (So Lisa too has fallen prey to the "Instant expert" bug of the writing staff. I thought she'd be immune). We then get a montage of kids from Springfield Elementary using Facebook (No I will not refer to it by that shit name, it's degrading to humor) as we find out that everyone either has a laptop or a smart phone that they use during recess (Maybe in Hollywood, but not in Springfield). Really there is just so much stupid (Like the Skinner-Chalmers scene) and nothing funny, it's hard to talk about these scenes. Anyways, Lisa gets 1001 friends on Facebook as she finds out that grownups use it as well (Blah, blah, blah WHY IS LISA IN COURT?!) Oh and I like how basically the only forms of laptops/smartphones are Apple based. Does FOX have a contract with Apple or something? It's rather clear that this staff wanted Steve Jobs to cameo on this show before he died and I guess they just want to stay relevant with Apple (Something I mentioned last year). After Lisa is impressed by creating something popular (The same Lisa that would rather have something scientific over something with cute factor win a science fair? Eh nevermind it's not the same circumstances, just throwing it out there) Homer decides to act like a clueless moron because that's what he is today, derpty-doo. 

Because everyone in America has a tablet, smartphone or laptop in the writing staff's eyes
in other news; America is still in a recession

After BHL explains what just happened AGAIN (Rocks are now having their intelligence insulted) we get some more scenes of grownups using Facebook, from things like Homer drunk texting Marge (He didn't need Facebook to do that) the church checking their FB during church (Including Ned Flanders... NO! Just... NO!) Lisa goes around the playground as everyone's too busy with FB to play with her as she says she feels even more alone (Bored, bored, bore- ZZZZ....) BHL AGAIN sums up what happened not 5 minutes ago (This writing staff learned by reading "Writing for idiots" but they forgot that THEY were the idiots, not the audience) as the Ask Jeeves guy leaves after being insulted (Competing with Family Guy for most random joke I see). After another court scene, we find out that FB took on new ideas, like playing games as we see Bart, Milhouse and the bullies playing online (Just so BORING). After we see Marge and Homer surfing the web on their smartphones while driving (See, it's witty satire, because nobody with a smartphone would keep their eyes on the road, RIGHT?! I wish for pain by way of distracted driving for these writers. Not death, but pain). And because Homer thinks he's being funny (He's not) he hits Moleman and causes a huge crash (Because Smartphones and Facebook always cause that... I'm just going to list off things that cause more deaths than smartphones: Drinking, eating while driving, putting on makeup while driving, fidgeting with the transmission...) 

Big deal, you should see what Twitter did to Los Angeles... Oh wait it was always like that

Anyways, chaos ensues and the city apparently burns because everyone is too distracted by Facebook (What kind of chicken shit is this? This isn't a parody or satire as Facebook is no more addictive than some other sites. Really this is more of a parody of a parody, you know how things gets exaggerated to the point of stupid but above all; THIS ISN'T FUNNY!) Back in court, BHL then asks Lisa why the city shouldn't force her to shut down the site... Wait a second the city is blaming Lisa for their stupidity? Okay forgive me for not watching The Social Network so I might be wrong, but I never got ANY indication from reviews of that movie, trailers or any news reports that Facebook was told to shut down due to accidents involving it. In short, the writers are hacks who know nothing about the internet and yet try to use the internet to appeal to people who could care less about them. Lisa then tries to defend herself by saying she had friends (The correct response would be; "It is not my fault these people enjoyed something I made. It is their responsibility to control themselves" oh wait, Lisa is written by a moron, my mistake) and in the end is ordered to shut down Facebook. Lisa goes into shutting it down as dramatic music plays while she's doing it (When you make a boring episode, you do not deserve dramatic music, now apologize). 

On that day, Little Lisa learned that twas not the virtual friends that was important
but the friends that you can mooch off of was

As she's shutting it down, people throw out their laptops and smartphones (Times I used my smartphone for Facebook: <10). Afterwards, Lisa is invited by Janey and friends to play as she agrees (Oh and Homer buts in because the scene had nothing to do with him, but the writers are desperate for "humor"). The episode ends with some text about Skinner and honey, a bad Twitter mention (Seriously, adding "Spring-" to a word does not constitute humor) and Kearney's avatar dying or something. Now there are two other things completely unrelated to this story to help make it to the 21:30 mark (Seeing as the main story only got up to the 18:30 mark) but I'm not going to go into detail as they are both pointless and worth mentioning.

Final Verdict: Dear God this one SUCKED. I would do the "Candidate for worst episode" thing again, but as long as this season continues, I can't do that. The writing was just awful, this in no way was funny, nor satirical of anything. The jokes were terrible outside maybe one, the pacing was awful with the plot not even starting until the 9:30 mark and the padding, oh dear God the padding. I could do an entire rant about how padded this episode was and in the end NOTHING HAPPENED. This isn't some "Oh but status quo was achieved", no nothing happened, the episode started with Lisa in court and ended with Lisa shutting down a site she somehow created and made popular.

Final Grade: 0.7/10 I never want to see this again, current frontrunner for "Worst of the season" But expect that to change soon