Episode 4: Replaceable You

Uh let's see *Checks calendar* Despicable Me was released in theaters on July 7th 2010, and today is November 7th 2011. Seems like perfect timing to me to have this title. In other news, The Simpsons will have an episode called Mr. Homer's Penguins that'll air in February 2013 and  another called Horrible Parents that'll air in May 2013. Okay you get the gist, Modern Simpsons has never been known to have their titles or topical references actually be relevant when they air. They seem to be disconnected with the outside world and think that they can do the same things as South Park. News flash: South Park is usually written and produced within the week of its airing. So for them, the topical jokes are still fresh, for Simpsons... you'll find fresher things in a garbage bag. Anyways, with a completely original idea of Homer having to worry about a woman at his workplace *Cough* The Last Temptation of Homer *cough* this should be a smash, right? Well smashing your head against a table sounds like a more entertaining thing to do, let's take a look at today's episode.

The episode begins (After a 1:30 opening and a 30 second Itchy and Scratchy cartoon with no true humor. You know what? The itchy and Scratchy cartoon was more Halloween-related then their Halloween special. That is sad) with Lisa showing Bart her science project and Bart is unimpressed (As am I, Lisa should be recording how smart hamsters are compared to humans). After a horrible joke from Bart (Words escape me for them ACTUALLY having him make that model) we see Bart working on a cootie shot when Milhouse comes in with a bestiality joke about him kissing his dog (...WHU?!) But Bart scraps the project when Lisa says it's basically like what he did last year (You know, considering just how uninspiring Lisa's project is, she has no room to talk). Bart then sees Martin hanging from a tree and shoots him down, Martin thanks him for saving him and Bart asks Martin for help on his science fair project (Okay, so that makes it two ideas from previous episodes. You know I'm sick and tired of people trying to defend the show stating "But it's been on for 23 years, of course you'll run out of ideas" If you can't think of anything original, then don't pretend like you can). After a pointless, unfunny dream sequence from Martin (Gotta hit that 21:30 mark SOMEHOW) Martin agrees and they pass by Milhouse kissing his dog... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE WRITERS?! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!!!

Basically the same scene, but one tries way too hard while the other is funny. Which one is which?

We then cut to the Nuclear Plant where we see Homer reading up on the safety manual, but then finding it boring and pulling out a pillow and sleepers to put over his eyes (Ah yes, avoiding the easy way for comedy (Just having him with his feet up on the console and leaned back in his chair) for the more complex, unfunny alternative. Too bad they don't put nearly that much effort into anything else). Homer then gets woken up by a woman (*Checks FOX.com* FUCK! This is the Jane Lynch cameo, I am so screwed right now) she introduces herself as Homer assistant and they exchange some dialogue which teaches us nothing about her or why Homer got an assistant (Say you know that filler at the beginning? Yeah that in no way could have been used to explain why she was assigned to Homer a la Last Temptation of Homer. But NO! That I&S cartoon was VITAL!) After he shows her the breakroom, where the jokes are about as funny as nails in your arm (Oh and there's a beachball or something, it's appeared twice already, so expect a scene later on for it to appear with no humor).

Oh hai random beach ball... wait what?

We then cut back home where Martin is helping Bart with his project, Martin tells Bart to come up with something more scientific and Bart thinks up 'Robo-pet' when he sees Santa's Little Helper with a Vader mask (Do I sense a scene with Jerkass Homer screaming at Vader-dog?) After Homer 'worships' SLH (Ugh) Martin approves of the idea and the scene ends with Nelson appearing out of nowhere for a 'joke' (REASON! YOU MUST HAVE IT! Your jokes don't have humor if it doesn't make sense). We then cut back later to the room where Martin and Bart have created a mechanical baby seal, complete with fur and blinking eyes, justifying it with the ability that nobody can hate a baby seal (I don't know, tell that to this guy) After Bart has the baby seal attack Homer (Because we need to see Homer act like a pompous ass all the time) we cut to the science fair where of course Bart and Martin win first place because as we all learned, "Every good scientist is half B.F. Skinner and half P.T. Barnum." After some more meh jokes, we cut to the Retirement Castle where Lisa is complaining to Grampa about how it's not fair that she lost to Bart and Martin and how her project was better (Ever wonder what would have happened if Duffless was written today? Well wonder no longer, because we have the answer right here; it would have sucked!)

Look Lisa, you lost to Bart's flying hamster fair and square, no need to be butthurt about it

After Grampa tries to cheer Lisa up, the baby seal doll approaches Jasper to cheer him up and this causes Jasper to get up and dance with the seal... I'm pretty sure all my meds are in order. Lisa feels bad for how she hated on the project and Bart tells her that he was able to make the 'Homer Humiliator' which we proceed to see humiliate Homer (I wonder what would happen if the writers were given the restrictions of: Don't have Homer engage in senseless violence. I think they'd go into the fetal position with no idea what to do). The next day at the Plant, we see Roz (The assistant, sorry I forgot to name her earlier) working in front of Homer's workplace while Homer's goofing off (So I take it they took down that wall with the plaque). Homer tells Roz he's going to head out, and we see he's heading out to see "Paul Flart: Water Park Cop"   (Nice to know that the staff feels the need to continue taking shots at 2009. Take that! Shitty 2009 movie, mwahaha!) After some pathetic jokes (Which of course Homer and Barney laugh at, hey someone has to find this funny, or this show would have been off the air years ago) we cut back home where  Mr. Burns is there to scold Homer for avoiding work (Homer you idiot, you should have plugged in 1970's footage of you working into the video camera feed).

