Episode 6: Little Orphan Millie

So with Milhouse's parents divorced and staying divorced, we all expected that to remain a constant throughout the series. Then this episode rolled along, I guess Al Jean hates all things resembling quality so he tries his damn hardest to have the new episodes allude to the old ones, but at the same time try their best to retcon them. With that said, let's take a look at today's episode.

The episode begins with the Simpsons and the Van Houtens all having a picnic when Marge notices a bee on Maggie (Say, this scene has Homer in it, but isn't about him, let's see how long that lasts). Homer tries to calm Maggie away from the bee, only to stand up and get a beehive stuck on his head (Like fucking clockwork). This then leads to him falling in a blueberry patch and rolling himself up in the green picnic blanket (Yeah that bad joke of "Homer looking like Marge" was totally worth the dozens of brain cells that just died). Kirk Van Houten then announces that he and Luann are getting back together (Because as we all know, season 19 is FAR superior to season 8... I'm just going to go punch a wall for an hour). Then again, the saving grace is that nobody CARED about this episode, so in reality, they're still divorced. After some banter between Milhouse and his parents, we see Homer trying to get ready for the wedding. Marge suggests that he wears a tie that goes with her eyes and thus begins the subplot of Homer (And the audience) trying to figure out Marge's eye color (Okay, I've got this one. Her eye color is black, there, problem solved).

Come on Marge! There's no time for peek-a-boo now

After Marge needlessly runs into a bunch of things (Senseless violence = humor) we go to the wedding where Marge again complains about Homer not knowing her eye color. Okay, I've got to ask a question. Does this seem out-of-character for her to anyone else? She knows he's flawed when it comes to remembering things and she's forgiven him for worse things. I just feel that Marge being bitter towards Homer over a small detail like that is just very out-of-character for her. After an unfunny re-marriage (Just keep padding this out) we see Kirk and Luann going on a cruise and leaving Milhouse with the Simpsons (Hey Marge isn't covering her eyes. Quick Homer! Go look into her eyes, oh wait, the director forgot that detail, silly me). Back home we see Homer telling Bart and Milhouse a bedtime story as they're roasting their continuity-defying marshmallows.

Bye everyone, we're leaving forever

They then both go to sleep (At first glance I thought they were in the same sleeping bag, but considering what happens in Double, Double, Boy in Trouble, I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case) Milhouse expresses how he feels happy that his parents are back together again (That's the cue for a predictable "ironic" event). On the cruise, we see Luann and Kirk are both a bit tipsy as Kirk tries to carry Luann into the room, but happen to stumble through the hallway, and through a very small casino onto the deck where apparently railings are non-existent and they fall over. Okay, there's just too much bullshit to complain about here, so I'll make this quick:

• If you were ever on a cruise that shaky, the boat's probably made of wood and from the 1700's
• I think Kirk took a grand total of 7 steps through a casino, even a dorm room requires more than 7 steps from one end to another
• Momentum doesn't work that way, even in cartoon physics

Hey, think of the bright side, that could've been the second Titanic

Okay, stupid scene over, let's continue. After we see Kirk and Luann in the ocean, we cut back home where Bart and Milhouse find a hole and it leads to them flushing a bunch of spiders out of another hole, which interrupts Lisa's and Jannie's tea party (Well that was pointless and not too humorous, way to kill about 30 seconds there). We then see a car driving towards the home in a scene straight from Saving Private Ryan as the men inform Milhouse that his parents were lost at sea (Huh, no Castaway jokes, I thought that would have been more appropriate). And because death isn't funny, Bart comes by to spray Milhouse with a hose until he's told that Milhouse's parents may have died (I love how they always manage to take away any emotion from a scene with so little effort). The men then tell Milhouse that they'll try to look for them, but it's doubtful they will be able to find them (Eh, they're probably partying with Tom Hanks and Wilson right now). After Marge and Homer decide to take Milhouse in (Do they have any other choice?) we cut to the next morning where Homer does his best to act like a complete asshole in listing all the things they have with sea-related names (Just more filler for you, because real jokes or substance requires effort). Marge and Bart try to cheer Milhouse up, but Milhouse has decided that going emo is better (I swear if he goes emo Peter Parker, I quit).

Whose that dork?

It's Milhouse!
Milhouse: Pain is the only way to feel

After Maggie gives Milhouse her bottle, Milhouse realizes he needs to grow up and put the death of his parents behind him...wait what? We then go to Homer looking for the photo album as Marge has put a lock on the wedding album and Homer doesn't know the combination. The next day, we see Milhouse wearing a black leather jacket standing under a tree being about as interesting as Edward Cullen (Crap Milhouse has become emo Peter Parker). After Lisa seems intrigued by Milhouse's new emo personality (Why must they try to get them together?) Nelson insults Milhouse, but Milhouse's apathetic dialogue causes Lisa to fawn for him some more (Screw previously established character development... ugh). Milhouse tells Nelson to beat him up and Nelson can't bring himself to do it. Nelson then tells Bart that he's been replaced as the coolest kid in school and Bart feels that Milhouse won't threaten him for that title (Thanks for setting up the plot Bart, here's your check, have a nice day). After Bart gets left alone at lunch, we see that emo Milhouse truly is the most popular kid now (I blame Twilight for allowing these pseudo-philosophical emo kids to be considered cool) After Bart literally begs for attention (Like father, like son I guess) we get to see Marge dance with Bart to try to cheer him up (That's an image that'll never leave my mind). Later, Bart decides that he needs to get Milhouse back to what he was before, but is interrupted by Homer being hypocritical in telling Bart to just think his thoughts (No, not ironic, that would imply his bit was funny). Bart decides to call Milhouse's Danish uncle to try to make Milhouse happy again, and thus unpopular.

Can you tell me who this "Indiana Jones" guy is? I'm Indiana Joe

At the airport, Bart thinks a big nerd is the uncle, but is surprised when Indiana Jones, er I mean Norbert Van Houten comes in via his own bi-plane. After Norbert punches out the nerd (Because he was so funny...) we cut to the park where Norbert tells Milhouse he's there for him and Milhouse decides that he doesn't need Norbert, which makes Norbert proud of Milhouse and makes Milhouse even more popular (Don't these girls have some sparkly vampires to swoon over?) Back home, Homer still can't figure out Marge's eye color, until Grampa on a hammock tells him that he wrote a song for Marge. Homer recites the song and remembers her eyes are Hazel, Marge hears that and she forgives Homer (Oh thank God it's over, that subplot was so intense).

~I always feel like, someone's watching me~

After Uncle Indy (New name for him) lets Milhouse fly hi bi-plane, Bart asks Lisa why he's jealous of Milhouse. She tells him that he loves Milhouse and after some denial, Bart admits that he does love Milhouse (And thus more Yaoi Fanfic was created). The next day at school, Skinner announces that Milhouse is leaving to go live with Uncle Indy. As theyleave via hot-air balloon (I know something else that's full of hot air) Bart grabs onto the rope and tells Milhouse he doesn't want to see him leave. Bart goes along with them and the hot-air balloon ends up colliding with Luann and Kirk's attempt to get off an island they were apparently stranded on the entire time (No Wilson, I'm saddened by this). Milhouse reverts back to his babyish ways when he sees his parents and all is saved when Uncle Indy announces he radioed for help. The episode ends with Kirk and Uncle Indy getting into a fight because of some ethnic issue or something.

Final Verdict: This episode was bad, but not terrible, it could have been far worse. The subplot was annoyingly pointless and mundane, the idea to reunite Milhouse's parents was dumb and poorly executed and the whole "Milhouse is a dark, misunderstood outcast" was just ludicrous. But in the end, it's not something that's mind-numbing nor is it really worth your time.

Final Grade: 3.7/10 If it didn't have "Emo Milhouse" I think it would have been better