It's miraculous just how much a joke can be so much different
based on the QUALITY of effort put in

Mr. Burns demotes Homer (Which causes him to scream, I should keep count of how many times they do these 'Pointless screams' I think we've got 5 in this episode alone so far) and put on his 3-D glasses to pretend Marge isn't there (Has anything really happened? We've had a grand total of two scenes at the plant and the science fair subplot has already run its course). Back at school, Milhouse gets in between Bart and Martin (While wearing a creepy shirt of Bart sleeping... Okay place your bets on the 'C' plot being 'Psycho Milhouse') when Grampa and Old Jewish Guy ask Martin and Bart for more of the baby seals (Did the writers forget that these people are basically dependent on the home?) At Moe's Homer tells everyone he suspects that Roz told on him and they don't believe him. Homer feels safe until Roz comes into Moe's and decides to buy drinks for Lenny and Carl (Jokes? What are those?!) Later, Homer realizes that with his demotion, he's not making as much money (And in other news, water is wet. That's the level of humor we're working with here folks...) Back at the Retirement Castle, we see all the old people with their own baby seals as we cut to a secret room where a table of executives decides that they need to reprogram the seals so that they can create funerals and make money again (Well thank God the writers decided that plot needed to be injected in at the 13:00 mark and not a minute earlier).

So we're the bad guys apparently... Wait what do we do?

Later, we see Homer getting to work late because the writers felt the need to include a bad joke. Roz tells Homer to make a list of ways to make his job worse (What the hell is going on? This plot is so underdeveloped that I feel like I'm watching clips of an episode out of order). We then cut to the next day where we find out an old woman died from the baby seal and that leads to a press conference by the late Dr. Nick (Why bother killing him in the movie if they weren't going to follow up on it? Oh right, shock value and nothing else) Bart and Martin then approach Professor Frink (You know, that rat poison must have really been candy instead) and Professor Frink tells Ms. Wyoming that he can't go out with her that night...What? Later, we see Ned and Homer putting their garbage at the curb as Homer tells Ned that he's having a problem with his boss as "She's the worst person to come out of Ohio since LeBron"... FUCK THIS JOKE! That was horrible! I cannot express with words how much this 'joke' hurt when I first heard it. So they had Roz come from Ohio PURELY for a lame, one year too late 'LeBron's a douche' joke. That was BAD, you have to TRY to write a joke that bad. Next we'll be seeing "A dollar is better than LeBron because it gives 4 quarters" jokes coming next September (P.S. those jokes are already old and dated, so I wouldn't put it past them). Ugh, let's move on. Ned tells Homer he had a problem with a similar woman and we find out it's the same woman (Wow, who would have guessed it)

I HATE HUMAN EMOTION! Never make me have an emotion again!

Actually, the more I think about it, what IS Roz's character? I mean is she a nice woman? Is she a backstabber? I honestly have no clue because she's so underdeveloped. After Homer explains a joke (Thank you Homer, we had no idea that 'Stones' was slang for dick, I NEVER would have guessed) Ned goes into flashback as he explains that Roz hates to be touched (No wait, she SAYS that. Show, don't tell, stupid writers). Homer thanks Ned by... worshiping him (Again, where are the jokes? I don't even remember how all this started, this is so inept). We then cut to Professor Frink as he's organized the College Nerds with Bart and Martin to help reprogram the seals. Frink reprograms the seals through a remote transmission and their cuteness causes Wiggum to let them out (Oh and Snake does the same thing to get out, no further comment). At the Nuclear Plant, we see Roz being awarded the employee of the millennium... where the FUCK did this come from? After she is awarded a trophy, Homer comes onstage where he suggests that Mr. Burns give her a hug (Burns Hugging someone? I think the writers AGAIN forget what they're supposed to be writing for).

You know, I may have learned to respect you... 

... Nevermind

After everyone chants 'hug' a bunch, Mr. Burns hugs her and she goes... berserk I guess, her voice, doesn't quite match her actions, she sounds more constipated than angry. Mr. Burns fires Roz and Roz tells Homer that she underestimated him and she goes on to explain how she feels about him (Again, SHOW don't tell every. Single. Detail). After getting the trophy off Homer's head... The Simpsons: trying their damn hardest to be more random than Family Guy. After struggling a bit, the trophy gets stuck further on his head and this leads to Homer eating butter that was meant to get him out (Just saw his head of please). We then get to see that all the seals made it back to the Retirement Castle safe and sound (Oh thank God, I would have been up all night wondering if that plot was ever resolved or not). That plot ends with the senior citizens all happy and they all (Including the nerds and Bart) dance... Hey a random dance sequence seemed to work wonders for How the Test was Won why not here?

Final Verdict: Was there an episode that took place or not? Every time I lower my standards for this show, it just seems that they limbo under that bar every single time. This was terrible and forgettable, the writing was awful, the plots? What plots? They were basically non-existent or were way too underdeveloped and hampered by all the padding and the jokes were just awful. Thank God within a week, nobody will ever speak of this again.

Final Grade: 1.4/10 At this rate, I do believe this season will surpass season 20 in awfulness, only to be leap-frogged by season 24 and then season 25